Twas a dark and rainy night deep in the heart of Texas . . .

‘Twas a dark and rainy night deep in the heart of Texas.  We had just travelled over 1200 miles the past two days when the 5-pointed star on the black metal gate came into view.  In just a few minutes we would be safely in bed, asleep at last.  Or so we thought anyways!

Rain had sprinkled the roads without incident for the last few hours as our caravan had made its way from Indiana to Texas.  Since when does it rain in the Lone Star State?  Well it’s good for them but not for the weary travelers who must set up camp in the muddy grounds of my in-law’s ranchette.  As it should be, the horses roam free here and reminders of this are soft underfoot as we park near the barn.  Holy crap!

The plastic mat near the door, that I read on an RV forum to be a nifty idea, went from good to bad in a matter of minutes!  It would be another hour before we would realize that we should not wear shoes inside the newly outfitted travel trailer that would be our home for the week.  Remnants of Armani and Buddy would grace our socks and that’s just the way it would be.  Eventually we tucked our shoes underneath the camper to keep them dry.  O.k. That works!

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Our pup Elle adapted quickly to the wide open spaces.  I never really saw where she decided to potty over the course of our visit and that is just fine by me.  Eventually the mounds of racquet-ball sized horse manure would dry on all of us and we would figure out the clearest path from the trailer to the house in the daytime and in the nighttime too.  We simply opted to wipe Elle’s feet every time before she entered our humble abode for the night.  The rest of the time?  I just cannot account for that.  She settled in with the old girl lab, Leah, and darling retriever, Molly, in their respective pecking order and all was well with the world.  Elle would be depressed for days after returning home for having bonded with everything furry out there . . .

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But the tasks at hand upon our arrival to KK Ranch were not done yet as morning drew near.  Attaching our heavy duty power cord tripped the breaker in the barn no matter how my beloved Steve tried to configure it.  At 4 in the morning we just did not feel comfortable waking up Kyle and Katherine for advice.  Lights, refrigeration, and microwave/convection power would have to wait; we had what power we needed from our stored battery power.  Then in a stroke of genius, Steve attached the charger to the shore power via the smaller outdoor cord provided then attached the charger to the battery of the trailer.  Ola!  We had enough AC to run the lights and tickle the frig until we could figure out a better configuration in the daylight.  In the end Steve ran two separate cords from each of the two outlets to the camper:  one for the frig and a second one for the lights and electric heater.  We simply would not use the microwave for this leg of our trip.  No problemmo.

Then our attention turned to connecting water supply.  Most folks not familiar with trailer and RV camping have probably seen the American Lampoon and Robin William’s RV movies that magnify the importance of good sewer lines and running H2O!  If you don’t have access to fresh water, things go bad really fast!  Steve attempted to connect our two hoses to the spicket adjacent to the barn only to find that the short threading of the former prevented attachment.  No problemmo once again.  That’s why we brought extra water in case of an emergency for flushing the toilet, rinsing our hands, and nourishing the dog.  Within a day we were able to get everything together but the spicket leaked badly, flooding the ground around the barn.  Within another couple of days our gracious host purchased some new hoses, pulled everything together with a firm twist of a massive wrench, and all was well with the world.

The day we over-filled the black water tank underneath the trailer came as a surprise.  Only 3 1/2 days had passed and we were nearly maxed out!  By this point we had already dumped the gray water tank onto the ground ’cause hey, this is the country ya know?  A little soapy water from the sink and shower is good for the land anyways.  But dumping raw sewage even softened with an biodegradable enzyme tablet is not exactly the best gift to leave behind after a holiday weekend with relatives!  This created a dilemma for me.  I need to get up multiple times in the middle of the night pre and post-seizure episodes to use the facilities.  Walking 50 yards in the dark to go into the house would surely keep me up more of the night than would be advisable to sacrifice.  Somehow in the end, we made it to the max of our capacity just one day before departure and visiting the free dumping facilities of the Flying J truck stop north of Austin.  It is amazing how much “stuff” that tank can hold!

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And just when we thought the initiation of the newbie travel trailerers would be complete, there was one final challenge and it came in the light of day at the end of our stay.  Ya know, we don’t intend to use the television anyways!  My beloved whacked the T.V. antenna on a lower branch of a tree as we were preparing to leave KK Ranch.  The mushroom shaped projection on the roof got sheared off at its base leaving a black cord dangling mercilessly from beyond our reach.  Oh well.  Our roof is more streamlined now!

Arriving in a foreign land in the middle of the night poses a test of character for even the most seasoned of married couples.  In the end I had to smile at the interpretation each of us had at all of the unfortunate circumstances we faced together.  While Steve was facing the elements in the crud and cool evening air when we arrived, I was setting up camp inside our humble abode and taking care of the pup.  This is how we work as a team and that is nothing new for us.  We both get busy completing the tasks at hand.  The bigger picture was telling a different story however; we shared that one with each another after some sleep.

My beloved was concerned that I might be upset that he requested we drive very long days to get to our destination in just two days instead of the almost three days we spent over the same route last year.  Arriving in the middle of the night came as a consequence of driving 12 or more hours each day and leaving later than expected trying to get everything prepared for each leg of our journey.  On the other hand I was concerned he would be upset with me that we have to bother with all of this travel trailer stuff and expense to meet my health needs.  When the Lord graciously provided the resources to purchase a new-used unit and outfit it according to my sensitivity needs I did not realize that I had overwhelmed Steve with this project.  Making allergy-free cushions, finding the right wheel chocks, assembling enough linens from here and there, and so on was fun to focus on when so much of my time is spent in the throes of illness and recovery.  In the end we worked through all of it and had some fun creating this new memory together.

Somewhere in the middle of this night in a land far away is another starry-eyed couple making a cross country journey.  Somewhere in the course of things they will encounter wacky setbacks and have to go to bed with remnants of those unpleasantries still stuck to their feet between the sheets.  I hope that they too will discover the wonder of it all:  ’tis better to smile and say goodnight than to expect things to be perfect and crash into bed in a different heart-place.  “Trust the process” has been my mantra over many years as a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ and over many trials.  Besides if everything worked out right all of the time, what would we all blog about anyways?

Happy trails campers!  JJ

 

The Turning Point

When you start to leave hell, it’s important to take stock of where you have been and where you are then leave all of your baggage at the turning point.

Hi Gentle Reader.  This is my gentle wisdom to you as I gratefully and graciously turn the corner after 3 years of wretched illness.  Much grieving has already gone before me and my beloved Steve.  Much loss has already pruned that which is no longer critical to our lives.  Much angst at our Lord’s merciful throne of grace has established Who is most important in our lives and that He was leading us through all of this.  Much dashing of hopes in false turning points along the way has produced endurance for what appears to be the last leg of this race.  And yes, much joy has returned despite the jagged line that is normal in the recovery phase.  That’s o.k.  WE HAVE HOPE!!!

Briefly, I am experiencing 50% improvement in my health after beginning treatment for very high mercury levels.  This process will require a slow titration of chelating agents, detoxification with the gentlest of methods, much rest, and humility.  Humility?  Oh yeah, humility to stay watchful for the Lord’s leading each step of the way and to continue to lean on Him as my own strength returns.  My husband has proven himself again and again as the Lord’s instrument, a capable spiritual leader in my life.  I have many examples in my life how pride has gone before my downfall, you know (Proverbs 16:18).  I don’t want any more “slips and trips” anymore particularly of my own creation!

As I have started to feel better and do more my devotional time has diminished.  This is not good.  So in response to this turning point, I aim to spend more time in the Word than I have in the past when feeling reasonably well.  I aim to keep practicing gratitude:  holding lightly any material blessings, fruits of my labors, times of fellowship and the like.  I aim to smile more and complain less.  After all, I faced death many, many times!  These days the gift of  time and space, my talents and gifts, and the people/places/things around me are a bonus.  I have never believed that I deserved either the good or bad things that have happened in my life.  They simply “are.”  They simply “were.”  It is with great wonder that I aim to explore each day for what may come.

How can anyone really see beyond a turning point anyways when he or she has never been on a given journey before?  If we worry about it then we have chosen to believe a lie.  No one knows the future so why make up something bad?  Why not something good?  I aim to squelch what is false with what is true from God’s Word:

33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  (Matthew 6)

Nuff said.  Steve and I enjoyed a long walk in the rain this evening with our pup.  This picture portrays my heart inside.  God is good.  All the time.  God is good.  JJ

God is good.  All the time.  God is good.
God is good. All the time. God is good.

 

 

Numb but Hopeful

I love Patrick Klein’s words from the Vision Beyond Borders newsletter this week:

Psalm 143:10-12 says, “Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. For your name’s sake, O Lord, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.” Doing God’s will does not come naturally; our natural tendency is to satisfy our fleshly and worldly desires. We must be taught and transformed by God to do His will. When His Spirit leads us, it is on level ground. He alone can make crooked paths straight. Our duty is to remember that what we do is for His name’s sake. It is not about us. He alone can best determine how He desires for us to bring glory to His name. It is not for us to determine. Despite hardships, trials or persecution that may be allowed in our lives, God can preserve us and bring us out of our trouble. 

Our only responsibility in all of this is to simply remember our role. We are to be servants of Christ. Often we grow weary because we are trying to do His part. We are trying to figure out where He is taking us rather than allowing Him to lead us. We are trying to figure out how to preserve our lives and bring ourselves out of trouble rather than allowing Him to bring us out. We are trying to silence our enemies and destroy our foes when that is not our work. We are not made for those things, and it is exhausting. Our duty is simply to look to God and serve Him, allowing Him to do these things for His servants! We don’t have to strive, we simply have to come to Him. His yoke is easy and His burden is light; we will find rest for our souls. May we faithfully seek Him, serve Him and remain completely in Him, trusting Him to show us each step! 

Thank you Patrick.  Last night I started using yet another binding agent (Zeolite) to try to encapsulate and detox mercury from my weakened frame.  Afterwards I felt very weird!  We were Skyping with my husband’s daughter in Thailand and it was all I could do to chat a bit, smile a bit, and keep my shoulders from hiking up to my ears!  The nightly seizure attack episode was significantly shorter and I fell asleep at a more reasonable time, around 1:30 a.m.  Hell was waiting for me this morning and returned with more violence a couple of hours later.  Can you say “mad as a hatter?”  Well if you were a hatmaker in the 19th century you might be more familiar with mercury poisoning than the current medical profession.   So let’s see if we can figure this one out, eh?

#1  Trust in the Lord and lean not on our own understanding.  (Proverbs 3:5-6)

#2  Follow the clues and think about how chelation works for mercury and heavy metals.  Most protocols require regular treatments for a given interval of time, sometimes as often as every 4 hours.  (See the Cutler protocol.)  The rebound occurred about 12 hours after the first dose of a true chelating agent.

#3  Consider a repeat, low level dose at regular intervals to bind and remove the newly circulating toxins.

#4  Relief came within minutes when the detox agent was consumed with lots of water.

And after resting, eating, sitting out in the lovely Fall sunshine, I am upright.  This is good.  I am also extraordinarily humbled by some incredible blessings this week and will end with four to match the points enumerated above:

#1  Unfailing love in the eyes of my intended beloved, Steve.  When I am in his arms no matter what the circumstances, I feel the love, care, and compassion of my Heavenly Husband too.  Thank you Jesus for Steve.  Please love and bless Him.  Cover our marriage with your grace.  May others see a good work in all of this for your glory Lord.

#2  Treatment options that provide some relief.  I believe that the pattern of suffering is about to change for the better and we are exceedingly grateful.

#3  Wisdom that ultimately comes from the Lord.  I have learned so much these past 3 years and have received blessings, gained new skills, met new people, cleared out some excess baggage, and found a voice that I pray will glorify you here.

#4  Hope.  No matter what the burden may be (and we both need not look far to see horrific burdens that our brothers and sisters in Christ must bear for their belief in Him), He will prevail.  As a new friend, Karan Gleddie, brought to light this week we are to “set (our) minds on things above, not on earthly things.”  (Col. 3:2)  Therein we too will find our hope, our peace, our happiness.  And as Patrick reminded me, we are to serve with the strength of Christ for His namesake.  With our eyes on Christ all things are possible.

Gentle Reader, how may I pray for you today?

Colossians 3:2
Colossians 3:2

 

Oh What A Night

What a date we had tonight.

Dinner:  Parkview Hospital 24-hour grill.

Movie:  HGTV on the ER Suite flat screen.

Drinks:  Bottled beverages and 1114 cc fluids for me.

And a whole lot of shaking going on:  3 hours of seizure attacks, non-stop.

It’s as I have heard it said that life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.

I am feeling much better now.  I love IV fluids!  (Weird, I know.)

We are sleepy!

All You Need is Love

Sometimes you just need Jesus with skin on, ya know?

Tis quite humbling to find true love in the midst of the most wretched time of my life.  Even the worst of the trauma of my childhood cannot compare to the wrecking ball-like experiences of violent, waking seizures every day.  During the bewitching hour of night my beloved often lingers nearby, checking in periodically or lies next to me to warm my chilled, freaking out frame.  Perhaps he has carried me to the bathroom moments earlier or fed me some water to drink in my listless state after an episode.  And then comes the silliness that only a River Bear can muster in the midst of yet another crisis.   Seriously!  He finds a way to laugh in the midst of it all.

Sometimes you just need Jesus with skin on and I am exceedingly grateful love my Steve every day.  Making his lunch bag for work or cooking dinner a few nights per week is my meager contribution of late.  Sometimes I can do housework, grocery shop and laundry too; not so much lately.  It doesn’t seem to matter to my husband though.  He appreciates any of it and celebrates when I can get out and walk the dog or create a piece of jewelry instead of completing the chores.  Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches seem to fill his belly just the same!  What further amazes me is his compliments and words of encouragement when I am at my lowest.  I have never known this much love from anyone before Steve!

To those Gentle Readers who are single:  be the partner for which you seek and wait for the one who will love you above all else after the Lord.  I found Steve after 47 years of living and after kissing a few frogs along the way!  Oh well.  Sometimes you can’t tell a prince from a frog until it’s too late!  Yet when we trust the One who knows and numbers each hair on our pretty little heads, He will bring your night in shining aluminum*, or is that armor (?) at just the right time.  The trials and adventures of life come alive when shared with your intended beloved.

I used to say that I could make a relationship out of anything.  I was dumb and wrong.  Settling for less only brings heartache.  I now see too how the Lord empowers me to love Steve beyond my earthly capabilities and he must be doing the same for Steve as he loves me too.  In doing so we are drawn even closer together.  How does one prepare a lunch bag, clean up the kitchen at 4:00 a.m., and make it back to bed when sickly, nauseous, twitching in pre-tic episodes, etc.?  (How does Steve work full time, serve and worship at church, attend to household tasks, and keep up with athletic endeavors after staying up late with me?)  By calling on the Lord to add His increase, He brings blessings beyond the tasks at hand.  As for me, on particularly bad days I don’t do much of anything.  The look in my eyes is all I can give, to say how proud I am that my husband goes to work each day for us, or for me to muster up the strength to take a shower and wear the jeans he likes the best.  It is enough.  It is love.

Thank you Steve.  Thank you Lord!

Steve and Julie looking out over Lover's Leap, Starved Rock State Park, Illinois
Steve and Julie looking out over Lover’s Leap, Starved Rock State Park, Illinois

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*  The “night in shining aluminum” story stems from the theme of many romance novels:  the dashing young man will eventually scoop the young maiden into his arms and carry her off into eternal bliss as the sun sets.  I believe I had a similar experience the day of my move from the west suburbs of Chicago, Illinois 200 miles east to be with Steve in northeastern Indiana.  We met on Yahoo Personals and had a fairy tale long distance relationship for longer than my Prince Charming desired.  Each time we parted to make the long drive home he would tease me about running off to be with him in Indiana!  The tell tale moment finally came on moving day in November of 2007.  The movers had packed the 24-foot box truck with all of the earthly possessions from my beautiful condo near the Dupage River.  We were standing in the parking lot about ready to go when he popped the question.  Steve looked at me and said, “Julie I’m going to ask you one last time:  will you come away with me to Indiana?”  I jumped into his arms with a resounding “YES” and off into the beast of shiny aluminum we went!  My prince had come for me at last . . .  :J