mold illness – Page 10 – Jesus is for the Wounded

Spring and Fall

Published on October 31, 2013October 31, 2013 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

My body will tell you tonight: it’s quite an accomplishment to finish our Spring and Fall yard clean up projects all within 24 hours! Whaaat? Such is life these days. All completed just in time for the long soaking rain storm outside my window as Winter approaches . . . the maiden tulip bulbs are going to be real happy in their new home!

I am exceedingly grateful to be functioning somewhat better despite the ongoing noxious episodes that occur most days. Then there were two noxious-free “holidays” within the past four days. THIS IS HUGE GUYS AND GALS! I haven’t had more than a one-day break per week since living in the hotel at the beginning of the year when we were remediating our home for mold. Looks like the IV magnesium treatments (counted #20 today) and sugar/sweetener-free cholestyramine are beginning to work a wonder inside of me. I am grateful and humbled.

Despite all of this good news for some reason I needed to cry a bit today. This year has been especially traumatic. When I’m in one of those hour-long to several-hour-long episodes my ability to think and reflect is gone. My mind is blank. No processing occurs of what is happening to me. I have heard patients with dementia describe his or her mind this way. There just aren’t any thoughts. Gratefully I do not have dementia. I often wonder, however, if there will be synaptic damage from the almost 2 years of seizure attacks. Then again, maybe the neurons just needed a little Spring cleaning, resetting, and the like. Anyways, I believe that to grieve the loss of my health is, well, healthy. Perhaps it will pave a comprehensive path to healing?

The end of Psalm 139 reads:

²³Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

I have heard an application of this passage that it can describe the need to reflect upon and grieve a past trauma as part of a God-honoring healing process. The Lord knows me and my circumstances in addition to the outcome. By opening my mind and heart to His merciful grace under the shadow of His wings, I will find rest. I have prayed many times to “get” the purpose of all of this suffering and wondered if I was “there yet.” I asked my husband Steve, my God-honoring spiritual leader, if he thought there was anything I was not seeing. Was there some sin or character flaw that required repentance? Steve was gracious when asked these questions. We both saw the little lessons and unexpected blessings that were the “silver lining” to this illness. We have not become embittered. We have drawn even closer together and to Christ. Whew. Thankfully.

Blogging started as online journaling and has become so much more. I do hope that my writing will be used for God’s glory and point people who are going through serious trials, to the person of Jesus Christ. To the Gentle Reader out there, you have also helped me find a plan and a purpose for this time in my life. The process has become as meaningful as the lessons learned. One lesson learned yesterday: don’t leave a wheelbarrow full of mulch out in the yard! Put it under the covered porch. Six times it got rained on and rained in. Geez that was one heavy wheelbarrow!

A little humor helps fer shur. And my Stevers is a great model of the value of silliness in the middle of the crap-o-la-ski. (You were missing my Polish, I know, so here ya go!) Thanks for hanging in there with me. Wish I could hug ya, eh? :J

It is here!

Published on October 27, 2013October 31, 2013 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

It is here! I am grateful to announce that my new eBook is now available! Simply use the coupon code UR45T for your free copy beginning November 1st at: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/371334

The first year enduring and battling a serious illness can test everything we thought we knew about coping with the trials of life. In this ebook, I invite you to share the more meaningful moments of my journey as I seek to draw strength from outside of myself to endure the trials of my particular story. My hope is that you, too, will find strength and hope that transcends your day-to-day experience. I also hope that you will consider the hope found in God though a personal relationship with His Son. His presence in One’s life makes a difference in where a person lands when this particular journey of life is over. Will we have peace or will we have despair?

With a sincere heart, it is my privilege to share my journey with you. Let not these trials of ours be wasted, eh? Gentle Reader, are you ready for enduring hope beyond what we can see? If your answer is, “Yes!” then I invite you to read, Hope Beyond Lyme: The First Year. With extra bonus pages and the most meaningful and encouraging vignettes updated from this blog, may it uplift you, knowing that you are not alone, not today, not ever. :J

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While I would never compare my experiences these past 2 years to the incredible suffering of the apostle Paul of the Bible, I draw encouragement from his words as noted below. My prayer on my most wretched of days was that there would be some greater purpose for this illness, that something meaningful would come from it. I hoped that my writing would not be a rant that went no where. I did not want to end each posting with more anger, hurt, sadness, or negativity than when I began either. My hope is that I would leave you with more good than not-so-good. To encourage others, well, that would be awesome as well as pose a tremendous responsibility to get it right as a matter of stewardship. The Lord gave me a voice and my hope was that I would use it to glorify Him most of all.

If you like what you see here, would you kindly share it with others? The free coupon special won’t last long! And thank you for being with me along this journey thus far. Shall we continue the adventure another year together? Oh I hope so! Take care Gentle Reader, Just Julie

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¹²Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel. (Philippians)

There’s dirt under my fingernails!

Published on October 11, 2013October 11, 2013 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

No matter what happens from here, I must rejoice: there’s dirt under my fingernails!

Yes, in the middle of this wretched illness, with many projects on hold, the sun shone and there was a break in the noxious symptoms plaguing my life. So what did I do? I got outside and played in the dirt, that’s what!

Harvested the overgrown swiss chard.

Planted the tomato salsa coneflower I bought from a local nursery last week.

Watered!

Cut back a few perennials that the dead flowerheads were spreading their seeds where I did not want them to go.

Cleaned up the dead stalks of the daylilies in the front beds.

Harvested a few radishes and 3 monster carrots.

Tidied up a bit here and there.

Started the conversion of a raised bed into a massive mulch pile for the winter.

Finally trimmed a dead branch from one of the three variegated dogwood bushes.

Cleaned up the grass overgrowth from one of the two trees leftover from my Spring clean-up. Mulched.

Played with my garden dog, very happy to be out and about with me in the yard. Oh pups. You da best.

Now why would I detail every aspect of these precious 2 1/2 hours? Because I would rather work in my garden than do just about anything. It grieved me terribly to waste a beautiful afternoon on Tuesday when I was a few minutes from going outside and my symptoms tanked instead. The ordeal ended Wednesday morning. And so my frustration has continued for two years, with what has become the “endurance race” of recovery from Lyme disease and mold illness. The best coping strategy is to make no plans, hope for a little something, and rejoice when at least I get some decent sleep no matter what time of day it comes.

Then when you can go out and get some dirt under your fingernails, TELL THE WORLD!!! Oh and water soaked my right gym shoe too. And my knee pads (essential over age 50 you know) are encrusted with mud. Ain’t it great?

Hang in there, Gentle Readers. Sometimes something good happens when you least expect it. :J

He holds me close

Published on October 1, 2013October 1, 2013 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

²⁷My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. ²⁸I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. ²⁹My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. ³⁰I and the Father are one.” (John 10)

So glad to have the love and care of the Lord this night.

So comforted to have the love and care of my beloved husband each day, each night.

So grateful to have the love and care of some dear friends and a few family members.

So humbled to have help here and there to carry me and my husband on this difficult path of recovery from a serious illness. We have health insurance, a warm home, nutritious food, and reliable transportation. We are blessed indeed.

So hopeful for some new treatment directions and a special medical appointment tomorrow; maybe my suffering will diminish soon, perhaps resolve one day?

So weak, sore, broken, pained, sad at times too. It’s all in the mix.

One thing is for sure as spoken by Jesus: he has me firmly in his grasp, regardless of how I feel, what I fear, my past experience, and so on. He is holding me close. And when I’m next to tears that is a great comfort indeed.

Ever need a hug like that? It’s there for you too Gentle Reader. In the great mystery of His infinite love, the Lord holds near to His heart all those that believe in Him. In these crazy times I can think of no better place to be. Think about it, won’t you?

You have made a difference!

Published on September 27, 2013August 5, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

I am grateful for the love, care, and support of some special folks who have helped me make it through nearly two years of serious illness. I am also sad for those who have left my life or misunderstood this time in my life. Hardship is not contagious folks!

First, the good stuff. The person nearest and dearest to my heart is my beloved husband, Steve. I am amazed when I gaze into his blue eyes at the sincerity of his love for me and for the Lord too. When he comes close and holds me through a tough episode, cradling my neck in his hands to comfort me and minimize the trauma of various noxious symptoms, I am humbled! There are not many people on the planet that would do this even for a loved one two years “down the road.” Many would become exasperated, angry, indifferent, or worse by now. Thank you Lord for this amazing man. Thank you for my “Jesus with skin on.”

The next group of folks closest to the fire, so to speak, who have helped me to survive are my Lyme Literate Medical Doctor and our local Lyme disease support group (who are largely his patients). You understand! You get it! And you believe me! When my Doc calls me on a Saturday with the name of a pharmacy where I can get a medication almost $100 USD cheaper, I am grateful! When it’s my turn to share at our monthly Lyme group meeting and my tummy is happy from the yummy snacks we bring that fit our special dietary restrictions, I feel loved! And then when we exchange text messages or Cindy, or Roberta or Diana offers help with a special task, I am humbled. Oh how I pray I may serve you too in your time of need.

A few dear friends and family members have witnessed and endured much of the past 10 years of this incredible journey of transformation. I love the kind of relationships that go on no matter what life brings, picking up when we meet again as if no time has passed. I hope my brother Mike, Brenda, Deb, Kinsey, Patrice, Mary, Judy, Maria, Tami, and a few others feel the same way? Now that my parents and grandparents have passed away, I appreciate even more my extended family including my Other Mom, Other Dad, Uncle Dave, Aunt Lori, Aunt Patty, and Aunt Shirley. I love you and thank you for investing in my life.

There’s a special place in my heart for the online community. Whether I met you on a Facebook Lyme forum, your blog or when you commented on my blog, I credit you with keeping me sane at the odd times of day when no one else cares! Thank you for your “likes,” for following this blog, for your comments and suggestions, for your time. The greatest gift from a friend is a gift of his or her time. When you reach out to me I know that I am not alone. While the internet can be a ruthless place, I am grateful for it’s goodness, especially when I am awake in the middle of the night. It’s pretty cool that my buds in the UK or West coast of the US are online when I am! Please let me know how I may return your kindness.

I’ll save the best for last. In the interim, I’ll briefly state my sorrow for those who have chosen to leave my life. He or she will not be reading this so I won’t waste much white space gushing this or that emotion. I am grateful that when I have endured hardship in the past, I learned the importance of letting go of the people, places, and things that leave my life at these times. Perhaps saying goodbye makes room to welcome the blessings that are to come? Thank you for all that you have taught me. Godspeed, dear ones. I’ll be here if you want to stop by for a chat or walk around the block in the future. As for the things, well they are just things. So long.

And now for the best: the One who knew me and my frame before I was born, fearfully and wonderfully made by Your guiding hand. (Psalm 139) I love you Lord and thank you for saving me from my path of destruction as a young woman. I praise you for crafting the incredible events of my life to bring me more blessing than I could have ever imagined in the middle of my journey on this earth. While I do not fully understand the sorrows that have come, I am convinced that You hold my tears in your hand, counting and caring for each drop, every pain. I have never felt alone. Thank you Jesus for bringing me to Your throne of grace where I may dwell in Your presence now and forevermore. Grow my trust in Your promises, Your plan for my life, Your will for me all that is around me in this world that is troublesome. Come soon my Lord!

So for all of you and you and you and you and You who have made a difference in my life, I give thanks. If I have screwed up somewhere, please let me know and consider forgiving me. I want to make it right if I can. And if any good comes from me, these blogs, or anything else, to God be the glory. He is worthy to be praised!