The Extended Forcast is Good!

Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.  Psalm 55:22

But I want you to know, brethren, that the things which happened to me have actually turned out for the furtherance of the gospel.  Philippians 1:12

I am 2 days post surgical removal of 2 root-canaled teeth and THE CONVULSIONS ARE GONE!!!  Yipppeeee and praise the Lord!  This 3 years of daily hell for me and my beloved husband, Steve, is finally over!

While there is still much work to do to detox mercury toxicity and re-evaluate chronic Lyme and mold illnesses, I feel more optimistic that I will be able to tolerate those treatments someday.  Until this week, I was failing.  I was bedridden most every day with convulsive episodes.  The grief and impact was huge on everything from our finances to my aching neck.  My husband no longer got a full night of sleep and this illness had changed virtually every activity inside/outside of our home.  How would Steve find me when he came home from work?  Would he have to make me my pureed dinner and feed me again before bed tonight?  Carry me to the toilet?  Our hearts were weary after 3 years of this living hell.

Nine months ago I began investigating how two sore molars in the upper left section of my jaw might be impacting my health.  Four dentists and three oral surgeons, a cone beam CT, MRI, and pano plus regular x-rays later (including a consultation out of State) we had no objective data to guide us.  Everything looked “fine.”  The teeth had bothered me for over 13 years!  Fifteen years ago I had all my amalgam fillings removed but was never guided to chelate for mercury.  Were there silver filings containing mercury remaining underneath the crowns over these two teeth?  We will never know the answer to that question.  My saliva had started tasting metallic.  Eating started triggering the convulsive episodes.  With Steve’s support, we took an expensive leap of faith and pursued a dental solution.

Additionally, seven weeks before what would become the big day, I started eating only on the right side of my mouth.  Two and one-half weeks later I started a pureed diet to eliminate the chewing action that seemed to make things worse; all this was quite a feat since my struggle to get well led me to eat low oxalate, virtually dairy-free, and completely sugar/sweetener-free, gluten-free, and mold -free foods too!  Another two weeks later and 1 week before the surgery I noticed that using plastic utensils delayed the onset of convulsions after eating.  Even drinking my foods through a straw helped initially then ultimately triggered episodes.  I feared eating anything at all!  The only problem with that was hunger and thirst could also trigger convulsions or make them worse.  I felt trapped!

Three and one-half days before the dental surgery my doctor recommended trying an EMF deflecting device.  “It might help” he said, like so many other recommendations I had received all over the spectrum of traditional and alternative medical care.  After one such technology (a Rife machine called a Beam Ray) I tried 3 years ago to treat “Chronic Lyme,” the daily tic attacks started.  Within a year these episodes would escalate to waking seizure attacks then convulsive episodes lasting 2 to 5 hours per day.  We had tried to shield me from wireless technology in our home in the past yet the results were initially helpful then inconsistent.  This time the GEOMACK from Spain reduced the intensity of the convulsions 50%.  That reduction gave me a tiny boost of strength that I needed to physically and mentally prepare for surgery.  My husband got some much needed sleep as well!  Could their be an electrical cause after all?  (See this blog for more anatomy and discussion.)

The morning of the surgery went as usual.  Convulsive episodes began shortly after opening my eyes and periodically as we prepared to leave the house.  Seizure zips ripped through my hungry and thirsty frame as my beloved drove us to the hospital.  We were still reeling from the large check we had to carry with us since the oral surgeon insisted on performing the extractions near a crash cart, I guess.  And after some prayers, many silly jokes and one last shake/rattle/and roll with placement of the IV in my arm, the time had come to let go and not look back.  We reviewed my situation with the anesthesiologist and oral surgeon, surgical tech, and several nurses.  They were not to abort the mission if I seized under anesthesia!  Just wait a moment and get the job done.

I’d like to say that I woke up in a calm, blissful state but that simply was not the case.  I became nauseous and pain management was a problem over the next day and one-half.  Oh well.  One thing was certain:  THERE WERE NO SEIZURES OR CONVULSIONS!   The “battery effect” of dissimilar metals in 2 adjacent crowns over root-canaled teeth WERE FRICKIN’ GONE!  No more tazoring of my brain would continue.  And hey, if there was hidden infection in the root-canaled teeth then the problems caused therein are now also “history.”  The hell is over.

My job now includes retraining my brain to relax when falling asleep instead of bracing for impact.  My job now includes remembering all of the relaxation techniques I used to train my patients in psychiatric hospitals to deal with anxiety.  I need to rework those memory pathways and feelings of impending doom that followed me, waited for me every night, every morning, every time when I was exposed to noxious stimuli, or even on the clothing or breath of my beloved anytime, anywhere.  Hey, no problemmo.  I am ready to live and the extended forecast is good!

Thank you and big hugs to those of you who have followed my story for any length of time,  You have been an important part of my lifeblood to go on when I could not.  Sometimes my husband could not be home with me and I was alone, feeling terrified mostly of even greater suffering and it came.  The worst episodes were never captured on YouTube videos because my warrior husband was needed to hold me tightly to keep me from greater harm instead of holding onto a camera.  Sometimes the Lord was silent even when I cried out to Him when breathless, facing death again and again when my breathing stopped.  When He did speak I gained the courage I needed to face the next trial.  In the end, death was not my greatest fear.  Dying without my Heavenly Husband was.

But you know what?  I made it through.  Steve made it through.  A new chapter in our lives is about to begin.  I’m going to take some time now and regroup.  I am very weak.  An infusion of my Jesus is needed.  The warmest embrace with my beloved must follow.  And really good food cannot be far behind.  After tomorrow the putty d’ jour will be history!  Yeah God!

Pureed Tri-Color Carrots, Cauliflower, Bacon, Ground Round, Potato Chips, Homemade Broth, and Sea Salt
Pureed Organic Tri-Color Carrots & Cauliflower, Bacon, Organic Beef & Potato Chips, Homemade Broth, and Sea Salt in the Recovery Room!

With love, JJ

But the Lord was my support. He also brought me out into a broad place; He delivered me because He delighted in me.  Psalm 18:18b-19

Cast your burden on the Lord and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.  Psalm 55:22

UPDATE:  The holiday from convulsive episodes did not last, unfortunately.  There were many benefits from having these two infected teeth removed:  significantly less mouth pain, less congestion in the upper shoulder and neck, decreased TMJ symptoms, decreased auditory anomalies, reduced ringing in my ears, and more.  Then there was a miracle:  our insurance company covered most of the $10,000 bill.  Amazing!  :J

Here I sit

Here I sit

Broken hearted

Trying to s__

But only farted!

And so goes the rhyme of 9 year-old boys and their older sisters!  It’s a little funny and a little sad for me right now.  It’s like our waiting for answers in the next step of my treatment process that is wearing heavily on my beloved, Steve, and me.  The stress is crushing.  We cannot do much but endure the next few days until the next consultation.  I am having to puree foods to keep the chewing motion of my jaw from triggering convulsions.  And still they happen on their own regardless.  This keyboard is my closest friend tonight.  Thank you for being here.  You are:

   2 Good

+ 2 Be

_________

4 Gotten!

Love to all, JJ

 

Perspiration, Inspiration, and a Some Exasperation

When I was going to college we used to say that many gals were there more to look for their “MRS” degrees than prepare for a career.  Then when I went to graduate school we used to say that our Master’s thesis was 90% perspiration and 10% inspiration.  And as life carried on, while grateful for my education and degrees, I realized that what I would accomplish in life had little to do with either.  Who I became had more to do with what I was willing to endure in the refinement of my character as a believer in Jesus Christ than anything else . . .Jesus-shepherd-holds-lamb-in-arms1-281x400

Psalm 23 (NIV)                        

A psalm of David.  

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
    he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.

Yea for those who call Jesus Lord of their lives; ruler of their hearts; and the Way, the Truth and the Life we have so much goodness to see us through.  This was never more clear to me than earlier this evening.  Brace yourselves as this is not for the faint of heart.

Around 9:15 p.m. I was having one of the most wretched seizure attack episodes and spiritual battles since becoming sick 2 1/2 years ago.  Nothing in particular triggers these battles of late:  for the last month this has been my nightly rite of passage into the next day.  My screams of terror, violent writhing, head banging, and pleading for the Lord to deliver me continued non-stop for over an hour.  My beloved came near to check on me at a moment when my nerves were on edge like a dry ember along a raging fire.  I cried out in sudden frightfulness when surprised by his silhouette in the darkness.  Later he returned to check on me again, clarify what had happened, and continue to pray for deliverance from the hell that I was enduring.  I had a sense that more wretchedness was welling up inside me so he was willing to grab the camera and videotape the horrifying moment in time.  Then all was quiet.  I lain on the bed exasperated with exhaustion.  My voice was hoarse, my frame sore from the thrashing about.  I was fried yet awake at the same time.  Man did my neck and shoulders hurt!  (sigh)

It’s times like these I have to ask myself if I am even going to make it through the evening.  Sometimes I am not sure based upon what I am experiencing.  I have to push through the binding down as I am seizing to even breathe while holding a pillow around my head (to avoid injury).  What in the world causes this?  Sadly the worst was not over:  it just needed to take a new form.  The spiritual attacks ramped up next as Steve returned so I asked him to hold me tightly.  He prayed aloud, sang a few hymns, and made sure I was safe as I wrestled with the effects of the attacks.  The new seizures, vocalizations, gut-wrenching tears went on for another 30 minutes or so with a few breaks for us to catch our breath, thankfully.  And then the worst was over.  A few zips, tic attacks, and guttural utterances slipped through with some low level shaking that looked a lot like shivering.  The whole episode had started with shivering before it escalated into full body wrestling.  Good grief.

The rain started swiftly outside the bedroom window around midnight.  The rushing sound of the water hitting the glass sounded more like my truck going through a car wash than a summer downpour.  And then suddenly I felt a strong urge to go outside . . . into the rain.  I needed to get up out of bed to try to put some closure on all that we had endured in the past 2 hours.  Lying there could invite more aftershocks so I strained to get up.  Alas I needed cleansing from the darkness.

Now I know why I selected the new black-n-white header photo for this blog.  The picture shown above came into mind as I walked decisively outside and into the redeeming  waters from heaven.  Now I didn’t go crazy or anything with holy laughter or getting drenched by the chilly droplets pouring onto my weakened frame.  Just for a few moments I stepped into the night to feel the cool wetness and look up into the sky above.  Three times I retreated under the covered porch to warm myself slightly before stepping back out into the night.  It felt good!  My socks were getting really wet though so I removed them as I went back into the house on the way to a lovely warm shower.  A little giddiness slipped into my steps as I realized how many decades it had been since dabbling in a summer rainfall.  I thought of the girl in the black and white photo.  Yes, little one, I understand your smile completely.

Gentle Reader let’s be clear on one thing:  if there was a remedy for this illness of course I would take it in a heartbeat!  While these episodes provide rich fodder for spiritual lessons and blogging, I’m cool with someday writing about gardening instead!  Earlier today a root canal specialist doubted that there is any infection hidden in my gums causing systemic issues or chronic illness that would create waking seizures.  Hey, my upper left jaw has been sore for many years so it was worth a shot to have it ruled out.  Sure I’ll see an oral surgeon in a couple of weeks for a special scan just to make sure of things.  Looks like it might be another dead end to a “bunny trail.”  I guess I just need to wait on the Lord for a time until he leads me beside “waters” that will “quiet” the unrest in my central nervous system.  I’ll see my Lyme literate medical doctor on Friday for a status update.  We have so very much to discuss with the ER visit 2 weeks ago and recent worsening of symptoms.  The arduous process of managing my care thus continues.

And yet in the worst moment of this evening, the one where it’s as if Satan himself taunted me to give in to his schemes instead of trusting in my Jesus, a teeny tiny voice inside me uttered that I will continue to trust in the Lord regardless of the suffering.  Steve reminded me of how Job of the Old Testament questioned what was happening to him even as he waited on the Lord in horrible circumstances.  Then when God reminded Job who He is:  His mastery over all He created, His almighty power, omniscience, and omnipresence, Job fell to the ground despite his gaping wounds to submit in worship.  I wonder if he heard a tiny voice stir inside his spirit as well?  I am just so very grateful that this inner voice, the leading of the Holy Spirit within those of us who believe, remains no matter what the trials may bring.  I heard it today and His refreshing words comforted me like the healing rains outside my window.  Thank you Lord that You are here with me like You were with Job.  You are the same today as yesterday and worthy of our praise.  YES, I will trust in You!

So if you think you too are facing circumstances that create perspiration and exasperation I encourage you to hang on until the inspiration comes.  Specifically, Gentle Reader, I encourage you to hang on to the Shepherd who refreshes the soul and will bring comfort in due time.  We must remain vigilant in keeping our eyes fixed on the face of Jesus Christ lest the evil one gain a foothold in our hearts, our minds.  Put on your spiritual armor (Ephesians 6:10-17) with the holy scriptures and he will flee in the name of Jesus Christ.  I guarantee you that warm fellowship with the One who loves you more than anyone will minister to your needs completely.  Hang tough.  Greener pastures are coming soon!  JJ