suffering – Page 15 – Jesus is for the Wounded

Great things He hath done

Published on January 22, 2015January 23, 2015 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

⁵Many, Lord my God,
    are the wonders you have done,
    the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
    were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
    they would be too many to declare.

⁶Sacrifice and offering you did not desire—
    but my ears you have opened
    burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.
⁷Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—
    it is written about me in the scroll.
⁸I desire to do your will, my God;
    your law is within my heart.”

⁹I proclaim your saving acts in the great assembly;
    I do not seal my lips, Lord,
    as you know.
¹⁰I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
    I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help.
I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness
    from the great assembly.

¹¹Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord;
    may your love and faithfulness always protect me. (Psalm 40; NIV)

After speaking in adoration, gratitude, humility, and transparency, King David seeks compassion from his Lord and savior Jesus Christ.  He has been literally chased by his enemies to the cold, darkness of living in caves.  His very life, his promised kingdom, and all he knows is at stake yet he begins this song with faithful praise.  Thereafter he presents his request for the Lord’s mercy and protection.  Although not quoted here, this psalm of King David goes on to pray for the salvation of his people and desolation of his enemies.  In the end his hope that the Lord be glorified through it all.  Yes indeed.  Wow.  What a tremendous example for me!
Adoration.  Thank you almighty God for all that you have provided to this day.  I see your omnipotent power in the sequencing of events of my life to bring me into the best of fellowship to you my Lord and King.  I praise you here and forevermore.  You have provided exceedingly for my real needs.  The greatest evidence is in love of my life that is now here; I am honored to be at his side, his beloved too.
Gratitude.  For my times of sickness you have given me a warm bed in which to convalesce, healthy food, good medical care, and infused your strength into my weary frame to do the tasks that are needed each day.  No matter how I may be feeling, the facts remain true that you care for the details of my life and are here with me.  I am never alone.  Most of all your love changes my sorrow into joy.
Humility.  The striving, the determination of my youth were eventually broken well into my adulthood so that I might realize the plans you have for me.  Hurt has yielded to forgiveness and freedom.  Following the lead of my earthly kinsman redeemer instead of my own desires has brought me into the fullness of what it means to follow you.  Much goodness has come from all of these.  The motto that began the leap of faith to finding Jesus years ago has come true:  letting go and letting God reign in my heart must remain above all else.
Transparency.  You gave me a fondness for writing long ago, mentored by my own mother (a naturally gifted writer).  This blog has seen me through much suffering and challenged me to return my eyes to Your majesty, Your creation, and more.  I have learned that the truth about life is often separate from what I can see.  Lord keep me soft to submit to Your ways like the clay who gives its essence to the master potter craftsman.  Surely goodness shall be the result for Your glory.
 Prayerfulness.  I do ask for healing of this wretched illness that plagues me for hours each day.  Guide me in my interactions with others when frustrated by so many things; may I be a light for my true hope that is in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Bring rest and lead my husband, Steve, in the decisions we are facing.  Grant him wisdom at home and at work, as a father to his four wonderful adult children, and as a leader in our church.  Thank you for his faithful witness to so many of what it means to be a man after Your own heart.  And please bless the fellow sojourners you have brought into my life, especially my Skype Bible Prayer partners Karan and Sherry.  Such sweet fellowship is salve to my soul.
Great things the Lord hath done in my life since I met my first Gentle Reader about three years ago.  Thank you for coming alongside me for the ups and downs, bunny trail side trips, victories, and more.  Know that I am praying for you as I write this, that the Lord be with you this day too.  He is so good and worthy of our praise.  Perhaps King David said it best later in Psalm 40 like this:
16 But may all who seek you

    rejoice and be glad in you;

may those who long for your saving help always say,

    “The Lord is great!”

If I get to see you . . .

Published on January 16, 2015January 18, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

If I get to see you in the coming year, please understand that I will be singing songs of joy in my heart! Social isolation has been one of the most devastating effects of serious illness from these past 3 years. Should the Lord allow the circumstances for me to get out for an activity other than medical or a trip to the grocery store, I CELEBRATE!!!

So if I might ask for a few accommodations when we get together and you graciously oblige and I still get sick then blame any negative symptoms you may witness in me as the consequence of illness and not you! Very few folks live in a “clean room” like we have here at home. I did not clean at this level either until it was a matter of survival. Steve did not engage in my extreme mold/contaminant behavior strategies until two years ago. These strategies are necessary for this season of our lives together. Overall I do better when we follow certain guidelines resulting in less reactivity, the worst of which are fewer seizure-like and convulsive episodes which continue daily. We are implementing some “due diligence” from what we have learned to reduce my suffering with the goal of eliminating this illness altogether. We believe that the Lord has allowed these trials for mysterious reasons and ultimately His glory. He is good!

Both Steve and I recognize that there are definite signs that I am getting better. We have trained our eye to search for even tiny changes in the pattern and intensity of episodes, pain, and reactivity to keep us hopeful that one day I will be well. It is happening! So please don’t be discouraged when either one of us might mention that I had a rough night or you witness a significant setback. Recovery is a long, jagged line of progress, setbacks, and lateral “bunny trails.” The overall trending is positive!

The most important accommodations that would be helpful if we get together are as follows.

Meeting in a public place: Select a place with less noise and less loud music. Newer buildings are generally better than older ones; please no historic buildings or ones with known basements or crawlspaces and history of flooding. Restaurants that make their own food with fresh ingredients are better able to modify dishes to meet my food sensitivities. This rules out most fast food places! Letting me know the name and phone number of the establishment ahead of time will allow me to contact them with my needs and make the experience of ordering food more pleasant for both of us! Please do not wear cologne or perfume that day. I will need to greet you and depart with a “virtual hug” to avoid exposures to hidden elements that might be on your clothing or coat. Forgive me if I sometimes forget this step in the joy of the moment when I see you!

Meeting in your home: This is still a situation that I avoid since there are too many variables at this time that may cause serious problems. I cannot come over if you have 1) ever had flooding in your home of any kind from a leaky toilet to a wet basement or 2) have older carpeting. If you are willing to have me then please remove all fragranced products at least the day before we are scheduled to be together (such as plug-in or spray air fresheners, candles whether lit or not, potpourri, etc.) Keeping windows cracked open in cooler weather or open in warmer weather to allow fresh air inside always helps (unless someone is burning something nearby outside!) I prefer to visit in the area of your home without carpeting and sit on non-upholstered furniture. Wood, plastics, and leather are best.

Staying overnight: If we are invited to stay overnight then we will either bring our own linens, blankets and towels, or ask that you wash and dry everything in fragrance-free detergent and softeners (including dryer sheets). Please replace a moldy shower curtain liner with a new one! I will bring most of my own food and hand soap where possible. Providing non-cured, non-smoked meat cooked only with salt, plain oatmeal, plain salad-type vegetables or zucchini/cauliflower without seasonings will be a HUGE treat! I will always bring the extra condiments and food that I can tolerate.

Yeah, I know that this is a lot for a busy household to prepare! Thank you for helping us out with this stuff. Steve and I are exceedingly grateful to have recently obtained a travel trailer which has helped manage all of this tremendously well. (It is a lot of work for us too, I tell ya!) Both of our families and many close friends now live out of State so travel is necessary to see them. This single change in our mode of travel has allowed me to leave our home overnight much more safely and go places from which I have been cut off for most of the past three years. We are humbled and blessed! I really like having a mobile safe house that has already opened up my world, provided privacy during setbacks on the road, and aided sleep with a really comfortable bed that can be hard to find when away from one’s own humble abode at home. Thank you Jesus!

Visiting Daniel and Elizabeth in Alabama

We are hoping that the ongoing extreme avoidance and dietary strategies are temporary; some level of precaution albeit more relaxed than the current level will likely continue for some time. How long will we need to do all of this? We simply do not know. We believe the Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome (or Multiple Chemical Sensitivity) is due to mercury toxicity and we finally have the correct treatment protocols to get me well. I have excellent medical guidance and a proven treatment plan to follow. We are hopeful that I will be in better health within this year! I AM GOING TO GET WELL!!!

And that Gentle Reader, is much to celebrate! JJ

It is enough

Published on January 12, 2015January 25, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

We had decided to pack four gallons of water just in case something went awry during our second cold weather camping trip this season. The related online blogs recommended this among other tips such as purchasing a heated hose and waiting to un-winterize the travel trailer until we had traveled enough south to avoid freezing temperatures overnight. And so we prepared accordingly reviewing our long “To Do” list of stuff over and over again before heading out the door. Check!

Just before our departure, arctic temperatures plagued the entire country east of the Mississippi River from Michigan to northern Florida! Who knew that after driving nearly 800 miles due south we would still be facing weather more characteristic of Indiana than our first destination in the deep south of Fort Rucker, Alabama? We had run the propane heater in the Camp Lite a few times back home to minimize the out-gassing of the relatively new-used mini furnace. We intended to fire up both heaters (propane and electric) soon after hooking up everything upon arrival so we could sleep comfortably. Check! After all it would be about 5:00 in the morning when we got to stop number one.

For God is not the author of confusion but of peace . . . (1 Cor 14:33)

We did not count on the entire camper freezing over along the way! I grabbed the hair dryer and extension cord from the cab of the truck and proceeded to thaw out both door locks. Once inside I discovered that the four “emergency” one-gallon jugs of water were frozen solid as was the entire water system “winterized” with special RV antifreeze! We had our two sport-sized bottles of water 1/2 filled with us in the car and that was it. Closer investigation found some frigid water sloshing around in one of the gallon jugs so we gave it to our pup figuring she would not mind the temp. (Sure would hate to have to choose between man and beast on such a night!) Steve used a, er, warm water stream to punch a hole in the toilet ice seal to make it operational for the night. Check!

Hooking up the water and electric did not go well either. The water spicket had frozen beneath the towel that our southern/Aussie host (formerly from Indiana) had prepared before our arrival. Hmmmmm. When the crochety 30 amp electrical hook-up proved to be broken, Steve plugged us into the standard outlet to get us through the night, thus preventing draining our battery overnight. Oh well, we could live without hot drinks in the microwave: we had the warmth of each other after all . . .

But our bedding felt like it had just come off the train from Siberia! Steve bundled up head-to-toe in Smart Wool and collapsed into bed. I tried to join him but the nighttime unpleasantries I often face reared their ugly head first. Eventually the buzzed feeling I had from the late night excitement, convulsions and checking of Facebook yielded enough fatigue to turn everything off in my head for a few hours. Even the sound of street noise 50 feet from our pillows drifted into the distance. We had made it to see my hubby’s darling youngest son and his wife the next day and I was glad. Check!

Many are the plans in a person’s heart but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19:21)

Who knows why our lives are so difficult these days. The last two times this past year we gratefully were able to camp with the conveniences of a travel trailer in colder weather we certainly prepared as best we could. It’s not like we did not know what we were doing! I perused and posted questions on multiple camping forums to learn from more seasoned travelers. We purchased some special gadgets and kept snow pants, hats and gloves nearby; Steve donned his biking/paddling headlamp upon arrival like a pro to keep his hands free during the late night procedures. I had enough food prepared in individual and meal-sized portions to keep me compliant with my special diet and the skilled driver nourished for most of our first few days away from home. We did the best we could to avoid disaster and this is just how it goes sometimes!

The next day was a blur for me. Yes, we said hello to Daniel and Elizabeth when they stopped by in their Honda Fit (everything is so cute about these two!) midday. I had not eaten breakfast yet and needed some more recovery/rest time so Steve took off with them while I headed back to the tin can ranch. What happened next can only be called a near-death experience! That one deserved its own blog story so I won’t go into it here.

What is clear is that my writing block of late is definitely broken with some new experiences ordained by my Jesus albeit AFGE if you will (aka “another fun growth experience”)! As in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy turns to her dog Toto after the great tornado, I’ll say it here, “Toto, we are not in Kansas anymore” and that is good. My social and geographical isolation enduring illness at home is now broken for a time. What matters now is faith in the Lord and obedience for His will and I know that His goodness shall prevail. Yeah God!

. . . keeping the commandments of God is what matters. Let each one remain in the same calling in which he was called. (1 Corinthians 7:19b-20)

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:18; 28)

Be encouraged Gentle Reader. The two partial bottles of water were all we needed that night anyways. It was enough and in our hearts we knew it all along. JJ

Don’t confuse happiness with joy

Published on November 9, 2014November 10, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

In the words of Billy Graham:

Some people think Christians should always be smiling and happy, and something is wrong if they aren’t.

But this isn’t necessarily true. Jesus stood outside the tomb of his friend Lazarus, and we read that, “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). As he approached Jerusalem “he saw the city and wept” (Luke 19:41) because of it’s spiritual blindness and guilt. He knelt in the Garden of Gethsemane and was, “. . . in agony [and] his sweat became like great drops of blood” (Luke 22:44)

Don’t confuse happiness with joy. Happiness comes with happy circumstances; joy wells up deep inside our souls as we learn to trust Christ. Joy does not mean that we are never sad or that we never cry. But joy is a quiet confidence, a state of inner peace that comes from God.

Life’s troubles will rob us of our happiness, but they can never rob us of the joy God gives us, as we turn in faith to Him and seek His face.

The joy of the Lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

From “What is joy?” in Hope for each day, (2002). Thomas Nelson, Inc. p. 338.

I get this and hope you do too, Gentle Reader. Few things can rob your happiness like waking up in the middle of the night 8-10 times with convulsive episodes and a massive headache. It probably wasn’t nice for my beloved husband Steve either, awakened from a sound sleep lying next to me. The aftermath for me felt like I banged my head in every direction against a wall. Not fun at all! Gratefully the dream I later woke up in the middle of (after more seizure attacks falling asleep) was a reasonable one. I mean that we had experienced something similar just under 2 years ago so it wasn’t that bad really.

I dreamed that Steve and I had moved temporarily into an apartment while some work was being done on our home only to have all of our belongings and the inside of the apartment become covered cascades of dust! Yeah, that was not good for someone multiply chemically sensitive like me knowing that mold is often lurking in dust. The situation was beginning to resolve when I woke up. Phew! It was just a dream! This time the headache was less and the convulsions were replaced with less violent seizure attacks. They actually helped clear my head some . . . and yet I still felt beat up. The next few hours were meaningless . . .

Regardless, I have joy! How is this possible you may ask? Well, it’s just like the quote from Billy Graham noted above. I have learned to trust Christ in all things, wretched or not. Of course I cry in sorrow when a new treatment intended to help me makes things worse for awhile. Call it a healing crisis, herxheimer reaction, or the like. It’s a bite in the shorts any way you slice it! But that doesn’t change anything between my Savior and me. He meets me on my bed of sickness and weeps for my suffering. This is not His intention for me yet at the same time my suffering will not be wasted because He has a plan for my life. Maybe one part is this: I am hoping that my suffering provided an illustration here of HOPE IN ACTION. I pray that it will encourage someone out there who is suffering too. HE CARES FOR YOUR SUFFERING TOO and will see you through it!

One day all of our strife and worry will be over as He makes our joy complete when He comes again in glory: with unimaginable happiness too! This promise holds true for those who love the Lord and call Him Savior. If you are suffering, please do not let that stop you from seeking the best hope you have in your pain: the person of Jesus Christ. His love covers ALL. In Him, you will find a joy that will transcend it all. Gentle Reader, please do not confuse happiness with joy. JJ

The Turning Point

Published on October 4, 2014October 4, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded3 Comments

When you start to leave hell, it’s important to take stock of where you have been and where you are then leave all of your baggage at the turning point.

Hi Gentle Reader. This is my gentle wisdom to you as I gratefully and graciously turn the corner after 3 years of wretched illness. Much grieving has already gone before me and my beloved Steve. Much loss has already pruned that which is no longer critical to our lives. Much angst at our Lord’s merciful throne of grace has established Who is most important in our lives and that He was leading us through all of this. Much dashing of hopes in false turning points along the way has produced endurance for what appears to be the last leg of this race. And yes, much joy has returned despite the jagged line that is normal in the recovery phase. That’s o.k. WE HAVE HOPE!!!

Briefly, I am experiencing 50% improvement in my health after beginning treatment for very high mercury levels. This process will require a slow titration of chelating agents, detoxification with the gentlest of methods, much rest, and humility. Humility? Oh yeah, humility to stay watchful for the Lord’s leading each step of the way and to continue to lean on Him as my own strength returns. My husband has proven himself again and again as the Lord’s instrument, a capable spiritual leader in my life. I have many examples in my life how pride has gone before my downfall, you know (Proverbs 16:18). I don’t want any more “slips and trips” anymore particularly of my own creation!

As I have started to feel better and do more my devotional time has diminished. This is not good. So in response to this turning point, I aim to spend more time in the Word than I have in the past when feeling reasonably well. I aim to keep practicing gratitude: holding lightly any material blessings, fruits of my labors, times of fellowship and the like. I aim to smile more and complain less. After all, I faced death many, many times! These days the gift of time and space, my talents and gifts, and the people/places/things around me are a bonus. I have never believed that I deserved either the good or bad things that have happened in my life. They simply “are.” They simply “were.” It is with great wonder that I aim to explore each day for what may come.

How can anyone really see beyond a turning point anyways when he or she has never been on a given journey before? If we worry about it then we have chosen to believe a lie. No one knows the future so why make up something bad? Why not something good? I aim to squelch what is false with what is true from God’s Word:

³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6)

Nuff said. Steve and I enjoyed a long walk in the rain this evening with our pup. This picture portrays my heart inside. God is good. All the time. God is good. JJ