In the present moment

A little something from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young (2004)

Rest with me a while.  You have journeyed up a steep, rugged path in recent days.  The way ahead is shrouded in uncertainty.  Look neither behind you nor before you.  Instead, focus your attention on Me, your constant Companion.  Trust that I will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on your journey.

I designed time to be a protection for you.  You couldn’t bear to see all your life at once.  Though I am unlimited by time, it is in the present moment that I meet you.  Refresh yourself in My company, breathing deep draughts of My Presence.  The highest level of trust is to enjoy Me moment by moment.  I am with you, watching over you wherever you go.  (Page 186)

Psalm 143:8

New International Version (NIV)

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.

Genesis 28:15

New International Version (NIV)

15 I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”

The Laundry Still Gets Done

Take me to the top

I don’t wanna cry no longer

Take me to the top

Can’t you see I’m getting stronger?

Take me to the top

Yes there’s room for me and others

Take me to the top

Hey that’s where we will recover!

A simple song, yes it is, written long before I knew the diagnosis of Lyme Disease and sometime after the diagnosis of fibromyalgia.  How could I have known how long this journey would last nor how rich the experience would be if I just “bothered to recover.”

Yes, doing the work of recovery from any illness, addiction, loss, or heartache is a bother!  It takes time, energy, resources, finances, and emotional strength.  When I did it all on my own with my own determination I did get somewhere for a while.  After all I was told at a very young age that I am a “very determined person.”  I’ve tapped into books, self-help resources, 12-step programs, support groups, special diets, supplements, retreats, doctors, specialists, the internet, advice from others, my own creative intuition, and so on.  Yup, I should have figured it all out by now if it were up to me.  Just gotta keep staying positive, helping others, practicing gratitude, and memorizing a ton of slogans and following helpful inspirational wisdom from others on the journey ahead of me.  Hey that’s were we will recover . . .

Well guess what?  It ain’t enough!  No amount of wishful thinking, earthly wisdom, and STUFF is enough to cure or figure out the consequences of living in a fallen world.  This world is not perfect and everything will not be revealed or resolved by the right karma, nirvana, carpe diem, keeping my chin up, and the like.  Sometimes the world simply does not make sense.  I’ve heard the trouble of this world described as the influences of three forces acting against us:  the world, the flesh, and Satan himself.  Maybe so.  Or maybe it’s a combination of them?  Perhaps you would debate me on many of these points.  That’s o.k.  I welcome it.

You will never convince me however that this world is my home and that what I see is all there is.  You will never convince me that there is no purpose to our suffering and that it will end if we just do this or that.  You will never convince me that I deserve better, am entitled to more and should just set more goals to have them.  Sometimes my best is to lay low, to settle where I am.  You will never convince me that if I don’t act now, I will  miss “the boat.”  His timing is perfect now and forever.  You will never convince me there is no God because he allowed this suffering to happen.  Sorry.  I have seen too many blessings that I would have missed or screwed up if I acted to change things in my own strength and timing.  I know better than all this and you can too when you consider inviting Jesus into your heart.

So today, despite the pain and the wretched symptoms last night, the laundry will still get done.  How is that?  It is not by my strength that I live but by He who lives within me and this includes the gumption to fold towels!  When I tanked this afternoon I chose to read The Word first and not surf the net.  Why?  Since He is my ultimate source of wisdom and peace I simply cannot waste my time or energy elsewhere.  They are too precious these days.  Then it didn’t take very many of these precious moments before my relatively small list of things to do became overwhelming.   That’s when I came before the Lord’s throne of grace and He met me there.  Looks like writing about Him was my most important task on the list.  And if I wondered why I couldn’t do something else instead (like go to work or work on my home business), I had to let it all go to the God who holds my life in the shadow of His loving arms, His loving wings.  He knows the right time for everything.  He knows why all this is allowed in my life and He will be glorified in the end.  My best is in the best of hands.

So me and my unfolded laundry are pretty stubborn this afternoon.  Have I convinced you?  I’ll get to those clean washcloths soon enough and I’ll be glad the One Who loves me and knew me before I was born got to me first today.  Forget the laundry.  Hey Elle, where’s your leash?  Remember that walk I promised you yesterday?  Bow wow.

Mulching in the Dark

Turns out that Graber Lumber in Spencerville, Indiana has sterilized and dyed hardwood mulch.  I’d already had a headache for several hours when I decided it wouldn’t make it any worse to drive 23 minutes longer to go pick up a load.  Turns out their stuff is great!  It was so finely shredded that I lost hardly any of it on the road home.  And that’s when temptation set in . . .

I haven’t finished re-digging the borders of our garden beds yet since my health is so inconsistent these days.  My rule usually goes that I don’t purchase mulch or new plants until the Spring clean-up is completed.  Well if I kept to that condition when my health is so up and down and down, I might not get the vegetables planted until June!  So I do a little of this and a little of that depending on the energy expenditure and time required on any given day.  Or should I say, any given night?

Gardening in the twilight is a peaceful thing.  Once the smell dissipates from the DEET-laden bug spray (sorry the herbals just don’t work with me; I’m the kind of person who gets bitten through my clothing!) I move fearlessly into the night.  I can’t see the spiders so they must not be there, right?  My pant legs are tucked into my socks and my head and arms are usually covered too.  Our German Shepherd pup stands guard on bunny watch until I can re-spray the rabbit repellant on a few key perennials.  The weather is cooler plus I know my yard well enough to feel what I cannot see.  Besides, this is the time of day when I feel the best.

I did make dinner for my hubby and myself and put it in the frig for later.  I started washing our sheets again to try a new remediation technique for any lingering mold in hopes of preventing seizure attacks tonight.  The only problem is that the heat in the dryer needed to be re-set and Steve wanted to go to bed early, before the bedding was dry and available.  By the time he came to tell me about wanting to go to bed, some of the sheets were still damp and I was too dirty/mulchy to come into the house to figure out a “Plan B” for him.  I simply had to keep going outside while I could go.  Turns out he figured out an alternative sleeping solution and I continued my evening project:  mulching in the dark!

So I gave in to temptation and finished mulching the front yard at 11:30 p.m.  The lack of light didn’t bother me much and I doubt I messed it up too badly.  Somehow the smell of freshly died dark brown hardwood didn’t bother me either.  My headache got better.  I guess it was meant to be?  Yes, of course, that’s it.

There are two more flower beds and four trees that need the borders re-dug.  I’ll have to get to that soon, to get the areas mulched and my truck bed emptied before the rain storm predicted for the end of the week.  Lord willing, I just might be able to do it.  Only problem is that most of the remaining areas are beyond the reach of any outdoor light source.  I may have to bite the bullet and work during the daytime.  No problem.  Maybe I need some really dark sunglasses?  ;J