chronic pain – Page 14 – Jesus is for the Wounded

It’s all I have left

Published on December 12, 2013December 12, 2013 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

I hit another wall today: one that reminded me of my inability to control or think my way out of pretty much anything. Have you been there?

Amassed in noxious symptoms after finally venturing out of the house on my own today, I had thought things were going pretty well earlier. I was becoming sicker so I came home to unpack my stuff from some errands and rest a while before making dinner. Losing the next 3 hours in bed after coming home was not what I expected. After all, I am getting better right? Well I’m not sure just yet.

Sometimes a person just has to stay focused on a moment as small as one breath in time. At least I could breathe this time when the “non-epileptic seizures” hit. Gratefully I had my phone with me and the app for Harvest Fellowship messages would fill my mind with the Word of God. When there was a break in the action I could get it going, listen, and maybe relax. The darkness of my spirit lifted somewhat as Pastor Paul Mowery began to speak. I missed my husband who was away at the midweek church service. To text him to please come home did cross my mind. But then I realized that the One I really needed was already here . . .

I cried out to the Lord and He met me there in that dark bedroom refuge. Our pastor’s words from the Book of John about abiding in the love of Jesus Christ filled me like a cup of warm cocoa running through my veins. Then when the recorded message began with a recounting of the disciples “visibly shaking” as Jesus teaches of His upcoming death, resurrection, and perfect peace I lost it. The seizure-like attacks had already been in a continuous pattern of havoc for over 30 minutes. “Visibly shaking?” Yeah. I get it. Only I am not only afraid. I am sad. I am grieving the loss of so much with this illness. I am broken.

²⁷Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14)

Yesterday I said to a friend on Facebook that the shortest verse in the Bible is John 11:35, “Jesus wept.” The God of the universe was displaying His human compassion for the death of a friend and for the terrible wretchedness that we must endure in our earthly lives. I shared this to encourage her that the Lord sees her pain over the death of friends or their loved ones recently. This verse speaks to me today too. My Lord sees my suffering, so much loss (i.e. time, money, fellowship, activities, health, fitness, and intimacy with my husband), heartache, and weakness. He grieves yet He knows my heart and loves me more than I can ever know. He is not the God of this world so there will be pain and suffering in this world. No one escapes these. Jesus Himself will come again in glory and gather those who know Him to be with Him through all of eternity. When I die I will see Him and be in His glorious presence forever. And while I am still here, I know that He will use all of this for my good and His glory too:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8)

Right now I don’t feel as bad as I did earlier this evening. It’s very early in the morning and I feel like some things got worked out this evening. It’s as if my Lord and King has me cradled gently in the shadow of His wings and that’s a great place to be for restful sleep. All of the other things that I write about in this blog (my eBook, online jewelry) should never take the focus off of what and Who is most important in my life. Jesus rocks!

Very simply I’ll close with this: I love you Lord Jesus Christ and I want everyone who reads this to know you too. After all, when I do take my last breath it will be all that I have left. Gentle Reader: how about you? JJ

Give the gift of compassion

Published on December 10, 2013December 10, 2013 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Know someone battling a serious illness and want to give them a meaningful and encouraging gift this Christmas? Give the gift of compassion and a copy of

Hope Beyond Lyme: The First Year

Now available from Smashwords.com and Amazon.com!

Now it’s available in 9 different formats so you don’t even need an eReading device to download your copy for just $2.99! To learn more go to: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/371334 and be sure to click the “Give as a gift” link from any book page. Smashwords will email it to your loved one immediately upon purchase. If you would like it to be a surprise instead be sure to put your own email address where indicated, print it out when the order is complete and hand it to the person, well personally!

For Amazon Kindle shoppers, head to: http://www.amazon.com/Hope-Beyond-Lyme-First-Year-ebook/dp/B00G9WF1RK/ref=la_B00GAOAOI8_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1386631580&sr=1-1

Discover from a fellow sojourner, my most meaningful and encouraging moments to share vignettes of understanding with your loved one battling a serious illness. There is hope and with faith in God, we will find the true meaning and source of that hope.

Thank you, Gentle Reader, for helping to make this project possible! Just Julie

When the day is loopy

Published on December 7, 2013December 7, 2013 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Not concentrating very well today which translates to not getting a whole heck of a lot done. These are the days they say in the 12-Step programs that a person is a “human being” not a human doing. Yes, this person just be sick today . . .

Thanks for understanding. :J

Proverbs 3:5-6 sick comic

So much to say, so few words

Published on December 6, 2013December 6, 2013 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

Taking a cross country trip this past week when weak was an optimistic undertaking. Of course there were trials and ongoing mayhem. And in the midst of it all, there were unexpected blessings too.

Relax, I won’t go on here with a long blah, blah, blog about our recent 3000 mile journey from Indiana to Texas and back! I’m sure it will unfold in the days and blogs to come. Let’s just say that overall, the dog had a great time! She played in the wide open spaces of my sister and brother- in-law’s 5 acre ranch teasing the Golden Retriever, taunting the snarls of the old Chocolate Lab, and skirting the advancement of Armani (the spirited mare and companion of Buddy, pictured below). Our pup Elle looks depressed at home alone today. I must say that I understand completely.

Today begins the first day of a new treatment regime for a serious systemic infection. As you can see by the time of this writing, I have avoided my second dose for a few hours now. Sish. I’m such a weenie sometimes. But hey, can you blame me? After 2 years of promising treatment approaches and wretched responses to virtually all of them, I am less than brave anymore. So in a few words as promised: I’m leaning on the Lord today, grateful for surviving 8 days away from home with some precious memories as a bonus, and slowly getting all of the laundry done. The rest of the last bag of Beanitos chips is well on its way to my tummy as I say goodbye to one of my few remaining treats to prepare for Candida warfare. From here and for at least the next month, I’m hitting this beast head-on. The first few days are usually the hardest. So what: it’s time you met your match you fungus among us!

My spiritual preparation comes from the words of the apostle Paul in 2 Timothy 4. My prayers are for merciful endurance, victory, strength for my husband, and glory to The King:

⁶For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near. ⁷I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. ⁸Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.

Seeya when I can. Take care all, Just Julie

Between a rock and a hard place

Published on November 24, 2013November 24, 2013 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Sometimes you have to make a choice. You are at a dead end or maybe lost. Perhaps what worked in the past will no longer suffice. Or perhaps you are facing the most difficult reason: an external force requires you to act immediately. Regardless, the process goes more gently when covered in prayer to the One who sees you and your situation, cares for you, knows your heart and heartache, and has a plan an purpose for your life. That plan and purpose includes the crossroads in which you find yourself. Stepping forward into the arms of the loving and perfect Father through a relationship with His son, Jesus Christ, will carry you through the decision every time. He already knows, sees . . .

Gratefully I don’t have to stress very long these days before I’m at the throne of grace with my alms of concern. I understand that it blesses the Lord to come before Him with all things big and small; such a mystery of His amazing grace. This week had them both for me.

Big decision: sell the Beam Ray/Rife machine in which Steve and I invested so much hope and resources just 1-1/2 years ago. It’s not working for me and I cannot tolerate most of the frequencies anymore. Time to let it go and move on.

Small decision: relinquish my cheaper cell phone with a slider keyboard for a smartphone. We will benefit from having it on the road when travelling and it will expand my online business possibilities. Time to let go and move forward.

Big decision: place active Lyme and mold treatments on hold to eradicate a serious systemic yeast infection. This requires risking more noxious events to kill the fungus that is hurting me and may even be contributing to the seizure attacks, etc. I seek wisdom in the timing of all of this with the upcoming Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. Alas, it is time to let go of the time table and move ahead carefully.

Small decision: discontinue the IV magnesium treatments at number 28 because the symptomatic “cost-benefit analysis” don’t compute anymore. Sometimes you simply have to choose.

Medium decision: sold my (beginning) surf ski kayak called a Stellar SR. This one brought tears. This illness has challenged my fitness and balance skills making the mastery of paddling this specialty kayak quite difficult. Steve just sold a kayak as well so we likely will invest in a solo outrigger canoe and share it. These are awesomely cool, fast paddling boats that just might work with either kayak or canoe paddles. Yeah but I let go of the SR before ever mastering it. I got sick after paddling it October 11, 2011: my third time on the water with it. Seeing it go on a rainy afternoon was a gray reminder of the past 2 years of illness and brought up feelings of failure. Sish, maybe this was a bigger decision than I thought. The tears are making it hard to see the computer screen right now . . .

I think tomorrow will be a retreat day. Steve and I will be celebrating our wedding anniversary and perhaps something simple will be nice this time. One of the best decisions of my life was to move out of State to marry Steve 6 years ago. Ahhh my intended beloved. How the Lord has blessed me with a man after His own heart as you! However we choose to spend our time together, I am sure that it will be wonderful.

O.k. so I just went from tears to blushing. Allow me to send you off with a prayer:

Heavenly Father, thank you for seeing and hearing the hearts of Your children each day. Help us to reach for the shadow of Your wings to carry us when we cannot stand, to shelter us when we must wait on your Divine hand in our lives, to lift us when it is time to step out in faith once again. If it is Your will I ask for healing for me from this complicated mix of illness and for the Gentle Reader finding you this day whilst reading this blog. Cover us with Your healing grace and merciful love. Guide us in our decisions for your glory Lord. And help us to keep our eyes fixed on You, waiting with great expectation for Your Providence to unfold. I love you Lord. In Jesus’ name, amen.