Don’t you just “love” when you ask what appears to you to be a focused question and the person to whom you are speaking starts his or her answer with, “It depends on . . .” Yeah, I have heard that a lot lately as I discuss product specs for my new company, Two Step Solutions. My husband is a brilliant mechanical engineer and a bit more focused than me, I guess. There is so much to consider so it depends on this or that parameter, application, material, use, and so on. Yet this reply can be a bit maddening too, ya know? :}]
Enter here a somewhat unusual perspective on the somber topic of suffering. I would have never wanted to hear a blanket answer as to how to handle my own private hell. I understand that Ravi Zacharias and Vince Vitale gently take an “it depends on” approach in their new book, Why Suffering. They recognize that for Christians, suffering poses both intellectual and emotional challenges: God loves and cares about all of our needs yet desires to meet us amidst the unique circumstances in which we find ourselves in as well. Here are some further insights from Vince Vitale in the Fall 2014 Issue of RZIM: Quarterly News, Views, and Insights.
But while pain can be a great obstacle (to belief in Christ), it is also one of the greatest reasons to turn to God. The more seriously we take the problem of suffering — indeed, the more seriously we take the people who suffer — the more we will be led to trust the God who can do something about it.
The challenge, I find, is that what each person needs when suffering is very personal. There is no one-size-fits-all . . . Ultimately, what we need is the presence of a loved one. And when we have the chance to be that loved one for another, our temporary presence can act as an invitation to a life with the One who is always present. One of the greatest gifts of the Christian life is that you never need to wonder if a loved one is near; you never need to wonder if a loved one understands. That Person is always with you even within you.
While suffering can be traced back to humanity’s fall into sin, Jesus is clear that we cannot assume from the fact that a person is suffering that it is their fault or that they are being punished. A second distinctive of the Christian response to suffering is this: God promises that one day He will wipe away every tear. What an amazing claim, that God himself will wipe away our tears.
And perhaps most unique is that the Christian God chose to suffer with us. Suffering’s greatest cruelty is its isolation. The Christian never suffers alone. (We point) emphatically to the Cross of Jesus Christ, to the Cross of the only God loving enough to suffer with us and for us. (p. 7)
May these words encourage you or your loved ones who are suffering. While the experience of suffering is unique to each of us, we are not alone in our time of need. God takes our angst seriously, suffers with us, and will deliver us one day. My prayer is that you will seek comfort in the person of Jesus Christ who loves you more than anyone, more than you can ever imagine. His Scripture reassures us this fact in Psalm 139:17-18:
How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! 18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.
And that’s way more than my words can say. Take care Gentle Reader and do let me know how I may pray for you, k? JJ
Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage. Galatians 5:1 (NIV)
To receive salvation granted by grace is our greatest opportunity in this life. In accepting this invitation, we will know Who holds our future in highest regard and security. We will then enjoy the freedom to live our lives as God designed, as God intended. Our lives will be meaningful! He gave us so much goodness to enjoy in our lifetimes: enough to encourage us when things are not so good or down right evil. Through it all, with Him, we can live without fear and are never truly alone. We can live life with abandon! We can love fully and receive the fullness of love from others especially from our Creator. Indeed His gracious gifts mean even more than “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness!”
I believe in saving grace and it came despite horrific trials. Many trials. Years of trials. A lifetime of trials. Hey, while my life has not been easy it has not been all bad either. I am grateful for much blessing and my eternal security in Christ Jesus. It is because of the trials that I no longer fear the worst possible outcome: death itself. I have faced death many times. For example, on my own could I ever be free in my spirit after witnessing attempted murder? Abandonment? Poverty? Abuse? Physical pain? Agonizing seizure attacks for years? The answer to all of these is YES I CAN. I can be free and yes I am free in Christ Jesus. With His amazing grace I am also free of the fear of death. With that out of the way, I have a new sense of LIFE and I am exceedingly grateful for it!
Lately I have considered launching a new business. As I pondered the best and worst-case scenarios of starting my own company, a question arose about life and death that is stirring my soul.
What if a customer someday dies because of a flaw in my product or services?
O.k. so you might not be the type who “starts with the end in mind” yet this is where my mind goes more often than I care to admit. In other words, what if either the products of my company or something related to my design or advice are to blame for the loss of life of another human being? That person would be someone’s son or daughter; someone’s mother or father, sister or brother could be gone forever! Someone dying because of me directly or indirectly would be tragic. I would be devastated! Surely my family and employees would be affected too. We might lose the business that we worked so hard to create. Our grief could make it difficult to recover emotionally in the years thereafter. How could our lives go on with the guilt, the pain, the horror, the shame?
There is another, hidden layer to my character that relates to this subject of life and death. It’s a part of me that I have never really understood until now. A handwriting analyst in the 1960’s nailed it down for me when I was a girl struggling to find my way through childhood. Everything in my life at that time had to be just so and if it was not, I was very vocal about it! Imagine a 6-year old kid criticizing the way her teacher was reading a book to her first grade class! After all, Mrs. C was not doing it the way that Mrs. B read books in my kindergarten class and that was not right. I understand that I was sent to the coat closet for such offenses more than once!
I have come to understand that the ability to be flexible, spontaneous, open to new things including CHANGE, comes from an inner sense of security. If at an early age we are 1) affirmed in ourselves, our abilities, 2) believe that the world around us is relatively safe, and 3) there is love and affection to comfort us (from a parent or heavenly Father), then we can deal with the imperfections of life. If any of those three elements are missing then our ability to live outside our comfort zone flounders. We will strive for things to be “black and white” when much of life is simply “gray.” Letting go of control and dealing with the ambiguities of life is easier with the character qualities also known as gifts of the Holy Spirit: patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. Further, the gifts of peace, love, and joy will follow for the mature believer in Jesus Christ who can live in the world just as it is. A controlling person is told to somehow, “grow up and smell the roses.” I have found that this is impossible without the work of the Holy Spirit dwelling within me. Who knows what growing up means anyways?
At one time, deep in my character I did not care about the things that I should. For me in the past, having a severely controlling nature went beyond my birth order as the oldest in both of my parent’s families! (Bossy sister? Yeah, I heard that one more than I care to admit.) There was a disconnect that went deeper. At the core of my character I knew that I could harbor hate, malice, distrust, anger, jealousy, and much more ugliness than I care to disclose. Somewhere in my unrepentant gut was a self -centeredness that put myself above all others in such a sick way that I might not care if another human being got harmed around me. This is a horrible quality to have. This is the consequence of woundedness. This is the result of growing up without the safety and security needed to fully bond to the human race. This also made me feel profoundly alone.
At it’s core, I believe that my disconnectedness ultimately did not come from me. I believe that this kind of strife comes from our sin nature that is part of the human condition; I just got a boost in the wrong direction in the form of a largely unhappy childhood. What I would do with all of that was up to me when I was introduced to the plan of salvation through our redeemer Jesus Christ. We are all born with the propensity to sin until truly loved and trained away from it. Just watch a 2-year old rip a toy out of the hand of a younger sibling! Yes, even a darling 2-year old has a sin nature!
Jesus came to earth to re-connect us to our heavenly Father by washing away our sins with His grace. Those who believe in His work on the cross receive forgiveness, a new nature, and the spiritual gifts noted above. Unshakeable peace, love, joy and more come into our lives. Jesus came and through our walk with the Holy Spirit we become freed from the character flaws of our sin nature. This process continues until the day of our death. And deep within our character we can heal and deal with all that is not quite right with our world, growing to become the man or woman He intended for us to be. We can be whole. As we do so, we can fully love one another, forgive those who trespass against us and live victoriously beyond our temptations. We can be free to receive much goodness, do many good things.
When someone passes away, a person with a right heart grieves the loss. Jesus showed us this tender quality when His friend Lazarus died and at the cross. I know that my heart is more full now than ever before as evidenced by my ability to recognize and feel grief when someone dear leaves this life. I feel very sad. I also feel more compassion now than ever before as a result of healing from the losses in my own life. So while I am aware of the character flaw I once carried of depersonalization, I know that the Lord is filling the ugliness of my sin nature with His perfect love. I know that He loves me more than anyone else can ever love me. I feel His love directly and through the people His has placed in my life today. I feel more connected to the other wonderful sojourners in my life than ever before and it is good.
If I start a new company and there is a tragic loss of life or injury for any reason, I trust that the Lord will go before me to guide my thoughts, my heart, my actions, my speech. I pray that between now and that day, should it ever come, that He will grow me in His character so that I may fully love that grieving family or person. Lord help me to do what I can to make things right should a tragedy come to pass. Thank you for breaking the bondage of my past. Most importantly today, help me to design products, services, and educational materials that preserve long and happy lives for others I may serve. May my future customers and employees see Your touch of grace upon my life as it shines through the company I believe you are entrusting to me. May I hold everything gratefully, responsibly, and lightly: ready to carry it or let it go as You desire. You are most important to me, my dear Jesus. You saved me from sin and death for such a time as this . . .
Gentle Reader: shall we start a two step solution together that makes life easier for everyone? Hmmmm. My mother was a gifted writer and my father was an amazing inventor. I have learned much from their skills and abilities. Ah yes, I see a Business Plan coming together.
From my truck I see kayak racks: looks like it’s time for a road trip South.
From our flagstone patio I see the bluest hue of sky that comes with the chill of this season.
From my jewelry studio comes the reflections of many table lamps bouncing off the walls as I strain to create, to sew, to knot into the night.
From our bed I ponder this life as the hours pass in the dark, in the light since the popcorn ceiling never made any sense when I tried to connect the dots up there anyways.
From lying on the kitchen floor I cover my eyes and cradle my head to minimize the brightness of the nickel light fixture, the damage from the internal unrest tossing me about, and the discomfort from not making it to the bed in time. The pup sniffing my hair is sweet indeed.
And when I look up from my heart to my mind’s eye I see my Lord who whispers His words of comfort that this strife too shall pass. He makes all things new don’t you know and this happens whether we can see it, feel it, find it in this fleeting moment of a day. This is where I must persevere as I never cease to look beyond today to a better tomorrow. It must come. It will come! Oh yes, it does.
Psalm 121 (NIV)
A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? 2 My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; 4 indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand; 6 the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; 8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
Love this post from a Calvary Chapel pastor, Joe Mann. He gave me permission to share this from his Facebook posting yesterday. Here is a great reminder of who God is paradoxically from the perspective of what He cannot do.
10 Things God Can’t Do:
1. God can’t get tired.
Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary.—Isaiah 40:28
2. God can’t take on a job he can’t handle.
Ah, Lord God! Behold, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. There is nothing too hard for you.—Jeremiah 32:17…
3. God can’t be unholy.
And one cried to another and said: “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory!”—Isaiah 6:3
4. God can’t be prejudiced.
In truth I perceive that God shows no partiality. But in every nation whoever fears him and works righteousness is accepted by him.—Acts 10:34-35
5. God can’t break a promise.
My covenant I will not break, nor alter the word that has gone out of my lips.—Psalm 89:34
6. God can’t remember sins he’s chosen to forget.
I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake; and I will not remember your sins.—Isaiah 43:25
7. God can’t make a loser.
Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ.—2 Corinthians 2:14
8. God can’t abandon you.
Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, he is the one who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.—Deuteronomy 31:6
9. God can’t stop thinking about you.
How precious also are your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; when I awake, I am still with you.—Psalm 139:17-18
10. God can’t stop loving you.
Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.—Jeremiah 31:3
These words bring me comfort today. I hope they do for you too, Gentle Reader. JJ
When I was going to college we used to say that many gals were there more to look for their “MRS” degrees than prepare for a career. Then when I went to graduate school we used to say that our Master’s thesis was 90% perspiration and 10% inspiration. And as life carried on, while grateful for my education and degrees, I realized that what I would accomplish in life had little to do with either. Who I became had more to do with what I was willing to endure in the refinement of my character as a believer in Jesus Christ than anything else . . .
Psalm 23 (NIV)
A psalm of David.
1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. 4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Yea for those who call Jesus Lord of their lives; ruler of their hearts; and the Way, the Truth and the Life we have so much goodness to see us through. This was never more clear to me than earlier this evening. Brace yourselves as this is not for the faint of heart.
Around 9:15 p.m. I was having one of the most wretched seizure attack episodes and spiritual battles since becoming sick 2 1/2 years ago. Nothing in particular triggers these battles of late: for the last month this has been my nightly rite of passage into the next day. My screams of terror, violent writhing, head banging, and pleading for the Lord to deliver me continued non-stop for over an hour. My beloved came near to check on me at a moment when my nerves were on edge like a dry ember along a raging fire. I cried out in sudden frightfulness when surprised by his silhouette in the darkness. Later he returned to check on me again, clarify what had happened, and continue to pray for deliverance from the hell that I was enduring. I had a sense that more wretchedness was welling up inside me so he was willing to grab the camera and videotape the horrifying moment in time. Then all was quiet. I lain on the bed exasperated with exhaustion. My voice was hoarse, my frame sore from the thrashing about. I was fried yet awake at the same time. Man did my neck and shoulders hurt! (sigh)
It’s times like these I have to ask myself if I am even going to make it through the evening. Sometimes I am not sure based upon what I am experiencing. I have to push through the binding down as I am seizing to even breathe while holding a pillow around my head (to avoid injury). What in the world causes this? Sadly the worst was not over: it just needed to take a new form. The spiritual attacks ramped up next as Steve returned so I asked him to hold me tightly. He prayed aloud, sang a few hymns, and made sure I was safe as I wrestled with the effects of the attacks. The new seizures, vocalizations, gut-wrenching tears went on for another 30 minutes or so with a few breaks for us to catch our breath, thankfully. And then the worst was over. A few zips, tic attacks, and guttural utterances slipped through with some low level shaking that looked a lot like shivering. The whole episode had started with shivering before it escalated into full body wrestling. Good grief.
The rain started swiftly outside the bedroom window around midnight. The rushing sound of the water hitting the glass sounded more like my truck going through a car wash than a summer downpour. And then suddenly I felt a strong urge to go outside . . . into the rain. I needed to get up out of bed to try to put some closure on all that we had endured in the past 2 hours. Lying there could invite more aftershocks so I strained to get up. Alas I needed cleansing from the darkness.
Now I know why I selected the new black-n-white header photo for this blog. The picture shown above came into mind as I walked decisively outside and into the redeeming waters from heaven. Now I didn’t go crazy or anything with holy laughter or getting drenched by the chilly droplets pouring onto my weakened frame. Just for a few moments I stepped into the night to feel the cool wetness and look up into the sky above. Three times I retreated under the covered porch to warm myself slightly before stepping back out into the night. It felt good! My socks were getting really wet though so I removed them as I went back into the house on the way to a lovely warm shower. A little giddiness slipped into my steps as I realized how many decades it had been since dabbling in a summer rainfall. I thought of the girl in the black and white photo. Yes, little one, I understand your smile completely.
Gentle Reader let’s be clear on one thing: if there was a remedy for this illness of course I would take it in a heartbeat! While these episodes provide rich fodder for spiritual lessons and blogging, I’m cool with someday writing about gardening instead! Earlier today a root canal specialist doubted that there is any infection hidden in my gums causing systemic issues or chronic illness that would create waking seizures. Hey, my upper left jaw has been sore for many years so it was worth a shot to have it ruled out. Sure I’ll see an oral surgeon in a couple of weeks for a special scan just to make sure of things. Looks like it might be another dead end to a “bunny trail.” I guess I just need to wait on the Lord for a time until he leads me beside “waters” that will “quiet” the unrest in my central nervous system. I’ll see my Lyme literate medical doctor on Friday for a status update. We have so very much to discuss with the ER visit 2 weeks ago and recent worsening of symptoms. The arduous process of managing my care thus continues.
And yet in the worst moment of this evening, the one where it’s as if Satan himself taunted me to give in to his schemes instead of trusting in my Jesus, a teeny tiny voice inside me uttered that I will continue to trust in the Lord regardless of the suffering. Steve reminded me of how Job of the Old Testament questioned what was happening to him even as he waited on the Lord in horrible circumstances. Then when God reminded Job who He is: His mastery over all He created, His almighty power, omniscience, and omnipresence, Job fell to the ground despite his gaping wounds to submit in worship. I wonder if he heard a tiny voice stir inside his spirit as well? I am just so very grateful that this inner voice, the leading of the Holy Spirit within those of us who believe, remains no matter what the trials may bring. I heard it today and His refreshing words comforted me like the healing rains outside my window. Thank you Lord that You are here with me like You were with Job. You are the same today as yesterday and worthy of our praise. YES, I will trust in You!
So if you think you too are facing circumstances that create perspiration and exasperation I encourage you to hang on until the inspiration comes. Specifically, Gentle Reader, I encourage you to hang on to the Shepherd who refreshes the soul and will bring comfort in due time. We must remain vigilant in keeping our eyes fixed on the face of Jesus Christ lest the evil one gain a foothold in our hearts, our minds. Put on your spiritual armor (Ephesians 6:10-17) with the holy scriptures and he will flee in the name of Jesus Christ. I guarantee you that warm fellowship with the One who loves you more than anyone will minister to your needs completely. Hang tough. Greener pastures are coming soon! JJ
Jesus is for the Wounded 
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