enduring trials – Jesus is for the Wounded

I was made for you

Published on May 27, 2015May 27, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

You looked at me with the bluest of eyes and said that we were going.

The ugliness of illness that had proceeded that moment held the rest of the day in the balance —

Obligations awaited us yet all the precautions, procedures, special preparations, and planning getting to this moment made no difference.

I could not move until you moved closer towards me and spoke into my moment of sickness.

And in a scene borne out of love that many will never find,

You gently lifted me to the edge of the bed so that I may dress, may push the mangled hair from my own eyes.

As if time itself breathed slowly from one moment to the next, I became able to sit up on my own again.

We chose the adornments to fit the occasion; we got me standing then walking forward.

I drank some water from a bottle nearby. My brain moved more quickly and the next tasks came alive.

And as if what would be horror to a fly on the wall just minutes beforehand,

You tenderly called to me our next steps as we prepared to go meet the rest of our day.

We both had a bite to eat, groomed ourselves, and moved closer to the door:

The events of getting ready now no different than what has become the routine of trials endured many times before.

But this time it was your love that called me forth, moved me on; yes your tender words alone helped move me on.

And when we were along down the road a ways ready to meet the others,

I sat in awe of the life the Lord had crafted for me, for you.

Never would we have asked for heartache and sorrow that looked like this

Yet in a dreamy place would we have designed a magnificent love made just for me, just for you.

It doesn’t matter how we “getter done” when the Lord sits with us at His table

When His grace transcends the stuff of life, when I am carried by redeeming grace from both of you.

So when the happy couple says their vows at their own marriage supper in a day,

May they somehow come to know what true love lives like: He looks like you dear one: the Father of the Bride.

I love you Steve.

Just Julie

He loves me

Published on February 13, 2015February 14, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

“Why wouldn’t I?” he doth profess of his love to his bride

When the nightmare is lived whilst both still awake and the hour is well past midnight.

The softness in his blue eyes

Shines brightly even in the dimly lit room

As once again the nightly ritual of enduring madness

Takes them both to a place they could never imagine before . . .

Once upon a time in a land 200 miles away

A fine gentleman found his love then lured her away with his sincerity.

She could not possibly know the trials in her tender frame that awaited,

Testing everything she knew about life itself and sharing it with another.

His strength in the Lord, His leadership in their home

Brought agape love, bigger than life and transforming them both

Such that nothing when her wretched, convulsive late night episodes groaned on

Could shake their faith in the One who endeared them to Himself, to each other, no less.

So when will the darkness end? They often wonder night and day after night

When hope is dashed once again as the optimism of the moment gives way to defeat.

Perhaps they will know someday: a loving embrace will return unmarked by demons or tears

And in the meantime one thing will remain as clear as crystal with the Redeemer’s love blazing through:

HE loves her. HE loves him. And they love them both, no matter, not mattering when.

Indeed how could they possibly ask for more?

*****************

Happy Valentine’s Day my beloved Steve.

Happy Valentine’s Day Gentle Reader.

With love, :JJ

It is enough

Published on January 12, 2015January 25, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

We had decided to pack four gallons of water just in case something went awry during our second cold weather camping trip this season. The related online blogs recommended this among other tips such as purchasing a heated hose and waiting to un-winterize the travel trailer until we had traveled enough south to avoid freezing temperatures overnight. And so we prepared accordingly reviewing our long “To Do” list of stuff over and over again before heading out the door. Check!

Just before our departure, arctic temperatures plagued the entire country east of the Mississippi River from Michigan to northern Florida! Who knew that after driving nearly 800 miles due south we would still be facing weather more characteristic of Indiana than our first destination in the deep south of Fort Rucker, Alabama? We had run the propane heater in the Camp Lite a few times back home to minimize the out-gassing of the relatively new-used mini furnace. We intended to fire up both heaters (propane and electric) soon after hooking up everything upon arrival so we could sleep comfortably. Check! After all it would be about 5:00 in the morning when we got to stop number one.

For God is not the author of confusion but of peace . . . (1 Cor 14:33)

We did not count on the entire camper freezing over along the way! I grabbed the hair dryer and extension cord from the cab of the truck and proceeded to thaw out both door locks. Once inside I discovered that the four “emergency” one-gallon jugs of water were frozen solid as was the entire water system “winterized” with special RV antifreeze! We had our two sport-sized bottles of water 1/2 filled with us in the car and that was it. Closer investigation found some frigid water sloshing around in one of the gallon jugs so we gave it to our pup figuring she would not mind the temp. (Sure would hate to have to choose between man and beast on such a night!) Steve used a, er, warm water stream to punch a hole in the toilet ice seal to make it operational for the night. Check!

Hooking up the water and electric did not go well either. The water spicket had frozen beneath the towel that our southern/Aussie host (formerly from Indiana) had prepared before our arrival. Hmmmmm. When the crochety 30 amp electrical hook-up proved to be broken, Steve plugged us into the standard outlet to get us through the night, thus preventing draining our battery overnight. Oh well, we could live without hot drinks in the microwave: we had the warmth of each other after all . . .

But our bedding felt like it had just come off the train from Siberia! Steve bundled up head-to-toe in Smart Wool and collapsed into bed. I tried to join him but the nighttime unpleasantries I often face reared their ugly head first. Eventually the buzzed feeling I had from the late night excitement, convulsions and checking of Facebook yielded enough fatigue to turn everything off in my head for a few hours. Even the sound of street noise 50 feet from our pillows drifted into the distance. We had made it to see my hubby’s darling youngest son and his wife the next day and I was glad. Check!

Many are the plans in a person’s heart but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19:21)

Who knows why our lives are so difficult these days. The last two times this past year we gratefully were able to camp with the conveniences of a travel trailer in colder weather we certainly prepared as best we could. It’s not like we did not know what we were doing! I perused and posted questions on multiple camping forums to learn from more seasoned travelers. We purchased some special gadgets and kept snow pants, hats and gloves nearby; Steve donned his biking/paddling headlamp upon arrival like a pro to keep his hands free during the late night procedures. I had enough food prepared in individual and meal-sized portions to keep me compliant with my special diet and the skilled driver nourished for most of our first few days away from home. We did the best we could to avoid disaster and this is just how it goes sometimes!

The next day was a blur for me. Yes, we said hello to Daniel and Elizabeth when they stopped by in their Honda Fit (everything is so cute about these two!) midday. I had not eaten breakfast yet and needed some more recovery/rest time so Steve took off with them while I headed back to the tin can ranch. What happened next can only be called a near-death experience! That one deserved its own blog story so I won’t go into it here.

What is clear is that my writing block of late is definitely broken with some new experiences ordained by my Jesus albeit AFGE if you will (aka “another fun growth experience”)! As in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy turns to her dog Toto after the great tornado, I’ll say it here, “Toto, we are not in Kansas anymore” and that is good. My social and geographical isolation enduring illness at home is now broken for a time. What matters now is faith in the Lord and obedience for His will and I know that His goodness shall prevail. Yeah God!

. . . keeping the commandments of God is what matters. Let each one remain in the same calling in which he was called. (1 Corinthians 7:19b-20)

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:18; 28)

Be encouraged Gentle Reader. The two partial bottles of water were all we needed that night anyways. It was enough and in our hearts we knew it all along. JJ

When I look up

Published on December 1, 2014December 1, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

From my truck I see kayak racks: looks like it’s time for a road trip South.

From our flagstone patio I see the bluest hue of sky that comes with the chill of this season.

From my jewelry studio comes the reflections of many table lamps bouncing off the walls as I strain to create, to sew, to knot into the night.

From our bed I ponder this life as the hours pass in the dark, in the light since the popcorn ceiling never made any sense when I tried to connect the dots up there anyways.

From lying on the kitchen floor I cover my eyes and cradle my head to minimize the brightness of the nickel light fixture, the damage from the internal unrest tossing me about, and the discomfort from not making it to the bed in time. The pup sniffing my hair is sweet indeed.

And when I look up from my heart to my mind’s eye I see my Lord who whispers His words of comfort that this strife too shall pass. He makes all things new don’t you know and this happens whether we can see it, feel it, find it in this fleeting moment of a day. This is where I must persevere as I never cease to look beyond today to a better tomorrow. It must come. It will come! Oh yes, it does.

Psalm 121 (NIV)

A song of ascents.

¹I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
²My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

³He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
⁴indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵The Lord watches over you—
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
⁶the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

⁷The Lord will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
⁸the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

The Turning Point

Published on October 4, 2014October 4, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded3 Comments

When you start to leave hell, it’s important to take stock of where you have been and where you are then leave all of your baggage at the turning point.

Hi Gentle Reader. This is my gentle wisdom to you as I gratefully and graciously turn the corner after 3 years of wretched illness. Much grieving has already gone before me and my beloved Steve. Much loss has already pruned that which is no longer critical to our lives. Much angst at our Lord’s merciful throne of grace has established Who is most important in our lives and that He was leading us through all of this. Much dashing of hopes in false turning points along the way has produced endurance for what appears to be the last leg of this race. And yes, much joy has returned despite the jagged line that is normal in the recovery phase. That’s o.k. WE HAVE HOPE!!!

Briefly, I am experiencing 50% improvement in my health after beginning treatment for very high mercury levels. This process will require a slow titration of chelating agents, detoxification with the gentlest of methods, much rest, and humility. Humility? Oh yeah, humility to stay watchful for the Lord’s leading each step of the way and to continue to lean on Him as my own strength returns. My husband has proven himself again and again as the Lord’s instrument, a capable spiritual leader in my life. I have many examples in my life how pride has gone before my downfall, you know (Proverbs 16:18). I don’t want any more “slips and trips” anymore particularly of my own creation!

As I have started to feel better and do more my devotional time has diminished. This is not good. So in response to this turning point, I aim to spend more time in the Word than I have in the past when feeling reasonably well. I aim to keep practicing gratitude: holding lightly any material blessings, fruits of my labors, times of fellowship and the like. I aim to smile more and complain less. After all, I faced death many, many times! These days the gift of time and space, my talents and gifts, and the people/places/things around me are a bonus. I have never believed that I deserved either the good or bad things that have happened in my life. They simply “are.” They simply “were.” It is with great wonder that I aim to explore each day for what may come.

How can anyone really see beyond a turning point anyways when he or she has never been on a given journey before? If we worry about it then we have chosen to believe a lie. No one knows the future so why make up something bad? Why not something good? I aim to squelch what is false with what is true from God’s Word:

³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6)

Nuff said. Steve and I enjoyed a long walk in the rain this evening with our pup. This picture portrays my heart inside. God is good. All the time. God is good. JJ