seizures – Page 30 – Jesus is for the Wounded

We must learn to let go

Published on June 12, 2015June 12, 2015 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

You must learn to let go to move forward.

“Keep moving forward” my brother, Mike, used to say when we were settling the estate of our dear mother after her death. The attachment and meaning of each object and task made moving in any direction difficult, confusing at times, and so very final. Then we decided to take them one at a time. Then we decided to learn to let go . . .

The unmade necklaces which would have surely been my best work needed to be disassembled today before they were ever completed. If I had stopped to make jewelry this afternoon then I would have never made my deadline for shipping Trinity Jewelry by Design to its new owner. I actually tried putting the beads back on the cotton fibers before realizing that I needed to stop and it would be o.k. to let these unmade designs go . . .

The 9-foot mural on the wall of my condo in Naperville, Illinois took a year to complete. I began with sunny colors of yellow tracing paper, pastel hues of unyru papers from India, custom-stenciled golden palm leaves, a few rhinestone swirls, lettering from a local sign shop, and a very important message about the bunny trails of life being such a very important part of the journey. “But what about the mural?” my friends would ask when moving to be with my intended beloved would take me 200 miles to the East of my happy place. Yes, finding true love required leaving the art of restoration behind: a different song of letting go . . .

When the pain of running my life on emptiness, stress, unanswered questions of “why?” and never having enough to make a difference anyways I finally crashed into the arms of my Jesus. At the time I was 29 years old, single, working full time, and forever trying to finish my Master’s degree. Then a laundrymat attendant laid out the plan of salvation and invited me to come to the table of the Lord for refreshment, forgiveness, renewal, eternal life with Him. Later that night with tears the wasted meaningless living-for-me finally did let go once and for all . . .

The hurt of wretched divorce grieves my Lord and me, sometimes even now when I have known such goodness in my new life with Steve. It took me years of harboring what it would take to even the score if given the chance: holding onto the files that would prove the ways in which I was wronged. Then I realized that the one carrying the baggage too far was me not him. I was already forgiven years ago for my part in things. In due time and with lightness of heart I finally learned to let go of that other person too . . .

Who could ever imagine the hellish suffering of these past three years with my head banging to and fro day after day? Literally, I mean, with a yet undiagnosed illness that has had too many pieces to keep track anymore. Cries out for healing one thousand times have made little difference on the surface; it’s so easy to become discouraged, to give up in motionless brokenness of the worst kind. “Who knows if the trials will ever end?” I often wonder when up late at night. We cannot know much about tomorrow so we must move along in faith today. For through faith, through Divine intervention, I have had enough grace once again to get me through yet another episode, another day. And the smallest of sweetness has come that would have been missed had it come any other way. So to the throne of grace with great expectation I do most definitely let my achy breaky heart go . . .

For who really knows when the Lover of my soul shall return in glory or to take me home? When He comes for me I’m sure I will recognize His name, His face, His comfort from all the days I’ve seen each of these before. I cannot afford to be discouraged or waste much time groaning the pangs of sorrow in this life when preparation is what is now due. It is time for letting God direct my every word, my every task: my thoughts held captive as an offering in love nothing else.

Oh how I do pray He comes soon to take me home to His mansion with many rooms and warm embrace! Yet in the meantime, Gentle Reader, my Jesus directs me to keep my eyes on Him from here and the one step of the path (that’s all) in front of me as I go. Yes, I must learn to let go of more than I ever dreamed I would need to and let it all slip through my hands to be free. My happiness depends upon this for the lightness in my spirit that will carry me to the wondrous places in life you or I may ever go. I trust that down the road a bit it will be truly beautiful and worth lightening the load a bit don’t you think? JJ

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

¹¹For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I was made for you

Published on May 27, 2015May 27, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

You looked at me with the bluest of eyes and said that we were going.

The ugliness of illness that had proceeded that moment held the rest of the day in the balance —

Obligations awaited us yet all the precautions, procedures, special preparations, and planning getting to this moment made no difference.

I could not move until you moved closer towards me and spoke into my moment of sickness.

And in a scene borne out of love that many will never find,

You gently lifted me to the edge of the bed so that I may dress, may push the mangled hair from my own eyes.

As if time itself breathed slowly from one moment to the next, I became able to sit up on my own again.

We chose the adornments to fit the occasion; we got me standing then walking forward.

I drank some water from a bottle nearby. My brain moved more quickly and the next tasks came alive.

And as if what would be horror to a fly on the wall just minutes beforehand,

You tenderly called to me our next steps as we prepared to go meet the rest of our day.

We both had a bite to eat, groomed ourselves, and moved closer to the door:

The events of getting ready now no different than what has become the routine of trials endured many times before.

But this time it was your love that called me forth, moved me on; yes your tender words alone helped move me on.

And when we were along down the road a ways ready to meet the others,

I sat in awe of the life the Lord had crafted for me, for you.

Never would we have asked for heartache and sorrow that looked like this

Yet in a dreamy place would we have designed a magnificent love made just for me, just for you.

It doesn’t matter how we “getter done” when the Lord sits with us at His table

When His grace transcends the stuff of life, when I am carried by redeeming grace from both of you.

So when the happy couple says their vows at their own marriage supper in a day,

May they somehow come to know what true love lives like: He looks like you dear one: the Father of the Bride.

I love you Steve.

Just Julie

The moments that matter

Published on May 27, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

When things are not right or even worse

We cry out to the air and wonder, “who is there?”

“Can anyone hear me on my bed of sorrow?”

“How long will this go on, how long?”

Oh the angst for enduring what simply should not be . . .

I could bemoan much pain in my heart this day:

From my spirit through my tender frame.

But why? What will I gain by wallowing here?

As I listen to a friend who sounds like me over the waves,

I hear wisdom that comes with her years.

She doth declare that in her own time of prayer

The Lord spoke to her so gently.

In all of those times of suffering,

When surely no one cared He said,

“I was there with you.”

And her heart was full, no place untouched.

So today let’s heed this wisdom

Should we, too seek and hear His voice.

Don’t just want for the pain to end.

Reach into the moment to His love so grand.

Find people with mercy for the darkness of our lives

For we all have a burden to carry, each one.

And let us come together in prayer, in fellowship, in praise.

But most importantly

Kneel at the throne of grace often

In adoration of the Person who sees you always.

For Jesus loves you always.

And turn these into moments that matter for all time.

They will be sweet, and soften the burdens we will endure.

We can go on when held by His hand.

Yes, we can indeed.

Get this book!

Published on May 11, 2015May 11, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Gentle Readers:

If you are dealing with chronic or unexplained illness, I encourage you to get this new book by Suzanne Sommers:

Tox-Sick

Mrs. Sommers uses her interviewing style to cover topics that are usually more difficult to understand when it comes to the complexities of serious illness. She includes a broad range of diseases, treatments, and types of practitioners, only occasionally mentioning her other best-selling books! I especially appreciate the index for locating topics of interest.

This book might have shortened my learning curve if it had been available 3 years ago. May it shorten yours!

Take care, JJ

Waiting

Published on April 23, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Psalm 130 New King James Version (NKJV)

Waiting for the Redemption of the Lord

A Song of Ascents.

130 Out of the depths I have cried to You, O Lord;
²Lord, hear my voice!
Let Your ears be attentive
To the voice of my supplications.

³If You, Lord, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
⁴But there is forgiveness with You,
That You may be feared.

⁵I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
And in His word I do hope.
⁶My soul waits for the Lord
More than those who watch for the morning—
Yes, more than those who watch for the morning.

⁷O Israel, hope in the Lord;
For with the Lord there is mercy,
And with Him is abundant redemption.
⁸And He shall redeem Israel
From all his iniquities.