sickness – Page 4 – Jesus is for the Wounded

Things come into focus

Published on October 20, 2016 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

The recipe just wouldn’t do: this brew concocted for my veins

I winced in shock when I saw the potential for disaster next week

And made the call to express my concerns, my fears in shaky voice.

The Assistant was gracious, no complaints there but what about him

Whom had not been available yet directs my care via messaging

And has way too many details engaged to respond to my simple needs?

Just to stop the seizures and minimize the suffering is all I really want

But that is the golden coin just beyond my reach now matter how long

And how far, how often, how many, how little, how far-reaching the attempts have been.

You’d think after nearly 5 years since this hell on earth began in my tender frame

That one of these brilliant folk would have figured it out by now, but NO(!), longer I wait —

And believe me I have tried, have prayed, have laid down my sword along the way too.

Nothing of note has come to pass although the hell is generally shorter and less robust

I still live in impending doom every day, still waiting for the spike that rocks my world

And consumes me as much as it frustrates; I hold on to the moments in time I have here or there.

Someday this suffering will be over, I am assured since it was not always here

My Lord, my Savior is coming back for me and His to make all things new and right

And that includes an end to my daily trials: oh how sweet that day will be, maybe soon!

Until then Gentle Reader, say your truth whilst asking for what you need

Let those in the know hear you and stick with those who bother to care

And one day soon, the focus will be on something else than your strife, my dear, guaranteed, guaranteed. JJ

Ecclesiastes, 3:11, beautiful, in His time, waiting on the Lord, patience, waiting, burdens, trials, God, Lord, Jesus, trust, Christian, answers

It isn’t camping unless something goes awry

Published on July 31, 2016August 8, 2016 by Jesus is for the Wounded3 Comments

This trip was much like any other in terms of the massive preparation it takes to go camping! There is always lots of kayak paddling gear to gather, packing, meal preparation for 2 distinct dietary requirements, mega supplements and meds to pop into pill boxes, “just in case” remedies to pack, and so on. The miles go quickly as we travel most of the day and into the night, with destinations generally east of the Mississippi. I’m especially grateful for the opportunity to catch up on the little things with my beloved Steve as he drives us along since it’s crazy busy getting everything else done before we leave! Add the last minute deliveries of my hubby’s side business as a Stellar Kayak rep and you will see how we usually get about 4 hours of sleep beforehand but alas, I’ll let him tell that story!

Our German shepherd got sick after taking herself for a swim in Lake Michigan when delivering a kayak on our way home. Two vent covers on the Camplite either blew off or severely cracked, respectively, on our way from Indiana to Wisconsin requiring a series of duct tape-style repairs. The placement of water and electrical outlets on opposite sides of the campsite required a creative workaround in the dark when we arrived at our destination. Sweltering heat and humidity nearly wilted me into a pile of mush until we found shade underneath the belly of a DC3 (airplane) on display along the air strip at the EAA AirAdventure. In addition, my usual pattern of nightly/morning convulsive spells continued every night and morning yet were no worse considering the increased activity level and exposures related to all of our activities. Two friends flaked on meeting us for dinner during our stay. Bummer dude.

But wait. There’s more! We ran out of propane and overflowed our gray water tank at the 2-day mark. A mysterious water spot left us sleeping on the bare mattress cover our last night that might be condensation outsmarting the air conditioner + dehumidifier combination we employed. And lastly, the rain chased us home a day early, allowing us to deliver the aforementioned kayak for Steve’s customer who was unable to catch a flight to meet us to pick it up. That became the reason for a 2-hour side trip to Door County from Oshkosh and the fateful swim for our pup, Elle. But hey, the landscaped gardens of their lake home were better than the magazine photos I had brought with me to pass the time . . .

Enjoying cool shade under a DC3

So when you decide to take up camping you also decide to take up flying by the seat of your pants! Little goes as planned! We have come to expect always arriving later than expected to our destinations, spending more on gasoline than meals/souvenirs/camping reservations, and getting out the tools or duct tape at some point before returning home. If you ask me, it makes the trip more fun! I’ll take the crazy stuff of life on the road any day to the ravages of battling a serious illness and am grateful that I get to do so with my River Bear in the Tin Can Ranch a few times each year. Now that the 9 loads of laundry are done, I just have to clean the CampLite. Soon I’ll be ready to pop the question again like the old Microsoft commercials use to say,

Where do you want to go today?

Maybe one day I’ll meet you on the road Gentle Reader. Please bring your own duct tape, just in case! JJ

EAA, Air Adventure, air show, wife, husband, travel — Steve and Julie at the 2016 EAA Air Adventure

So much to consider

Published on February 12, 2016 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

¹²But I want you to know, brethren, that the things which happened to me have actually turned out for the furtherance of the gospel.” Phil 1:12

Just as this picture and this scripture present two extremes of perspective for the activities of life, they are united in one theme: we shall rejoice with Christ as our guide! Yeah, I know that is a stretch . . . but we do know that the God of the universe has a sense of humor too, right? I mean he created aardvarks, zebras, and tse tse flies! What’s up with that? Oh I know that the Original Adam named them all but just how did he do that? They were all such weird creatures! So it follows then that humor can help us endure many kinds of extremes, even the ones you and I are facing today.

Take for another example the thieves that attempted to steal gasoline from an RV. This is a true story: instead of tapping off the gas line they ended up tapping off the septic line instead! When the fluid started flowing it was not fuel it was the polar opposite: stool! So sad. Such a righteous punishment I must admit! And as a grateful owner of a travel trailer all I can say is: Tee hee with a smirk. ;}

I cannot say that I can relate to the paradoxical themes of life with much right now with much lightness of spirit right now, however. I’ll just keep it simple: there’s some good and there’s some that is not.

On a good note I am grateful to report a widening of social contacts of late. I’ve reached out to some old friends and some newer gals have jumped back into my world from my local church. I appreciate the friends that I’ve met online (and you know who you angels of mercy are) and hope we can extend our fellowship. All of this is good. It’s amazing how all believers in Jesus Christ share a common unity even when the circumstances of our lives can be so different. We all have our daily wants and needs; our Lord cares for the desires of our hearts tenderly and for these we can pray in earnest for one another.

On a less good note, new I.V. antibiotic treatments for chronic Lyme disease are going quite roughly. Yup, revisiting Lyme since the persistent seizure attacks sure look like the episodes of others dealing with the neurological complications that can happen long after the acute infection has come and gone. It was 4 years ago that I first started treatment for Lyme when things got sidetracked for treatment of mold and mercury toxicity, dental issues, Candida, parasites, and a possible oxalate burden exacerbating fibromyalgia pain. Use of a Rife machine brought daily seizure attack episodes and treatment of Candida escalated them from 2 to 5 hours of convulsive episodes per day! I was bedridden the better part of about 4 days each week this past Spring, Summer, and Fall. So beginning in January I was started on high doses of IV Rocephin (antibiotic) and I remain sickly but out of bed more of the time. This treatment coupled with the wintry temperatures below freezing have brought incredible pain. However, the days that I am up until daybreak every night of the week has cut down; tinnitus, brain fog, and other executive functioning skills are sloooooowly shifting for the good. Sometimes even the pattern of convulsive episodes shift as well (thank you liposomal melatonin!). Just maybe these past 4 years have not been wasted after all! It appears that each new treatment has prepared me for such a time as this: we just might be able to treat this remaining beastly diagnosis and its co-infections to get well . . .

There is so much to consider. Will I continue on antibiotics long term? Will my health insurances help us out or cut us off next week? Will I be able to get a port to spare my aching skin and forearms from repeated pokes and dressings that trigger more wretched episodes? When would I transition back to more herbal-with-pharm-grade supplemental interventions? Will the reactivity to mold and fragrances ever come down or do I have to go live in a pristine environment somewhere for a few months later on to fully detox? How much more stress can my beloved husband, Steve, be expected to bear? And how will we pay for all of this?

As the frigid Winter temperatures of the Midwest bring more of a sense of retreat than charging forth into the unknown, we are choosing to press on anyways with my treatment for chronic Lyme disease. I just wear long underwear everyday to keep warm! We are starting where we are with a local, Lyme-Literate Medical Doctor who has treated dozens and dozens of cases successfully. I know that to be true. I have met many of them when we had a local Lyme disease support group. I noticed that each of us facing this dreadful disease had chosen a somewhat unique path to his or her recovery based upon the damage the infection caused to our bodies and our individual resources. (See this link for more info on chronic Lyme.) Perhaps my case was one of the more severe. Perhaps the Lord had more than “recovery” in mind when He allowed this serious illness into my life. There is so much to consider that simply was not on my radar over 4 years ago.

If you have found this blog by way of your own journey through chronic Lyme disease or some other serious illness, know that I am praying for you. There is hope! You are not alone, Gentle Reader. Please comment below and allow me, if you like, to connect you with a larger community of those finding meaning beyond his or her diagnosis. Our Lord, Jesus Christ, grieves for your suffering, your fear, your broken heartedness. He sees you and will see you through what you are facing as He has done so for me and Steve. He loves you more than anyone (including the furry pup above who has found his prize squirrel in the sunshine of a better day).

May we both smile some day in the arms of our Heavenly Father for having connected this day, for His glory. And, um, when we get our prized prey I’ll just say, “please pass the catsup.” Squirrel on the Bar-B-Que anyone? Ewwwwww! :JJ

When I look up

Published on December 1, 2014December 1, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

From my truck I see kayak racks: looks like it’s time for a road trip South.

From our flagstone patio I see the bluest hue of sky that comes with the chill of this season.

From my jewelry studio comes the reflections of many table lamps bouncing off the walls as I strain to create, to sew, to knot into the night.

From our bed I ponder this life as the hours pass in the dark, in the light since the popcorn ceiling never made any sense when I tried to connect the dots up there anyways.

From lying on the kitchen floor I cover my eyes and cradle my head to minimize the brightness of the nickel light fixture, the damage from the internal unrest tossing me about, and the discomfort from not making it to the bed in time. The pup sniffing my hair is sweet indeed.

And when I look up from my heart to my mind’s eye I see my Lord who whispers His words of comfort that this strife too shall pass. He makes all things new don’t you know and this happens whether we can see it, feel it, find it in this fleeting moment of a day. This is where I must persevere as I never cease to look beyond today to a better tomorrow. It must come. It will come! Oh yes, it does.