Tag: seizures

Giving up one thing for another

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7157_10151668652045255_1072850858_nSo glad I could enjoy my husband’s kayak race today.  His daughter, Christina, and I cheered him on from the shore of the ol’ St. Joe River, taking pictures and listening to paddling stories from the timekeepers (Roger and Martha).  Seems simple enough:  a typical Saturday outing for our household perhaps.

Er, no.  THIS IS HUGE!!!  When you wake up with a crushing feeling in your chest that you’ve had for days and tic attacks after a night of broken sleep due to both, it’s a blessing from the Lord to be able to go anywhere!  And seeing my beloved River Bear in his element is a real treat for me.  My husband is so cool.  And I got even got to yell at the top of my achy lungs, “Gooooooooo Steeeeeeeeeeeeeve!”  He won today in the USCA K1 Unlimited class as well as had the fastest overall time.  The day was warm and sunny.  All was good.

The afternoon didn’t go so well as I tried to rest with hopes of helping at the Purdue Extension Office plant sale this evening.  Oh well.  Cancelled that.  Sometimes you give up one thing for another.  Life is like that sometimes.

Praise be to God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!  In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead and into an inheritance that can never fade.  This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 1 Peter 4:24-25

Yes, we endure hardships in our lives.  Yet this is not all there is and that can be a tremendous relief and source of hope.  A breath of fresh air.  In this life we can choose give our lives to that which fails us and fades or trust the One who is worthy and promises us life everlasting, riches beyond our wildest imagination.  I have placed my trust in more than I can see, feel, hear, taste, touch in this life:  God almighty, maker of heaven and earth through a personal relationship with His son, Jesus Christ.  So if I get a piece of happiness today it is a sweet blessing; thank you Lord.  But I will never give up a piece of happiness for true joy that comes through faith in Jesus Christ.  He transcends our world and our lives for the prize in the ultimate race:  an inheritance that can never fade with Him eternally in heaven.  Today and tomorrow I say,  “Go Jesus!”

And with odds like this, maybe you will say, “go Jesus” too?

Jesus is Enough

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Jesushugginggirl

 

Here is where I am at today, in the arms of my Lord.  Tough night.  Tough day.  And He knows and cares for me always.  Thank you Jesus!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Best to Hang in There When “There” is Unknown Territory

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With a brain fog or spaciness that defies definition, I humbly submit this blog update!

Tuesday began 2 doses of a promising new treatment for Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome:  vasoactive intestinal peptide or VIP.  The first dose was at noon and the second was at midnight.  I felt a little on edge as I went to bed within the hour of the second dose, followed by a few tic zips (such as the norm for me these days!).  What I didn’t expect next was the fearful images that passed before my eyes as I entered sleep mode.  No problem, really.  That’s what prayer is for and I called upon the Lord to sanctify my mind.  Prayer answered.  I was able to fall asleep without any more problems.

My next surprise came with an abrupt wake up at 4 in the morning with a vivid nightmare!  When I say vivid, I mean that the bats in my mind were landing on me, in color and I could feel them!)  Frightful indeed!  Low grade tics quickly escalated into seizure attacks, air hunger, shortness of breath, and at least 20 minutes of rotating noxious symptoms.  Not sure which was worse:  the nightmare or the aftermath!

I have had nightmares and this type of experience before.  The last one was at least 2 weeks ago so the timing may or may not have been related to the new medication.  After all, the pharmacist said it was a “benign” drug and my LLMD said that 50 mcg is a low, loading dose.  Yeah right.  I am overly sensitive to everything right now so it is no surprise that a nasal spray of a new hormone, deposited directly into the capillaries in my sinuses and leading into my blood stream, could shake me up a bit.  Sigh.  No problem again.  This is familiar territory.

Wednesday I decided to take a break from the VIP when I awakened feeling pretty beaten up.  For my daily treatment I just ran some Rife programs, slept some more and had a pretty good day overall for me.  The post-attack headache subsided and I was able to take care of a personal appointment and run a few errands.  I forced myself to get out and work in the garden later and it was soothing therapy.  I praise the Lord for His gift of Spring renewal here in the Midwest.  I love living here.

I took the next dose of VIP on Thursday at noon.  My nose started running right away but this didn’t last very long, thankfully.  Then brain fog settled in followed by a ramping up of my nearly constant companion of a low grade headache.  Regardless, I got going on some insurance matters that have needed attention for over a month.  Guess I’m at the next tier of taking care of things since moving home March 27th;  I was glad to “getter done.”  The day was going fairly well so I got to go to church with my hubby for the National Day of Prayer Service at our calvary chapel.  How sweet it is to worship with my Stevers, to pray, and to fellowship with other believers.  It had also been about a month since the last time I was able to go to church.

The worship was awesome.  However, during the service the music was sooooo loud, and the bass was soooooo loud that both of us had to plug our ears even though we were sitting in the back of the sanctuary under the balcony!  Turns out that plugging my ears is not enough to avoid sensory overload.   I cannot tolerate the vibrational sound energy and bass wavelengths of loud music.  I do not understand why it has to be so loud anyways?  We are there to worship the Lord Jesus Christ, not hurt our ears!  Unfortunately, things did not go well after I returned to wait for Steve in the car. I had to get out of there before the spill-over into seizure attacks would begin.  The music was the trigger that turned this multi-sensory-sick child of the King into what would turn out to be a 12 1/2 hour episode of seizure attacks.  As rocker Alice Cooper once sang, “welcome to my nightmare” once again.

Gratefully I was able to get out of the car by myself when we got home and walk gingerly into the house.   Gratefully Steve was available to help lift me off the couch two hours later after eating and resting, so I could get ready for bed.  Gratefully I was able to attend to my own self care and even make us some food earlier during one of the breaks in the action.  Gratefully I have some new positioning strategies in bed to minimize the impact the uncontrollable shaking has on headaches and other painful areas.  Gratefully Steve prayed for me both before we fell asleep and in the morning before he left for work.  Gratefully I was able to make a snack when I woke up ravenously hungry at 4 in the morning!  Hmmmm.  There’s that “4” number again.

The attacks tapered down by the time I was to finally get out of bed at 9:30 a.m.  Just a quick jolt welcomed me to my day and I was able to take care of myself and our dog.  Once again I was pretty beat up by the events of the last evening.  Twelve and one-half hours had passed since the episode began and it was finally over.  The shell of the person that is Julie was leftover to slowly get going, make my special dietary items, and take care of the stuff of life before my afternoon physical therapy appointment.  Gratefully I was able to start then later finish and mail the jewelry order that was due today.  But in the middle of the day and during physical therapy, there was another rebound episode of neuromuscular events followed by copious tears.  I am so sad.  This is really hard.  I am really broken.  Gratefully my therapist is trained in some calming techniques of myofascial release that work really well with me.  Even at my low energy level with soreness all over my body, I am now able to function again.

So this is chronic illness and the ups and downs of recovery.  One day you are excited for a promising new treatment and the next you are herxing from a reaction to the promising new treatment.  The physical therapist says that the seizure attacks seem “softer” than the ones I have had in the past.  O.k., I guess that’s good.  Maybe it is just part of the process of assimilating a new drug that crosses the blood-brain barrier and into a zone where illness has a foothold at the moment.  Sure is a tough road, I’ll tell ya.  Recovery is not for wimps.

At this point is usually where I write about my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, sustaining me and giving me hope in the face of severe testing and trials.  If you’ve read this blog before, you probably know what I am about to write here.  You might expect me to say what a difference it makes to have Jesus in my heart or I would be filled with despair.  I usually say a lot about His sustaining grace as I truly believe that my life and these experiences are for my ultimate good and His glory.  Yes, I am softer in many ways than before this illness began.  This suffering will end someday.  I know where I will be when it ends.  Do you?  Do you know where the trials of your journey through life will lead you when your life ends?  If you do, does  your life show it?  Oh I hope so!

If you have not turned to the Lord as your Saviour, lover of your soul, forgiver of your sins (and you all have them, sorry folks, no one is perfect), and hope for all of eternity, then  what the heck are you waiting for?  How many blogs do I have to write about suffering before someone out there that isn’t saved gets it:  the meaning of life is not all about YOU, it is not all about ME.  It is all about HIM.  It ain’t about a religion either.  It is about a relationship with the God of the Bible.  Until we are given an eternal perspective that He provides and transcending joy that He grants beyond measure when we but believe in Him, all we have is our fallen human condition.  Now that is sad indeed!  Our problems will never all be solved in this life.  We will hurt.  We will lose things and people and places that we love.  Our experiences will be a mixed bag at best.  We will fall short of the peace we seek when we realize that in the end, the stuff of this life adds up to dust, to nothing at all.  We can’t take anything with us when we die.  As the wisest, richest king that ever lived (King Solomon) once said, it is all meaningless!

Yes, it is best to hang in there when there is unknown territory.  I am taking Jesus Christ with me.  My eternity began when I accepted Him into my heart as Lord.  Oh gentle reader, will you too?

P.S.  Going for a walk with my pup, a friend and her pup.  God is so good.

New Treatment Approaches on the Horizon

Published on by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

I’ve been back in our home from a for just over a month now and generally feel better.  We remediated our home for water damage and what turned out to be a minimal amount of mold.  My noxious symptoms were better when I first came home and as of last night, they are much worse.  May I explain?

While our home is as clean as it can possibly be, there are always multiple factors, internal and external to address when battling chronic illness.  I was staring at the ceiling praying one afternoon this past week after a series of low grade seizure attacks for which I could not identify any particular trigger.  The bedroom window was slightly open for fresh air and I had not changed anything recently in my diet, supplements, or Rife treatment programs.  I talked to the Lord, praying, for a long time.  Not sure how to describe what followed:  a suspicion that the lingering yeast infection may have a role in the severity of my ongoing symptoms.

So I did what any dutiful patient would do, I called my husband at work!  Well that’s probably not the best use of his employers time; it was the sweetest voice in the darkness that I could find at the moment.  Steve looked up “yeast infection and seizures” and found a connection.  We hypothesized that the yeast has crossed the blood-brain barrier, contributing to this seizure-like complication that has remained elusive.  I knew that I had an undiagnosed recurrence of a urinary tract infection as well, again!  (Labs results are pending.)  Geez, what if there’s yeast in there too?  Other lab testing has already showed that candida is still in my digestive tract.  All this seems impossible with my limited diet:  no sugar to feed it and several rounds of treatment in the past!

I do not consume added sugar in any foods; no desserts, sweeteners, 1/4 serving of fruit every other day, and only limited servings of gluten free grain carbohydrates.  But there are sugars listed on the labels in some of my pharmaceutical-grade, doctor-recommended, and biomeridian-tested supplements.  Oh my!  At first, I felt betrayed.  How could my healthcare practitioners who recommended these supplements and all of the foods that I was consuming not see that there still might be a problem?  The feelings didn’t last long as I decided that I need to get to work FAST.  These seizure attacks have gone on long enough.  IT HAS BEEN A YEAR!

Turns out there are 8 grams of sugar in the daily dose of the powder probiotic I had just restarted.  Turns out there were hidden sugars in other supplements and even the 4 ounces per day of coconut yogurt I enjoyed that is labeled as “plain.” Tuesday was a wretched morning after a nice dinner the night before with friends.  Further investigation found that my dinner included a smaller-than-usual serving but slightly sweetener form of coconut yogurt, the 1/4 serving allowance of fruit, plus the probiotic later that evening.   I did not usually have all of these together on the same night until then.  Later in the week, my LLMD said that when the reaction is delayed until the next morning, it might be due to the fermenting of the sugars and yeast.  When I woke up and got moving on Tuesday, the seizure attacks could have been  triggered by the combination of activity, increased heart rate/blood flow, and the yeast having a party in my brain.  I was ripe for an attack, literally.

I may not have all the details correct on how this all works.  I don’t need to have it down exactly to know what to do!  Immediately I replaced the probiotic; checked the ingredient label for all of my supplements and made adjustments; abandoned the plain coconut yogurt; and cut out even complex grains to one serving or less per day.  Within a day I started running anti fungal and Candida programs on my Rife machine.  Guess what happened?  I felt worse.  The first part of today was a nightmare.  Is this what they call a herx reaction (i.e. symptoms caused by the toxins of dead organisms before they can be flushed from the body)?   Who knows.  I have to restrict my diet further anyways.  This is still war.  I am fighting for my brain and when I cannot breathe in the middle of an attack, it feels like I am fighting for my very life.

Steve wondered today if another factor to consider are changes in barometric pressure that occur when it’s stormy outside.  Further research shows that persons with epilepsy and migraines often can have setbacks with changes in barometric pressure.  Gratefully, I don’t have epilepsy.  Only problem with the weather connection is that there is nothing a person can do about the weather!  (We sang a song about this in Mott High School Chorale.  All we can do is “just complain!”)

So the illness profile that is Julie is a nightmare these days with some nice moments occasionally!  Everything appears to have the potential to trigger a pre-tic state or a full blown seizure attack; these generally come when falling asleep or waking up in the morning.  Yes, it is common with Lyme Disease to have numerous noxious symptoms that change at will and vary with each individual.  The LLMD has added the diagnosis of Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome to the mix which describes the sickness that can follow after exposure to water-damaged buildings.  Fibromyalgia came as a diagnosis in 1992 with chronic pain and issues with fatigue.  While I have had many very happy and active days over these past 20 years, the clinical picture has gotten quite complex of late.  Thankfully, there is a new approach on the horizon:  VIP.  Here’s the latest research:

http://www.survivingmold.com/docs/VIP_published_3_2013.pdf

I’m not the kind of person that sees a T.V. commercial about a new drug and goes to the doctor demanding that it be ordered for me.  This time, I have pursued VIP after seeing this new research and talking with another person online who has benefited tremendously.  VIP stands for vasoreactive intestinal peptide, a naturally occurring hormone in the body.  My LLMD recommended it to me a year ago and we were unable to find it in the United States at that time.  I now fit both the research protocol and the compound pharmacy protocol I found online that issues VIP in the United States.  I really want to try it and am hopeful for some relief of these complications of illness.

I’ll write more about it as the order is processed Lord willing this week and as I begin treatment.  The average time for a person to notice a benefit is two months.  Sigh.  Regardless, I am looking forward to trying this new treatment approach, now that there is reasonable clinical indication that it could help me.

Thanks for hanging in there with me.  I’m lying low this evening after “doing it sick” today and baking some treats for others who have helped us so much this year.  If you are nearby (and you know who you are!), feel free to call me for a tasty treat.  Or maybe I’ll see you on Thursday with my plate of cookies for the National Day of Prayer remembrance at our church.  I do hope I make it this year . . .

It’s after midnight and the tilapia is chewy

Published on by Jesus is for the Wounded8 Comments

The real title to this blog was to be:  “To submit is divine,”  but I thought that if I wrote that, no one would read it!  Who wants to submit to anything?  Hey, in my flesh and self-will, no way! 

This day I had to succumb anyways to the nausea, headache, half-day of seizure attacks, and relentless sickness that is Lyme Disease and Candida.  Oddly, it was lying in bed with my brain “fried” for hours and staring at the ceiling that the Lord gave me the quietness I needed to discover what might be making me sicker:  every stinking grain of sugar.  Most of us with Lyme, chronic illness and inflammation know the pitfalls of sugar.  I’d already broken my denial on that one earlier last year.  Sugar feeds Lyme and yeast infections (a common complication from antibiotic and bacteria-killing  treatments), messes with metabolism, weakens an immune system already under attack, and simply won’t satisfy the angst of my flesh for long enough to bother with a treat anyways.  And today it appears that some hidden sources are making me worse.

I am already on a “sugar-free diet” by the way!  Desserts are long gone.  I consume 1/4 serving of low-sugar fruit every other day, use only unsweetened products, omit artificial or herbal sweeteners (that contribute to headaches for me), cut out honey/maple syrup and so on.  Turns out that there’s sugar hidden in my probiotic that is supposed to be helping me!  Two doses I take daily equal 8 grams per day!  Oh no!  Coupled with the 2-4 grams in my “plain” coconut yogurt, my only real treat, that adds up to way too much!  Now that’s a bite in the shorts for sure.

I started to suspect something wasn’t right a few nights ago when I actually began craving my late night supplement concoction mix of coconut yogurt to make the various supplement powders and tinctures more palatable.  So instead I found alternate soft foods to use at night and allowed myself the coconut “treat” of 2 ounces only in the morning.  Can you imagine the restraint it takes to open a luscious carton of yogurt and only eat 2 ounces?  Yeah, I did it and felt a sweet victory.  And now that yogurt is my enemy with the HCL Synbiotic Probiotic.  I guess even the low sugar fruits must now go for a season as well.  This is WAR!

To submit to a drastic dietary change is very difficult and takes time to integrate into a nutritional plan for healing.  I wrote the “Extreme Dietary Survival Strategies” in the PAGES section of this blog to reflect the many guidelines I’ve already learned from others and from my own experimentation.  Looks like there are some new ones to add!  Geez o’ man.  Instead of mixing my supps with dreamy plain coconut yogurt, I’ll have to use coconut butter or unsweetened vanilla almond milk.  O.k.  I can do it.  If this change minimizes the symptoms that killed my day today, I will submit to a 100% sugar-free diet.

It is the nature of our flesh to want what we want, when we want it, and in the way or timing that we want it isn’t it?  When we want it is usually right now!  It is the nature of living in the United States where we have access to just about everything at just about any time of day or night, that makes it hard to delay gratification.  It is the nature of becoming a mature adult in a civilized society to learn that planning ahead, hard work, sacrifice, and patience will get us much more than grabbing things within reach.  However, beyond this it is the work of the Holy Spirit in the life of a believer of Jesus Christ that knows for certain that the perceived barriers in our lives are merciful paths to true freedom and peace, even joy.  Such is the glorious mystery of living with Jesus in one’s heart, where He goes before us with love and grace every step of the way.  In the end we will receive more than we ever dreamed possible as we bring glory to our Lord and Savior for waiting on Him.  “The end” may not be next week; the end may transform into our eternity with Him as the crap of this earthly life has ultimately succumbed to His plan and purpose.  Our wants and needs may even change!

Seems strange that in the wee hours of the morning after some chewy tilapia, my mind would finally clear.  My tears have finally been wiped away.  The realization that to submit is to live is now here:  the authorities, the situations, the delays in my life are Christ-ordained and designed for my best self, best life after all.  I do not claim to understand why I or you must go through all of this suffering, loss and pain in the way that we each experience it.  Let’s pray about it.  The answer to the “why” question is often left to the mysterious unanswered questions of life.  I do claim to know the One who reveals Himself to me in His perfect timing with gentleness and love.  I do claim to have faith in my Jesus who has promised me that He will be with me through it all.

I’ll betcha tomorrow is going to be a better day.

Let’s wait with great expectation together, k?