Tag: hope

The Whole is Greater

Published on by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

The whiskers on a dog’s snout are a curious thing. Long coarse hairs emerging from soft furry mounds or what we would call pimples if they were on our own faces, seem somehow cute. “Dog whiskers have two major functions: helping dogs understand and sense their environment and conveying emotions,” according to PetMD. These are so important in a dog’s life that removal creates tremendous stress, alters sensory perception and balance. I can relate on how something so seemingly insignificant as whiskers are to the life of an 80-pound beast can affect just about everything in his or her life should it go awry. Fortunately for Bella, all is well these days.

We rescued Bella about a year ago from the Doberman Rescue Group in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Oh we tried to find a Dobie closer to Indiana to adopt but things kept going awry literally the day before picking up some seemingly sweet pup. One adoption agency hadn’t vetted their dog’s behavior when the foster, who happened to be a Dog Trainer, wasn’t present. Zora attacked a Veterinary Technician during a visit to get her shots updated the day before we were scheduled to pick her up! Well that wasn’t going to work for us. Another Dobie Mix was uber friendly in multiple videos of her at events hosted by the adoption agency. We didn’t find out until the day before we were to pick her up that she wasn’t friendly with other DOGS though, just people. Holy cow. Our home is in a court with small dogs living in the house on one side of us and a German shepherd puppy on the other side of us. That just wouldn’t work for us or the dog either.

Isabella had lived for 8 months in an 8 x 10 foot kennel in the country of northeastern Arkansas. She had been surrendered at one year of age by her former owner then fostered by the Doberman Rescue Group. We met her foster Mom, Michelle, who explained her routine of visiting Isabella each day to let her out, feed her, and let her run around in the fields behind her family’s property. Isabella had a friend, Mr. Noble, with whom she would race around with in the tall grass on hot summer days. She knew some basic commands and was beautiful. Her single-haired coat seemed like it would minimize any allergy symptoms that we had developed when trying to adopt a long-haired German shepherd after our first GS, Elle, passed away. We’re not Doodle people and hypoallergenic dog breeds just didn’t appeal to Steve and me. We had researched numerous breeds, watched training videos, scoured more adoption websites, talked with Michelle at length several times, filled out our application, paid the fee, and made arrangements for Steve to travel to pick up Isabella. He would stay overnight at his cousin’s home in Little Rock then schedule a meet-up at the home of a paddling friend; Michelle was willing to drive 90 minutes to deliver Isabella. Everything went smoothly as planned.

Isabella was very sweet on Steve’s drive home to Indiana. Our young pup placed her head on Steve’s shoulder as he drove for most of the day with a few stops along the way. She had an accident that first night as she wandered, quite disoriented, through the limited area of our home to which we initially gave her access; the crate training turned out to be the best method to acclimate her to her new life. We took her to the vet, changed her name to Bella, gradually introduced her to more of her new surroundings, began training, and slowly transitioned her diet to better food. Over the next several months she grew taller and put on almost 14 pounds to her current weight of 81 pounds! True to her breed, she is a high energy dog that craves at least 3 walks per day, treats, and lots of toys! She learned to pull Steve on his long board through the neighborhood, even showing off for other dogs as they whizzed by together. A year later, she is at home with us: having gone on many adventures, made friends with the pups who live nearby in addition to many hoo-mans, learned a few tricks, and become protective of our home. We love her so!

The whiskers of life, the little things or maybe bigger ones too, that distract me from the whole of all that my days can be really bring me down sometimes. I am grateful that a shiny black and brown pup often senses those moments and lays her head on my lap, waiting for a gentle scratch around the ears or bum. The wiggle of her muscular hind end with a stumpy tail characteristic of the doberman side of her lineage is just too cute for words. Her whole body wiggles with delight and makes me smile in the process. While my life really hasn’t changed much since I was last writing more regularly here (as I still have convulsive episodes most days of the week and they are crushing in so many ways) I can do more when I am more stable. For that I am grateful. I could be distracted by many new health problems and perhaps I am for a time. The whole of my life is greater than these icky parts; there is also even more to be grateful for than ever before. Bella is one of those gifts. My beloved Steve is an even bigger gift in my life. My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, is the greatest gift of all.

Where do you find your joy Gentle Reader? Is it enough to sustain you through the icky or smaller parts of your life? I do hope so. Life is increasingly difficult and complex these days. It just seems like there is no time to waste on things with no lasting value, pleasure, or meaning. The speed of life keeps increasing bringing both bad and good news faster and faster, requiring us to find a bigger picture that will sustain us no matter what the day brings. When I finally get going in the morning or afternoon, it is often Bella that I see before my beloved Stevers. Every day, her wiggly, stumpy tail attached to a smiling beast coming through the door and pushing up against me to let me know that I am loved is simply wonderful. I love you Bella.

Thank you Lord for the message of keeping our eyes mindful the bigger picture in our lives. Thank you Lord for all of Your good, good gifts. Whiskers included. JJ

The Aerial View

Published on by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment
Fort Wayne, Indiana aerial photo by Steven Horney

Moving from a city of 8 million people to this big-little area of 300,000 where I live now was a huge undertaking in 2007. The occasion was marrying my Intended Beloved, Steve. The leap of faith required to do so was tremendous: almost everything in my life changed that year including those related to the death of my Mom in March. The process of grieving then leaping off into a new direction was downright painful at times. And now 15 years later can I still say that embracing Steve during the same year was one of the better decisions of my life. The Lord has blessed me so much by my beloved Stevers!

You could say that my story is like taking an aerial photo in a Piper Archer. The reality for me is that down on the ground, the highs and the lows are one dastardly beast to navigate at times. I lose a couple of days per week to a sickness that started in 2011, then rally, or rather scramble, to put my life in order on the rest of them. The stuff of life still needs to be done even when battling a serious illness. Steve does what he can to help me out, especially when I am in a crisis, but he can’t do everything. Nor would I want him to do so. A little more maybe, but not everything! We have learned the value of compartmentalization: setting aside the challenges of a given day when we need to focus on a more important task together. For example, when my care needs are significant, we cannot bemoan our latest disconnect or household repair even if it’s a painful or expensive one. Steve is the only one who can bring me a rescue remedy when I am frozen in a convulsive episode. He is gracious towards me at these times and for this I am exceedingly grateful.

Taking an aerial view of one’s life is helpful at times. Climb to 4,000 feet and sit away from the clouds, the storms of life while connected to the grandeur of the world in which we live. Dwell on the Lord’s goodness and His marvelous creation! Eventually we will land our plane back on earth but why rush things? The question becomes how to avoid crashing and burning or perhaps going crazy when the flight gets bumpy along the way. No worries! Whether climbing or descending into the various situations of our lives we must resist being bounced off-course by heated or cooled thermalic conversations, the cross-winds of life’s technical problems, static in our headset or bodily gear, and limited fuel energies. Not losing sight of the bigger picture is critical to managing these challenges. Not losing sight that the Lord our God is in charge of it all is critical to overcoming these challenges. He has a flight plan and will reveal it to us in due time for He IS the pilot in command!

It’s only with a longer view fixed on Jesus Christ that we will come to understand that what we may label as a detour is actually the best course after all. I need this reminder this evening. There was a nasty fire in the cockpit so-to-speak of our evening that was so bad, my co-pilot in life had to care for me like I was an invalid. I wept in between bites of food that were difficult to chew even cut in small pieces and fed to me with a spoon. I was that weak after yet another violent convulsive episode. The repairs and mold remediation going on in our home for the second time in 9 years somehow triggered the collapse. On one hand I grieved that this hell on earth was still with me, still with us. On the other hand, I was grateful that I had a choice of rescue remedies/treatment strategies plus a skilled caregiver who knew what to do to help me. These took many years, many “flight hours” to develop. Steve is an experienced and capable pilot. The episode lasted a couple of hours before I had the strength to safely get out of bed. By the grace of God I finally got to the bathroom. By my Lord’s power the nightmare ended.

I am now awake and alone well after midnight as I write this tonight with many questions and few answers. Evidently it is still not my time to recover from this serious illness nor to die from it either. I do have some more, new treatments that are promising; they are enough to pull me through the turbulence at times in my own aerial view. There is so much goodness beyond my bed of sickness that I do get to enjoy these days at least once per week. And ultimately I have the hope, the peace that comes from His promise of a glorious life beyond this one in eternity with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. In fact, it has already begun . . .

Would you like to have this hope too Gentle Reader? Jesus Christ is more than the best pilot around. He is God! Entrust yourself to no other really. JJ

Holding on for the Win

Published on by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

As if losing 2 dogs within about 5 weeks time wasn’t hard enough

Our hearts just hurt with the passing of Elle then sudden adoption of Luna.

Only the Lord knows both the desires of my heart and my heartaches to date.

He has walked with me when lungs gasp for air, the body seizes, and screams erupt from within.

My beloved has seen it all as well, taken it in, stood by as best he could albeit weary from the road.

Then Steve pegged the improvements between dogs, setting me on a hunt for answers

I found them or so I think. It explains so much. Even my genetic testing confirms the link.

Will I really recover from the histamine intolerance and DAO deficiency that goes beyond allergy

And will these two culprits really be at the center of chronic illness for me?

Sadly, my first attempt to treat this above my exhaustive cleaning and decontamination

Created new issues as a supplement high in DAO is also high in iron, making me worse!

So back to the version recommended by my chiropractor I go, still overthinking this all

Just a day later the headaches, pain, seizing, irritability, nosebleeds, and more are coming down AGAIN.

What a nightmare this journey has been! Will I ever get to “The Station” as Dear Abby once shared?

If I get there will I recognize Just Julie or the shell of my former self? I digress once more.

Really I hope someone new comes forth from this suffering. Or perhaps she is already here?

For alas there is always purpose to our troubles, for those in Jesus Christ, who believe in His sovereignty.

No matter what happens, Gentle Reader, He holds it all tenderly in His strong hands. He does.

Choose to trust that there is something more for each of us in this life or beyond,

That’s where we all will win, you and me both. Honestly, what else ya got anyhoo?

JJ

Where do you go?

Published on by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Where do you go when what was good is now bad and what was bad is now commonplace,

When the meaning of words is twisted or the prose is outlawed altogether?

Where do you go when your spirit is disquieted, there is no where that feels safe,

When you cannot trust your body to get you there even if you knew where that was?

Where do you go when fear-mongering is the top headline every day

When there is no place for discussion much less public or private debate?

Where do you go to share your pictures and news and questions and art

When social media has become the Big Brother of an ever bigger government?

Where do you go when your losses outnumber your wins and

You just don’t know when or if either one can come back in any form?

Where do you go where the customary habits of hygiene and socialization

Are so altered by an unforeseen enemy they can’t even objectively identify?

Where do you go for human touch, to connect with loved ones

When there is no room for them even when dying in a hospital bed?

Where do you go for wisdom, for light in the darkness, for hope of a better day

When all you can see is madness, anxiety, fear, doubt, and dumbing down?

Gentle Reader, you go to Jesus Christ

His throne of grace is mightier than

Any trial or tragedy or evil we may face.

Go now. Our very eternity is at stake.

The Divine covers all

Published on by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Tears filled my eyes and grief my thoughts as I heard the words of a healthcare provider actually address my pain. Again. A few of her first recommendations for me seemed too risky so she called me back into the office to review my plan of care in-person. The insurance company denied a CT scan at this stage; I was exasperated. I had so much hope for relief. At least one of the tools the PA recommended during the first visit actually ended a migraine that had rendered me useless about a week ago. And this past Friday, she offered two more tools for my care. Really? There are more things to try?

For the second time visiting their office, I was overcome with the grief and traumas of my journey through serious illness. No one had looked closely at the role of headaches in the daily convulsive episodes that have created much suffering for me for NINE YEARS. Only 2 months ago I finally realized that many of the headaches are migraines. The so-called experts at the Headache Clinic at a regional medical center recently discounted me, told me to breathe deeply, and sent me off in a direction already worn from false starts in the past. The burden of suffering through many traumatic incidents recounted in this blog came rushing back like a movie fast forwarding through a person’s life when she is drowning. Yeah, there have been a couple of near-death experiences as well.

The PA stayed with me as I wept. The Medical Assistant gave me all of the time I needed to gather my composure before leaving their office. I’d had TWO HOURS of sleep in the last day! My sunglasses and the required face mask covered my sullen eyes, tear-stained cheeks, and swollen sinuses as I prepared to leave much later after my appointment had ended. It took another 30 minutes sitting in my vehicle replenishing my soul before I could re-gather my strength to drive again.

A friend has been tough to reach by phone lately including earlier that same day. I called her again. No answer. She had wept on the phone that she was very, very sick and losing weight; she didn’t know what she was going to do. This sounded more serious than when I first met her about 2 years ago through a shared healthcare provider. G was already severely underweight. Her father died then her mother died, they sold her childhood home, then her husband died all within the past year. She has only been a widow for 3 months. Her grief must be tremendous so it’s no surprise to me that she is struggling so. I called her son for the first time since he and G were at our home 2 years ago. How is your Mom doing? We talked for awhile and he asked if I could try to visit her. I was already on the same side of town where she lived and was thinking the same thing. I often called her to go for a walk together when appointments took me near her neighborhood. Of course I would.

My hubby and I have become snobs of olive oil. Once you taste the best varieties shipped directly from Italy to a local business that specializes in olive oil, you might never go back to the store bought varieties! I consider it a healthcare product, like taking a pharmaceutical grade supplement vs a brand off the shelf of a local grocery store. It really makes a difference! Olive Twist was between the medical office and G’s home so off I went to return our used bottles and pick up our tasty treasures. For some reason I felt led to pick up an extra bottle so I did. We do go through it rather quickly.

I caught up with G while she was out on a walk through her neighborhood. This is quite an accomplishment for someone who sounded next to death and in light of the sub-zero temperatures and icy streets in the neighborhood. To take a walk was her favorite thing to do. “Hey lady, whatcha doing out here in the cold?” I parked the truck at her house and braced myself to meet up with her out on those icy streets myself. The hug felt good for both of us when I reached her.

A couple of things transpired in the next hour that prompted me to write today. By the time our visit was ended, G had confided that the best tool she had to calm her upset digestive system was various types of vegetable oils. Little did she know that she would find a bottle of the best olive oil available locally sitting next to her front door by the time we got back to her house! The Lord knew your need G. And the Lord provided for it to be met on Friday. But that’s not all.

This time when G shared her fears, medical worries, “physical” feelings, and isolation over and over again (unlike our more newsy conversations just prior to Christmas), I felt led to ask her about her “emotional” feelings. Sad. Hopeless. Afraid. “I just don’t know what I am going to do?” she vented. Then we heard the wail of a freight train racing by her rather swanky neighborhood. Somewhere beyond the golf course and frigid air between us, inspired only by the Holy Spirit, came to me the themes of the Fact-Faith-Feeling train of the Four Spiritual Laws booklet. This booklet describes the gift of salvation offered to everyone through belief in the sacrifice on the Cross of our Lord, Jesus Christ. The caboose holds our feelings. The passenger car holds our beliefs, our trust. The engine embodies the Lord, Jesus Christ who leads and even pulls the train along when we surrender ourselves, our caboose and put our trust in Him. She wanted this free gift. She got it. Her spiritual birthday began with a simple prayer on her front porch that day. Praise the Lord!

We prayed again before I left. When I looked into her eyes afterwards, there were tears staining her face. She had told me when we were walking that she wasn’t even able to cry lately. She felt the feelings but the tears just would not come. I said to her, “G your cheeks are wet. Feel your face.” And with a muttering of how good our God is and how much He loves her, it was time for me to leave. There was nothing left to say, nothing left to do. The Lord had both of us in the palm of His hand that afternoon and will continue to do so from this day forward. I drove home with renewed hope and strength then slept a very long time over the next day.

Never, ever lose hope Gentle Reader. Our Divine Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ is there with us in every single detail of our lives just waiting for us to cry out to Him. He cried drops of blood for our suffering. His plan of salvation turns death into life. The Divine in due time covers all. JJ