Looking for significance

Psalm 139 (NIV)

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?  Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. 11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” 12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. 17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!  How vast is the sum of them! 18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand—when I awake, I am still with you.

19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!  Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty! 20 They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. 21 Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord, and abhor those who are in rebellion against you? 22 I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies. 23 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

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Nuff said.  JJ


Industrial Hemp: Future Medicine and More

Industrial hemp is the legal cousin to medical marijuana.  While legal in all 50 states, it has not been legal to grow in the United States for decades.  It has to be imported then processed into the products noted below.  Here’s a little summary of the possibilities:

Hemporium-The-Global-Benefits-of-HEMP-Tony-BuddenAs it turns out, the cannabinoid, CBD (cannibidiol), has tremendous health benefits for persons struggling with serious medical challenges.  Who knew that a plant grown with only trace amounts of THC (the compound that creates the high in marijuana, a different type of cannabis) could help so many?  This is not medical marijuana.  For the medically minded, here’s a Scientific Review of the literature on the medical benefits of cannibis including high CBD oil.  To continue the discussion, “Like” the “Seizure Free Zone” page on Facebook and let’s chat!

So why am I so fascinated by high CBD hemp oil?  Well just last night in the middle of a wretched flare up of seizure attacks (brought on by unknowing noxious fragrances of house guests) about 30 drops stopped the episode.  Since the exposure would not end until morning, my husband and I did the best we could to get me through the night when the tic attacks re-flared thereafter with less intensity.  In the past I would have endured a hellish night:  all night long with no relief.  While I would prefer to be cured with this substance, I know that it will not be that easy.  There are methylation and biotoxin illness issues yet to be resolved; gratefully I’ll be seeing some doctors in a new clinic to address them very soon.  Usually a new treatment creates convulsions for me.  That has not happened here.  Where would I be if I had nothing at all to arm myself in this battle?  More living hell indeed.

I am grateful to the Lord for any relief at this time.  The overall pattern of suffering is broken.  The Lord is at work even in this confusing situation.  To say more about that might sound like I know what the Lord is up to so I won’t because I’m not quite sure!  Faith in the promises of the Lord, Jesus Christ will sustain me.  Let’s just say this that I am reasonably at peace in this recent situation and am grateful for the endurance granted to get myself to the appointment on Monday!   Others have had life-changing experiences with new treatments such as CBD.  My prayer is that any of the episodes of my life not be wasted and if it is the Lord’s will, I will be healed.  Everything is usually not resolved overnight anyways . . . unless there is a miracle.

My miracle happened decades ago when I found hope in Jesus.  I would be dead in my sins today if He had not called me to his throne of grace.  That is more important than my health.  Perhaps, Gentle Reader, He can be of some importance to you too?  What good will it do to gain our health and lose the battle for our souls?  We won’t always be here battling the trials of living in a fallen world.  Someday we will die.  The Bible tells us that the decisions we made during our lifetimes will determine what will happen after our lives are over.  I’m holding out for the party in heaven, free of pain and suffering.  I can say that with confidence having believed the truths of Proverbs 3:5-6, John 3:16, and John 14:6.  This suffering is temporary.  I am not home yet.  When I am home, all suffering of every kind will be over.  Cool beans, man.

In the meantime I share a tool that may be of interest to you.  But make no mistake, nothing is more important than the eternal question.  If you stop with the first and never get to the second then this blog is of no value to you.  “Hope beyond” is about looking beyond what we can see to that in which we can believe without a shadow of doubt.  If you would like to have the confidence that your life is in the hands of the God whose thoughts of love and compassion towards you exceeds the grains of sand on the earth (Psalm 129:18), then I invite you to humble yourself and cry out to Him today.  He is waiting to hold your cares, your tears in the palm of His gentle hands  . . .

Who He Is

We all have some level of common sense:  that which we can agree is reasonable in any given situation.  Then again I have found that common sense just isn’t that common anymore!

I listen with intrigue when hearing the real-life experiences of others who have been successful at something.  Gaining triumph over tragedy.  Seeking good after playing with evil a bit too much.  Finding wisdom over folly.  Finishing a difficult task.  Inspiring others with your amazing story.  All this is good and unites us in our humanity when we can relate to the experiences of others.  I have heard from those who have travelled extensively overseas that most people around the world want the same things for their families and from their relationships with others no matter our cultural differences might be.  Thus we can all celebrate when the “human spirit” triumphs:  the good guy wins, the lonely widow finds love, and the person who passes on from this life having left a legacy for others to follow.

But what if there is more?  What if there is a source to that common sense that is in-bred between the strands of our DNA?  What if the innate knowledge of good and evil transcends the do’s and don’ts our elders taught us growing up?  And what if we all could persevere beyond both the winning and the losing?  After all, we all lose our lives in the end and cannot take any relationship, thing, achievement, or fit body with us.  We probably should keep trying to get it right anyways!  And that is very hard to do on our own.

When we find the true meaning of life, how the heck we got here, our giftedness, the Master plan for our lives, and humbly receive with gratitude our lot in life then we can be truly alive.   How do we find these?  We find our answers when we invite the Lord Jesus Christ into our hearts.  We learn about Jesus (who is one with the Father and the Holy Spirit) by reading the Bible, in prayer and meditation, in fellowship with others in the body of Christ.  The person of Jesus Christ created us in His own image; he draws us near to love and follow Him.  In doing so we grow in wisdom and all of the fruits of the spirit:  peace, love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control.  (Galatians 5:22-23)  Our purpose, our reason for being here can become clearer.  We then grow in understanding as we mature as believers, gaining wisdom from the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, our Counselor.

In the words of the Apostle Paul to you Gentle Reader,

18 I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, 19 and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength 20 he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, 21 far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. 22 And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, 23 which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.  (Ephesians 1)

He is the One who will receive us in all of His glory at our finish line when our days are done.  How well will we finish the race of our lives?  (Check out Hebrews 12:1-3.)  I’m trying remain humble on that one for sure.  Maybe you already have a personal relationship with God through His son, Jesus Christ.  I am delighted to meet you here as we will surely have great fellowship in heaven someday!

As Easter approaches this is a great time to revisit who God really is to each one of us.  We can all use this season commemorating His tremendous love for us as an opportunity to draw closer to the Lord.  Realizing this tonight was brought forth in meeting a few gals who have endured then overcame much heartache in their lives.  Me too.  Thank you Lord for leading me to your throne of grace.  Sure would be great if finding who You really are was even more common as common sense is too.

kneeling in prayer

Time for a change

From Family Practice Physician to Lyme Literate Medical Doctor, from Chiropractor to Obgyn, our medical doctor tries to do it all.  I have benefitted from his expertise yet I am still not well.  And when I saw the redness and exhaustion in his eyes during my appointment this evening I realized that he is not well either!

Everyone who sees this gifted physician knows his crazy schedule, his dedication to help everyone in his care, and his history of nearly dying a couple of years ago with his own debilitating illness.  We used to hear how his office conversion to the government mandated computer system was responsible for incredible stress and delays in appointment times.  For example, it was not unusual to call the office in the morning about an appointment scheduled for 10:00 a.m. and not be called in for my appointment until 4:00 p.m. or later.  Forget the ones scheduled after 3:30 p.m. as they were usually rescheduled.  For awhile about one-third of my appointments were re-scheduled, delaying receiving test results or reviewing the status of a particular medical condition for months.  Frustrating indeed.

Yet when there was an acute issue, the Doc was right on it.  When something new popped up I was sent to the hospital in another section of the medical park for labs or scans, held in the waiting room for results, and sometimes seen back in the office much later that night.  To be seen well into the evening was not an unusual occurrence.  My record was an appointment that started at 2:30 a.m.!  He had one more patient after me and had just received notice that one of his pregnant patients was going into labor.  He must have never gone home that night or morning!  Dedication had become insanity.  We talked about it during that visit.  He agreed.  I understand that some scheduling and office procedure changes were put in place for this new year.  As near as I can tell, the staff and Doc are ending their nights before midnight now.  Virtually the same story, different day.

I recently blogged about some important abnormal test results being misplaced for six months.  That has happened another time as well.  Tonight there was only enough time to go over about half of a detailed genetic cholesterol study.  He handed it to me and said, “here, you take this.”  Whaaat?  He thought the “high CBD hemp oil” that I reported was reducing the seizure attacks 40% was vitamins C, B, and D.  Er, no!  After correcting the computer’s voice recognition software two dozen times, I believe he understood what I was saying:  sitting there with my ventilation mask on to avoid seizure attacks from some mysterious exposure in the office.

Mysterious was the exposure until I asked one of the nurses about it.  I had asked before and a different nurse declined comment.  And yet tonight in her own fatigue, a long-time employee openly shared how their office has routine leaks in the ceiling throughout the summer.  The staff has complained about the musty smell and requested testing for mold spores.  Evidently the tests came back “negative.”  The nurses still battle sickness at work.  A friend of mine who is a patient there can detect the musty smell but I cannot.  I just get tic attacks sitting in the treatment room for 2 hours waiting for the Doc!  My worst episode lasted 2 1/2 hours NON-STOP began after midnight dominated by convulsions most of the time!  My husband came to pick me up around 4:00 a.m.!  I’m sure that exhaustion and stress were a factor being in the office so late that night but hey, I was sitting in a water damaged building to be seen by my doctor for mold illness!  Whaaaat?  Soon after that I started wearing a mask every visit!

I have learned so much from my brilliant Doctor.  He is a Christian man who really cares about his patients.  He has provided better care for me for six years here in this smaller Indiana town than I ever received in the large metropolitan area of Chicago.  When my health got significantly worse 2 1/2 years ago I hung in there with him, hopeful that we would find answers.  I was also unsuccessful finding another MD or clinic to address the intractable seizures, pain, etc.  Gratefully, the Lord has now led me to another clinic in Michigan with two physicians specializing in methylation issues and biotoxin (mold) illness, respectively.  After three phone consultations, extensive paperwork, and additional lab testing completed, my husband and I are preparing for my first in-person visit on March 24th.  We will stop at a lab near the clinic for additional blood work to better match Dr. Richie Shoemaker’s protocols for “Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome.”  My current MD and I have worked closely on Dr. Shoemaker’s protocol yet neither of us are officially trained; this led to using the wrong laboratories, incomplete test results when the samples were not processed correctly, and improper sequencing of the treatment plan.  Two very expensive medications from an out-of-state compounding pharmacy either did not work or made me much worse.  We tried!  The biotoxin illness Doc at the new clinic works closely with Dr. Shoemaker and is a Christian too.  I am encouraged.  Lyme disease is not the focus at the moment and that’s o.k.

So it’s time for a change.  I still have appointments on the books with my primary care physician as someone will need to monitor ongoing health issues not covered by the new clinic.  He has asked for copies of all of the testing and reports so I am happy to oblige.  With the Lord’s help I will continue tweaking the dose of high CBD hemp oil in hopes of reducing even further the seizure attacks and noxious symptoms that follow.  The Lord is guiding me step-by-step, including through the spiritual leadership of my beloved Steve.  I am so glad I heeded hubby’s advice and did not start seeing every expert who sounded good on the internet!  When moments are better for me, we celebrate and don’t think about the bad times.  We both see examples of how the Lord has used this season in our lives for His glory.  We are closer than ever, more in love than ever before and for that I am grateful.  I am closer to Christ than ever before as well knowing that He heard my truly desperate cries for help the night before I first started the CBD oil.  I was ready to die and it was not to be.  I was spared from further anguish and suffering, turning a corner to better things at last.

If you are suffering this day, this night:  do not give up!  There’s a blogger praying for you Gentle Reader.  More importantly the God Who created the universe knows your name, sees you, knows your pain, and gave his life so that one day your heartache would end.  Please draw near to Him and He will draw near to you.  He will never leave you or forsake you.  Everything will be worked together for good someday if you but call upon the Lord and let Him into your heart.  These statements are based upon His Word and promises that are true today and always.  The Great Physician will see you through, always my dear one.  Take care,  JJ

Into the night

The sun has gone down over the drifts of snow blanketing our neighborhood.  It’s (-1.7) degrees F outside, continuing the snowiest and coldest record-setting weather in our corner of the Midwest.  The German shepherd pup doesn’t seem to mind that the snow in most places is deeper than her ears; she hops like a bunny at breakneck speed to catch up with us on foot or on skiis in the backyard anyways!

All is quiet now before Steve comes home from work.  He’ll arrive within the next 30-minutes and rush about unloading his car, taking care of the pup, washing his workout clothes, and the like.  Then comes the best part:  a sweet kiss for his beloved, sitting here waiting, waiting.  But for what am I really waiting?

In this Hillsong Music piece from 2010, we feel the timeless yearning of the songwriter as he runs into the arms of his beloved:  the Lord, Jesus Christ.  It is a love song for sure.  The sojourner anticipates the embrace of the only One who can bring true goodness, joy, peace, truth, and light to a darkened world or situation.  My favorite part includes the words in bold:

You are more, You are more
Than my words will ever say
You are Lord, You are Lord
All creation will proclaim
You are here, You are here
In Your presence I’m made whole
You are God, You are God
Of all else I’m letting go.

Oh, I’m running to Your arms
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign.

Into the night there are wretched seizure attacks waiting for me, every night for the last 8 months and every day for about the last 2 years.  Last night turned ugly with convulsions and spontaneous vocalizations that appeared demonic at times.  Steve rescued me sitting frozen at the edge of the bed then faced yet another late work night praying over me, warming my frigid frame.  How much can a couple of broken souls endure?  As believers we understand the answer:  with Jesus, “all of it.”  I’m here typing at the computer as proof.  Sure makes me afraid to go to bed each night since an encore is usually waiting for me as my head hits the pillow.  And you wonder why I stay up so late?  Number one I am wide-awake about an hour after an episode ends, and number two I guess I’m trying to delay the inevitable.  With prayers in-hand I go to bed.  Eventually the noxious symptoms let go to a measure of sleep.

Tonight I will feel presence of the Lord in the love of my Steve.  Tonight in my heart I will fill the empty places he cannot reach with the love of my Lord.  After all there are places that only God can reach and fill, places He designed only for Himself.  I have no idea how anyone would endure continuing heartache without knowing Him.  Nothing else satisfies so completely.

But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul.  (Deuteronomy 4:29)

You are my strength, I sing praise to you; you, God are my fortress, my God on whom I can rely.  (Psalm 59:17)

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken (emphasis added).  (Psalm 55:22)

So here is some simple encouragement for you this evening, Gentle Reader.   Perhaps I am living proof that yet the righteous be shaken (only made right by the blood of Jesus), we can run with praise to the God of all creation who longs to fill the heart and soul with that for which it longs within us.  It may look bad for a time.  Gratefully, “time” won’t last forever though.  ;j

Click on image to link to: Forever (He) Reign