Christian blog – Jesus is for the Wounded

From one mystery to another

Published on April 8, 2016April 8, 2016 by Jesus is for the Wounded1 Comment

Just when you think you’ve finally gotten on the road to something good the path can be blasted with a tempest beast of a hurricane, sending you smashing to the ground without a life preserver or anchor! But do not despair. The Lord Jesus Christ is still on the throne precious one.

Isaiah 55:8 New King James Version (NKJV)

⁸“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.

The close of our evening in the wee hours of the morning was exceedingly traumatic, puzzling, and desperate. This sure is a mystery given that I have had some better blocks of a few hours at-a-time now that I am 3 months into IV treatments with antibiotics for chronic Lyme disease. Even an iodine protocol and infrared sauna treatments appear to be promising adjuncts to my treatment plan. Ahhhh, so much progress has been made these past 4 1/2 years yet still there are plenty of wacky lab findings: we’re talking dangerously low amounts of key nutrients, hormones, and healthy gut bacteria. Yet I have less pain some days, improved clarity of thought, and an ability to do some housework or gardening about once per week. The days largely spent bedbound have diminished from 4 to 1! And my score on a chronic Lyme symptom scale has gone down from 73 to 46. These are good!

James 1:2-4New King James Version (NKJV)

²My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, ³knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. ⁴But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

Some call setbacks that occur over a course of treatment “herxheimer” reactions. I call them a “healing crisis.” That is, until the particular breed of hell is so traumatic that extra healing is needed from the crisis itself on top of the serious illness. I’m talking about seizure attacks marked with screaming at the top of my lungs. Let’s add writhing movements lifting me off the bed as if embodied by a demon and intense, hysterical episodes of wailing with gushes of tears. What the heck is going on here? Flashes of terrifying scenes fill my “mind’s eye” alternating with the blackest darkness you can imagine. I press into the abyss with cries out to my beloved “Jesus” when I can, when I my mind allows me to do so. He is my only hope. Prayer mixes with shock. Breathing, prevention of injury, and concern for my hubby nearby fill any cracks in my thought processes when they return. Steve and I both leave the scene broken when the hell finally stops (tonight after over an hour had punched its way by us).

This all means that chronic/neuro Lyme disease is in my central nervous system and brain. This probably means that the treatments are now changing my neurochemistry and affecting the structures of my mind. This definitely confirms my worst fear that the path out of this hell to healing will be worse than the journey that got me here. So wretchedly sad. I guess I’ll just pray that the Lord strengthens me and Steve to get through it, pleading for mercy as we did tonight. Somewhere out there will be a message to inspire others yet again tonight that is not the case. This is a murderous mystery, killing every sense of sanity and magnifying many senses of suffering. I am o.k. in this moment, thankfully. It’s amazing what I can do sometimes on 2 hours of sleep just before the sunrise.

Psalm 119:147-149New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁴⁷I rise before the dawning of the morning,
And cry for help;
I hope in Your word.
¹⁴⁸My eyes are awake through the night watches,
That I may meditate on Your word.
¹⁴⁹Hear my voice according to Your lovingkindness;
O Lord, revive me according to Your justice.

Hang with me, Gentle Reader. We are not giving up. We still have faith and still have hope. You don’t give up either with the challenges in your life too, k? We are holding out with the hope of blissful eternity for those in Jesus Christ and working our way back to the current day from there. The suffering, the trauma, the horror just makes for a better ending when telling a magnificent story. And when in my mind’s eye I also see the tear on the cheek of my Lord as He hung dying on a cross for me and you, I know that somehow, supernaturally, I will be delivered to a better place someday. How about if we meet there? So much goodness awaits us. I’ve really got to tell you about the Summerwine bush that is budding from where I transplanted it to my compost pile, ready for its new home this Spring . . . Someday it will burst forth into bloom (like me) once again! JJ

summerwine, horticulture therapy, healing garden, healing, plants, deciduous, bushes, ornamental, flowering, blog, hope

This one is for you

Published on November 30, 2015November 30, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Dearest Gentle Reader:

In the words of the apostle, Paul, I humbly express my gratitude for your readership, support, prayers, and friendship as we journey together in this thingy called, “life.” You make a difference in my life and for you I am grateful. Thank you! Just Julie

Ephesians 1:15-21New International Version (NIV)

Thanksgiving and Prayer

¹⁵For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all God’s people, ¹⁶I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. ¹⁷I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit^[a] of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. ¹⁸I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, ¹⁹and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength ²⁰he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, ²¹far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.

When there are no words

Published on November 19, 2015November 19, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

“Look up. Look waaaaaay up,” were the words of The Friendly Giant in 1986. This American children’s television host invited the viewer into his miniature living room where he pulled out a chair just for you by the fireplace. Then an image of his fake leather boots appeared 10x the scale of the scene on the television as he invited little Sissy or young Bobby to follow the camera up to the smiling eyes waiting to tell a story, waiting to introduce you to a host of characters. Rusty the Rooster was a silly-looking puppet yet their banter held my attention all the same. Even though by 1986 I was not a kiddo anymore!

We often look up to see the wonder beyond us: gazing at the twinkling stars so visible in the crisp Fall air or maybe oooing and ahhhing at the bright ornaments adorning the department store Christmas trees already on display before Thanksgiving. There is something magical about a beautiful sight just beyond our gaze, just above our smaller human frame. When that object is but ordinary the wonder may be less yet the opportunity to reflect may be just as profound too.

The ceiling above my bed of sickness holds much thought these days. On a Monday I might see a simple popcorn ceiling in the same building contractor’s white paint of every home built that very year. A few days later it may be the seam tape of the electrical lines painted to match the composite panel lining the roof of an aluminum travel trailer. Two months ago it was a bright blue shade sail floating softly up, gently down above my patio chair when the weather was still sunny and warm. Such simple forms that served to give me pause from the mayhem of the hours that dragged on before . . .

shade sail patio summer 2015

Times like these are best spent dwelling in the presence of the Lord. No words fill my mind in those kind of moments. The tears are already spent; the energy almost completely drained away. Such is the aftermath of uncontrollable seizure attacks that plague my weakened frame day after night after day for hours without end. The pattern continues despite new anti-microbial treatments, tests, consultations, prayer, tears, strategies new and old. New pains come and find a way to stay. There is nothing left to say. There is nothing left to do but to dwell, I guess.

Even love can be like this I suppose when it hurts so bad and you still can’t seem to shake the pain away. All you do is focus on the form that you knew or still know that stands in front of you when only a blank slate emptied of your future together remains. Turn to the left, turn to the right, stand up, sit down, and unlike the cheer song at the football games in 1986, there is no fight! Fight! FIGHT! when love goes away for good. Oh how I long for the familiarity of the pains I had known long ago. It would be so much easier to handle than the emptiness of my heart this night. Yup. The joy is gone! Gone! GONE!

So what’s a middle-aged gal to do in the middle of the night and there is nothing to look up to anymore? When I have written more words from every angle that my heart can imagine and no new inspiration comes to fill the page, gosh, what will I do? Not much, really. Just wait I guess. Tomorrow is a new day and it will be here before you know it. Maybe something good will happen, eh?

In the meantime, won’t you hang in there with me? Here, I have pulled up a chair for you too Gentle Reader. The Friendly Giant is now known as Immanuel and has a special story to help us end this little time together. It’s a great read for a bedtime story at any time of the day, I promise.

I do hope you enjoy it. JJ

Psalm 121

No Day But Today

Published on October 11, 2015October 12, 2015 by Jesus is for the Wounded1 Comment

A long time ago I made a decision to use the word “love” a little more freely. That decision came with another which was to not let concerns of what others would think of that get in the way of expressing that love. For example, if it was a female friend then she would get that the “love” was within the context of loving a fellow believer in Jesus Christ, love like a sister that I never had, and possibly a bond that simply comes with walking through many years of life’s ups and downs together. The transition would be instant, from “Take Care” at the end of an email to “Love, Julie” if we had just endured a crisis together. When one heart is hurting, there is no other word that will suffice. Love covers things well.

Born again believers know the author of love as God himself. The scriptures instruct us that:

¹⁹We love because he first loved us. ²⁰Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. ²¹And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister. 1 John 4

The Lord is the perfect reflection and expression of what love looks like. I do believe that those who are not in Christ have a sense of what love is like too. That is why I feel comfortable including a video in which 1) two women are kissing and 2) there is a man dressed as a woman embracing another man. If the relationships were real, they must have a sense of connectedness to express their love outwardly. I am not condoning homosexuality. I just might understand it a little more since my late Uncle Fred lived and died within the context of “the gay lifestyle.” I still loved him despite this decision. Oh how I wish he and others knew the deeper spiritual connectedness that comes in a God-fearing and God-honoring relationship! The Lord blesses those Who love him first! (Hebrews 11:5-7) But that is not my focus here today.

My focus is the importance of expressing love everyday to those you care about. It’s not weird! I am reminded of this today in the middle of 8 days in which my husband and I will attend two funerals. I had only met his Uncle Don one time and was more “acquainted” with Dave than knowing he and his wife Jane more “personally.” It didn’t and does not matter. As fellow believers in Christ, their character and lives had impacted my life with that level of connection. Uncle Don warmly accepted my marriage to Steve that had come at a time when most of Steve’s children still could not. Since I knew without a doubt that the Lord was blessing our marriage, it was refreshing to feel loved by his family. I thank the Lord for this.

Also when Steve and I married and started to attend his church home, he pointed out couples with strong marriages that he wanted to model our relationship after. Dave and Jane was one of them. They had been married for decades by then yet still had a sense of fun, a spark, and a deep love for one another that was palpable. They worked separate jobs outside of their home yet were usually together at church and other important events. Dave served the body of believers, his community, his employer, and his family with equal enthusiasm. Thank you for pointing out this great example of a Godly man, Steve. And yes, you are much like him for sure!

Today I am unable to attend Dave’s funeral service due to complications of a serious, ongoing illness. Last night was particularly wretched. I had a sense that it would be risky to go to the funeral home and be around so many people and potential exposures that trigger convulsive episodes. I went anyways. I am also in the middle of re-shuffling my treatment plan and have no idea what made things so much worse. The only good part about that hellish 2 hours was the toning of my abdominal muscles from flexion posturing, writhing, seizing, moaning, and more. Oy vey. In the middle of it I asked for the Lord to remove this hell. I begged for His mercy. It must have come since at some point I passed out and woke up about 7 hours later . . .

Today I am beat up from all that has transpired in the past day. Somehow I am still alive! Though my heart is heavy with grief on many fronts, I do not regret pouring out the strength that I had to be with friends in their time of need. I got to be out with my beloved husband and do one of the important things of this life. Going to the wake reminded me of the truth told a gazillion times before: there is no day like today. There is nothing like love between two people, magnified and blessed when they are one in Christ. And lest it be forgotten or unknown, it is important to express that love out loud and often. For me this includes the love of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. For just as it says in the song,

I die without You!

Talk about perfect love! Oh Gentle Reader, won’t you join me in sharing a little love today?

With love, JJ

How do you measure a year?

Published on September 26, 2015September 27, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

September 18, 2014 was a day when I rediscovered the power of friendship at a new level. ‘Tis fitting that we would spend our time reading the Psalms as we shared our lives with each other then tenderly prayed together. Perhaps this is what women who love the Lord Jesus Christ do, eh? Except that we were not meeting for a weekly video Bible study at church followed by coffee and treats. This one touched our hearts more at home . . . literally!

In the past I have enjoyed Bible studies the best when we all meet in each other’s homes. There is no better way to fellowship than to be immersed in the family pictures, dog hair, and dirty dishes of the ones you come to love in Christ. In due time the host and hostess let go of having a clean house for everyone each week as we focus on what is really important: opening up the truth of God’s word. Prayer time was always my favorite. The bonds between us became palpable as we lifted up each other’s hurts and victories before the Lord. I do hope we glorified Him in doing so.

When serious illness struck my life October 11, 2011 my life slowly changed to one of almost total isolation. Oh there were many visits to medical professionals, clinics, labs, hospitals, and pharmacies. They were all very nice people, of course. Going to Walmart became a rare “date night” with my beloved husband when I could not drive myself. The highlight of my week often became buying groceries; somehow I ended up spending a little more money there than I probably should have perhaps in an attempt to find some alternative type of comfort. Somehow new pair of sweats or comfy top would jump into the shopping cart on occasion as well!

Then the Lord inspired me to break the isolation beyond this blog. I had some casual connections to a few of you Gentle Readers which delighted my soul, by the way. How could this become more personal? I published a blog in September of 2014 asking if anyone would be interested in starting up a Bible study/prayer time via Skype? Perhaps there were other gals out there who were largely homebound like me and ready to connect before the Lord’s table. Two gals graciously responded: YES!

Each of us had different reasons for coming together. Each of us had our own blogs and followings, outside interests, and experiences with our health. We represented 3 different decades of life, 2 different countries and States, living situations either outside larger cities or in the country, and only one blonde. (She is gonna kill me for writing that!) We bonded quickly.

One gal who joined our group to be an encourager ended up facing one of the biggest health battles of her life this past year. Two of us went in and out of relapses with illness and one endured a major upheaval in her husband’s job situation. Two of us have also met face-to-face twice with hopes of a giggly reunion of all three of us perhaps this year? I hope so! Together we (have) cried, we laughed. We prayed; we shared silly stories. There were exchanges of recipes, websites, scripture, and more. We were encouraged by the love stories of the Psalms ministering to our feminine hearts. And most of all we became friends.

So how do you measure the value of a year in life? As this passionate theme song from the movie Rent speaks of sunsets, cups of coffee, laughter, and sighs, I do know that on Thursday night we three have shared them all this past year. I agree with the chorus line to: measure your life in love. Because of you my dear ones, my year was richly blessed!

Thank you ladies for changing my life and ministering to me in a way that has made a difference. May the Lord be glorified in all that we say and do, all that we write, and in the prayers that we lay before His throne of grace each week. In the meantime,