Lyme disease – Page 15 – Jesus is for the Wounded

A Psalm for Times Like These

Published on June 21, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Psalm 40

New International Version (NIV)

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

¹I waited patiently for the Lord;
    he turned to me and heard my cry.
²He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
    out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
    and gave me a firm place to stand.
³He put a new song in my mouth,
    a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
    and put their trust in him.

4 Blessed is the one

    who trusts in the Lord,

who does not look to the proud,

    to those who turn aside to false gods.
5 Many, Lord my God,

    are the wonders you have done,

    the things you planned for us.

None can compare with you;

    were I to speak and tell of your deeds,

    they would be too many to declare.

6 Sacrifice and offering you did not desire—

    but my ears you have opened—

    burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.
7 Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—

    it is written about me in the scroll.
8 I desire to do your will, my God;

    your law is within my heart.”

9 I proclaim your saving acts in the great assembly;

    I do not seal my lips, Lord,

    as you know.
10 I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;

    I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help.

I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness

    from the great assembly.

¹¹Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord;
    may your love and faithfulness always protect me.
¹²For troubles without number surround me;
    my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
    and my heart fails within me.
¹³Be pleased to save me, Lord;
    come quickly, Lord, to help me.

¹⁴May all who want to take my life
    be put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin
    be turned back in disgrace.
¹⁵May those who say to me, “Aha! Aha!”
    be appalled at their own shame.
¹⁶But may all who seek you
    rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who long for your saving help always say,
    “The Lord is great!”

¹⁷But as for me, I am poor and needy;
may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
you are my God, do not delay.

(Amen.)

A different kind of measure

Published on June 16, 2014June 16, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

The risk of including the Seasons of Love You Tube video from the movie RENT in this blog is that this song will now be in my head for days and days! Well maybe that’s not such a bad thing, eh?

There’s so much Avant guard in this movie that I must warn you that it is not for either the faint of heart or for those who limit their recreational viewing to strictly Christian genre. This is fringe media at it’s best. This movie recognizes that love exists in other forms in life. While I do not want these other forms in my personal life, I do recognize that this kind of “love” provides some meaning for persons who do not understand the perfect love that comes from a relationship with Jesus Christ. Hopefully persons like the characters in this movie will find that wonderful unending and pure love someday. It’s worth the journey to seek something more than what you can see around you. It’s a different kind of measure of “love” for sure that extends beyond any season of life.

What I also love about this movie is the passion for life of the characters represented. I have lost most of this passion with the onset of illness 2 1/2 years ago. Sure I might get excited about a small project or celebration here and there but I am never very far away from a wretched episode that takes the “life” out of the moment. Today was one of those kind of days. The weather was beautiful. As a matter of fact we have had a beautiful Spring here in the Midwest with adequate rain for the landscape and farmers mixed with incredible 70-80 degree temperatures and plenty of sunshine. Most days have had some moments of clear weather, making way for virtually all activities outdoors even if for a few hours. Enjoying 2 weddings and related activities last week were largely met with a backdrop of blue skies. For this we remain grateful. The unfortunate reality of today for me was the sprinkling of wretched episodes of seizure attacks every 2-3 hours. I don’t even know why they happened. We have removed the known triggers in our home and in my diet yet here I am living in shorter moments of time within which I can function. Such a bummer. It’s a different kind of measure of life as most of us define it. It is life measured by moments.

In particular I love the lyrics of this song because it describes how I must live my life these days. “In daylights. In midnights. In sunsets. In cups of coffee . . . ” You can see that I live my life by the task, not necessarily complete activities. For example the walk I am grateful to have taken with my beloved and our pup this evening required a standing rest break for some noxious symptoms. We then proceeded home at a slower pace and with me dragging myself along with a somewhat altered gait. Sish. Can’t a girl get a break? I’d love to get back into exercising regularly; I am grateful for a few minutes that the Lord has granted here and there late at night when I’m more stable. That’s what I mean by tasks. I guess that’s all I can do right now are some tasks with a few modified activities in the mix. It’s a different kind of measure of “doing.”

So if this moment is all I have with you Gentle Reader, I invite you to take 3 minutes to watch the You Tube video. Think about your day today as you hum along or maybe consider the one you anticipate tomorrow with a new perspective: a different kind of measure. And if at all possible I do hope you will measure it in love, treasuring the love relationships in your life above all else. If you should choose to include a personal relationship with God in that collection, perhaps putting Him in His rightful place above all the rest then I assure you that the abundance of love that will return to you will be immeasurable. Seriously. He is infinite so His love cannot be measured! I tell you that His love makes a difference for me on a Sunday night like this. I pray that His love will make a difference for you too in this moment and all the rest to come. :J

The Sequel: Same story different day

Published on June 14, 2014June 14, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded7 Comments

Don’t you just love a good movie? The kind where you cannot predict the end until it ends or one where you find out what happened to the characters from the first of the series? Yes, everyone loves a good story with a happy ending. As for me, I’m just glad for happy moments!

I decided that it was time to update my video log of the most challenging aspects of the illness I am battling. Included in my “sequel” are some photos of happy moments and some notes meant to be of encouragement at the end of the story. Overall I admit that it’s kind of tough to watch. Sometimes my beloved, Steve, and I (in our attempts to cope with this daily saga) get into a numbing routine where I go off into a back bedroom for a wretched episode then he comes by later to check on me. I’m safe in bed: I won’t fall out or anything like that. He prays as he endures the horrifying vocalizations echoing throughout the house, knowing that there is virtually nothing he can do to lessen the burden. We simply ride it out until the next one comes along, whenever that may be.

Gratefully we have discovered some things that consistently trigger the seizure-attack episodes or make them worse. We don’t do these things where possible! I mean that with nine gatherings last week in celebration of two weddings it was pretty tough to eliminate all extraneous factors. We did our best. I made it through five events relatively o.k., was Skyped into another, left two early, skipped a reception, and was carried away from the second to last event after the introduction of the happy newlyweds. Not bad for a massively ramped up schedule and for someone battling Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome. Or is it Lyme disease? Biotoxin illness? Non-epileptic seizures? No one really knows for sure.

So here it is. No popcorn needed. A tissue might be worthwhile. All prayers are welcome. I am looking forward to the day when this illness is resolved. In the meantime I stand on the Rock of my salvation, trusting in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to go with me and deliver me in due time. One day in this life or in heaven, I WILL BE FREE. It’s the promise in which all of us who call upon the name of the Lord can rest. Thank you Jesus for your amazing grace.

Time for a nap! J

The Burger on the Bathroom Floor

Published on June 8, 2014June 8, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Sometimes there’s a bride carried in the front door at the same time there’s another bride carried out the back door . . .

Hi there. My name is Julie and I have a wacky life. Not that my life has ever been boring, mind you. Lots of difficult things have kept me on my toes (or on my knees before the Lord) for a good portion of my days on this earth. I used to say it was like cooking with all of the burners on the stove cranked up to the highest setting. Then there was this network marketing book entitled, Mach 1 with your hair on fire that described things pretty well for me too. Helen Keller wrote in her book The Open Door, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.” O.K. You get the picture. There is no rest for the weary so get over it, get on with it, and better get right with Jesus to see you through!

So what’s up with the burger on the bathroom floor, you ask? Balancing my blood sugar is a key part of managing this crazy biotoxin illness that came on the heels of Lyme disease that came in through the backdoor of fibromyalgia many years ago. Actually hypoglycemia came first followed by hypothyroidism, fibro, yada, yada, yada. This all requires me to carry a protein snack and water with me virtually everywhere I go. Popcorn doesn’t cut it very long. I cheat sometimes with fatty veggie chips when grocery shopping only to follow-up with a chunk of lunchmeat from one of those ziplock bags from the deli counter usually at a stoplight when driving home. Whatever. Who needs a knife and fork anyways?

Dressed up for the wedding of my husband’s son yesterday and our friends’ son today, I opted for the bigger black leather purse (to match my shoes of course and the only other purse I own). I could stash a butternut squash coconut muffin, some coconut cream, and a burger-lettuce roll-up secured in a Ziploc baggie in there and look like all of the rest of the women with maybe a little extra, er, baggage, if you know what I mean. Who would know that I could survive an invasion of body snatchers for at least a day with no more than a twinge of hunger when it was all over? I would be ready. Unfortunately I did not plan on a wardrobe malfunction (a term coined in the USA after an egregious moment by Janet Jackson during the Super Bowl Half Time Show a few years ago. I won’t go into it here). Or rather a leather purse malfunction. I barely made it through my own snafu with my dignity!

The D.J.s were cranking up the music at the Light Guard Armory to add some ambiance to the large plain, cinder-block walled room with metal doors pained beige to match and linoleum flooring that had been waxed for more years than I have seen the light of day. The host families had done their best to decorate the place with table adornments inspired by nature and set up a simple, yet respectable snack table for later munching. I knew I probably wouldn’t be able to eat any of it (can you say M&Ms and Reeses Pieces for dessert?) so I settled into the scene comfortable with the stash in my purse. Surely the burger was o.k. unrefrigerated for a couple of hours. The only problem was that I was getting very hungry!

What’s a gal to do waiting with all of the other guests for the wedding party to arrive, dressed up in her Sunday best with low blood sugar looming and a burger in her purse? Well I learned a long time ago that if you need a moment of solace you can always escape to the bathroom. No one usually questions your actions in there! It’s a little different story, however, if you are a gal since gals tend to chat while tinkling, primping, washing their hands, and adjusting their bra straps not necessarily in that order! How do you fit in whipping out a burger in your purse? Answer: you don’t.

The next level of defense is to squirrel away in a bathroom stall, quietly unwrap the nourishment of choice, and snatch a few bites while crouched between the open areas on either side of the door. If someone “accidentally” sees you wiping your fanny through the crack by the hinge it’s o.k. but eating in there? EWWWWWW! No way! But who really cares anyways if you haven’t used the toilet just moments before and the place is clean. I mean my hands were clean. Oh yes, and one must make sure that no one else has camped there in the past hour either, if you know what I mean! Once you have your sequencing down, you can hide your medical self care in this way if you so choose just like a diabetic might do the same when administering insulin in a public place. Sometimes it’s just better to take care of it in the one private place to which you can always retreat.

I did not count on what happened next. I was one large bite from finishing my life-giving, 1/2 burger wrapped in Romaine lettuce with a wedge of coconut spread when the burger went tumbling onto the floor. Oh my goodness! Not my precious sustenance! Suddenly I became acutely aware of how really wrong it is to bring food into a bathroom. Then trying to eat it there even in secret no longer seemed like a good idea. Years of preserving my sense of social graces came to a screeeeeeching halt! There’s a burger rolling on the bathroom floor and it came from my direction!

Of course I did not count on what happened next either. Just then I heard what seemed like a gaggle of women entering the restroom. Holy crap! (Pun might be intended here.) In a flash I made a dash to pick up the chunk o’ meat, rinse it off in the sink, hide it in my hand, murmur something like, “excuse me my stuff is in there,” and retreat back into the stall with whatever style and grace I could preserve in my moment of horror. How could I ever have explained a burger rolling on the floor? Never mind. Nothing came to mind. I stuffed the once delectable beef/bison griller into the open piece of Saran wrap in my purse and zipped it closed. Snack time was over. I would have to survive on the bites consumed thus far. I thought I would be o.k. with that so I walked “looking normal” out of the stall to wash my hands then leave. The two unsuspecting witnesses left with their curious glances, having never stopped their conversation during their porcelain activities. Cool beans. I was now in the clear and free to leave as well.

Sigh. Some things in life are strange at times. You just gotta do what you gotta do and laugh about it if you possibly can. Gentle Reader: the next time you grab a burger off the grill try not to think of me munching somewhere in a bathroom stall, k? It just might change your appetite a bit. If you do try adding some more spicy mustard and you will be fine. I promise. JJ

The Real Tree of Life

Published on June 6, 2014June 6, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

In the 1980’s I visited the Monet exhibit when it was at the Chicago Art Museum. My husband at the time humored me with tickets and appeared to be as delighted as I was with the works of this famous impressionist. Sometimes you just have to see things in person to understand their brilliance; this was true for both of us after we toured the travelling exhibit. We brought home a print of the Japanese Bridge at Giverny to frame and proudly display in our home as a remembrance. I still have that picture lying in wait for the perfect place to showcase it in the more contemporary-styled home of Steve and me. Perhaps we will find that spot in another few decades or maybe our next home, whichever comes first!

Another piece of art takes my breath away every time I see it. If I can ever find another print of it I suspect that I will always have it on display somewhere no matter our décor. I was in the gift shop of the Chicago Art Museum with a boyfriend at the time, years before finding the Monet print, when I found a poster of Henri Matisse’s “The Tree of Life.” It’s a photograph of a stained glass window from the Chapel of the Rosary in Vence, Italy. Something about it captured my heart. The colors and themes are simple, completed in a form of collage for which Mr. Matisse remains famous. I’m not particularly fond of most of the rest of his work however, that tends to be more abstract or includes distorted images of people, places, and things in bright colors. Many of those people are partially naked: tis not my cup of tea to have an image of a naked stranger on display in my living room!

We carried the poster home on the commuter train back home to the suburbs like a prized possession. This trip occurred before I had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, the true giver of life. Oh I knew the story of Adam and Eve from Genesis and the two trees in the Garden of Eden: the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, the Tree of Life. Perhaps it was the simple themes, Biblical title, and reverence for our Creator that struck a cord in me when I saw this image. Sadly over the years of living in various apartments then storing the print in a storage locker, the framed poster was damaged by a basement flood beyond repair. Or perhaps it was the distraction of graduate school that cost me my better judgment in keeping this little memento safe. Oh well. It’s not that important right?

Years later I came upon the Tree of Life image online. I searched and searched through scores of poster websites trying to find another copy. On two occasions I even called the gift shop at the Art Museum trying to locate a source for securing another copy. The image was printed for that temporary exhibit only and the staff said I would have to contact the Vatican in Italy for another one! Yes, I looked for contact information for the Vatican gift shop and eventually ran into a dead end once again. Still another lead led me to an oil painter who could make copies of it but the online service appeared somewhat nefarious for the cost. I’m not sure it would be worth a few hundred dollars to have a beastly oil painting when a nicely matted and framed print will do just fine.

So the search will go on for perhaps another few decades. That’s fine too. These days the “stuff of life” (as in art prints) is less important to me. An older mentor once taught me at a critical time in my life to hold things of value lightly before the throne of God’s grace. It’s like placing a pencil in the palm of an outstretched hand. He may grant you good things or non-material blessings depending upon each season of life in which we find ourselves. Sometimes we hold onto the pencil for a purpose as it lies on our hand and other times the pencil falls away. To discern whether to hold on to it or let go out of our hands is wisdom indeed and worth holding onto the most. Let’s reflect on this further:

She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her;
those who hold her fast will be blessed. Proverbs 3:18

Ah yes, there it is. Looks like in the Bible the Tree of Life was first noted in the Garden of Eden and later referred to wisdom. What else we can find?

The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and the one who is wise saves lives. Proverbs 11:30

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12

The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:4

On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. Revelation 22:2

“Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city. Revelation 22:4

And if anyone takes words away from this scroll of prophecy, God will take away from that person any share in the tree of life and in the Holy City, which are described in this scroll. Revelation 22:19 (Our just reward if we do not heed His invitation.)

Knowing that I have access to the tree of life through my relationship with Jesus Christ has made a tremendous difference in my life. These past 2 1/2 years have been wretched with painful, noxious symptoms and waking seizures every day, multiple times per day, and often for hours. Other symptoms come and go every day. Knowing the hope that lies within our Lord’s living water manifest within the image of a life-giving tree resonates with me. I love gardening and increasingly appreciate being outside more than indoors: two ingredients drawing me towards His majestic creation in the natural world.

As He gives life to nature so does He breathe life into you and me. The past 1 1/2 months since my brother’s devastating stroke pains me as I realize his suffering too. My love for Mike draws me to pray for him in hopes that he rededicates his life to the Lord who loves him despite this situation. As we both dwell in the presence of the Lord there will be a purpose for our lives, a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). We must draw upon the living water extended to us through Jesus’ death and resurrection to realize these promises, until we are called home to dwell in His presence forever. His indwelling Spirit will sustain us, and strengthen us like that tree of life growing strong and tall against the storms that may come. It is the harsh winds and rainstorms that help the sapling to develop strong roots, sturdy branches, and rings in the trunk that tell the stories of His amazing grace through it all.

The real tree of life is not a poster or a pendant found on the internet: that is for certain! The real tree of life is the Lord Jesus Christ as the rock of my salvation, His firm foundation under my feet, nourished from the Word of God, yielding the fruit of Holy Spirit for His glory alone. We will grow in love and admonition of the Lord: a wonderful place to be. I am so grateful to have found the true Giver of life. Gentle Reader: have you found Him too? :J