The Turning Point

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When you start to leave hell, it’s important to take stock of where you have been and where you are then leave all of your baggage at the turning point.

Hi Gentle Reader.  This is my gentle wisdom to you as I gratefully and graciously turn the corner after 3 years of wretched illness.  Much grieving has already gone before me and my beloved Steve.  Much loss has already pruned that which is no longer critical to our lives.  Much angst at our Lord’s merciful throne of grace has established Who is most important in our lives and that He was leading us through all of this.  Much dashing of hopes in false turning points along the way has produced endurance for what appears to be the last leg of this race.  And yes, much joy has returned despite the jagged line that is normal in the recovery phase.  That’s o.k.  WE HAVE HOPE!!!

Briefly, I am experiencing 50% improvement in my health after beginning treatment for very high mercury levels.  This process will require a slow titration of chelating agents, detoxification with the gentlest of methods, much rest, and humility.  Humility?  Oh yeah, humility to stay watchful for the Lord’s leading each step of the way and to continue to lean on Him as my own strength returns.  My husband has proven himself again and again as the Lord’s instrument, a capable spiritual leader in my life.  I have many examples in my life how pride has gone before my downfall, you know (Proverbs 16:18).  I don’t want any more “slips and trips” anymore particularly of my own creation!

As I have started to feel better and do more my devotional time has diminished.  This is not good.  So in response to this turning point, I aim to spend more time in the Word than I have in the past when feeling reasonably well.  I aim to keep practicing gratitude:  holding lightly any material blessings, fruits of my labors, times of fellowship and the like.  I aim to smile more and complain less.  After all, I faced death many, many times!  These days the gift of  time and space, my talents and gifts, and the people/places/things around me are a bonus.  I have never believed that I deserved either the good or bad things that have happened in my life.  They simply “are.”  They simply “were.”  It is with great wonder that I aim to explore each day for what may come.

How can anyone really see beyond a turning point anyways when he or she has never been on a given journey before?  If we worry about it then we have chosen to believe a lie.  No one knows the future so why make up something bad?  Why not something good?  I aim to squelch what is false with what is true from God’s Word:

33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  (Matthew 6)

Nuff said.  Steve and I enjoyed a long walk in the rain this evening with our pup.  This picture portrays my heart inside.  God is good.  All the time.  God is good.  JJ

God is good. All the time. God is good.
God is good. All the time. God is good.

 

 

God is bigger than that

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He isn’t Santa Claus with an inside list to our good deeds or wishes.

For God is bigger than that.

He isn’t a papa or father time who knows, who endures, and who roots with us for the team on Saturday night.

No, Father God is bigger than that.

He never forgets a heart’s desire, fallen sparrow, unfair turn of events, hurt from a friend, or love who walked away.

Yup.  The Lover of our soul is bigger than that.

He always wins, cheers from the ringside seat in the game of our lives, takes the high road to lead us there, and reaches out to lend a hand.

Of course.  An infinite God is bigger and even closer than all that.

He heals the broken hearted, feeds the weary wanderer, takes care of the suffering we cannot see in due time:

For our God-Man Jesus’ love is bigger than these too.

His provision exceeds that which we deserve or can even ask

When our yardstick extends to eternity which is bigger than our minds were meant to fathom on earth.

So why do we fret when the trials come as they always do?

Because we have forgotten and need gentle reminders along the way that our

God is bigger than that.  Oh yes He is.  Alpha and Omega.  The beginning and the end.  Always was and always will be.

In this we can forever rest.  I am so very glad.  JJ

animals looking to the stars

 

 

I am sure of it

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Multitasking cartoon

Unlike the brain fog of this cartoon, I am going to get well.  I am sure of it!

The second week into the use of an atypical chelating agent (Zeolite by Zeo Health)  for very high mercury levels has brought more moments of mental clarity than I can ever remember in my entire life.  Oh sure there are ongoing seizure attack episodes yet they are generally 50% improved overall!!!!!!  I could not say this after any other treatment protocol attempted these past 3 years.  I could not say this even after the initial relief from high CBD hemp oil (the industrial hemp counterpart to cannabis oil).  I could not say this after antibiotics or Rife treatment with the Beam Ray.  I did not say this after (27) IV infusions of magnesium last Fall.  I could not say this after extensive and expensive mold remediation in 2013.  Even after aggressive treatment for candida over 2 years, I could not say this.  But I will say it again:

I AM GOING TO GET WELL!!!!!!

There is only one person to thank for this new direction:  the Lord, Jesus Christ.  At a time when multiple factors have come together at last, the path has cleared and hope is restored over here because of His mercy and grace.  A key factor in this process is humility.  More on that in a moment.  I also want to thank my chiropractor:  Dr. Lee Nagel at DeKalb Chiropractic Center in Waterloo, Indiana.  He had a hunch early on in my care that I was suffering from mercury poisoning.  After all, two hair analysis tests revealed mercury and other heavy metal toxicity in the year 2000 and again in 2011 but both times my respective Family Practice Physician (FPP) minimized the results.  Both times the Dr. thought I would be unable to tolerate a special type of detoxification protocol called chelation that would be required to remove heavy metals.  So off we went each time in another direction instead until my life of hell began with viral hepatitis October 11, 2011 and escalated into daily seizures beginning in March of 2012.

Dr. Nagle had high mercury levels discovered by his cardiologist.  His health improved after treatment thus placing mercury issues on his clinical radar.  Dr. Nagle, father of three, is one of the most adventurist and athletic people I have ever met (behind my beloved Stevers of course!).  His chiropractic practice rarely includes medical testing but he made an exception with me.  Thank you!  It took a month to get the testing protocol right then the results revealed the shocking reality of a probable root cause of illness for me:  very high mercury levels.  (Please refer to this excellent summary to learn more about this devastating substance.  Original citation available upon request.)  After a false starts with a quack-y Dr. who claimed to provide chelation, my current FPP is guiding me in the use of chelation and increasing other gentle methods of detoxification that have worked well for me.  By the way, my FPP has also recovered from mercury poisoning that almost took his life!

All of this is very humbling after 3 wretched years of illness and 23 years of chronic pain aka fibromyalgia.  While I do recognize that I have a new, long course of treatment ahead of me, I am exceedingly grateful to discover a root cause of much of my suffering.  Holy cow!  A successful outcome could help more than the seizures.  Yeah God!  Both Steve and I are really hopeful this time.  And it is with mental clarity at 4:30 in the morning that I write this to you!  So grateful for the 3-hour nap earlier tonight.  Yeah, the weird sleep schedule continues a bit!

And now about humility.  These entire three years have presented challenges requiring me to trust God for everything up to my next breath.  I submitted to the loving care of my gracious husband as he needed to carry me to the toilet a hundred times; help me to shower, feed or dress me when I could not about once per week; carry me to bed often so he would be near as he tried to catch some sleep before work,  rush me off the emergency room FIVE TIMES, and so much more.   Oh Gentle Reader, have you sensed that I am a recovering Type A personality?  A first born of my siblings in my family of origin?  That I started working when I was 16 years old with babysitting jobs before then?  That I am capable of taking care of myself thank you very much?  This is the longest and most extreme period of need that I have ever experienced.  I have had to let go of everything during these past three years.  At another time I will write about facing death when my breathing would freeze multiple times during seizure attack episodes.  And with all of this, I did not die of embarrassment or lack of oxygen.  My Heavenly Father and earthly husband have carried me through to this next season of recovery.  I AM HUMBLED!  Thank you seems too small.  I love you both!

Briefly, there were two other tasks I believe needed to be completed during this time:  1) learning to depend completely upon my husband for material needs and 2) realizing that the little activities I got to do here and there would become new skills, new relationships, and new activities that would become my future.  Both were tasks that probably would not have come without grounding in Jesus Christ or needing to cope with the crises of severe illness.  I probably would not have seen so clearly and (hopefully) fully submitted to the incredible character strengths of my beloved had I not become so broken.  Steve is my spiritual leader and head of household and I am grateful.  Long before we met I know what it took when my life fell apart in 2003 to soften me into the kind of woman that my beloved would choose to love.  I now see more clearly what kind of man the Lord has provided for me to love in return.  I AM EXCEEDINGLY BLESSED!

So join me, if you will, for an amazing adventure of recovery from serious illness.  IT IS HAPPENING!  So much fun awaits!  Thank you for riding along with me.  May we both praise the Lord for the good that is here now.

Hope is a good thing, eh?  I am sure of it.  JJ

Psalm 62:5-8 (NIV)

5 Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
    my hope comes from him.
6 Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
    he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
7 My salvation and my honor depend on God;
    he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
8 Trust in him at all times, you people;
    pour out your hearts to him,
    for God is our refuge.

 

I just love this picture. That is all. JJ

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Glacier National Park Montana 9.9.14 by Liyah Maret
Glacier National Park Montana 9.9.14 by Liyah Maret

And then I got up

Published on by Jesus is for the Wounded4 Comments

It was the most horrific of reactions:  writhing and such.

Even our pup could not make guttural sounds like me in my muck.

Earlier I sensed a reaction soon was a’comin’ . . .

And lo on the way home the tics started showin.’

So we showered once home, throwing our clothes in the wash

In case you think romance followed I’ll tell ya that was ‘nash —

Not the way it came down I say as I leaped into bed

Barely dried off and with a wet towel flung from my head.

An hour many would not survive followed me in there

I marveled as my lungs, heart, and mind would again persevere.

My beloved raised me in his arms to feed me some water

Then with more wimpers and smaller jolts he sensed the cause of the matter:

An older building, became soiled with everything one could imagine

‘Twas cosmetically upgraded with bright lights and smiles on everyone.

It was hard to tell during a visit as important as this

That there would be hell to pay later for pursuing a visit.

But that’s the way it goes when your brother finally gets the care he needs

In a 4-star nursing home upgraded from one he survived where they could subtract at least 3.

We chatted, we laughed and the pupster Elle provided all the charm

The rekindling of family love, fulfilled with treats from my oven still warm.

Then came the gift from my bro when Mike let me play O.T.

And minister to his contracted frame, providing hope to both him and me.

My skills were still there and his muscle memory someday could return

Lord willing we shall see His purpose and be grateful for this wild ‘journ.

So how can I complain that some new treatment of my own did not hold

When I just started 2 days ago then walked into a fiery test a bit too bold.

‘Cause long after the last jolt, the last choreathetoid seize

I was able to get up and make myself something to eat.

Now sitting here listening to my slumbering beloved who works in the ‘morn

I am grateful for so much although tonight so much is yet unknown.

“When will this crap end?” I ask myself and the darkened night air

“In just a little while,” responds the Lover of my soul Who holds my life in His care.

So even in this I will trust in the God Who has promised

That all things will be good.  Get back to bed.  Good golly it’s almost (morning)!

JJ

Mike and Julie at Medilodge in Michigan
Mike and Julie at Medilodge in Michigan