Tag: recovery from chronic illness

How NOT to start an online business!

Published on by Jesus is for the Wounded1 Comment
Click on image for details!
Click on image for details!

Trinity Jewelry by Design has become a labor of love for me but it was not always that way!  I started it six months after I was no longer able to work in my professional job due to illness.  While I did all the planning recommended in starting a traditional business including writing a Business Plan, there were a couple of key elements missing for my success.  I would not realize this until almost 2 years later!  My “home business” is actually a hobby that has provided “occupational therapy,” not profitable income per se.  This is still a good thing, good enough to continue for now.

Much of this blog will focus on Etsy since that is the venue with which I am most familiar.  Sellers on Etsy, the largest homemade and vintage goods website on the internet, have valuable online training available for free via newsletters, tutorials, and a deep how-to directory all in one place.  The cost is $.20 to list your first item and your sweat equity is free.  Anyone can learn how to take a product from your living room to the world even if he or she had very little computer training like I did two years ago.  Applying oneself to the process brings a better shop presentation, increased traffic, and sales.  Most small business bloggers will tell you the elements for success.  I’ll approach it a little differently here based upon my personal experience and observations:   success in an online business requires knowing what not to do as well!

Be clear what you are doing.  Is it a hobby or a business?  If it is a hobby, the details might not need to be as polished in the beginning as you learn.  If you want to pay your bills as you learn, get a professional business mindset, plan, and presentation together before you launch.  For example, in my business plan I calculated how many macramé bracelets I needed to sell per week to pay my medical bills and set this as my projected income goal.  Two problems stopped me right away:  1)  I only knew how to make the most basic jewelry from plain materials and 2) I didn’t know how to take great pictures to “sell” my jewelry in this extremely competitive market.  Sizzle and shine move the shopper to “add to (their) cart.”  Identify your purpose and plan accordingly.

Start when you are not distracted by personal and financial stress.  Rushing to get something going, skimping on materials (such as packaging to save money that really should go towards gas in your car), not taking the time to check the endless details (e.g. typos in item descriptions), and a tense mindset can kill the excitement of a new venture for you and your customers.  Also the creative process needed to make handmade items will be altered by a chaotic home office when burdened by illness of a family member or 24/7 caregiving responsibilities.  Going through a significant life change?  I offer that it might be a great time to brainstorm about the new venture but might not give you the grounding you need to present yourself to the world with confidence.

Starting when you have not done your homework will waste time and money.  Every business requires some level of market research.  This might include something as simple as systematically “Googling” your product or service on Etsy, Google and Bing, to see what else is available out there.  I was delighted to discover that the search process can lead to identifying trends in my business sector, spur new design ideas, and even help begin networking with other business owners.  I also realized that my simplistic designs in the beginning were priced way too high for the value presented.  The joy of discovery and creativity go nicely together in the beginning; they are needed periodically to keep things fresh and pertinent as the business goes forward.

Use a limit of funding as a challenge to identify new resources.  It can be fun to spend money on a new venture.  Whether we have secured a business loan, siphoned-off some income from our 9-to-5 job, or withdrawn money from our savings it just might be the limits of our funding that will help us to be the best stewards of our resources.  One area many home based business fail to budget for is marketing.  Yet with just a little reading on Etsy, LinkedIn, and various social media avenues, we can find lots of FREE advertising.  Hello Facebook and Twitter!  Search ads on Etsy are great for a launch of your business or a new product and worth a few bucks until traffic increases.  The same goes with supplies, print services, and so on.  On a smaller scale, I remember discovering lovely new color combinations when my variety of beads and income dwindled!

Dig into social media and link them together.  Those entrepreneurs who are already savvy with social media have a huge advantage over casual users.  Many of us who use social media to chat might not realize its potential to impact our businesses.  For example, I know an Etsy seller who never posts her products on Facebook despite her huge Friends List; she is content to have sporadic sales that barely cover the listing costs.  She owns a hobby business.  I know another wildly successful online fitness trainer who has paid for training to make daily, seamless pitches to her key customers at the right time with the right message.  Others simply hire a marketing company (aka SEO services).  You decide.

Forgetting your baby will make your baby go away.   Even a hobby business will eventually fade away if there are no new listings, website  updates, or other activity going on.  How fun is that?

Remember the power of the personal connection.  I’ll end with this:  when I wanted to explore an online business and couldn’t handle the hassle or expense of developing my own website, I called my Aunt Patty.  She sold patchwork purses and vintage fabrics on Etsy.  I had never heard of Etsy!  She taught me some basics and then I was off and running.  This personal connection that got me started continues with my customers, neighbors who “Like” my listings in our homeowner association Facebook page, international sellers in a jewelry forum on LinkedIn, and so on.  Networking with others who share our passions softens the 2-dimensional stiffness of the internet.   It’s good for business and good for our humanity too.

“How NOT to start an online business with Etsy” goes beyond checking your level of inspiration and available perspiration!  I offer that if you begin with where you are and what you have, clarifying where you would like to go, and developing a love for the learning process then lots of fun possibilities await including success.  I am grateful for this part of my journey while recovering from a serious illness.  The future is brighter now and I’m just getting started!  How about you?

When you know you have to make a decision

Published on by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

I suppose that each of us has our own process that we go through when we know that we must make an important decision.  Some make lists of pros and cons on either side of the issue, others ask everyone else in their lives for advice, a few go “intellectual” doing exhaustive internet research, and there’s at least a couple of folks who hire an expert to make the decision for them!  As Christ-followers, we are called to submit our will to that of the Father (“thy kingdom come, thy will be done”) for His glory, knowing that it will be for our highest good.  The Father knows best and knows us best, through our personal relationship with Jesus Christ.  This brings peace of mind, confidence in going forward, and hope.  But it doesn’t feel very good in the moment sometimes . . .

The fateful night my former spouse was confronted with having an affair, he denied it then proceeded to blame me for having one!  Unbelievable!  In my shock and horror, I had to make an important decision on the same night that I found out about his affair.  From somewhere inside of me I asked Craig to leave for the night.  He did.  And he never came back again.  Well, I wasn’t expecting that for sure!  Turns out that his personality would change completely that night.  Shortly thereafter, he walked away from virtually everyone he knew, his church, his family, and of course me for a very long time.  I understand now that he has reconciled with some of the parties.

The follow-up decision was more difficult:  the decision to file for divorce.  I wondered how in the world would I support myself in a large city, working part time for health reasons, dealing with two deaths in the family and my mother’s cancer diagnosis, and then losing my job altogether?  From somewhere inside of me I found the truth I needed to take the steps needed to reclaim my life.  The process took dreadfully long and much more heartache would follow before I was finally independent again.  One and one-half years later, I landed in my own place with a new job; I was starting to resurface from the mire, rebuild my life.  Then one more devastating blow followed with a condo fire that required me to become displaced for a few months without most of my personal belongings.  At this point I was completely lost.  Who was I now?  The treasured things that provided comfort during one of the biggest transitions of my life were gone, being ozonized in a warehouse somewhere!  I crumbled into a shell of a person and would never be the same again.

The next big decision to make was:  where to live?   From somewhere inside of me I got the idea to ask the elders of my church for guidance.  My own father was estranged from my family and thus not available and the ideas of friends and family were all over the map, so to speak.  I moved forward with purchasing my own condo with virtually all of my remaining assets and turns out that it was a good choice.  The chaos in my life finally stopped and the most important decisions lessened to paint colors and flooring styles.  I had a blast decorating my new home.  It was beautiful.  Even the balcony became a secret garden getaway with some of my favorite flowers and antiques.

And just when I was telling my single girlfriends how much fun we were going to have in the new year, 2007, I came into contact with Steve.  Two years after the finalization of the divorce, I decided to return his invitation to call him and before long, my life was moving in the direction of Indiana.  Eeeek, Indiana?  Folks in Chicagoland equate Indiana with the dirty industrial town of Gary.  Steve lived in a relatively small town, 250 miles from where I had been living for 23 years.  From somewhere inside of me, I knew that I would be moving to Indiana.  Steve’s history resonated so much with mine it triggered a child-like sense of wonder.  He flew radio-controlled model airplanes and I grew up with all of the men and boys in my family flying their predecessor:  line-controlled airplanes.  Steve cycled and so did Craig.  Steve had been a leader in his church and so had Craig.  The men at church and his sons looked up to Steve and this is where the similarities to Craig ended.  Steve’s character exceeded that of most men I had ever met at any time, of any age.  I may have fallen in love with him before we even met.  We became friends over the phone lines.  From somewhere inside of me I knew that Steve was set apart for me.

As time went on, my process of making decisions would change.  From somewhere inside of me I learned to ask Steve about the decisions in my life as a way of honoring him, improving communication between us, and bringing us closer together.  I learned that it is the Lord’s design for a man to lead his household and his wife as an expression of love, obedience to Christ, and his protection and care for her.  This independent-minded Chicagoland healthcare professional would be transformed into a loving wife who seeks to please her husband as the Lord leads and empowers me to do so.  I am grateful, I am humbled to say that submission to Steve has made me a better person.  Wow.  I am still a work in progress in this regard and that’s what grace brings.

So why did I write this blog anyways?  It is rather shocking perhaps to bare the hairy details of a painful process of divorce and maybe uncomfortable for others to read how the Lord may actually have had a hand in such things to bring about a greater good.  Even the goodness does not cover the pain that can remain until it gets worked out, let go of over an indefinite amount of time.  So many people got during hurt these past 10 years in addition to me, in addition to Steve.  I grieve the loss of family life that Steve’s four children had to endure through the heartache of their own divorce story.  Tis pretty clear why God hates divorce.  He wants to spare us these wounds and give us much goodness through the joys of family life.  In the end, from somewhere inside of us, we must decide to trust Him, know that He is God, know that He loves and knows us intimately, and that “thy kingdom come, thy will be done.”  It is our decision to use that which God allows in our lives to grow us into better human beings, better stewards of His gifts, grace, and promises.  He uses the very hurt that grieves us to bring unspeakable joy if we but bother to recover from that hurt, let go, and keep moving forward until His return someday in glory.

For those who know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, the Holy Spirit is that which can move “from somewhere inside of us.”  He is my Heavenly Husband, my first true love who knew me before time began, before I was born.  My decision today is to continue to look to Him for things big and small, following the lead of my earthly husband as well.  If the Lord is faithful in the crises of life, as this blog shows that He has been so exceedingly, He will be faithful in the breath-by-breath wonderings I face today as well.

Ahhhhh.  Such a great reminder from You inside my heart on a wacky Tuesday.  Thanks Lord.

New Sport: Thwarting Disaster — UPDATED

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So glad the Lord gave me the presence of mind to cancel a Methacholine Challenge Test today.  I feel exhausted from the prospect that I could have died had I gone through with the test . . .

Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me.  John 14:1

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11

In the process of diagnosing asthma, a Doc orders a pulmonary function test.  If your lung capacity is deficient for either the intake or exhalation of air, you may have a problem warranting treatment or at least a rescue inhaler.  Since I started having severe chest pain and compression symptoms at the end of March, the LLMD ordered this test for me.  I completed it about a month ago with findings suggestive of mild asthma.  Hmmmm.  I’ve never had breathing problems before and the onset coincidentally occurred during the stress of relocating back to my home after mold remediation.  I was scared.  A lot was at stake.  We had spent thousands of dollars to remediate our home, much of it not covered by insurance or the gift of friends.  How was I going to do after 76 days away from home?  Turns out that I did o.k. initially then the noxious symptoms gradually returned.  Oh well.

We have continued to narrow down and eliminate the potential triggers over these past two months so I can get well.  This takes time and there have been some successes and failures alike. As long as there is an underlying Lyme Disease process (that I am not well enough yet to treat directly), I will have some sickness every day.  But the bottom line is that I did not have difficulty breathing or feel like an elephant was sitting on my chest until the last week of March, 2013!  The LLMD ruled out a heart attack.  Then a negative lab finding for a complication of mold illness suggested that I might benefit from a particular prescription medication, not covered by insurance.  I tried it and am receiving some benefit, gratefully.  The chest pressure is less most of the time.

Today was an exception.  I had a particularly severe reaction to our ol’ church building last night resulting in about 45-minutes of intermittent seizure attacks and marked chest symptoms.  I was still pretty sore today despite taking the medication for the latter symptoms.  So when hearing the risks of the Methacholine (MC) Challenge Test today including a full blown asthma attack, I got really scared.  The MC progressively constricts your airway while a respiratory therapist takes measurements of your breathing.  Holy cripes!  If your values go down 20% then they give you Albuterol to open your airway.  Well isn’t that dandy.  I was given Albuterol as part of the test protocol during the Pulmonary Function Test last month and did not notice any difference in terms of breathing easier.  Thankfully, I had a respiratory therapist who was willing to talk with me in detail today about the test, his experiences, my PFT findings; we agreed about the extreme likelihood that I would react negatively . . .

I feel like I stared death in the face today.  If I would have reacted, it would have not only been a full blown seizure attack AGAIN, but the risk of respiratory arrest.   Holy crap!  Remember the cartoon I posted awhile back about feeling like a lab rat?  This lab rat could have been no more.  Something stirred within me and I crossed out my name on the consent form and wrote, “patient declined test.”

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.   Proverbs 1:7

When I have a seizure attack with chest compression, I do not breathe for several seconds.  It is by the grace of God alone that my breathing re-starts!  If I try to initiate active movement, such as trying to inhale, the volitional initiation of movement triggers another seizure attack.  A similar reaction happens when trying to talk or move as the attacks are occurring.  Eventually I collapse and need to rest.  Much time needs to pass thereafter before I can function on my own or someone else has to lift me up and begin to move me.  Sometimes I can initiate fine motor movements and not gross motor movements (such as walking or bearing weight on my legs).  Usually my biggest challenge is simply trying to breathe again.  Hyperventilation comes first then deep breaths and labored respiration.  Normal breathing is last.  Thankfully I am not alone in these crises even when I am “alone” . . . .

3 The Lord sustains them on their sickbed
and restores them from their bed of illness.  Psalm 41:3

This doesn’t really sound like asthma to me.  How about you?  Perhaps some aspects of it are like asthma.  Google it and see whatcha think!  Such a crazy game this is at times.  There just might not be a winner but perhaps an overcomer in my heart?

So my new sport this evening is first to write until my exasperation with the complications of Lyme Disease are more on the computer screen than in my head and shattered heart.  Sorry if this bums you out, gentle reader and spectator.  This day was a bad one.  The sport of living with long term illness continues as I try to listen to the Holy Spirit and all the advisors/coaches He has sent to get through the game of life.  I am crying as I write this.  Crying out to the Lord.  You the spectator have witnessed the athlete getting injured.  Not only is my chest still sore but my heart is bruised as well.  Thankfully, this too shall pass . . .

27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.  John 14:27

7 Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains.  James 5:7

I talked to my precious husband on the phone from the parking lot of the hospital this afternoon.  God bless that man!  I was exhausted and barely realizing the significance of my experience inside that building when his kind words soothed my soul.  Steve has asthma and has had a Methacholine Challenge Test in the past.  He was worried for me, praying for me.  He agrees that it was too risky to complete it and ’twas better to have refused it.  After we talked I still had a few errands to run, prescriptions to pick up, supplements to purchase, and of course:  just a couple more plants to take home from a mom-n-pop nursery.  So glad Young’s had the Sweet Marjoram I haven’t been able to find anywhere else in the area.  Just saying the name,  “Sweet Marjoram” makes me feel better.

Now that all of this is “off my chest” I can go do what I do best.  It is dark now but that never kept me from gardening before.  Besides this time it’s planting two planters and I can do that in our garage on my very cool potting bench.  My husband’s son, Daniel, gave me that awesome bench 5 1/2 years ago.  Love it.

Sounds like Steve’s home.  Sigh.  All is well.  Thank you for following my story too.

 

 

New Sport: Thwarting Disaster!

Published on by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

So glad the Lord gave me the presence of mind to cancel a Methacholine Challenge Test today.  I feel exhausted from the prospect that I could have died had I gone through with the test . . .

In the process of diagnosing asthma, a Doc orders a pulmonary function test.  If your lung capacity is deficient for either the intake or exhalation of air, you may have a problem warranting treatment or at least a rescue inhaler.  Since I started having severe chest pain and compression symptoms at the end of March, the LLMD ordered this test for me.  I completed it about a month ago with findings suggestive of mild asthma.  Hmmmm.  I’ve never had breathing problems before and the onset coincidentally occurred during the stress of relocating back to my home after mold remediation.  I was scared.  A lot was at stake.  We had spent thousands of dollars to remediate our home, much of it not covered by insurance or the gift of friends.  How was I going to do after 76 days away from home?  Turns out that I did o.k. initially then the noxious symptoms gradually returned.  Oh well.

We have continued to narrow down and eliminate the potential triggers over these past two months so I can get well.  This takes time and there have been some successes and failures alike. As long as there is an underlying Lyme Disease process (that I am not well enough yet to treat directly), I will have some sickness every day.  But the bottom line is that I did not have difficulty breathing or feel like an elephant was sitting on my chest until the last week of March, 2013!  The LLMD ruled out a heart attack.  Then a negative lab finding for a complication of mold illness suggested that I might benefit from a particular prescription medication, not covered by insurance.  I tried it and am receiving some benefit, gratefully.  The chest pressure is less most of the time.

Today was an exception.  I had a particularly severe reaction to our ol’ church building last night resulting in about 45-minutes of intermittent seizure attacks and marked chest symptoms.  I was still pretty sore today despite taking the medication for the latter symptoms.  So when hearing the risks of the Methacholine (MC) Challenge Test today including a full blown asthma attack, I got really scared.  The MC progressively constricts your airway while a respiratory therapist takes measurements of your breathing.  Holy cripes!  If your values go down 20% then they give you Albuterol to open your airway.  Well isn’t that dandy.  I was given Albuterol as part of the test protocol during the Pulmonary Function Test last month and did not notice any difference in terms of breathing easier.  Thankfully, I had a respiratory therapist who was willing to talk with me in detail today about the test, his experiences, my PFT findings; we agreed about the extreme likelihood that I would react negatively . . .

I feel like I stared death in the face today.  If I would have reacted, it would have not only been a full blown seizure attack AGAIN, but the risk of respiratory arrest.   Holy crap!  Remember the cartoon I posted awhile back about feeling like a lab rat?  This lab rat could have been no more.  I crossed out my name on the consent form and wrote, “patient declined test.”

When I have a seizure attack with chest compression, I do not breathe for several seconds.  It is by the grace of God alone that my breathing re-starts!  If I try to initiate active movement, such as trying to inhale, the volitional initiation of movement triggers another seizure attack.  A similar reaction happens when trying to talk or move as the attacks are occurring.  Eventually I collapse and need to rest.  Much time needs to pass thereafter before I can function on my own or someone else has to lift me up and begin to move me.  Sometimes I can initiate fine motor movements and not gross motor movements (such as walking or bearing weight on my legs).  Usually my biggest challenge is simply trying to breathe again.  Hyperventilation comes first then deep breaths and labored respiration.  Normal breathing is last.

O.K., does that sound like asthma to you?  Perhaps some aspects of it are like asthma.  I don’t think that most of it is asthma.  Google it and see what you think!

So my new sport this evening is first to write until my exasperation with the complications of Lyme Disease are more on the computer screen than in my head.  Sorry for you, the gentle reader and spectator.  This day was a bad one.  The sport of living with long term illness continues as I try to listen to the Holy Spirit and all the advisors/coaches He has sent to get through the game of life.  I am crying as I write this.  You the spectator have witnessed the athlete getting injured.  Not only is my chest still sore but my heart is bruised as well.

I talked to my precious husband on the phone from the parking lot of the hospital this afternoon.  God bless that man!  I was exhausted and barely realizing the significance of my experience inside that building when his kind words soothed my soul.  Steve has asthma and has had a Methacholine Challenge Test in the past.  He was worried for me, praying for me.  He agrees that it was too risky to complete it and ’twas better to have refused it.  After we talked I still had a few errands to run, prescriptions to pick up, supplements to purchase, and of course:  just a couple more plants to take home from a mom-n-pop nursery.  So glad Young’s had the Sweet Marjoram I haven’t been able to find anywhere else in the area.  Just saying the name,  “Sweet Marjoram” makes me feel better.

Now that all of this is “off my chest” I can go do what I do best.  It is dark now but that never kept me from gardening before.  Besides this time it’s planting two planters and I can do that in our garage on my very cool potting bench.  My husband’s son, Daniel, gave me that awesome bench 5 1/2 years ago.  Love it.

Sounds like Steve’s home.  Sigh.  All is well.sweet marjoram

The 8 Colors of Crayola Poster Markers Revealed

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Staying on track during the recovery from a chronic illness requires faith in the Lord for sure.  From there are the little strategies that keep me sane like writing in a treatment journal.  With so much going on from ever-changing meds., supplements, Rife programs, OTC remedies, nutritional strategies and the symptoms that follow, I would be lost without my handy Crayola Poster Markers!  This also helps during appointments with my LLMD when he asks about the course of illness and treatment responses (or lack thereof).

Here’s my simple color key that helps me on track:

  • Bright pink = nightmares
  • Blue = headaches
  • Orange = tic or seizure attacks (thin line for tics; bold line for attacks
  • Yellow= new treatments
  • Green = pain, burning, movement anomalies
  • Red = overall sickness, sweats
  • Purple = new stuff
  • Brown = elimination, detox

Then there’s the traditional yellow highlighter = Beam Ray Rife Treatments and Duration

So there you have it.  I’m on my second box of markers and the green one is running out of ink again.  I thought it would be the orange marker pooping out first but it’s got the staying power I did not expect!  So glad the bright pink and purple ones haven’t seen any activity for the last month.  Those colors are best portrayed in my garden right now, thankfully!  I got to retire the brown one a couple of months ago too.  I’m sad that the blue one gets used most days and especially since physical therapy ended 2 weeks ago.  I had improved and needed to use the blue and green markers less when P.T. was weekly but the insurance company doesn’t want to play nice with my Crayola buddies.  Geez!

Crayola poster markers