Christian blogging – Jesus is for the Wounded

The people you meet

Published on January 4, 2016January 5, 2016 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

We may never have shared

A cup of coffee or tea

But you are my friend

Even when your face I cannot see.

Seems strange to those

Who are able to come and go

That a virtual friend

Would be as real as one I have known.

For although face to face

Is the best way by far

To carry the love, the tears

The joys from here to thar-

Then if life doesn’t work

Like the norm as it does for me

I am glad there are others

To be your hands and feet.

The Lord counts each of us

His friends though He is not here

No longer flesh but in Spirit

And He will always be near.

Perhaps it’s nearly the same

With my friends when housebound

That chat via Facebook or Skype

Is messaging as if hanging around.

Who cares what we wear

Or go when together my dear

My ‘Droid knows you’re there

And I’ll always for you be near.

Like a brother, like a sister

A cyber-version of sorts

I am grateful just the same

When life is a bite in the shorts.

Thank you for being

Out there and in my heart

Drop me a line sometime soon

In turn I will do my part.

We’ll help each other along

To get through this life

Having travelled the world

Sometimes all in one night!

This little ditty now ends

Godspeed and blessings galore

For the people we both meet

Adds life to our adventure and more.

With love,

Lost in Space

Published on July 23, 2015July 25, 2015 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

I’ve been up late several nights in a row now, updating my eBook whilst blogging on home safety for my new company: Two Step Solutions LLC. While that may appear wildly productive the timing is just too odd for it to actually be that way for me. I am discovering a few unusual things as I examine this new work, this current blog that you are reading, and the tragedy of illness resistant to treatment.

First, my professional writing lacks clear focus. I add too many words and the flow is not there. Oh the subject matter gets covered yet it is not yet up to par. The short articles I am putting out there are intended to build credibility in my profession and an audience for the time when I want to launch my home safety product. Perhaps I need a check-n-balance system before publishing each piece? Yes, something like that.

I am so very dry with ideas to write about that aren’t a re-hash of the saga, the illness. Sure, I have tried to end each blog with something reflective, insightful, Biblical, creative, humorous or otherwise useful. It is simply getting harder to do so when the head-banging that accompanies convulsive episodes goes on FOR HOURS EVERY DAY! You have heard about all of the test results pending. I continuously try new treatments that make sense to me. The outcomes continue to be disastrous. Sure there is hope on the horizon. But for now it is AWOL!

And if a test showed a particular course of treatment that worked, one could be encouraged as he or she ingested/applied/bathed/drank/swallowed it. As for me, hundreds of remedies, diets, treatments, scans, procedures, therapies, adjustments later . . . I am discouraged. Tens of thousands of dollars later . . . I am discouraged. Moving about while beat up on 3 hours of sleep is virtually impossible yet I was called to do it today anyways. My will has tanked. Yes, I am broken and discouraged.

Lost in space. There is no real sense of time here. It comes and it goes with little of meaning to measure it by. The foam in our bed is permanently dented in both places from my dwelling there. Steve and I pray. I cry a lot. I hear that others pray out there somewhere and yet do not contact me anymore. I am invisible for the most part. And that’s just how it goes when you have dropped out of life for a few years. Even blue jeans from Walmart start looking good when I can finally get out of the house on Wednesdays. Eeeek! I am an Eddie Bauer gal dontcha know?

I probably should not publish this. Well stay tuned. I am bound to bump into some kind of life eventually, eh? JJ

My Facebook Family Understands

Published on December 29, 2014December 29, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

Thank the Lord for Facebook!

Remember that John Lennon song from the 70’s, Whatever gets you through the night . . . it’s alright . . . it’s alright by me?” Well I am not endorsing riotous living by any means! I am saying that for me this past weekend, having a Closed Group in which to vent some drama was my “whatever” that got me through a couple of unusual nights and days when everyone else was asleep. Thanks for being there Cyber Friends. Here they are, out in the open:

Friday

Up very late again after the Lord added His increase so I could do some baking. There’s one more day to go entertaining in our home while trying to: avoid toxic (chemical & mold) exposures and squirrel away when the convulsions come. My hubby’s kids have done a reasonable job following our precautions, thankfully. I’ve missed some activities again this year. (For example, a partial Skype date with more family when I had to leave for an hour-long noxious episode!) Sometimes I feel like I have disappeared and other times it’s just me spending so dang much time in the kitchen preparing my special diet. Guess I’m glad I finally got my stuff done! I’ll have more food prep help tomorrow. Hey thanks for listening!

Saturday

Strangeness abounds! Still alone again after not being able to get up to join family due to wretched convulsions. Instead of making a nice honey maple ham dinner (for which I had prepared last night) my husband’s daughter made a different lunch for everyone. I was still in bed seizing! Now I’m up eating my special food alone with you and the Lord in front of our pretty tree.

The fam went indoor go-kart racing! Before they left and whilst praying the spiritual warfare would end, I got a text that my ex-husband needed to contact me for the first time in 10 years! Could he have gotten saved? So my time alone now has been tranformed into a prayer time.

No worries. The Lord has me and you gently in the palm of His hand. I see He may have “others” there too and it is all good.

Update to follow . . . With love, J

Sunday

Finally stabilized and was able to go out to eat with relatives after a wretched morning (aka husband carrying me to the bathroom then bringing me some food before I crashed for another 2 hours while he went off to church). No, the ex did not get saved so I will continue to pray if he comes to mind and in the meantime block further communication for sanity reasons.

Sometimes it just helps to vent the drama that characterizes a life with serious illness. I’ll bet that many of you reading this get it. Our “new normal” never really feels normal at all. I rest in the fact that the Lord sees all and carries me though each breath. When I couldn’t breathe later last night in repeated seizes, I reminded myself that I ain’t dead yet so it must be all uphill from here! “Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6: you rock! It’s gonna be a better week! :J

Addendum:

Have a blessed couple of days, Gentle Reader, making the most of whatever is remaining in 2014. With a ton of yummy leftovers in the frig and sweet Christmas memories too, it’s going to be alright, alright, alright by me too. :JJ

When I look up

Published on December 1, 2014December 1, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

From my truck I see kayak racks: looks like it’s time for a road trip South.

From our flagstone patio I see the bluest hue of sky that comes with the chill of this season.

From my jewelry studio comes the reflections of many table lamps bouncing off the walls as I strain to create, to sew, to knot into the night.

From our bed I ponder this life as the hours pass in the dark, in the light since the popcorn ceiling never made any sense when I tried to connect the dots up there anyways.

From lying on the kitchen floor I cover my eyes and cradle my head to minimize the brightness of the nickel light fixture, the damage from the internal unrest tossing me about, and the discomfort from not making it to the bed in time. The pup sniffing my hair is sweet indeed.

And when I look up from my heart to my mind’s eye I see my Lord who whispers His words of comfort that this strife too shall pass. He makes all things new don’t you know and this happens whether we can see it, feel it, find it in this fleeting moment of a day. This is where I must persevere as I never cease to look beyond today to a better tomorrow. It must come. It will come! Oh yes, it does.

Psalm 121 (NIV)

A song of ascents.

¹I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
²My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

³He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
⁴indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵The Lord watches over you—
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
⁶the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

⁷The Lord will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
⁸the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

Recovery is a jagged line

Published on March 2, 2014March 21, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded1 Comment

Today my words came back to me. My beloved Steve was comforting with his encouragement that there can be many setbacks even when on the road to recovery. Ah yes. The old, “recovery is a jagged line” speech. I have let those words fly many times when working with my patients as an occupational therapist. There was the cardiac patient who was frustrated with having to restrict his activity level to basically mope-ing around the house for his first week home from the hospital. I also recall a lady practically quarantined in a back bedroom of her home with a great view of the surrounding woodlands. She had a portable refrigerator, phone, laptop, accessible bathroom, hospital bed, wheelchair, walker and many conveniences to help her recover from a knee replacement surgery. I had to encourage her to push up her jagged line a bit lest she become too comfortable in her hospital room at home!

One of the many reasons I enjoyed working in home health care was the ability to use the person’s real-life situations, supplies, and responsibilities as part of his or her occupational therapy. The role of an O.T. is to evaluate the daily activities of an individual and the skills needed to complete those activities. When there is a breakdown due to an illness, surgery, mental health problem, developmental delay, disability, or disease process, the O.T. works with the patient and his or her resources to restore function. I was always amazed at how “resourceful” some patients could be! I think the farmers were the best. I’ll never forget the industrious wife of a patient suffering after several failed back surgeries. The lady of the house had built from scrap wood a rolling cart with a seat on top and rope attached to move it along the floors in her home. What was she moving? Well her husband of course! He was eligible for a wheelchair rental but evidently the subject never came up. I don’t think they even wanted one when it became available. The downside: the gentleman would not likely become independent in household mobility and related activities when sitting on a cart that had to be pulled by others. Recovery is sometimes a flat line too: no true recovery at all.

As for me, the recovery is moving forward. I am 12 days into using high CBD hemp oil to attempt to control daily seizure-like tic episodes. Today I had a setback for about 2 hours but at least the episode was low grade without a severe neck headache or pain. And when night time rolled around to my bewitching hours of 9-11:00 p.m. there were pre-tic symptoms and nothing else. This is the second night in a row with relief! Every night prior to this and for the past 8 months I have had 2-4 hours of intermittent seizures. Virtually every day or night for the past 2-1/2 years I have had intermittent waking seizures. Praise the Lord, the pattern is changing! At either set intervals or when noxious symptoms start I take a full or partial dose of high CBD hemp oil and get relief. Nothing has ever done this before!

It’s not like I haven’t prayed, submitted, waited, or tried more diets/supplements/drugs/manual therapies/technologies/chiropractors/testing/remediation than, as they used to say, “Carter has got pills!” I am actually still preparing to see methylation and biotoxin illness specialists in Michigan later this month. It is likely that the cause of illness is related more to exposure to biotoxins than Lyme disease. All that may be clearer sometime down the road. At this time my husband and I are rejoicing for the relief from our hellish nights. He just might start getting a full night of sleep before too long! That is if we don’t stay up for other reasons . . . ;J

If you are curious about high CBD hemp oil then I offer this informational website: www.mycbdresearch.com and join the discussion on Facebook at: www.facebook.com/CBDhempandseizures There’s hope here for many with seizures and other neurological, intractable health conditions. For all of us there is one ultimate source of hope that will sustain us whether recovery is a straight, jagged, or invisible line: a relationship with the Lord, Jesus Christ. To find Him we only need to get on our knees and open our hearts to His enduring love, His love letters to each of us in the Bible. I would have never made it this far without my Jesus. I am humbled and grateful for many aspects of these past 2 1/2 years: I’m working on accepting the wretched parts.

Meeting you, Gentle Reader, along the way is a sweet gift. Thank you for being a part of my recovery too. JJ