gratitude – Page 8 – Jesus is for the Wounded

There’s dirt under my fingernails!

Published on October 11, 2013October 11, 2013 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

No matter what happens from here, I must rejoice: there’s dirt under my fingernails!

Yes, in the middle of this wretched illness, with many projects on hold, the sun shone and there was a break in the noxious symptoms plaguing my life. So what did I do? I got outside and played in the dirt, that’s what!

Harvested the overgrown swiss chard.

Planted the tomato salsa coneflower I bought from a local nursery last week.

Watered!

Cut back a few perennials that the dead flowerheads were spreading their seeds where I did not want them to go.

Cleaned up the dead stalks of the daylilies in the front beds.

Harvested a few radishes and 3 monster carrots.

Tidied up a bit here and there.

Started the conversion of a raised bed into a massive mulch pile for the winter.

Finally trimmed a dead branch from one of the three variegated dogwood bushes.

Cleaned up the grass overgrowth from one of the two trees leftover from my Spring clean-up. Mulched.

Played with my garden dog, very happy to be out and about with me in the yard. Oh pups. You da best.

Now why would I detail every aspect of these precious 2 1/2 hours? Because I would rather work in my garden than do just about anything. It grieved me terribly to waste a beautiful afternoon on Tuesday when I was a few minutes from going outside and my symptoms tanked instead. The ordeal ended Wednesday morning. And so my frustration has continued for two years, with what has become the “endurance race” of recovery from Lyme disease and mold illness. The best coping strategy is to make no plans, hope for a little something, and rejoice when at least I get some decent sleep no matter what time of day it comes.

Then when you can go out and get some dirt under your fingernails, TELL THE WORLD!!! Oh and water soaked my right gym shoe too. And my knee pads (essential over age 50 you know) are encrusted with mud. Ain’t it great?

Hang in there, Gentle Readers. Sometimes something good happens when you least expect it. :J

You have made a difference!

Published on September 27, 2013August 5, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

I am grateful for the love, care, and support of some special folks who have helped me make it through nearly two years of serious illness. I am also sad for those who have left my life or misunderstood this time in my life. Hardship is not contagious folks!

First, the good stuff. The person nearest and dearest to my heart is my beloved husband, Steve. I am amazed when I gaze into his blue eyes at the sincerity of his love for me and for the Lord too. When he comes close and holds me through a tough episode, cradling my neck in his hands to comfort me and minimize the trauma of various noxious symptoms, I am humbled! There are not many people on the planet that would do this even for a loved one two years “down the road.” Many would become exasperated, angry, indifferent, or worse by now. Thank you Lord for this amazing man. Thank you for my “Jesus with skin on.”

The next group of folks closest to the fire, so to speak, who have helped me to survive are my Lyme Literate Medical Doctor and our local Lyme disease support group (who are largely his patients). You understand! You get it! And you believe me! When my Doc calls me on a Saturday with the name of a pharmacy where I can get a medication almost $100 USD cheaper, I am grateful! When it’s my turn to share at our monthly Lyme group meeting and my tummy is happy from the yummy snacks we bring that fit our special dietary restrictions, I feel loved! And then when we exchange text messages or Cindy, or Roberta or Diana offers help with a special task, I am humbled. Oh how I pray I may serve you too in your time of need.

A few dear friends and family members have witnessed and endured much of the past 10 years of this incredible journey of transformation. I love the kind of relationships that go on no matter what life brings, picking up when we meet again as if no time has passed. I hope my brother Mike, Brenda, Deb, Kinsey, Patrice, Mary, Judy, Maria, Tami, and a few others feel the same way? Now that my parents and grandparents have passed away, I appreciate even more my extended family including my Other Mom, Other Dad, Uncle Dave, Aunt Lori, Aunt Patty, and Aunt Shirley. I love you and thank you for investing in my life.

There’s a special place in my heart for the online community. Whether I met you on a Facebook Lyme forum, your blog or when you commented on my blog, I credit you with keeping me sane at the odd times of day when no one else cares! Thank you for your “likes,” for following this blog, for your comments and suggestions, for your time. The greatest gift from a friend is a gift of his or her time. When you reach out to me I know that I am not alone. While the internet can be a ruthless place, I am grateful for it’s goodness, especially when I am awake in the middle of the night. It’s pretty cool that my buds in the UK or West coast of the US are online when I am! Please let me know how I may return your kindness.

I’ll save the best for last. In the interim, I’ll briefly state my sorrow for those who have chosen to leave my life. He or she will not be reading this so I won’t waste much white space gushing this or that emotion. I am grateful that when I have endured hardship in the past, I learned the importance of letting go of the people, places, and things that leave my life at these times. Perhaps saying goodbye makes room to welcome the blessings that are to come? Thank you for all that you have taught me. Godspeed, dear ones. I’ll be here if you want to stop by for a chat or walk around the block in the future. As for the things, well they are just things. So long.

And now for the best: the One who knew me and my frame before I was born, fearfully and wonderfully made by Your guiding hand. (Psalm 139) I love you Lord and thank you for saving me from my path of destruction as a young woman. I praise you for crafting the incredible events of my life to bring me more blessing than I could have ever imagined in the middle of my journey on this earth. While I do not fully understand the sorrows that have come, I am convinced that You hold my tears in your hand, counting and caring for each drop, every pain. I have never felt alone. Thank you Jesus for bringing me to Your throne of grace where I may dwell in Your presence now and forevermore. Grow my trust in Your promises, Your plan for my life, Your will for me all that is around me in this world that is troublesome. Come soon my Lord!

So for all of you and you and you and you and You who have made a difference in my life, I give thanks. If I have screwed up somewhere, please let me know and consider forgiving me. I want to make it right if I can. And if any good comes from me, these blogs, or anything else, to God be the glory. He is worthy to be praised!

The German Shepherd Gets It

Published on June 23, 2013June 23, 2013 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

All we have is this moment in time. I mean who can make sure a birthday cake comes out right tomorrow when it is today? Who can redo a soggy flower bed from last year on a wintery day? The best strategy is to stay in the moment where we can do our best to be mindful of the Lord and if He leads, do our best work, best thinking, best living.

³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

These themes were revealed today by our German shepherd dog, Elle. I decided to push the limit of my activity level and do a few things outdoors in the heat. After making it through my husband’s kayak race at the Fort Wayne Riverfest, I was very warm, straining to function and all-around uncomfortable. Nonetheless, since I was still covered with sunscreen and bug spray so when I got home, I figured this would be a good time to replant 2 pots, feed our acid-loving plants in the patio garden, and so on before coming into the house to take a shower. Elle was outside with me doing the things she likes to do too: sniff, sniff, sniff! Not 15 minutes had gone by before our generally obedient pup was gone from my watchful eye. “Whhhhhhit,” I called. No dog. She usually comes racing around the house back to me when I whistle for her. Hmmmm.

But of course! It’s very humid and above 80 degrees F outside today. The clouds are long gone and she was panting rather hard not long after joining me in the yard. Guess the sip of water from the garden hose wasn’t enough for her. Elle had taken herself for a swim! She loves to “play hippo” as my husband calls it, in the neighborhood pond behind our property. She stays in the water long enough to cool her belly then wanders out into the public area around the pond to sniff out some rabbit tracks and inspect the perimeter of our neighbor’s backyard. I whistled a little louder. Yeah, a wet dog came a running!

The German shepherd gets it. She got hot. She wanted relief. She went for a swim in the pond and came back to her usual activities thereafter. Oh to be able to think like a dog sometimes! Elle keeps it simple. Not me. I continued to pot up some vinca flowers despite the sweat running into my eyes causing tremendous burning, first the right eye and then the left. “I can’t stop,” I tell myself, “because I would have to go into the house to wash my hands then go to the bathroom and get distracted by 5 other things and never get back outside to finish if I do.” Geez. In the 12-Step programs they used to call that “stinking thinking.” To do first that which is most important is another slogan from my ACOA days. Maybe I don’t trust myself when I’m feeling crummy? Guess I haven’t learned to apply all of the slogans yet. Guess I’m still struggling with a pared down version of Matthew 6:34 as well. Forget worrying about tomorrow, I’m stressed about the next moment!

The significance of this behavior goes beyond the sweat in my eyes. I am also dealing with and increase in noxious symptoms from a short course of antibiotics for an infection. Add to that the aftermath of two terrible episodes of seizure attacks before and after an MRI yesterday, broken sleep, heat intolerance requiring me to leave the races before some additional events, and low blood sugar, it seems like I should be inside the house taking care of myself anyways. Sigh. But I want to work in my garden!

I want to do it all and it hurts me sometimes when I do. In doing so, I get in my own way of feeling good. So I’m going to be gentle with myself as I work on this tendency and apply some Biblical truth that will last, will transform me. Let’s see, at the time I am writing this the internet connection went down. I copied the draft into a word document so I wouldn’t lose my precious thoughts. This means that I can’t search some fancy Bible verse website for just the right verse to get me moving in the right direction. It also means that I must go and get out the Big Book itself. Hmmmmm again. I haven’t had my quiet time with the Lord yet today. Perhaps you can guess, gentle reader, what needs to happen next?

Seeya later. It’s time my moment counts for Him and not me. We’ll talk later.

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Addendum: As soon as I turned off the computer the Holy Spirit gave me the verse before the one above. Thank you Lord

³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33

A Pause in the Middle of the Storm

Published on January 30, 2013January 31, 2013 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

I am grateful to report that I received my Advanced Master Gardener designation from the Cooperative Extension Office of Purdue University, Fort Wayne yesterday. God is good.

To become a Master Gardener in a University-affiliated program in the United States, a person takes a three-month course, six hours per week, successfully completes all class assignments and projects, takes a comprehensive exam, and completes 48 hours of related volunteer work. Each additional rank of recognition, requires additonal volunteer hours and educational classes. For me, the volunteer work and training was accomplished while undergoing treatment and complications of Lyme Disease! How does that work? By the grace of our Lord, Jesus Christ alone!

Sometimes I would stop at the Extension Office to water the Vegetable Garden in the cold or extreme heat because it needed me to do so as one of the members of the Vegetable Garden team. Sometimes I went to an educational class a “shred-over-nauseous” in the evening just to get out of the house and be around people. And the Lord allowed me to sit at my computer last Winter and research a beautification project for my housing association . . . to help me get out of bed! I remain grateful for this opportunity to accomplish something meaningful to me and even more grateful for the love and support of my husband, Steve.

Steve encouraged me to cut back on my work schedule and take the Master Gardener class before illness first struck in October of 2011. After that it was the friendship of our special project group within the class that kept me going as viral hepatitis set in: Jim Battin, James Poiry, Sue Hauck, Cindy Trygg, and Beth Fiato. Sue Hauck is in the picture above, to my left (I’m the gal in black) and Cindy Trygg is in the audience: two sweet gardeners extraordinaire that took an interest in me and kept the friendly connections going after the class ended. When I began treatment for Lyme Disease in January of 2012, Fran and Karen Yorio and Bill Diedrich joined what was to become the Willow Run Community Association Beautification Project and kept it all going with great support and feedback when the going got tough for me. Later in the year, Cindy, Jim Neuhouser and Jo Ellen Smith allowed me to work at my own pace and sometimes alone late in the day to hang in there this past summer with the Veggie Garden team. These crazy hours of volunteering and ongoing training, with the support of kindred spirited Master Gardeners and Interns, helped me earn this designation. Thank you! You da best! I could not, would not have been able to do anything without your friendship.

Last night was a pause, a moment to reflect, despite the ongoing chaos that is in our home right now. We ate banquet food and listened to a presentation on prairie management from Blue Heron Ministries, Inc. Just that we were out for a special night then returned to the hotel room to crash while our home begins the mold restoration process. Throughout this past 1 1/2 year, I am grateful to know that gardening, one of my favorite passions (with Steve being number one, of course!) will be there when the dust settles (and goes away!) in our home. Maybe this Spring I’ll plant a commemorative specimen to represent this amazing journey of discovery, of healing.

Hmmmmm . . . Any ideas what that should be? :J

Thank You!

Published on December 9, 2012December 11, 2012 by Jesus is for the Wounded1 Comment

Thank you for being out there for me in cyberland my dear blog friend. You help me get through some of the subtler parts of recovering from Lyme Disease. It’s the journaling that makes a difference. And maybe knowing that some of you are praying for me too.

It’s different than a prayer chain at my church or my husband’s humble update about me at the end of our Wednesday night service. You read this in the free time of your busy, distracted, already filled lives. You can hit delete, open a new window, or simply ignore me in a flash if that is your desire. No one will probably know if you read this or don’t. I hope I never take that for granted!

By the way, earlier today I did make it through my second craft show. Praise the Lord! You would crack up if you saw me walking with my husband through our local discount warehouse store, Sam’s Club, afterwards: a little crooked, leaning on the cart, then finally letting the cart that my husband was pushing through the parking lot, pull me back to the car! I was pooped! Five hours later, the four hour nap was behind me. I’m doing much better now, thankfully.

So just for you is a special coupon if you are also fans of Trinity Jewelry by Design: free shipping! Just use coupon code: BLOGFRIEND at checkout. This week I hope to add bracelets and necklaces from Threads of Hope. Their friendship bracelets and jewelry create work for impoverished families in the Philippines under the ministry of Alex and Chris Kuhlow. And later next week, the wooden bracelets from women in Nairobi, Kenya and Market Colors will complete our main product lines for this year. Check the References section of this blog for more info. on these great organizations. Call it making a difference: meaningfulness conveyed through jewelry. Cool beans.

I am humbled what the Lord has allowed me to accomplish this year. Blogging and jewelry are welcome distractions from illness. Thank you for being a part of my life. May the Lord bless you!