Focusing on breathing today. It’s all I can do. The stress level is high as Steve and I anticipate travelling out of State to see my brother tomorrow. Gratefully I report that it appears he is stabilizing after having had a severe stroke this past weekend. My own struggles with illness and daily seizure-like episodes continues. A new treatment for me didn’t pan out too well, increasing the severity of the post-treatment episode. Oh well. The Lord goes before me and all of us as we call upon His mighty name: Abba Father!
Sometimes you just need Jesus with skin on, ya know?
Tis quite humbling to find true love in the midst of the most wretched time of my life. Even the worst of the trauma of my childhood cannot compare to the wrecking ball-like experiences of violent, waking seizures every day. During the bewitching hour of night my beloved often lingers nearby, checking in periodically or lies next to me to warm my chilled, freaking out frame. Perhaps he has carried me to the bathroom moments earlier or fed me some water to drink in my listless state after an episode. And then comes the silliness that only a River Bear can muster in the midst of yet another crisis. Seriously! He finds a way to laugh in the midst of it all.
Sometimes you just need Jesus with skin on and I am exceedingly grateful love my Steve every day. Making his lunch bag for work or cooking dinner a few nights per week is my meager contribution of late. Sometimes I can do housework, grocery shop and laundry too; not so much lately. It doesn’t seem to matter to my husband though. He appreciates any of it and celebrates when I can get out and walk the dog or create a piece of jewelry instead of completing the chores. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches seem to fill his belly just the same! What further amazes me is his compliments and words of encouragement when I am at my lowest. I have never known this much love from anyone before Steve!
To those Gentle Readers who are single: be the partner for which you seek and wait for the one who will love you above all else after the Lord. I found Steve after 47 years of living and after kissing a few frogs along the way! Oh well. Sometimes you can’t tell a prince from a frog until it’s too late! Yet when we trust the One who knows and numbers each hair on our pretty little heads, He will bring your night in shining aluminum*, or is that armor (?) at just the right time. The trials and adventures of life come alive when shared with your intended beloved.
I used to say that I could make a relationship out of anything. I was dumb and wrong. Settling for less only brings heartache. I now see too how the Lord empowers me to love Steve beyond my earthly capabilities and he must be doing the same for Steve as he loves me too. In doing so we are drawn even closer together. How does one prepare a lunch bag, clean up the kitchen at 4:00 a.m., and make it back to bed when sickly, nauseous, twitching in pre-tic episodes, etc.? (How does Steve work full time, serve and worship at church, attend to household tasks, and keep up with athletic endeavors after staying up late with me?) By calling on the Lord to add His increase, He brings blessings beyond the tasks at hand. As for me, on particularly bad days I don’t do much of anything. The look in my eyes is all I can give, to say how proud I am that my husband goes to work each day for us, or for me to muster up the strength to take a shower and wear the jeans he likes the best. It is enough. It is love.
Thank you Steve. Thank you Lord!
Steve and Julie looking out over Lover’s Leap, Starved Rock State Park, Illinois
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* The “night in shining aluminum” story stems from the theme of many romance novels: the dashing young man will eventually scoop the young maiden into his arms and carry her off into eternal bliss as the sun sets. I believe I had a similar experience the day of my move from the west suburbs of Chicago, Illinois 200 miles east to be with Steve in northeastern Indiana. We met on Yahoo Personals and had a fairy tale long distance relationship for longer than my Prince Charming desired. Each time we parted to make the long drive home he would tease me about running off to be with him in Indiana! The tell tale moment finally came on moving day in November of 2007. The movers had packed the 24-foot box truck with all of the earthly possessions from my beautiful condo near the Dupage River. We were standing in the parking lot about ready to go when he popped the question. Steve looked at me and said, “Julie I’m going to ask you one last time: will you come away with me to Indiana?” I jumped into his arms with a resounding “YES” and off into the beast of shiny aluminum we went! My prince had come for me at last . . . :J
It’s as if I always knew that something was missing . . .
My first wedding day was lovely: filled with pretty flowers, pearly alencon lace, and all the details that were meaningful at the time. I was a new believer in Jesus Christ and in love with a young man named Craig. We settled in the west suburbs of Chicago, worked in healthcare, and got busy with the tasks of fixing up our townhome. In time Craig would lead us to a smaller Bible church from the seeker-friendly mega church that helped lead me to faith in Christ. In time I joined him at that little church. I also learned that Christians really do know how to have fun, meaningful lives rich in the knowledge and living out of the Word of God.
Then when Craig had to leave and decided never to return, my life turned upside down for about 4 years. My last surviving grandmother, my youngest brother, and my mother all passed away out of state from where I was living. I moved five times and my personal items were either donated to charity or stored in seven different places. I had to change jobs three times and endured two work-related injuries. The condo fire followed, displacing me for three months in a bare rental unit provided by my insurance company. It was there, staring at the blank walls devoid of all of my earthly possessions and reminders of who I was that I discovered what else was missing: my Heavenly Husband.
Isaiah 54:5 (NIV)
5 For your Maker is your husband— the Lord Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.
The Bible is full of analogies comparing our relationship with the Lord as a marital relationship. Jesus is the Bridegroom and the church is His bride. Our Heavenly Father is the husband and we are His beloved. The imagery of an intimate relationship is too much for us to grasp fully yet challenged me to make Christ real in my life on a daily basis. So I went for it fully: when I got in my car and was in a down mood I invited Jesus to ride with me, take the wheel, and be my constant companion. Before long I realized that I had placed Craig in a place in my heart not made for him. Some of the disappointment I experienced in our marriage came from not understanding the VERY LARGE place in my heart reserved only for the Lord. In time, that place grew larger, infilling the emptiness in my heart, filling me completely.
When I met my intended beloved, of course I still had a few kinks to work out in the man-woman relationship department. One shift was clear however: my need for wholeness was to be met by my Heavenly Husband not my earthly one. Placing too much responsibility on my new husband to meet all of my needs, love me, provide for me, and guide me wasn’t fair to him or me. The One who will always be there perfectly on-time with all the right stuff will only and always be my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I am grateful that Steve is a mighty good second I must admit! Pastor Bill Hybels at Willow Creek Community Church said it best one Sunday service: trust God. Love people. Trust God to meet all of your needs. Love people including your spouse as imperfect brothers and sisters in Christ . . . just like me. All of us have much to give and will fail at some point as well. Only God is perfect. The Lord is to be our first love.
With a perfect God, and a personal relationship through His son, Jesus Christ, we are free to live more lightly each day with the ones we love. We can extend grace, grant forgiveness a little more easily. We can love others and grow closer in fellowship despite all of our foibles. And if you’re like me, you will find love again in all the right places.
Psalm 84
1 How lovely is your dwelling place, Lord Almighty! 2 My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. 3 Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young— a place near your altar, Lord Almighty, my King and my God. 4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you.
5 Blessed are those whose strength is in you, whose hearts are set on pilgrimage. 6 As they pass through the Valley of Baka, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools. 7 They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion.
8 Hear my prayer, Lord God Almighty; listen to me, God of Jacob. 9 Look on our shield, O God; look with favor on your anointed one.
10 Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked. 11 For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.
12 Lord Almighty, blessed is the one who trusts in you.
Devastated by unanswered prayers and sorrows so deep
I lie awake my body tossing, trembling
Such are the storms of night: unending.
From wherest does my help come from
When prayers bring no relief with each day’s sun?
The hopes are dashed, the relief doesn’t last
And the damage, the pain continues no less.
So many nights where nightmares became reality
So much suffering sends off all memories of normalcy.
People leave your life even when they like you
For fear, for powerlessness, for horror of what is your truth.
New sojourners may come only to wallow awhile with you
Should you happen to find a way out they will be long gone too.
Choose wisely your inner circle my friend
Make sure the Lord is closest-in when the nightmare ends.
He will never leave: His love will fill the gaps
Where others must fail, supernatural strength is what lasts.
You can call Him near, like a salve to the wounds of war
Then peace will come . . . you can carry on from there, dear one.
Now here’s a love song that reminds me of these times with my beloved Steve: he holds me close while the Lord is still “on the line,” listening to our hearts and holding both of us near to His own. From a simpler time:
Personal Update: I continue to experience a 40% overall improvement in seizure activity and related noxious symptoms just 16 days after starting high CBD hemp oil (HCBDHO). After 2 1/2 years of serious complications to Lyme, mold, Candida and biotoxin illness: I am amazed!
Here’s the research that I found that led me to discovering this LEGAL alternative to medical marijuana (more on that in a moment):
After seeing that there was authentic clinical research supporting the use of “cannabis” for epilepsy, even though I was diagnosed with non-epileptic seizures, I wondered how I might obtain it. Purchasing medical marijuana when it’s not legal in your State is a complicated process and risky. Some persons have obtained State I.D.’s in the state where MM is legal, set up post office boxes and even used the addresses of friends or family who live in the MM state. I did not feel comfortable with this, even though I was suffering tremendously on a daily basis.
The story of Charlotte changed everything. Charlotte was 5 years old when her parents became heartbroken over the hundreds of daily seizures their precious daughter had as part of Dravet’s syndrome. Her father researched alternatives to the myriad of medications that were not working and found CBD medical marijuana. Finding some to try was difficult even in Colorado where MM is legal since CBD is generally in concentrations too low to make a difference. CBD can reduce the “high” and confound the benefits of THC found in MM; it was long ago cultivated out of most strains. The parents found the Stanley brothers who had high CBD hemp, were willing to grow it for Charlotte, and were willing to sell it to them with the proper orders from two pediatricians as required in Colorado. Charlotte’s seizures stopped for days after the first dose! She is now gaining in all developmental milestones and reclaiming her young life much to the delight of her parents. Other parents around the world are flocking to Colorado to get on the waiting list for Charlotte’s Web: the high CBD cannabis.
I believe it is the Lord who allowed me to ask the question of whether or not CBD (cannabidiol, a type of cannibinoid) is available in other types of cannabis. While medical marijuana and hemp are the same genus of cannabis but the species containing mostly THC is generally cannabis sativa and the species containing mostly CBD is generally cannabis indica. From here I will call CBD/cannabis indica: hemp. Industrial Hemp is another term for non-psychoactive cannabis.
Industrial hemp is grown outside of the USA and imported for hemp fiber products, oil with elevated essential fatty acids, and more. When cultivated for high CBD, hemp oil has more physical effects and can be sedative as it acts upon the endocannibinoid system of our cell walls. There’s a lot of technical stuff here so I’ll save that for another post. THE TAKE HOME MESSAGE is that you do not have to use MM to get the benefits of high CBD hemp oil: HCBDHO can be extracted from hemp plants as a nutritional product and that product is LEGAL in all 50 of the United States of America!
Industrial Hemp is grown outside of the USA for fiber, cleaning up soil contamination, fuel, clothing, paper, oil high in essential fatty acids, and CBD oil.
From here I set out to figure out how a person takes HCBDHO, how is it dispensed, who sells the best products for me, and what companies are reputable. I did not want a product from a start-up company with an inferior product laced with flavorings, fillers, and sweeteners. I needed a concentration that would be effective and cost-effective as pure oils can be pricey. I wanted a company who could answer my questions and had sound business practices to indicate that it would still be there for me next month and next year when I got well. I believe I have found that product and that company. (For more information and information on how to obtain a discount, contact me via the Facebook page: www.facebook.com/seizurefreezone)
Today I just wanted to share that for persons with seizures and seizure-like episodes, there will be hope for many in the use of high CBD hemp oil. It’s been here all along, running under the radar of controversial medical marijuana. Who knew? Now you do too! Please share this information with others who might be interested!
P.S. Relief for persons with seizures is just the beginning. Just Google any of the key words written here “and” a medical condition or symptom (for example CBD and fibromyalgia). You just might be delighted with what you find!
P.P.S. Watch an informative video by Dr. Sanjay Gupta, a former White House Fellow under the Clinton Administration at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4GUkzTnFG0 Remember to watch for the mentioning of CBD, THC, or ratios of the two together. Of course, preparations with THC will require purchase in a State where MM is legal! :J
Jesus is for the Wounded 
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