seizure – Page 2 – Jesus is for the Wounded

Keeping the faith!

Published on October 10, 2014October 10, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

When texting with a fellow sister in Christ today, I’m hoping that the Lord graciously encouraged her with these words. If you are hurting in any way, I hope they encourage you too. Jesus loves you! JJ

We can do this my dear sister! Cling to that cross with your baby fingernails and hold on!

When facing death so many times when my breathing stopped I asked Him if this was the end? How could I possibly go on? I feared going to bed every night because the episodes were worse at night. They hurt my frame. They hurt Steve. They hurt our marriage. And one day the Lord spoke gently only the words that I would not die. He made His presence known at my darkest points of personal hell. Then things got worse. And my measure of life became only the fact that my eyes were open! With this I learned to live in the wonder of the moment and He sustained me with just enough grace to get to the next one . . . Then after 3 years time, some answers and the beginning of restoration have come into view. Whoa.

I am sad for your suffering! I was hoping you had more relief by now. I know God is showing up to do the things you cannot do alone in your weakened frame. Reaching out to others when you have big needs? And so much more. Whoa. Yeah God!

I pray He will speak to your heart today. Like letting down our swords and shields and letting Him gird you gently with His truth. And He “speaks” that truth of in so many ways doesn’t He? I know He loves you and cares for these needs, grieves for your suffering.

When someone asks me how I am doing I have often replied, “hanging tough.” My brother Mike taught me a better answer, “keeping the faith.” Yes indeed. Love you, Julie

I am sure of it

Published on September 27, 2014September 27, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded4 Comments

Unlike the brain fog of this cartoon, I am going to get well. I am sure of it!

The second week into the use of an atypical chelating agent (Zeolite by Zeo Health) for very high mercury levels has brought more moments of mental clarity than I can ever remember in my entire life. Oh sure there are ongoing seizure attack episodes yet they are generally 50% improved overall!!!!!! I could not say this after any other treatment protocol attempted these past 3 years. I could not say this even after the initial relief from high CBD hemp oil (the industrial hemp counterpart to cannabis oil). I could not say this after antibiotics or Rife treatment with the Beam Ray. I did not say this after (27) IV infusions of magnesium last Fall. I could not say this after extensive and expensive mold remediation in 2013. Even after aggressive treatment for candida over 2 years, I could not say this. But I will say it again:

I AM GOING TO GET WELL!!!!!!

There is only one person to thank for this new direction: the Lord, Jesus Christ. At a time when multiple factors have come together at last, the path has cleared and hope is restored over here because of His mercy and grace. A key factor in this process is humility. More on that in a moment. I also want to thank my chiropractor: Dr. Lee Nagel at DeKalb Chiropractic Center in Waterloo, Indiana. He had a hunch early on in my care that I was suffering from mercury poisoning. After all, two hair analysis tests revealed mercury and other heavy metal toxicity in the year 2000 and again in 2011 but both times my respective Family Practice Physician (FPP) minimized the results. Both times the Dr. thought I would be unable to tolerate a special type of detoxification protocol called chelation that would be required to remove heavy metals. So off we went each time in another direction instead until my life of hell began with viral hepatitis October 11, 2011 and escalated into daily seizures beginning in March of 2012.

Dr. Nagle had high mercury levels discovered by his cardiologist. His health improved after treatment thus placing mercury issues on his clinical radar. Dr. Nagle, father of three, is one of the most adventurist and athletic people I have ever met (behind my beloved Stevers of course!). His chiropractic practice rarely includes medical testing but he made an exception with me. Thank you! It took a month to get the testing protocol right then the results revealed the shocking reality of a probable root cause of illness for me: very high mercury levels. (Please refer to this excellent summary to learn more about this devastating substance. Original citation available upon request.) After a false starts with a quack-y Dr. who claimed to provide chelation, my current FPP is guiding me in the use of chelation and increasing other gentle methods of detoxification that have worked well for me. By the way, my FPP has also recovered from mercury poisoning that almost took his life!

All of this is very humbling after 3 wretched years of illness and 23 years of chronic pain aka fibromyalgia. While I do recognize that I have a new, long course of treatment ahead of me, I am exceedingly grateful to discover a root cause of much of my suffering. Holy cow! A successful outcome could help more than the seizures. Yeah God! Both Steve and I are really hopeful this time. And it is with mental clarity at 4:30 in the morning that I write this to you! So grateful for the 3-hour nap earlier tonight. Yeah, the weird sleep schedule continues a bit!

And now about humility. These entire three years have presented challenges requiring me to trust God for everything up to my next breath. I submitted to the loving care of my gracious husband as he needed to carry me to the toilet a hundred times; help me to shower, feed or dress me when I could not about once per week; carry me to bed often so he would be near as he tried to catch some sleep before work, rush me off the emergency room FIVE TIMES, and so much more. Oh Gentle Reader, have you sensed that I am a recovering Type A personality? A first born of my siblings in my family of origin? That I started working when I was 16 years old with babysitting jobs before then? That I am capable of taking care of myself thank you very much? This is the longest and most extreme period of need that I have ever experienced. I have had to let go of everything during these past three years. At another time I will write about facing death when my breathing would freeze multiple times during seizure attack episodes. And with all of this, I did not die of embarrassment or lack of oxygen. My Heavenly Father and earthly husband have carried me through to this next season of recovery. I AM HUMBLED! Thank you seems too small. I love you both!

Briefly, there were two other tasks I believe needed to be completed during this time: 1) learning to depend completely upon my husband for material needs and 2) realizing that the little activities I got to do here and there would become new skills, new relationships, and new activities that would become my future. Both were tasks that probably would not have come without grounding in Jesus Christ or needing to cope with the crises of severe illness. I probably would not have seen so clearly and (hopefully) fully submitted to the incredible character strengths of my beloved had I not become so broken. Steve is my spiritual leader and head of household and I am grateful. Long before we met I know what it took when my life fell apart in 2003 to soften me into the kind of woman that my beloved would choose to love. I now see more clearly what kind of man the Lord has provided for me to love in return. I AM EXCEEDINGLY BLESSED!

So join me, if you will, for an amazing adventure of recovery from serious illness. IT IS HAPPENING! So much fun awaits! Thank you for riding along with me. May we both praise the Lord for the good that is here now.

Hope is a good thing, eh? I am sure of it. JJ

Psalm 62:5-8 (NIV)

⁵Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
    my hope comes from him.
⁶Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
    he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
⁷My salvation and my honor depend on God;
    he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
⁸Trust in him at all times, you people;
    pour out your hearts to him,
    for God is our refuge.

And then I got up

Published on September 22, 2014September 22, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded4 Comments

It was the most horrific of reactions: writhing and such.

Even our pup could not make guttural sounds like me in my muck.

Earlier I sensed a reaction soon was a’comin’ . . .

And lo on the way home the tics started showin.’

So we showered once home, throwing our clothes in the wash

In case you think romance followed I’ll tell ya that was ‘nash —

Not the way it came down I say as I leaped into bed

Barely dried off and with a wet towel flung from my head.

An hour many would not survive followed me in there

I marveled as my lungs, heart, and mind would again persevere.

My beloved raised me in his arms to feed me some water

Then with more wimpers and smaller jolts he sensed the cause of the matter:

An older building, became soiled with everything one could imagine

‘Twas cosmetically upgraded with bright lights and smiles on everyone.

It was hard to tell during a visit as important as this

That there would be hell to pay later for pursuing a visit.

But that’s the way it goes when your brother finally gets the care he needs

In a 4-star nursing home upgraded from one he survived where they could subtract at least 3.

We chatted, we laughed and the pupster Elle provided all the charm

The rekindling of family love, fulfilled with treats from my oven still warm.

Then came the gift from my bro when Mike let me play O.T.

And minister to his contracted frame, providing hope to both him and me.

My skills were still there and his muscle memory someday could return

Lord willing we shall see His purpose and be grateful for this wild ‘journ.

So how can I complain that some new treatment of my own did not hold

When I just started 2 days ago then walked into a fiery test a bit too bold.

‘Cause long after the last jolt, the last choreathetoid seize

I was able to get up and make myself something to eat.

Now sitting here listening to my slumbering beloved who works in the ‘morn

I am grateful for so much although tonight so much is yet unknown.

“When will this crap end?” I ask myself and the darkened night air

“In just a little while,” responds the Lover of my soul Who holds my life in His care.

So even in this I will trust in the God Who has promised

That all things will be good. Get back to bed. Good golly it’s almost (morning)!

Numb but Hopeful

Published on September 21, 2014September 21, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

I love Patrick Klein’s words from the Vision Beyond Borders newsletter this week:

Psalm 143:10-12 says, “Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. For your name’s sake, O Lord, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.” Doing God’s will does not come naturally; our natural tendency is to satisfy our fleshly and worldly desires. We must be taught and transformed by God to do His will. When His Spirit leads us, it is on level ground. He alone can make crooked paths straight. Our duty is to remember that what we do is for His name’s sake. It is not about us. He alone can best determine how He desires for us to bring glory to His name. It is not for us to determine. Despite hardships, trials or persecution that may be allowed in our lives, God can preserve us and bring us out of our trouble.

Our only responsibility in all of this is to simply remember our role. We are to be servants of Christ. Often we grow weary because we are trying to do His part. We are trying to figure out where He is taking us rather than allowing Him to lead us. We are trying to figure out how to preserve our lives and bring ourselves out of trouble rather than allowing Him to bring us out. We are trying to silence our enemies and destroy our foes when that is not our work. We are not made for those things, and it is exhausting. Our duty is simply to look to God and serve Him, allowing Him to do these things for His servants! We don’t have to strive, we simply have to come to Him. His yoke is easy and His burden is light; we will find rest for our souls. May we faithfully seek Him, serve Him and remain completely in Him, trusting Him to show us each step!

Thank you Patrick. Last night I started using yet another binding agent (Zeolite) to try to encapsulate and detox mercury from my weakened frame. Afterwards I felt very weird! We were Skyping with my husband’s daughter in Thailand and it was all I could do to chat a bit, smile a bit, and keep my shoulders from hiking up to my ears! The nightly seizure attack episode was significantly shorter and I fell asleep at a more reasonable time, around 1:30 a.m. Hell was waiting for me this morning and returned with more violence a couple of hours later. Can you say “mad as a hatter?” Well if you were a hatmaker in the 19th century you might be more familiar with mercury poisoning than the current medical profession. So let’s see if we can figure this one out, eh?

#1 Trust in the Lord and lean not on our own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

#2 Follow the clues and think about how chelation works for mercury and heavy metals. Most protocols require regular treatments for a given interval of time, sometimes as often as every 4 hours. (See the Cutler protocol.) The rebound occurred about 12 hours after the first dose of a true chelating agent.

#3 Consider a repeat, low level dose at regular intervals to bind and remove the newly circulating toxins.

#4 Relief came within minutes when the detox agent was consumed with lots of water.

And after resting, eating, sitting out in the lovely Fall sunshine, I am upright. This is good. I am also extraordinarily humbled by some incredible blessings this week and will end with four to match the points enumerated above:

#1 Unfailing love in the eyes of my intended beloved, Steve. When I am in his arms no matter what the circumstances, I feel the love, care, and compassion of my Heavenly Husband too. Thank you Jesus for Steve. Please love and bless Him. Cover our marriage with your grace. May others see a good work in all of this for your glory Lord.

#2 Treatment options that provide some relief. I believe that the pattern of suffering is about to change for the better and we are exceedingly grateful.

#3 Wisdom that ultimately comes from the Lord. I have learned so much these past 3 years and have received blessings, gained new skills, met new people, cleared out some excess baggage, and found a voice that I pray will glorify you here.

#4 Hope. No matter what the burden may be (and we both need not look far to see horrific burdens that our brothers and sisters in Christ must bear for their belief in Him), He will prevail. As a new friend, Karan Gleddie, brought to light this week we are to “set (our) minds on things above, not on earthly things.” (Col. 3:2) Therein we too will find our hope, our peace, our happiness. And as Patrick reminded me, we are to serve with the strength of Christ for His namesake. With our eyes on Christ all things are possible.

Gentle Reader, how may I pray for you today?

Puffy white clouds and 5 sparrows

Published on June 22, 2014June 22, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

⁶Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. ⁷Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12

At first it looked like a gentle breeze flowing through the branches of the variegated dogwood bush outside our bedroom window. Puffy clouds drifted past the backdrop of the truest “sky blue” you could desire on an early summer afternoon. Such a simple scene, peaceful too. Then again the rustling appeared to come from below my view. Was there, wait, yes maybe there’s a little critter in there moving the branches about? And lo there she was: a lone house sparrow spritely jumping about within the leaf cover in and out of my view just a few feet away. Better not move a muscle or I might disturb the work of my feathered friend. Does she know that I could almost reach out and touch her marbled wings if the screen window didn’t separate us, didn’t provide secluded freedom for your Saturday play . . .

The little one flew away as my gaze returned to the light blue walls next to the bed inside the window. Maybe if I waited just a little longer another visitor would appear? To my delight the green-with-white birdhouse was rustling again from the top, the bottom, and even just beyond my view! Let’s see: there’s one, two, three . . . a fourth appeared and darted deeper into the cover of leaves as a fifth little birdie perched right in front of me too. Silly little one. He began preening his ecru-colored chest feathers without a care in the world as the branch bobbled up, down, and all around. He reminded me of my brother’s childhood parakeet, Perky. How they flex their necks so steeply to reach the soft feathers that form a collar of fluff I’ll never know. Such a curious, skittish, carefree creation indeed. Then in a matter of a few seconds, they all flew away . . .

I was alone again. Maybe I could try to move my head and adjust the comforter covering my chilled shoulders? Yes, that’s good. But to move my legs and arms was not to be just yet as my attempt to do so triggered another mini seizure attack episode. Sigh. I thought I would be recovering by now. Not so. Oh well, when my husband comes back I’ll ask him to bring me the lunch I had made myself earlier and put into the frig in case we were to go out on our tandem outrigger canoe this afternoon. What a nice treat I thought it would be to have something made ahead of time that fit my special diet and tasted yummy too. Not quite. Gratefully it wasn’t too long before he returned to check on me, brought me the container of rice paper finger sandwiches and fed me several bites, one by one. Then he put the bicycle water bottle to my mouth so I could sip some water and wash down the food sticking to my throat as I lain sideways on the bed. A few bites, a long sip, a few bites, a long sip. He has this routine down pretty well by now. Thankfully these complete neurological collapse episodes only happen every 10 days lately. They used to be every couple days . . .

In time my strength returned and I was able to put a pillow under my own head and feed myself. Unfortunately something triggered a major seizure jolt when my beloved returned, setting me back again for awhile. He was sitting close to me and I suddenly needed some fresh air from outside the window. Stevers obliged then left me alone again to recover per our routine for these sort of things. Again I revived. Eventually I was able to weakly get out of bed and start to put on some clothes. That’s a nice thing to do after a shower at 2 in the afternoon. I was feeling a little funny lying there naked rolled up in the comforter. Oh well. It’s the best I could do after beginning to collapse in the shower an hour earlier, struggling to dry myself off, and Steve helping me lie down as it appeared I would be falling over any moment. Flash forward almost two hours as the episode was resolving I was grateful to be able to move my left arm again. Looks like I would be o.k. albeit shaken for several more hours anyways . . .

Sitting outside in the sunshine helped me regain my strength. Of course I had another one of my low oxalate snack concoctions (white chocolate!) and a refill of cool water in my trusty Summit City Bicycles and Fitness water bottle. Little did the guys at the shop know how helpful that bottle had become when I needed a special flow-control mouthpiece to refresh me when in bed, not on the Fort Wayne River Greenway! Maybe someday soon I’ll get back on my bike. I am grateful to have had a test run of two miles earlier this Spring; I should be able to repeat a short ride on a better Saturday afternoon really soon, Lord willing. How hard could it be to peddle a few miles? Well anyways sitting outside on our patio later this afternoon with pretty gardens all around me and the sun still shining brightly overhead did me a world of good. The puffy white clouds still filled the sky and I could hear sparrows, robins, and more in the distance. I got up to pluck a few weeds, pick a few radishes, tinker here and there before returning into the house. Perhaps my beloved would understand that this day would be better spent at home than paddling on a lake somewhere? Change of plans. Enduring these kinds of afternoons together makes it obvious what we should do, more than words can ever say . . .

The rest of the day was decent as I prepared a nice dinner and some food for tomorrow in case we are able to reschedule our outing on the water together. I do try to be hopeful, eh? As most Gentle Readers would recognize in this blog we tend to live our lives over here a bit spontaneously: making plans more at the last minute, in the afternoon or evening, and after checking the weather report/Julie’s snack supply/whatever we can reschedule to be able to get away . . .

This evening? Not so nice. We are just not sure what is going on with these wretched evening episodes again. After a full year of 1-3 hour episodes virtually every night after dark and up to 30 minutes most mornings, you would think one of these specialists I’ve seen would have figured it out! Yes, my melatonin level is off the chart and melatonin levels change at night. I am getting out in the sunshine just about every day, exercising at night, avoiding foods with tryptophan (that tends to elevate melatonin) and more per my internet research on the subject yet the excess must be persisting. (Labs to follow!) Then my new biotoxin doctor laid a good one on me yesterday, saying that if anyone could figure out what to do IT WOULD BE ME SINCE I KNOW MY SITUATION THE BEST. Whaaaat? Why do you think I pursued your clinic out of State? I was hoping YOU could figure it out! Even my brilliant functional medicine doctor in addition to your brilliant functional medicine colleague have largely set me adrift. Now you are saying since I cannot tolerate Dr. Shoemaker’s biotoxin protocol that you cannot help me either? If you think I was able to figure this out would I be calling you? Geez oh man. Lord, come what may . . .

Back to the story of the bird in the hand is worth two in the bush OR wait a minute: there aren’t any birds here right now since it’s after 4 in the morning! Yes, I’m back to my late night schedule again. Let’s see . . . perhaps Luke 12 can remind me that just as the Lord provided me a sweet distraction of His delightful creation in my time of distress, He cares for me and for Steve in our times of distress too. He has provided for our needs despite the incredible expenses, sustained us during multiple special events when extraordinary measures were needed to keep me as safe as possible, and granted me the time and space to get well when I cannot work. I am grateful for my incredibly loving husband, a pretty home and gardens to enjoy when I cannot go out, and sparing of my abilities to think take care of my basic needs. Sometimes I need to wait for the Lord’s timing on some of these things which is o.k. too. I have learned to appreciate blessings in smaller packages with gratitude as they present themselves each day . . .

So I choose to take to heart His statement, His promise to care for all of the details of my life. He knows all about what is happening over here and desires for me to be courageous, not afraid. He has laid it on my heart that He has a plan and a future for my life (Jeremiah 29:11) and that nothing will separate me from Him or His will (Romans 8:38). I get this. Perhaps it’s why I don’t spend as much time crying anymore when the wretchedness comes. Instead I’ll say,

³Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, ⁴and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, ⁵and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5 (ESV)

With the lightness of heart shown to me by my Creator God this afternoon in my time of need, I’ll take the last word of the paragraphs granted by His grace and noted above:

This new day will come anyways, and no matter what may come or others may say, I will find a way to play with lightness of heart in celebration of the One who goes before me and will never go away!

Thank you Jesus for your Word, for your gift of words. Thank you for helping me get through that to which you have called me and should any good shine through may it be for your glory Lord. If it is your will I ask for your healing mercies and a time of blessing. I lift up my husband (Steve), and my brother (Mike) too for your anointing and blessing. If there is anything hindering our walk with You, please guide us, restore us through your Holy Spirit so that we may delight in sweet fellowship with you all of our days.

In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.