Recovery from Serious Illness: Lyme, CIRS, & More – Page 105

He knows me so well

Published on February 2, 2014February 3, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded4 Comments

There comes a time when you know that you just don’t know what the plan is. There you go, Mrs. Wesolowski, my late English teacher and queen of everything in life but the dangling participle. Forgive me but in 11th grade I would have no idea where I would land just past mid life. The dangling participle is apropos. I am lost as to my exact location. All I know is how I got here. I have no idea what the game plan is. Thankfully, to Him I am right where I am supposed to be.

I don’t believe I have ever had so many noxious symptoms at the same time for such a long period of time. Just when I believe that the Lord is bringing me some relief or leading me to some new insight into what to do, I find that I am still clueless. I am working hard to no avail (i.e. extremely restrictive diets, daily treatment logs, internet research, networking, and so on). And then a new problemmo emerges. Perhaps if I could scope my own gut or brain I would feel a little better about things, more in control I suppose. That won’t happen of course so I am left at the hands of overstressed and overworked medical professionals who need to make sure their butts are covered and tracks are documented in a government database. Type, type, type during my appointment, noting the results of some test. “Look me in the eye!” is all I am asking. Just once look me in the eye and ask me, “how are you feeling today?” After all, that is why I am there! I know that I “have a lot going on,” and am “sensitive” to virtually all of the treatments prescribed. Then again who really knows if just one more test or consultation will really make a difference at this point. While I do believe that I will be well someday even if it is in heaven, I have no idea how to live until then anymore.

The bottom line for me is this: I am not well and it is not changing.

Now with that out of my head and onto the page I find that there is nothing left to write. There is nothing left to say. I am at my wits end with a beat up body and depleted spirit. There is only one place to go since crashing in the bed did not bode me well earlier this evening. That place is the foot of the cross of my Lord, Jesus Christ. You know my aching heart. You knew me before I was born and all of the days of my life. You saw this breaking point long before it came. All the breakdowns that have gone before were just a warm up. I give up. Take me as I am.

Sorry, Gentle Reader. This blog has no insight or answer by its weary end tonight.

The whole chicken or egg dilemma

Published on January 31, 2014January 31, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

Sometimes in life things do not occur in any sane, logical order. Well after the original Creation of all things, that is! Before Creation there was only God and we came with His speaking into existence time, space, the earth, and so on. All I can say is that after I was born a lot of things happened in a fairly reasonable sequence. However after I became an adult that all changed!

I started my career, graduated with a Masters degree, and was married 12 years without ever having had any children. I see now the paradoxical blessing of never having had a family as a young woman; it just didn’t make sense why this happened as the years went on until more recently. It was the Lord’s plan for my life. Regardless I now have had the privilege of “adopting” my intended beloved husband’s grandson this past year and it is GRAND! I love it! Sitting here in the great State of Indiana following the stream of photos on Facebook of little Jackson and his parents in North Carolina is the new replacement for dinner-with-the-family on Sunday afternoons. Well o.k. Works for me.

Ah yes, work. I began my career as an occupational therapist, dabbled in worker’s compensation insurance, ventured into a home business three times (where I continue now as a hobby), bounced back after a few orthopedic injuries, and landed in an extended medical leave two years ago. I would have thought that I would be more vulnerable to such a serious illness when undergoing some of the more significant and stressful transitions in my life but it didn’t happen that way. Illness came when I was happily married, living closer to my hometown of Detroit, Michigan, secure in my relationship with the Lord, and largely homebound in a pretty place with a cool dog too. I have never felt more loved and it came after age 47, not as a baby girl. Works for me.

And there it is again. Work. My training as an occupational therapist brings a fascination with all things “work:” from the menial tasks of housekeeping to the time-and-motion requirements of an assembly line worker. I am amazed at the inner workings and outer performance capabilities of the human frame in addition to our ability to love, to hate, to dream. Later in life I would also come to know the Creator of mankind as my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ: the One who made me and you in His image. Oh how lovely He must be for all of us to be a copy of His humanity! My life has been a wacky journey of discovery for all that He has made and gifted me to be; my weaknesses in addition to my strengths are crafted at His hand, in His time. This brings me to the current day.

I received a job notification from a prominent continuing education company for a part time Lead Occupational Therapy Education Planner. Wow, that sounds cool! The Planner would assist in the development and promotion of continuing education courses for occupational therapists and occupational therapy assistants nationwide. I have spent my entire career continuing my love for learning as I moved from one specialty area to another, adapting from one work setting and set of skills to another. Then when illness struck and continued into the year 2012, the Lord guided me into an online jewelry business. I knew very little about ecommerce at the time! Within a year I am grateful to report that I had customers from most sections of the United States and had learned a variety of jewelry-making techniques. I could adapt my creative schedule any time of day or night. And the marketing and writing skills of previous endeavors got applied and developed further, including photography and the use of social media.

Even with all of that, my greatest joy lies right here with you. This blog has received my heart, my hopes, my fears, my dreams, my failures, and my successes too. You have been there for me, Gentle Reader, through yet another transition in my life. I have recently doubted my ability to return to gainful employment due to the nature of the illness in my life. And yet the skills of reading, writing, creating, and social networking have grown despite any hardship. So I applied for the position! I included the online business, eBook, and this blog as accomplishments of late. It’s just like an occupational therapist to examine the skills needed to get through the day and a person’s ability to match it to what is needed in his or her life. This is exactly what I have done these past 2 years and in considering this new venture.

Thank you, Lord, for creating me as an occupational therapist. You knew the skills I would need to navigate the events of my life and breathed the seeds of them into me decades ago. And if it is your will that I move forward with gainful employment with this new company, then I am ready for this challenge. I don’t need to know if it’s the right timing, if I need to do something else first as in the chicken or egg dilemma. I’ll just trust you with all of the details. How timely that earlier today I was talking with a friend about her preparation and experiences attempting to return to work after a personal leave of absence. I place both of us at your throne of grace that your wisdom and strength would infill both of us for the opportunities that lie ahead. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen. JJ

We’re o.k. just as we are

Published on January 29, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

With all of God’s Word at our fingertips, we continue to berate ourselves for not being good enough. Such a fruitless waste of time. This video straightened me around tonight. Hope you enjoy it too. May God be the glory for the great things He has done, including you and me. Take care, JJ

God’s Chisel Remastered by the Skit Guys

Crazy Food Combinations

Published on January 28, 2014January 28, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded4 Comments

Gluten free oatmeal with beef gelatin for added protein?

Sautéed celery, carrots, and turkey patties with salt and marjoram?

Baked and herbed chicken thighs?

Almond butter on iceberg lettuce wrapped around a slice of leftover turkey/beef meatloaf?

Almond/coconut milk smoothie with celery, carrot, avocado, and Celtic sea salt?

Yes! Things sure can get weird when you’re on 3 diets at once: 1) mold-free due to mold illness, 2) Candida/low sugar and starch due to a systemic infection, and 3) low sulphur due to probable methylation issues. And you thought trying to lose a couple of pounds for your New Year’s Resolution was challenging? That’s kid’s stuff in my kitchen! At least number 3 is only for 10 days before I add back cruciferous vegetables to see if they have contributed to the noxious symptoms of the past 2 years. Who knows? Maybe I’ll figure out how to make pancakes out of squash and coconut flour after all!

In the meantime, note the incredible power of food. I have a true Foodie friend who was able to help her sister recover from a deadly kidney disease in record time by painstakingly altering her sister’s eating plan. The Nephrologist was astounded at the improvements in her lab results. Yes, food is fuel and should require more of our time and attention if we desire better performance from our bodies or health. While I do wish that my adherence to a mold-free and Candida diet for the past year would have made more of a difference, I know that I would be FAR WORSE if I had been more lax. I am grateful for the supernatural strength of the Lord to help me shop for, prepare, and tolerate these special foods when I have felt very sick.

Somehow I am not be surprised that the Lord cares for all of these details of my life.

Matthew 6:26 (NIV)

²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

The food of the earth was created for our nourishment and enjoyment from the very beginning.

Genesis 1 (NIV)

¹¹Then God said, “Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds.” And it was so. ¹²The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.

He has provided so much for us so I am challenged to be a good steward of that which He has provided. I certainly can make it through the inconvenience and “missing out” of the sweeter and juicier foods for a time if it will help me get well. I don’t need to know how long this will last; I am just grateful that there are new approaches to try and I only have to go to my local grocery store to find them!

So if you are facing some new dietary challenges this year, take heart! You are not alone. The changes you are making might just change your life in more ways than you imagined. Besides, the smell of almond slices roasting in a little organic olive oil and sprinkled with sea salt is, well, heavenly! Try it on a salad or topping a casserole in place of cheese and see whatcha think. ;J

The Winter Hiatus Just Might Be Over

Published on January 26, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

So glad to be able to get creative again after a long spell of, as they say in the cereal commercial, “nuttin’ honey!” Making wrap bracelets have become my favorite jewelry to make, incorporating macramé, traditional jewelry findings, leather, and just about every technique I’ve learned so far. Having a creative outlet has been a blessing of late and here’s hoping this lovely piece is the start of more good things to come!