Jesus is Enough

Jesushugginggirl

 

Here is where I am at today, in the arms of my Lord.  Tough night.  Tough day.  And He knows and cares for me always.  Thank you Jesus!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

New Sport: Thwarting Disaster!

So glad the Lord gave me the presence of mind to cancel a Methacholine Challenge Test today.  I feel exhausted from the prospect that I could have died had I gone through with the test . . .

In the process of diagnosing asthma, a Doc orders a pulmonary function test.  If your lung capacity is deficient for either the intake or exhalation of air, you may have a problem warranting treatment or at least a rescue inhaler.  Since I started having severe chest pain and compression symptoms at the end of March, the LLMD ordered this test for me.  I completed it about a month ago with findings suggestive of mild asthma.  Hmmmm.  I’ve never had breathing problems before and the onset coincidentally occurred during the stress of relocating back to my home after mold remediation.  I was scared.  A lot was at stake.  We had spent thousands of dollars to remediate our home, much of it not covered by insurance or the gift of friends.  How was I going to do after 76 days away from home?  Turns out that I did o.k. initially then the noxious symptoms gradually returned.  Oh well.

We have continued to narrow down and eliminate the potential triggers over these past two months so I can get well.  This takes time and there have been some successes and failures alike. As long as there is an underlying Lyme Disease process (that I am not well enough yet to treat directly), I will have some sickness every day.  But the bottom line is that I did not have difficulty breathing or feel like an elephant was sitting on my chest until the last week of March, 2013!  The LLMD ruled out a heart attack.  Then a negative lab finding for a complication of mold illness suggested that I might benefit from a particular prescription medication, not covered by insurance.  I tried it and am receiving some benefit, gratefully.  The chest pressure is less most of the time.

Today was an exception.  I had a particularly severe reaction to our ol’ church building last night resulting in about 45-minutes of intermittent seizure attacks and marked chest symptoms.  I was still pretty sore today despite taking the medication for the latter symptoms.  So when hearing the risks of the Methacholine (MC) Challenge Test today including a full blown asthma attack, I got really scared.  The MC progressively constricts your airway while a respiratory therapist takes measurements of your breathing.  Holy cripes!  If your values go down 20% then they give you Albuterol to open your airway.  Well isn’t that dandy.  I was given Albuterol as part of the test protocol during the Pulmonary Function Test last month and did not notice any difference in terms of breathing easier.  Thankfully, I had a respiratory therapist who was willing to talk with me in detail today about the test, his experiences, my PFT findings; we agreed about the extreme likelihood that I would react negatively . . .

I feel like I stared death in the face today.  If I would have reacted, it would have not only been a full blown seizure attack AGAIN, but the risk of respiratory arrest.   Holy crap!  Remember the cartoon I posted awhile back about feeling like a lab rat?  This lab rat could have been no more.  I crossed out my name on the consent form and wrote, “patient declined test.”

When I have a seizure attack with chest compression, I do not breathe for several seconds.  It is by the grace of God alone that my breathing re-starts!  If I try to initiate active movement, such as trying to inhale, the volitional initiation of movement triggers another seizure attack.  A similar reaction happens when trying to talk or move as the attacks are occurring.  Eventually I collapse and need to rest.  Much time needs to pass thereafter before I can function on my own or someone else has to lift me up and begin to move me.  Sometimes I can initiate fine motor movements and not gross motor movements (such as walking or bearing weight on my legs).  Usually my biggest challenge is simply trying to breathe again.  Hyperventilation comes first then deep breaths and labored respiration.  Normal breathing is last.

O.K., does that sound like asthma to you?  Perhaps some aspects of it are like asthma.  I don’t think that most of it is asthma.  Google it and see what you think!

So my new sport this evening is first to write until my exasperation with the complications of Lyme Disease are more on the computer screen than in my head.  Sorry for you, the gentle reader and spectator.  This day was a bad one.  The sport of living with long term illness continues as I try to listen to the Holy Spirit and all the advisors/coaches He has sent to get through the game of life.  I am crying as I write this.  You the spectator have witnessed the athlete getting injured.  Not only is my chest still sore but my heart is bruised as well.

I talked to my precious husband on the phone from the parking lot of the hospital this afternoon.  God bless that man!  I was exhausted and barely realizing the significance of my experience inside that building when his kind words soothed my soul.  Steve has asthma and has had a Methacholine Challenge Test in the past.  He was worried for me, praying for me.  He agrees that it was too risky to complete it and ’twas better to have refused it.  After we talked I still had a few errands to run, prescriptions to pick up, supplements to purchase, and of course:  just a couple more plants to take home from a mom-n-pop nursery.  So glad Young’s had the Sweet Marjoram I haven’t been able to find anywhere else in the area.  Just saying the name,  “Sweet Marjoram” makes me feel better.

Now that all of this is “off my chest” I can go do what I do best.  It is dark now but that never kept me from gardening before.  Besides this time it’s planting two planters and I can do that in our garage on my very cool potting bench.  My husband’s son, Daniel, gave me that awesome bench 5 1/2 years ago.  Love it.

Sounds like Steve’s home.  Sigh.  All is well.sweet marjoram

Mulching in the Dark

Turns out that Graber Lumber in Spencerville, Indiana has sterilized and dyed hardwood mulch.  I’d already had a headache for several hours when I decided it wouldn’t make it any worse to drive 23 minutes longer to go pick up a load.  Turns out their stuff is great!  It was so finely shredded that I lost hardly any of it on the road home.  And that’s when temptation set in . . .

I haven’t finished re-digging the borders of our garden beds yet since my health is so inconsistent these days.  My rule usually goes that I don’t purchase mulch or new plants until the Spring clean-up is completed.  Well if I kept to that condition when my health is so up and down and down, I might not get the vegetables planted until June!  So I do a little of this and a little of that depending on the energy expenditure and time required on any given day.  Or should I say, any given night?

Gardening in the twilight is a peaceful thing.  Once the smell dissipates from the DEET-laden bug spray (sorry the herbals just don’t work with me; I’m the kind of person who gets bitten through my clothing!) I move fearlessly into the night.  I can’t see the spiders so they must not be there, right?  My pant legs are tucked into my socks and my head and arms are usually covered too.  Our German Shepherd pup stands guard on bunny watch until I can re-spray the rabbit repellant on a few key perennials.  The weather is cooler plus I know my yard well enough to feel what I cannot see.  Besides, this is the time of day when I feel the best.

I did make dinner for my hubby and myself and put it in the frig for later.  I started washing our sheets again to try a new remediation technique for any lingering mold in hopes of preventing seizure attacks tonight.  The only problem is that the heat in the dryer needed to be re-set and Steve wanted to go to bed early, before the bedding was dry and available.  By the time he came to tell me about wanting to go to bed, some of the sheets were still damp and I was too dirty/mulchy to come into the house to figure out a “Plan B” for him.  I simply had to keep going outside while I could go.  Turns out he figured out an alternative sleeping solution and I continued my evening project:  mulching in the dark!

So I gave in to temptation and finished mulching the front yard at 11:30 p.m.  The lack of light didn’t bother me much and I doubt I messed it up too badly.  Somehow the smell of freshly died dark brown hardwood didn’t bother me either.  My headache got better.  I guess it was meant to be?  Yes, of course, that’s it.

There are two more flower beds and four trees that need the borders re-dug.  I’ll have to get to that soon, to get the areas mulched and my truck bed emptied before the rain storm predicted for the end of the week.  Lord willing, I just might be able to do it.  Only problem is that most of the remaining areas are beyond the reach of any outdoor light source.  I may have to bite the bullet and work during the daytime.  No problem.  Maybe I need some really dark sunglasses?  ;J

Enough Weirdness Already!

I realize the last posting was a bit weird.  Please forgive me.  This is how my mind works sometimes:  trying to be funny, sincere, and well, express myself in some creative way.  The result this week:  an odd blog posting!

And now for today.  The Lord is laying on my heart the reality that I may not be able to return to my profession of occupational therapy.  To work in healthcare requires an incredible ability to serve others under stressful circumstances; work in environments laden with noxious smells, microorganisms, temperature and sound variations; meet a wide range of physical demands from extensive sitting to heavy lifting; and to continuously learn, apply, and re-evaluate extensive amounts of technical/scholarly information on a daily basis.  This is impossible with the ongoing neurological complications of Lyme Disease and Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome.  On the positive side, the need to be adaptable, resourceful, and creative in OT has graciously remained during this time of illness.  These skills have been instrumental in helping me cope with the chronic illness that continues.  The other skills come and go.  Maybe they will come back?  Who knows.  This is a big realization.

Thankfully I do not need to make a decision about my career this evening!  (However I do keep my licensing and continuing education requirements current, you know.)  The Lord is also laying on my heart my next project within my home business, Trinity Jewelry by Design, so I will focus on that for the next few months.  I’m thinking of developing some sports-related products that may be attractive to the kayak paddling community.  If some additional research looks promising, I may move forward quickly now that it’s canoe and kayaking season in much of the United States.  I do continue to learn a lot about using the internet, my online shop, networking, and the administrative requirements of a home business.  Watch this blog for new developments as you will be among the first to get the news!

Since Steve and I never really know the stability of his employment as they undergo more changes this year, we remain open to the larger issues of where we will live and what work will carry him into retirement.  We are not concerned about these types of unknowns, really.  It would be challenging if the Lord leads Steve in any career moves at this time in our lives yet we both have experienced successful job changes and relocations under a variety of positive and negative circumstances.  Jesus is already there, ahead of us in space and time with a plan for our lives.  So glad for that!  For example, I lived in the suburbs of the 3rd largest city in the US (Chicago) before I moved to marry Steve in the Fort Wayne, Indiana area.  In a city .04% the size of the Chicagoland area, I found the best husband, best doctor, best home, best quality of life, and best Bible teacher that I have ever had in my life!  I had no idea all this was possible!  Wow.  God is amazing and provides for our every need no matter where we are on the map.  (Proverbs 3:5-6) Very humbling, for sure.

So enough of the weirdness.  Enough of the need to know.  Enough of the need to control this or that.  Enough of the worry and strife.  I am going to stay in the moment and enjoy the crazy thunderstorm outside no matter what affect it may have on my illness or even if it blows out the power and this blog is lost forever.

I think I will be prudent and sign off now . . .  :J

The 8 Colors of Crayola Poster Markers Revealed

Staying on track during the recovery from a chronic illness requires faith in the Lord for sure.  From there are the little strategies that keep me sane like writing in a treatment journal.  With so much going on from ever-changing meds., supplements, Rife programs, OTC remedies, nutritional strategies and the symptoms that follow, I would be lost without my handy Crayola Poster Markers!  This also helps during appointments with my LLMD when he asks about the course of illness and treatment responses (or lack thereof).

Here’s my simple color key that helps me on track:

  • Bright pink = nightmares
  • Blue = headaches
  • Orange = tic or seizure attacks (thin line for tics; bold line for attacks
  • Yellow= new treatments
  • Green = pain, burning, movement anomalies
  • Red = overall sickness, sweats
  • Purple = new stuff
  • Brown = elimination, detox

Then there’s the traditional yellow highlighter = Beam Ray Rife Treatments and Duration

So there you have it.  I’m on my second box of markers and the green one is running out of ink again.  I thought it would be the orange marker pooping out first but it’s got the staying power I did not expect!  So glad the bright pink and purple ones haven’t seen any activity for the last month.  Those colors are best portrayed in my garden right now, thankfully!  I got to retire the brown one a couple of months ago too.  I’m sad that the blue one gets used most days and especially since physical therapy ended 2 weeks ago.  I had improved and needed to use the blue and green markers less when P.T. was weekly but the insurance company doesn’t want to play nice with my Crayola buddies.  Geez!

Crayola poster markers