restoration – Page 2 – Jesus is for the Wounded

The Dad that never left

Published on June 21, 2016June 21, 2016 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Perhaps it is more of a blessing than anything else that I have more time for reflection these days. After the double-loads of laundry, medical management, treatment-and-recovery, self care, and various household duties are completed, there are generally more hours than in my past to think about the stuff of life. On Father’s Day yesterday, I started to notice some new parallels between my past and present. It went something like this.

I was posting a picture of my Dad and me on Facebook when I realized how his generosity when he stepped back into my life has become an important part of my current recovery from serious illness. His gift about 6 years ago allowed me to create a garden oasis in our backyard. Here are two of my favorite areas:

And the landscaping is all grown up now creating a lovely oasis. So grateful!

Creating the flagstone patio area required graph paper, a ruler, tape measure, and endless gazing from all angles to make the kidney-bean shaped layout meet the vision the Lord had given me. In the next 2 years the process continued with a pair of 8-foot custom steel trellises then a “secret garden” area (basically a re-purposed dog pen!). The planting beds came later as I decided that we needed more privacy from our neighbors behind us and that I wanted to have a garden-view beyond each room of the house. The bed on the right in the 2nd picture is largely of native plants and a key component in earning a Sustainable Garden designation from our local cooperative extension office. The aqua custom shade sail was an incredible find from the “sale” page of a company by the same name. Now that the design is complete the plants have matured and my heart is home.

Dontcha know that my mom was a gardener? She would hunt down the groundskeeper at the local zoo if needed to obtain a plant start of a specimen she just needed to have in her yard. Composting, vegetables, a mounded hill, hanging baskets around the hot tub spa . . . she had all the elements that made her heart happy out there in her suburban back

Mom in Spa

yard. Her creation came together because of the generosity of her parents too. Some may call it an inheritance. I call it the chance to create something beautiful from the sorrow of a lost family member. And I think it’s o.k. to spend some of it to make the process of going on without him or her a little nicer. Do something that makes your heart happy!

Flash forward 4 years from when the “bones” of our own garden were installed and I am exceedingly grateful for what the Lord has allowed me to design, to create. Lying sickly on that chaise lounge last summer when it looked like there would be little hope for recovery, brought solace of sorts. Lying sickly on that same chair this summer after taking treatments that are slowly giving me my life back is bringing hope and the flow of some new creative juices. My husband, Steve, just smiles a bit when I talk like this. He knows that could mean a little more trimming around a new garden bed or hauling of something heavy to make it happen. Oh how he loves me so! Well I’ll let ya all know how it turns out for sure!

Steve brought me to see this home on our fourth date. He wanted to know, “if things worked out between us could you see yourself living here?” Talk about pressure! I was visiting him in Indiana for the first time from the Chicago suburbs and certainly was not about to make a decision on the spot. At least out loud, that is! But I knew that the bush in the front-and-center of the bay window was a Miss Kim Lilac and just like the one I had lost with the townhome when my former spouse left me. I also knew that the bush next to it was a burning bush that gets a magnificent, fiery shade of red in the Fall and just like the one I . . . well you can see where this is going. It’s like when I viewed Steve’s profile on Yahoo Personals and saw a picture of him with a radio-controlled airplane that reminded me of the flying competitions in which my dad and brothers flew line-control planes when we were kids. Of course I knew that the house was a great idea; I just wasn’t going to tell Steve anything just yet. The home he purchased before we were married became a blank slate for me in remaking so many years that the locusts had eaten . . . . (Joel 2:25)

So I hope you can see how a simple thingy like some flower and vegetable gardens can be so meaningful to someone like me. The draftsman in my Dad has become the designer in me. His surprise generosity allowed me to create a living oasis that was an interest I shared with my mom when I became an adult. Finding a loving place to realize these gifts would come in a way like never before when I found my intended beloved in the arms of my Stevers. Solace, restoration, and hope were all set in motion regardless of my life’s circumstances according the plans of my Heavenly Dad, my Heavenly Husband; He knew all along the seeds He had planted in my heart long before I could ever dig in the dirt of life myself. And just as life on this green earth began in the Garden of Eden, so do our own lives thrive in the planted spaces in which we are tilled and turned, watered, pruned, and nurtured until beauty bursts forth in scented color, in hope beyond that which we can see.

How can I be sad about the losses in my life when my Heavenly Dad has always been there with me? From my garden bench I bid you a “Happy Father’s Day,” Gentle Reader. I pray that you, too, will live in the fullness of life that grows more grand with each passing day: a garden oasis in your soul where the One Who knows us so well can make everything meaningful, anything beautiful in the noon day sun or under the shade tree too. JJ

Dad & me at his trailer

My Testimony: Salvation in a Laundrymat

Published on October 28, 2014October 28, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded5 Comments

Salvation in a Laundrymat The Testimony of Julie November 27, 2005

Originally published on http://www.fellowshipchurchonline.com/

*************************

When the trials of life got me down

And my angst led to seeking and a new church

It was the outstretched arms of the laundrymat attendant

That led to a decision washing me clean, indeed.

That was 1988: I was single and a Christian man had just entered my life. My life was stuffed at the time with full time work in healthcare and graduate school. Dabbling in church attendance and regular Al Anon Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings were fueling a desire to learn more about God and the person of Jesus Christ. I had so many questions, so many unresolved hurts from my childhood. Sitting in the audience of a very large, non-denominational church brought tears and stirred something deep inside me. Something I hadn’t felt in years . . .

I grew up attending a local church, complete with first communions, baptisms, lighting candles, going to the confessional, and the like. As a teenager and in college, I attended other churches of the same denomination and the routine, the rituals, were pretty much the same. But where was God? I could sense Him sometimes on Sunday mornings and in one particular baptismal service for my Godchild, Tommy. Why wasn’t He helping our family on the other days of the week?

My family life was in shambles. My father developed a mental illness and left our home when I was 9 years old. I would later understand that his struggle to overcome his mental illness exposed me and my brothers to sorrows beyond belief. There were inappropriate experiences with other adults as well.

We struggled to survive. My mom went back to work to support us and a few people tried to help where they could. The weekly allowances, ice cream from the Good Humor truck, books from the South Elementary School Book Club, and chocolate milk for lunch ended. My mom struggled in her identity as a single mom. The church fell short in meeting her needs, our needs and we were shamed by others. Some of the neighborhood boys weren’t allowed to play with my brothers. I felt rejected too. We kids fought a lot. And God bless the babysitters who risked losing their sanity by coming to our house!

My brothers, in time, would turn to alcohol or drugs to endure life. Both would eventually spend time in jail and never quite make it in the work world. Neither one married. One died of alcoholism and the other is devoting himself to care for our mom. Amazing! By the grace of God, I was given different responsibilities and opportunities.

A neighbor introduced me to the Warren Jayteens, the teen group of the Warren Jaycees (in our city just outside of Detroit, Michigan). That was the first of many new interests, part time jobs, and classical guitar lessons, and the list goes on. I became a “human doing” instead of a “human being.” My worth came from my activities, my accomplishments. And on the outside, I excelled.

Inside, I was hurting. I sought comfort in dating relationships and dabbled in alcohol and marijuana. My tolerance to alcohol increased. The partying continued when I moved to Illinois after college to start my first job in healthcare. I would later see that my profession was a gift from God. He gave me the insight to pursue a profession in which I would teach others the skill of adapting to any circumstance. I personally benefited from this as I entered graduate school, found Al Anon Adult Children of Alcoholics, changed jobs, moved a few times, and met a Christian man.

That dear man helped me with my many questions about God and the Bible. The witness of his upbringing in a Christian home spoke volumes of what it really looked like to grow up in a stable environment. His father was a leader in his childhood church. The witness of Craig’s life and of his family, showed me more of what it was like to have good clean fun and led to a decision for Christ.

On our third date, he brought me to a very large, non-denominational church. There were 4,000 people at each service! I thought it was a cult! I was wrong. My soul got fed for the first time. Some months later, a laundry mat attendant sensed my needs, my readiness, and witnessed to me. I will never forget that day. I can still see her face. She had so much love in her eyes. That night, alone in my apartment, I prayed to have Jesus come into my life. I repented of the mistakes of my past. I was truly washed clean by the blood of Jesus.

Two years later in 1991, Craig and I were married in that large, non-denominational church. We worshipped there five years. I grew in my understanding of the Christian life. I tried to be a “good Christian” wife and fell short a bit. My walk with the Lord would really begin several years later when Craig led us to a smaller Bible church. It was there that I began to unravel the part of the pain of my childhood that had created a barrier to developing an intimate relationship with the person of Jesus Christ. More tears. More healing. And a faithful man to walk with me. Very cool.

Things changed March 4, 2003. Our marriage had endured several trials and disappointments by then. Craig’s father had died, I was injured in an auto accident with lingering effects, Craig was laid off twice, we lost the court case related to the accident, and my work-related injuries created financial and emotional hardships for both of us. I always returned to work after a setback. I adapted. Craig pursued a new career direction as well in aviation and we felt the Lord’s blessing and provision. Then he had to stop suddenly and was never quite the same after that. He began to withdraw from me. At the same time, he threw himself into church service and became a Deacon. I tried to start a second business and return to work in healthcare. God had other plans.

On the morning of March 4, 2003, I prayed a desperate prayer for the Lord to intervene in my life. Intervene he did! That night I received a phone call and learned that my husband had been in an affair for about a year. I asked Craig to leave for awhile that night and he did. He never came back.

Standing in my living room, very late at night, very alone, I was in shock. I knew my life was about to change but had no idea how it would. A verse came to me from Jeremiah 29:11:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (NIV)

That verse would come back to me again and again at key times over the next three years – at times when no other words could possibly sustain me or give me hope. Like the night of the fire . . .

Let’s just say that major changes occurred in rapid-fire succession from that day forward. (Riddle: What day of the year is a command? Answer: March “fourth.” Geez!)

My grandmother died. I refinanced our home. My brother died. The divorce process became eminent. I sold my home. I moved. I lost my job due to an injury. I was promoted in my home business. I moved again. I got a temporary job then a permanent position. My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. The divorce was final at Christmastime. Geez! I was in a fire. I moved twice to temporary housing. I moved to a beautiful condo where I now reside. The healing work has begun, from the inside out!

Whew! I thank the Lord for walking with me and for bringing the Army of Believers who have been there, led me, and carried me on this journey to today. It takes an Army and an unshakable faith in Christ to rise from the trials of life victorious. I pray daily for Craig’s repentance and return to the Lord. And I do know this: the choices we make each day determine where we ultimately land in our walk with the Lord, our walk through the days of our lives. Since my prayer has always been for my own sorrows not to be wasted, I remember to seek the face of Jesus each day, especially when the mud flies. I pray that Craig will too. He has incredible gifts of teaching, of reasoning, of physical health, and of loving. May these be used for God’s glory soon.

As for me, I’m called to do what I can with what I have, where I am. (At the time of this writing in 2005, I’d) just had a “Thanksgiving” party to thank all the people that helped me; the evening was wonderful! I pray that the Lord continues to restore me. Through this process, my purpose has become clear: to build something of significance that blesses other people. Gee, that’s what I’ve always wanted in my heart before I could put the words together! To know this purpose is the intervention I prayed for March 4, 2003. I am closer to this dream now more than ever before. And it came this way. This way? Yes, it came this way.

And since this has proven to be true in my life I must say that I really wouldn’t want it any other way!

Thanks. Just Julie

***************************

ADDENDUM: It is now 9 years later when I have come across my testimony in an old computer file. I am amazed at all the Lord has walked with me through! My mother passed away in March of 2007 and I married my intended beloved, Steve, in November later that year. I moved to Indiana to marry Steve, to slow things down, to rediscover so many rich outdoor activities, and to enjoy a loving relationship with Steve like none I had ever experienced before. Even a serious personal illness, my brother’s stroke, and a medical leave from a lifelong profession that I love could not deter the love I experience from my Jesus and my Stevers. After all: life goes on. I am exceedingly grateful that the Lord never changes. I am exceedingly grateful for so much!

The most important element in all of this, in all of my life, is my personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Thank you Jesus.

That is all. JJ

The Turning Point

Published on October 4, 2014October 4, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded3 Comments

When you start to leave hell, it’s important to take stock of where you have been and where you are then leave all of your baggage at the turning point.

Hi Gentle Reader. This is my gentle wisdom to you as I gratefully and graciously turn the corner after 3 years of wretched illness. Much grieving has already gone before me and my beloved Steve. Much loss has already pruned that which is no longer critical to our lives. Much angst at our Lord’s merciful throne of grace has established Who is most important in our lives and that He was leading us through all of this. Much dashing of hopes in false turning points along the way has produced endurance for what appears to be the last leg of this race. And yes, much joy has returned despite the jagged line that is normal in the recovery phase. That’s o.k. WE HAVE HOPE!!!

Briefly, I am experiencing 50% improvement in my health after beginning treatment for very high mercury levels. This process will require a slow titration of chelating agents, detoxification with the gentlest of methods, much rest, and humility. Humility? Oh yeah, humility to stay watchful for the Lord’s leading each step of the way and to continue to lean on Him as my own strength returns. My husband has proven himself again and again as the Lord’s instrument, a capable spiritual leader in my life. I have many examples in my life how pride has gone before my downfall, you know (Proverbs 16:18). I don’t want any more “slips and trips” anymore particularly of my own creation!

As I have started to feel better and do more my devotional time has diminished. This is not good. So in response to this turning point, I aim to spend more time in the Word than I have in the past when feeling reasonably well. I aim to keep practicing gratitude: holding lightly any material blessings, fruits of my labors, times of fellowship and the like. I aim to smile more and complain less. After all, I faced death many, many times! These days the gift of time and space, my talents and gifts, and the people/places/things around me are a bonus. I have never believed that I deserved either the good or bad things that have happened in my life. They simply “are.” They simply “were.” It is with great wonder that I aim to explore each day for what may come.

How can anyone really see beyond a turning point anyways when he or she has never been on a given journey before? If we worry about it then we have chosen to believe a lie. No one knows the future so why make up something bad? Why not something good? I aim to squelch what is false with what is true from God’s Word:

³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6)

Nuff said. Steve and I enjoyed a long walk in the rain this evening with our pup. This picture portrays my heart inside. God is good. All the time. God is good. JJ

For Whom the Bell Tolls

Published on February 22, 2014February 23, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

Therefore, send not to ask for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee. (John Donne, 1624. Meditation 17. Devotions upon urgent occasions.)

Such is the reflection of these famous words scripted by John Donne and later repeated by Ernest Hemmingway in one of his most famous works of literature. The intent of each author is to emphasize the interdependence of humanity; no man can truly live or function as an island. Whether we live or die, honor God or blaspheme His name, our actions at some point will touch the lives of others around us given time and opportunity.

Case in point: I’ll never forget that day in Dominicks, a grocery store in the west suburbs of Chicago, Illinois. It was my day off from work and I was picking up a few groceries before heading home. I’m not sure why I was dressed up while running a few errands . . . I do recall wearing my nice and warm, long wool coat to fend off the early Spring chill still lingering outside. Suddenly at the end of the aisle was my good friend’s dad! He said a cherry “hello” and explained that he was in town visiting for some family occasion. Mr. Y. always had a gracious way about him: asking permission to tell you another story or joke before parting ways. He laughed about me humoring an older person by talking with him or something like that then shared a quick note to give his regards to my husband. I looked him straight in the eye. He had no idea.

Immediately Mr. Y knew something was wrong. I walked closer to him, recognizing that I was about to open my heart in the middle of a grocery store aisle! My former spouse was discovered in an affair less than 3 weeks before. Intervention from our church had begun and my life was in turmoil as my heart was still reeling in crisis mode. It didn’t help that my grandmother had also died and I was in the middle of facilitating the refinancing of our home (not knowing if I would be living there in the future or not). All of that stuff was about me and my drama. What I did not expect was the look on Mr. Y’s face when I told him my story. Do you know that look in the movies when someone has just been punched in the stomach so hard the person could not breathe? The smile on his face turned to anguish. He could not speak.

Mr. Y’s reaction showed me the reality of love between the body of believers or those who call Jesus Christ Lord and Savior. We bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). We know what it means from a human level, a heart level, and a violation of God’s plan for us when a brother in Christ falls. Craig probably never realized that his actions affected so many people and perhaps did not care. This was astounding to me. He was a leader in our Bible church and a gifted Sunday school teacher. Craig excelled in his work in the mental health field, loved working out, and was quite good at photography. He loved a good philosophical discussion and we had many. It is a matter of history that my coming to faith in Christ was facilitated by these very sessions: Craig helped answer many of my questions and led us to both a seeker-friendly church then a smaller, more intimate body of believers. I got saved because I dated Craig. In that Bible church is where I had met Mr. Y and became good friends with his daughter, Deb. Friends like this are closer than my own family at times.

So where am I going with all of this? When I am home alone every day, not even leaving the house for days on end, of course it is easy to forget the love of dear friends and family in my life. Sure the pup looks up at me with soft brown eyes when I walk into the kitchen but it’s just not the same! My intended beloved, Steve, is away from home a lot and often into the early evening. Since I don’t feel well most of the time I just stay home if I don’t have an appointment or urgent need for food! This week was particularly dry in this regard. As it turns out, most of the week was devoted to adjusting to a new treatment we’re hoping will eliminate the daily seizure-like episodes. I slept or moped about most of the week anyways; I didn’t notice that I was by myself as the quiet was itself healing medicine. When I come out of this fog of late and I’m still isolated at home, I must remember that I am totally never alone.

Do you have this confidence Gentle Reader? We are connected by this blog. For that I am humbled and honored, that you have taken the time to step closer to me. We probably resonate some on the issues of life or you would not have chosen to stop by when so many other bloggers have their own yada yada yada to share. Our connection will be even more meaningful to me if I know that it goes beyond my stories and our simple humanity to the very essence of what gives meaning to life: a shared faith in God through His son, Jesus Christ. If you do not yet have the peace, love, and joy that comes from knowing the Lord intimately then I invite you to step before the throne of grace today. Ask Him to reveal Himself to you and seek Him with a sincere heart through the Bible, His words. When we repent and invite Jesus into our hearts we receive the indwelling of the Holy Spirit; we are never alone again. Please tell me what you find, k?

For those of you who share the love of Christ already: I look forward to meeting with you one day! Whether in this life or the next, we’re going to have a great time celebrating the glorious riches of a life surrendered to our King. Standing in the presence of the Lord will wash away our tears and troubles bringing joy beyond what we could ever see today. May the glimpses of His holiness and glory in the goodness that surrounds each of us sustain you, encourage you, and lift you up until we arrive in our eternal home. Therein the bell will toll with tales of triumph for all of us. Such a sweet sweet sound that will be!