husband – Page 5 – Jesus is for the Wounded

Twas a dark and rainy night deep in the heart of Texas . . .

Published on December 12, 2014December 13, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

‘Twas a dark and rainy night deep in the heart of Texas. We had just travelled over 1200 miles the past two days when the 5-pointed star on the black metal gate came into view. In just a few minutes we would be safely in bed, asleep at last. Or so we thought anyways!

Rain had sprinkled the roads without incident for the last few hours as our caravan had made its way from Indiana to Texas. Since when does it rain in the Lone Star State? Well it’s good for them but not for the weary travelers who must set up camp in the muddy grounds of my in-law’s ranchette. As it should be, the horses roam free here and reminders of this are soft underfoot as we park near the barn. Holy crap!

The plastic mat near the door, that I read on an RV forum to be a nifty idea, went from good to bad in a matter of minutes! It would be another hour before we would realize that we should not wear shoes inside the newly outfitted travel trailer that would be our home for the week. Remnants of Armani and Buddy would grace our socks and that’s just the way it would be. Eventually we tucked our shoes underneath the camper to keep them dry. O.k. That works!

Our pup Elle adapted quickly to the wide open spaces. I never really saw where she decided to potty over the course of our visit and that is just fine by me. Eventually the mounds of racquet-ball sized horse manure would dry on all of us and we would figure out the clearest path from the trailer to the house in the daytime and in the nighttime too. We simply opted to wipe Elle’s feet every time before she entered our humble abode for the night. The rest of the time? I just cannot account for that. She settled in with the old girl lab, Leah, and darling retriever, Molly, in their respective pecking order and all was well with the world. Elle would be depressed for days after returning home for having bonded with everything furry out there . . .

But the tasks at hand upon our arrival to KK Ranch were not done yet as morning drew near. Attaching our heavy duty power cord tripped the breaker in the barn no matter how my beloved Steve tried to configure it. At 4 in the morning we just did not feel comfortable waking up Kyle and Katherine for advice. Lights, refrigeration, and microwave/convection power would have to wait; we had what power we needed from our stored battery power. Then in a stroke of genius, Steve attached the charger to the shore power via the smaller outdoor cord provided then attached the charger to the battery of the trailer. Ola! We had enough AC to run the lights and tickle the frig until we could figure out a better configuration in the daylight. In the end Steve ran two separate cords from each of the two outlets to the camper: one for the frig and a second one for the lights and electric heater. We simply would not use the microwave for this leg of our trip. No problemmo.

Then our attention turned to connecting water supply. Most folks not familiar with trailer and RV camping have probably seen the American Lampoon and Robin William’s RV movies that magnify the importance of good sewer lines and running H2O! If you don’t have access to fresh water, things go bad really fast! Steve attempted to connect our two hoses to the spicket adjacent to the barn only to find that the short threading of the former prevented attachment. No problemmo once again. That’s why we brought extra water in case of an emergency for flushing the toilet, rinsing our hands, and nourishing the dog. Within a day we were able to get everything together but the spicket leaked badly, flooding the ground around the barn. Within another couple of days our gracious host purchased some new hoses, pulled everything together with a firm twist of a massive wrench, and all was well with the world.

The day we over-filled the black water tank underneath the trailer came as a surprise. Only 3 1/2 days had passed and we were nearly maxed out! By this point we had already dumped the gray water tank onto the ground ’cause hey, this is the country ya know? A little soapy water from the sink and shower is good for the land anyways. But dumping raw sewage even softened with an biodegradable enzyme tablet is not exactly the best gift to leave behind after a holiday weekend with relatives! This created a dilemma for me. I need to get up multiple times in the middle of the night pre and post-seizure episodes to use the facilities. Walking 50 yards in the dark to go into the house would surely keep me up more of the night than would be advisable to sacrifice. Somehow in the end, we made it to the max of our capacity just one day before departure and visiting the free dumping facilities of the Flying J truck stop north of Austin. It is amazing how much “stuff” that tank can hold!

And just when we thought the initiation of the newbie travel trailerers would be complete, there was one final challenge and it came in the light of day at the end of our stay. Ya know, we don’t intend to use the television anyways! My beloved whacked the T.V. antenna on a lower branch of a tree as we were preparing to leave KK Ranch. The mushroom shaped projection on the roof got sheared off at its base leaving a black cord dangling mercilessly from beyond our reach. Oh well. Our roof is more streamlined now!

Arriving in a foreign land in the middle of the night poses a test of character for even the most seasoned of married couples. In the end I had to smile at the interpretation each of us had at all of the unfortunate circumstances we faced together. While Steve was facing the elements in the crud and cool evening air when we arrived, I was setting up camp inside our humble abode and taking care of the pup. This is how we work as a team and that is nothing new for us. We both get busy completing the tasks at hand. The bigger picture was telling a different story however; we shared that one with each another after some sleep.

My beloved was concerned that I might be upset that he requested we drive very long days to get to our destination in just two days instead of the almost three days we spent over the same route last year. Arriving in the middle of the night came as a consequence of driving 12 or more hours each day and leaving later than expected trying to get everything prepared for each leg of our journey. On the other hand I was concerned he would be upset with me that we have to bother with all of this travel trailer stuff and expense to meet my health needs. When the Lord graciously provided the resources to purchase a new-used unit and outfit it according to my sensitivity needs I did not realize that I had overwhelmed Steve with this project. Making allergy-free cushions, finding the right wheel chocks, assembling enough linens from here and there, and so on was fun to focus on when so much of my time is spent in the throes of illness and recovery. In the end we worked through all of it and had some fun creating this new memory together.

Somewhere in the middle of this night in a land far away is another starry-eyed couple making a cross country journey. Somewhere in the course of things they will encounter wacky setbacks and have to go to bed with remnants of those unpleasantries still stuck to their feet between the sheets. I hope that they too will discover the wonder of it all: ’tis better to smile and say goodnight than to expect things to be perfect and crash into bed in a different heart-place. “Trust the process” has been my mantra over many years as a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ and over many trials. Besides if everything worked out right all of the time, what would we all blog about anyways?

Happy trails campers! JJ

I am sure of it

Published on September 27, 2014September 27, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded4 Comments

Unlike the brain fog of this cartoon, I am going to get well. I am sure of it!

The second week into the use of an atypical chelating agent (Zeolite by Zeo Health) for very high mercury levels has brought more moments of mental clarity than I can ever remember in my entire life. Oh sure there are ongoing seizure attack episodes yet they are generally 50% improved overall!!!!!! I could not say this after any other treatment protocol attempted these past 3 years. I could not say this even after the initial relief from high CBD hemp oil (the industrial hemp counterpart to cannabis oil). I could not say this after antibiotics or Rife treatment with the Beam Ray. I did not say this after (27) IV infusions of magnesium last Fall. I could not say this after extensive and expensive mold remediation in 2013. Even after aggressive treatment for candida over 2 years, I could not say this. But I will say it again:

I AM GOING TO GET WELL!!!!!!

There is only one person to thank for this new direction: the Lord, Jesus Christ. At a time when multiple factors have come together at last, the path has cleared and hope is restored over here because of His mercy and grace. A key factor in this process is humility. More on that in a moment. I also want to thank my chiropractor: Dr. Lee Nagel at DeKalb Chiropractic Center in Waterloo, Indiana. He had a hunch early on in my care that I was suffering from mercury poisoning. After all, two hair analysis tests revealed mercury and other heavy metal toxicity in the year 2000 and again in 2011 but both times my respective Family Practice Physician (FPP) minimized the results. Both times the Dr. thought I would be unable to tolerate a special type of detoxification protocol called chelation that would be required to remove heavy metals. So off we went each time in another direction instead until my life of hell began with viral hepatitis October 11, 2011 and escalated into daily seizures beginning in March of 2012.

Dr. Nagle had high mercury levels discovered by his cardiologist. His health improved after treatment thus placing mercury issues on his clinical radar. Dr. Nagle, father of three, is one of the most adventurist and athletic people I have ever met (behind my beloved Stevers of course!). His chiropractic practice rarely includes medical testing but he made an exception with me. Thank you! It took a month to get the testing protocol right then the results revealed the shocking reality of a probable root cause of illness for me: very high mercury levels. (Please refer to this excellent summary to learn more about this devastating substance. Original citation available upon request.) After a false starts with a quack-y Dr. who claimed to provide chelation, my current FPP is guiding me in the use of chelation and increasing other gentle methods of detoxification that have worked well for me. By the way, my FPP has also recovered from mercury poisoning that almost took his life!

All of this is very humbling after 3 wretched years of illness and 23 years of chronic pain aka fibromyalgia. While I do recognize that I have a new, long course of treatment ahead of me, I am exceedingly grateful to discover a root cause of much of my suffering. Holy cow! A successful outcome could help more than the seizures. Yeah God! Both Steve and I are really hopeful this time. And it is with mental clarity at 4:30 in the morning that I write this to you! So grateful for the 3-hour nap earlier tonight. Yeah, the weird sleep schedule continues a bit!

And now about humility. These entire three years have presented challenges requiring me to trust God for everything up to my next breath. I submitted to the loving care of my gracious husband as he needed to carry me to the toilet a hundred times; help me to shower, feed or dress me when I could not about once per week; carry me to bed often so he would be near as he tried to catch some sleep before work, rush me off the emergency room FIVE TIMES, and so much more. Oh Gentle Reader, have you sensed that I am a recovering Type A personality? A first born of my siblings in my family of origin? That I started working when I was 16 years old with babysitting jobs before then? That I am capable of taking care of myself thank you very much? This is the longest and most extreme period of need that I have ever experienced. I have had to let go of everything during these past three years. At another time I will write about facing death when my breathing would freeze multiple times during seizure attack episodes. And with all of this, I did not die of embarrassment or lack of oxygen. My Heavenly Father and earthly husband have carried me through to this next season of recovery. I AM HUMBLED! Thank you seems too small. I love you both!

Briefly, there were two other tasks I believe needed to be completed during this time: 1) learning to depend completely upon my husband for material needs and 2) realizing that the little activities I got to do here and there would become new skills, new relationships, and new activities that would become my future. Both were tasks that probably would not have come without grounding in Jesus Christ or needing to cope with the crises of severe illness. I probably would not have seen so clearly and (hopefully) fully submitted to the incredible character strengths of my beloved had I not become so broken. Steve is my spiritual leader and head of household and I am grateful. Long before we met I know what it took when my life fell apart in 2003 to soften me into the kind of woman that my beloved would choose to love. I now see more clearly what kind of man the Lord has provided for me to love in return. I AM EXCEEDINGLY BLESSED!

So join me, if you will, for an amazing adventure of recovery from serious illness. IT IS HAPPENING! So much fun awaits! Thank you for riding along with me. May we both praise the Lord for the good that is here now.

Hope is a good thing, eh? I am sure of it. JJ

Psalm 62:5-8 (NIV)

⁵Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
    my hope comes from him.
⁶Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
    he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
⁷My salvation and my honor depend on God;
    he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
⁸Trust in him at all times, you people;
    pour out your hearts to him,
    for God is our refuge.

Just Julie Treatment Update

Published on September 10, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded5 Comments

Brief update: I seem to be in what an airline pilot might call a “holding pattern” lately. When I can break through the perpetual feeling of sickness and get myself out of the house, even if it is to our backyard, there’s always a backlash of noxious symptoms. Recently my chiropractor recommended a heavy metals blood test and after a month of getting the paperwork and procedures right we have the results: high potassium and very high mercury. Yipes! So my husband and I are investigating chelation therapy. I have an appointment with a Doctor of Osteopathy who provides chelation and other medical, nutritional interventions. In the meantime I’ll check with my family practice physician and see if there’s enough data to proceed with caution. We will be covering this in prayer. For most folks chelation is a difficult journey. But hey, I’m familiar with that already, eh?

More details: The daily 2 to 5 hour waking seizure attack episodes continue. One day each week the episodes exceed 8 hours on and off during which I am largely bed bound. If I have pushed myself to complete heavy gardening tasks or more than about 2 hours of appointments outside of our home then the episodes can increase to 12 hours. The rest of those days is pretty worthless. I have at least two “worthless” days at home each week anyways, regardless of my activity level. These are days where I pretty much take advantage of the lovely “3 hots and a cot” afforded by our home. I may see you here at the computer and mope through other very sedentary tasks. Dinner may or may not get prepared. Thank goodness for my homemade freezer meals and frozen burritos for Steve on days like these!

The normal sleep-wake cycle remains elusive for me. When I do go to bed around midnight it is usually because Steve has carried me there in the neurological collapse-mode of a seizure attack. This happens twice per week. I’ll pass out at some point thereafter only to awaken in less than 4 hours, usually with another episode of tazoring. Many days the tazoring wakes me up in the middle of the night. Good grief! That’s what happened last night prompting this blog. When I do wake up in the middle of the night I have to find a way to yank myself out of bed or they will continue indefinitely! This also happens twice per week on average. The other nights I endure an episode sometime between sunset and midnight then I am wide awake until 4:00 a.m. or so. If I can wait until I feel sleepy then the episodes falling asleep will usually be shorter and sometimes not at all. I love it when the latter happens! The best schedule for me then is to be up late, go to bed and sleep until noon-ish, endure a shorter waking tazoring then attempt to move forward with the day. I love days when I do not have any appointments that disrupt this schedule!

The only “treatment” I can tolerate at the moment is a strict diet, coconut oil, colon hydrotherapy to detox, and extreme mold avoidance. Occasionally I can take a short walk late in the afternoon or use our elliptical for 5 minutes, usually in the middle of the night before bed. My diet is mold-free, gluten-free, sugar and sweetener-free, dairy-free, and low oxalate. The latter has produced some detox reactions that appear to be beneficial; bone broth is incredibly nurturing to my digestive tract. Most medications, pharm-grade supplements, and typical detox/immunity foods (such as lemon water, probiotics, ground flax seeds or oil) produce convulsions. Not good. This syndrome has a name: Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome or Multiple Chemical Sensitivity. The good news is that my gut health is better than it has been in a long time. That tells me that the dietary strategies are working! There are times when I feel more alert and my thinking is clearer. At times my memory is better. To my delight the creative juices are flowing again as reflected in my latest designs at Trinity Jewelry by Design. And sometimes I am even able to make jewelry during the daytime instead of just with the crickets outside the window of my cute little studio area . . .

October 11th will mark the 3 year anniversary of becoming sick. (For more on that story, see the About Julie page.) I’ve been off from work for 2 1/2 years now, the longest since I started working in at the Penny Candy Place as a teenager. No work or disability income is in sight. The Lord has provided for my every need through my gracious husband and His grace. Through it all Steve and I have been challenged to the ends of our human strength through unbelievable trials yet somehow feel closer to each other and to the Lord than ever before. Steve is my hero! We trust in Proverbs 3:5-6, Psalm 41:3, Psalm 71:14, Revelation 21:1-8 and more. The Lord is faithful to His Word: we have seen it, we hope in it, and His living Word carries us through it all. Even in those split seconds when it feels like my heart, my breathing, and my brain waves have ceased to function and I do not know if life will continue for me, I am no longer afraid. That’s how real the hope of heaven, the reality that my eternal life has already begun as a child of the King, the loose grip I have on the things of this earth are to me. Oh Gentle Reader, can you say that too?

So many unknowns fill our days. We can respond with woe and fear or we can respond with FAITH. And our faith is only as strong as that to which we apply it. I hope that you will join me or have put your faith in the omnipotent God over all. Yes, I wrote all.

Nothing less will do when faced with the next, er, bite in the shorts. You know I had to say it didn’t you?! :]

Bears Rule

Published on June 19, 2014December 3, 2016 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Yes: bears do solve some kinds of problems! While in the comic strip above it appears that sometimes they can cause them too, this is not the case with a “bear” I happen to know personally. I just picked this cartoon because it has a furry creature in it of the grizzly variety. The one of which I am particularly fond is my River Bear: my beloved Steve! He’s my hero and an amazing athlete too (cycling and kayaking).

Steve in his Mohican surf ski at the 2013 Wildcat Creek Race

I am grateful to the Lord to be blessed with a man after the Lord’s own heart, smart, respected, handsome, personable, athletic, and loved by many especially his four children. He is my kinsman redeemer: the one whom the Lord provided as my husband, my intended beloved for the rest of my days. Steve has risen to the challenge of helping me through some very ugly aspects of a biotoxin illness. Amazingly while he feels for my suffering it never seems to affect his love and care for me. Sure he may be tired from staying up late with the wretched episodes but I never feel any less loved. His care and confidence in me never changes. His devotion transcends our situation. He is my Jesus with skin on for sure and I am exceedingly grateful.

I love you Steve. And I thank you Lord for your incredible blessing in my Stevers. Lead him and protect him, grant him wisdom and your grace as he fulfills the call you have placed in his life. Strengthen him, sustain him, and help him to continue to shine for your glory. In Jesus name, amen.

He’s Still on the Line

Published on March 9, 2014March 21, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Long after my beloved is asleep

Devastated by unanswered prayers and sorrows so deep

I lie awake my body tossing, trembling

Such are the storms of night: unending.

From wherest does my help come from

When prayers bring no relief with each day’s sun?

The hopes are dashed, the relief doesn’t last

And the damage, the pain continues no less.

So many nights where nightmares became reality

So much suffering sends off all memories of normalcy.

People leave your life even when they like you

For fear, for powerlessness, for horror of what is your truth.

New sojourners may come only to wallow awhile with you

Should you happen to find a way out they will be long gone too.

Choose wisely your inner circle my friend

Make sure the Lord is closest-in when the nightmare ends.

He will never leave: His love will fill the gaps

Where others must fail, supernatural strength is what lasts.

You can call Him near, like a salve to the wounds of war

Then peace will come . . . you can carry on from there, dear one.

Now here’s a love song that reminds me of these times with my beloved Steve: he holds me close while the Lord is still “on the line,” listening to our hearts and holding both of us near to His own. From a simpler time:

Still on the Line