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The Night Watch

Published on June 23, 2015June 23, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

And so the night watch begins

As my beloved tucks himself part way under the covers, the cool air circulates around him and our home.

He looks so peaceful as he collapses into bed,

Having worked the day long and again this evening to make things right with our world.

The pup slumbers on the floor behind me

With her own watchful eye as the big storm rumbles outside in the darkness;

Another night begins and I am hungry

The wretched episode and weathering inside my own body now behind me once again.

It’s a strange life, that is clear:

The promise of new treatments,
my meager attempts to go on . . .

Let me pretend I am doing something worthwhile

When my world stops shaking and I find you here, Gentle Reader, ready to make sense of it all.

Sometimes there is no sense to be made

We simply endure, do our due diligence to survive:

Touching something meaningful when the opportunity comes our way

Then letting it all go to the escape of sleep whether by night or by the dawn cometh soon.

Perhaps this night will bring fruitfulness

Maybe I’ll be able to write something of worth?

There is certainly much to do alone here with you as the keys light up and my mind slowly turns on;

My Lord is here with me so something good, something meaningful might happen yet this evening!

Since I cannot be sure but the time will pass anyways,

I better get something to eat before “dinner” slides into breakfast, hunger into weakness

Then maybe my brain will come back online too. If this is to be my shift I better get to my assigned duties of late —

If I am to be awake, the most of it I shall make again and again. Who knows, maybe something good may be too?

Yes, something good may be too. JJ

Off in the distance

Published on March 14, 2015March 14, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

This is a tough one for me and likely for everyone reading this at some level or another. Let’s add a Biblical perspective:

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
    to the one who seeks him;
²⁶it is good to wait quietly
    for the salvation of the Lord. (Lamentations 3:25-26)

And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. (Galatians 6:9)

And there is more from my own experience in life. Waiting on the Lord in the past was where my faith in Him was strengthened. I remember a time when the crisis was so severe that the Pastor and Elders in my church kept asking me how I was doing with the basics of life: eating, drinking enough fluids and sleeping. Yes, they were all a struggle. By the grace of God and many good sojourners I got through that season of life with sweet victory. And here I am again in another . . .

March 26th is the day that Steve and I hope everything will start to change for the better. As written in the potato chip blog, we believe that a dental procedure will vastly reduce if not eliminate the hours of daily convulsive episodes. Yesterday it was on and off for 24 hours! You know it’s bad when you see stars and are gasping for air. Despite nearly a hundred episodes, somehow I read a book while in lying in bed. It served to protect my mind from dwelling on the wretchedness when I could focus. I am hoping it preserves a few of the neuronal synapses in my brain from damage. And focusing despite the pain does carry me through the daytime, the nighttime. Talking to Jesus a lot is a given . . . .

Thirteen more days and this hell could be over. In one month will be the 3-year anniversary of when the tics began while thinking I needed to treat a clinical diagnosis of Lyme disease with a fancy Rife machine. The Beam Ray was a mistake for me. It has taken 3 long years and many failed attempts at various treatments to figure out what is causing the tazoring of my central nervous system. Lord willing with removal of the source of what could be “dental galvanism” in my head, I will begin to heal from so much. And so in my weakness I rest at the throne of grace that delivers me each day unto the next. Lord willing, I am going to get well. Off in the distance is the hope of this new beginning for me and my beloved, Stevers. We are hopeful that His goodness awaits.

Gentle Reader: Just wait for the shining glory of His light through the words on this page as that day comes. Are you ready for it? Brace for impact! It’s going to be a good day real soon! Like the old Barbara Streisand song goes, “there ain’t no tellin’ what a satisfied woman can do!” ;J

It depends on . . .

Published on March 8, 2015March 8, 2015 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

Don’t you just “love” when you ask what appears to you to be a focused question and the person to whom you are speaking starts his or her answer with, “It depends on . . .” Yeah, I have heard that a lot lately as I discuss product specs for my new company, Two Step Solutions. My husband is a brilliant mechanical engineer and a bit more focused than me, I guess. There is so much to consider so it depends on this or that parameter, application, material, use, and so on. Yet this reply can be a bit maddening too, ya know? :}]

Enter here a somewhat unusual perspective on the somber topic of suffering. I would have never wanted to hear a blanket answer as to how to handle my own private hell. I understand that Ravi Zacharias and Vince Vitale gently take an “it depends on” approach in their new book, Why Suffering. They recognize that for Christians, suffering poses both intellectual and emotional challenges: God loves and cares about all of our needs yet desires to meet us amidst the unique circumstances in which we find ourselves in as well. Here are some further insights from Vince Vitale in the Fall 2014 Issue of RZIM: Quarterly News, Views, and Insights.

But while pain can be a great obstacle (to belief in Christ), it is also one of the greatest reasons to turn to God. The more seriously we take the problem of suffering — indeed, the more seriously we take the people who suffer — the more we will be led to trust the God who can do something about it.

The challenge, I find, is that what each person needs when suffering is very personal. There is no one-size-fits-all . . . Ultimately, what we need is the presence of a loved one. And when we have the chance to be that loved one for another, our temporary presence can act as an invitation to a life with the One who is always present. One of the greatest gifts of the Christian life is that you never need to wonder if a loved one is near; you never need to wonder if a loved one understands. That Person is always with you even within you.

While suffering can be traced back to humanity’s fall into sin, Jesus is clear that we cannot assume from the fact that a person is suffering that it is their fault or that they are being punished. A second distinctive of the Christian response to suffering is this: God promises that one day He will wipe away every tear. What an amazing claim, that God himself will wipe away our tears.

And perhaps most unique is that the Christian God chose to suffer with us. Suffering’s greatest cruelty is its isolation. The Christian never suffers alone. (We point) emphatically to the Cross of Jesus Christ, to the Cross of the only God loving enough to suffer with us and for us. (p. 7)

May these words encourage you or your loved ones who are suffering. While the experience of suffering is unique to each of us, we are not alone in our time of need. God takes our angst seriously, suffers with us, and will deliver us one day. My prayer is that you will seek comfort in the person of Jesus Christ who loves you more than anyone, more than you can ever imagine. His Scripture reassures us this fact in Psalm 139:17-18:

How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

And that’s way more than my words can say. Take care Gentle Reader and do let me know how I may pray for you, k? JJ

Here I sit

Published on February 22, 2015February 22, 2015 by Jesus is for the Wounded4 Comments

Here I sit

Broken hearted

Trying to s__

But only farted!

And so goes the rhyme of 9 year-old boys and their older sisters! It’s a little funny and a little sad for me right now. It’s like our waiting for answers in the next step of my treatment process that is wearing heavily on my beloved, Steve, and me. The stress is crushing. We cannot do much but endure the next few days until the next consultation. I am having to puree foods to keep the chewing motion of my jaw from triggering convulsions. And still they happen on their own regardless. This keyboard is my closest friend tonight. Thank you for being here. You are:

2 Good

+ 2 Be

_________

4 Gotten!

Love to all, JJ

When there’s no where else to go

Published on February 20, 2015February 20, 2015 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

Sometimes I am not quite sure why I am crying, this late in the game. I’ve been here before, I know my Heavenly Husband is in charge, and I haven’t died no matter how severe the symptoms have gotten. My husband and I have seen the Lord work amazingly through this illness. New skills have come, I am grateful to have met you Gentle Reader, and by the grace of God we have overcome tremendous trials together. Healing is on the horizon with a new treatment direction . . . I even have my own company on the drawing board to fulfill my entrepreneurial dreams. So how can I possibly be sad?

I am sad because it is normal to be sad when suffering. I am sad, grieving if you will, for all of the losses even if it was good to let some people, places and things leave my life once again. I am sad that Steve and I had to lose so much to gain so much goodness. We almost missed “it” so many times! I am glad that we are more in love now than ever before and it came though an extremely difficult path. No longer do I ask the questions “why” and “what if?” More often my question is “when?” When will this hell be over?

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Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage. (Galatians 5:1)

Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. (Colossians 3:2)

For God has not given us a sprit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)

And let us not grow weary while doing good for in due season we shall reap if we do no lose heart. (Galatians 6:9)

. . . but we also glory in tribulations knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. (Romans 5: 3b-4)

. . . being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6)

But I want you to know, brethren, that the things which happened to me have actually turned out for the furtherance of the gospel. (Philippians 1:12)

Therefore I ask that you do not lose heart at my tribulations for you, which is your glory. (Ephesians 3:13)

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)

And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)

For we walk by faith, not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:8)

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I was hoping that somewhere between copying these lines of scripture and writing this blog that I would feel better. Well, not yet! When all else fails, I shall crawl up to the cross of my Jesus, place myself at the foot of His throne of grace, collapse in the shelter of His mighty wings, rest in the promise that He is always with me: now and forever. Yes, this is the best place to go after all. Here is where I belong. JJ