There’s dirt under my fingernails!

No matter what happens from here, I must rejoice:  there’s dirt under my fingernails!

Yes, in the middle of this wretched illness, with many projects on hold, the sun shone and there was a break in the noxious symptoms plaguing my life.  So what did I do?  I got outside and played in the dirt, that’s what!dirt under fingernails

Harvested the overgrown swiss chard.

Planted the tomato salsa coneflower I bought from a local nursery last week.

Watered!

Cut back a few perennials that the dead flowerheads were spreading their seeds where I did not want them to go.

Cleaned up the dead stalks of the daylilies in the front beds.

Harvested a few radishes and 3 monster carrots.

Tidied up a bit here and there.

Started the conversion of a raised bed into a massive mulch pile for the winter.

Finally trimmed a dead branch from one of the three variegated dogwood bushes.

Cleaned up the grass overgrowth from one of the two trees leftover from my Spring clean-up.  Mulched.

Played with my garden dog, very happy to be out and about with me in the yard.  Oh pups.  You da best.

Now why would I detail every aspect of these precious 2 1/2 hours?  Because I would rather work in my garden than do just about anything.  It grieved me terribly to waste a beautiful afternoon on Tuesday when I was a few minutes from going outside and my symptoms tanked instead.  The ordeal ended Wednesday morning.  And so my frustration has continued for two years, with what has become the “endurance race” of recovery from Lyme disease and mold illness.  The best coping strategy is to make no plans, hope for a little something, and rejoice when at least I get some decent sleep no matter what time of day it comes.

Then when you can go out and get some dirt under your fingernails, TELL THE WORLD!!!  Oh and water soaked my right gym shoe too.  And my knee pads (essential over age 50 you know) are encrusted with mud.  Ain’t it great?

Hang in there, Gentle Readers.  Sometimes something good happens when you least expect it.  :J

Sometimes the night just passes unnoticed

SLEEPING_GIRL_TS4023-550x579Psalm 121

I will lift up my eyes to the hills— From whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.

He will not allow your foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper; The Lord is your shade at your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, Nor the moon by night.

The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul. The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in From this time forth, and even forevermore.

I’ve heard this called the bedtime psalm.  Sure beats the one I grew up with:

Now I lay me down to sleep

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

If I die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take.

The childhood prayer above offers me no comfort during a night like last night.  If the worst outcome of 15 or so total hours of noxious symptoms last evening and overnight were to repeat itself, I would need the truth of God’s word on my mind and in my heart.  Some wishful rhyme uttered as a “prayer” has only the fleeting power of a feel-good sentiment.  It wouldn’t refresh my husband enough either to feed me or carry me to the bathroom again.  Only God’s word has the power to transform our fragile lives, and I know He will transform mine someday.  I know he sustains my beloved with supernatural strength.  Only God’s word provides sustaining grace for all who suffer, for when sleep will not come.

This afternoon I must somehow get to 2 medical appointments despite the lethargy, pain, sweats, stiffness, low grade neck headache, ringing in my ears, and so on.

Oh Lord, I do hope these trials end soon!  Maybe I can nap later this afternoon?  Yawn.

He holds me close

kid having seizure27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. 29 My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. 30 I and the Father are one.”  (John 10)

So glad to have the love and care of the Lord this night.

So comforted to have the love and care of my beloved husband each day, each night.

So grateful to have the love and care of some dear friends and a few family members.

So humbled to have help here and there to carry me and my husband on this difficult path of recovery from a serious illness.  We have health insurance, a warm home, nutritious food, and reliable transportation.  We are blessed indeed.

So hopeful for some new treatment directions and a special medical appointment tomorrow; maybe my suffering will diminish soon, perhaps resolve one day?

So weak, sore, broken, pained, sad at times too.  It’s all in the mix.

One thing is for sure as spoken by Jesus:  he has me firmly in his grasp, regardless of how I feel, what I fear, my past experience, and so on.  He is holding me close.  And when I’m next to tears that is a great comfort indeed.

Ever need a hug like that?  It’s there for you too Gentle Reader.  In the great mystery of His infinite love, the Lord holds near to His heart all those that believe in Him.  In these crazy times I can think of no better place to be.  Think about it, won’t you?

John 10 sheep

Sneak Peak: Hope Beyond Lyme: The First Year

HOPE eBook Cover

Here’s an important peek into the eBook borne out of this online blog with updated material, bonuses, and references.  Stay tuned for publication information, coming soon!  Thanks a bunch,  Just Julie

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Final Thoughts

August 24, 2013

“Life is like a box of chocolates.  Sometimes you don’t know what you’re gonna get.” 

Remember this famous line from the movie, Forrest Gump?  (Paramount Pictures, 1994)  Yeah, I “get” this message when the day begins with renewed hope and generally ends, well, somewhere else!  Gratefully, the day is never without hope at some level.

Perhaps you have wondered what you would “get” when you were beginning to read this eBook.  Maybe you downloaded it because of the words, “Lyme disease” in the title.  I appreciate you wanting to learn more about it as it seems I too can never learn enough about this complex and almost sinister disease process that is so difficult to diagnose and treat successfully.  If you would like more information on Lyme disease see the About Lyme Disease chapter at the beginning of this eBook.  I also encourage you to go to the websites of the International Lyme and Associated Disease Society and Mercola.com

By now you realize that you have gotten something quite different from me than a Wikipedia description of this and other serious illnesses.  I am hoping that as we close here, you have seen how there can be more to a journey colored by a chronic sickness than the illness itself. 

Most importantly, I hope that you can see how much of a difference it can make to have a personal relationship with God through His son, Jesus Christ, when enduring a serious illness.  He has changed my perspective and transcended my experience over and over again in a way that continues to make a difference.  I could not go on without Him!  Life is just too difficult otherwise.

I hope that you have come to understand that you too can have this personal relationship with God by coming before the Father in prayer and supplication, in the name of Jesus Christ.  As we each approach the “throne of grace,” we must first acknowledge that we are imperfect, live in an imperfect world, and have an imperfect life.  The world is imperfect not because of our mistakes but because of its falleness and that is due to the presence of sin.  Sin in turn affects us no matter who we are as a part of our human condition (Romans 3:23).  We come to understand that we can overcome sin by admitting our brokenness, asking for forgiveness from the Giver of life, and accepting the gift of saving grace to wipe the slate clean:  He then restores us to a right relationship with God.  We are forgiven and free, now and forevermore.  (John 3:16)

The faith needed to believe this truth and go forth comes from reading and hearing His inerrant Word, the Bible.  (Romans 10:17)  When we do make a decision to believe, we enter into a relationship with the God of the universe (and with fellow believers too) that can never be taken away unless we denounce that Jesus is Lord.  We are saved from the guilt of our sin and our perspective in life changes.  We are never, ever alone again as we receive the indwelling gift of His Holy Spirit:  our Counselor, Our Guide.  We also embark on an amazing journey that brings peace, love, joy, spiritual gifts, blessings, and promises that will take us through everything and anything that happens on this earth.  We will not truly know what this is like until we make a decision for Christ.

And one day when our time on this earth is over, we will enter into His presence to live with Him forevermore.  We cannot even fathom the infinite glory of heaven in our finite earthly minds.  In heaven there will be no more suffering, no more tears.  Wow.  None! 

If you have not already done so, and would like to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, I encourage you to pray a prayer of repentance and submission right now.  In doing so, you surely will receive:   Hope Beyond Lyme.  And if you do, would you send me an email and tell me about?  I’d like to be among the first to welcome you into the family of Christ.

Take care, Gentle Reader.  Just Julie

Sending in the big guns

As the old Kenny Roger’s song, The Gambler goes, ya gotta know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away, know when to run . . . .

Today I chose to  . . . RUN!!!

Yes, it’s time for another crazy Lyme story.  Grab a cup of coffee and here we go:

The sharp neck headaches continue to be menacing, even with the recent slight slowing of intensity, duration, and frequency of seizure attacks.  Six months of intense daily episodes and a total of 1 1/2 years since they first began have taken their toll on my deconditioned frame.  It’s like having a little fender bender several times per day in a car that’s a little too small to support your head and neck correctly:  thrashing around, repetitively in one direction then another.  Enough is enough already!

Enter into the picture a new chiropractor.  He was referred to me by Dr. N because Dr. N thought he would provide a more comprehensive approach to treatment.  Dr. N has a no nonsense orthopedic practice that offers spinal decompression and traditional chiropractic care.  Dr. N had taken a long time to contact my Lyme Literate Medical Doctor (LLMD) so I kind of wrote him off after the first 7 treatments.  I wanted Dr. N to coordinate my care with the LLMD since I was experiencing so many tic and seizure attacks during treatment.  Paradoxically, even though I had seizure attacks during every chiropractic visit, I was feeling better!  The neck headaches had diminished, my range of motion had significantly improved, and I was back to taking short walks despite the ongoing episodes in the office and at home.  At least part of my body was functioning better!

But by the time Dr. N finally called me to share the results of his consult with my LLMD, 3 weeks had passed.  Dr. N referred me to another chiropractor whom he felt had a more “comprehensive” approach.  He was convinced that Dr. H could help me.  Seriously?

After meeting with Dr. H today it is pretty clear that they probably barely knew each other.  Dr. H had worked in the chiropractic building that Dr. N purchased when Dr. H opened his practice over 10 years ago.  I doubt that Dr. N knew much about what Dr. H really did as a chiropractor.  Today I met a wacko pervert salesperson who barely knew typical chiropractic treatment lingo, for example, pushing off an “automatic activator” as a type of chiropractic care.  The device looked like a football mouth guard with rubber tips attached to an electric handheld jigsaw.  Frightful.  I wondered if he had made it himself?

Shortly into what I thought would be a chiropractic exam, Dr. H asked if he could pray with me.  He had already professed to be a “Christian” and pointed to the pictures with scriptures on it in his waiting room.  Well that is nice.  Usually I look for the framed college degree certificates and a current professional license document — I did not see either, anywhere.  I said, “I guess so,” about the prayer thinking that I would learn a little about what he truly believed.  I had already disclosed that I was a Christian.  Ever notice that so many people throw around the term “Christian” and it has nothing to do with a heart surrendered to Christ?  The prayer was nice.  Then the “shoe salesman” song-and-dance began.

Dr. H’s sales pitch began right away guised as checking acupuncture points whilst holding a bottle of this or that supplement.  Later I recalled that he seemed a little nervous and displayed a very intense affect touching the pressure points around my rib cage.  I have seen many different chiropractors and acupuncturists in the past perform a similar exam so this one was not unusual, except for the collection of bottles.  His mannerisms were also unusual however.  He had started my visit 20 minutes late while finishing up with another patient.  (That patient left with a big bag of new supplements.  Hmmmmmm.)  I had mentioned at the beginning of my appointment that I needed to leave at a certain time (to go to the hospital to have my external IV flushed) so before long he started speaking faster and faster:  repeating himself, referring to the time, and bringing out a few more bottles.  Dr. H pressed for agreement with his assessment:  that the chiropractic adjustments would not hold unless I started a heavy metal detox protocol before my first adjustment.  The appointment today would be for “just talking.”  Would I like to start the protocol today?  Could I come back tomorrow to finish up the physical exam?  Or how about later this afternoon?  He could even meet me at his office at closing time!

Did I mention that his prayer sounded good?  Yes, it sounded like a typical prayer except for one word:  undressed.  He prayed to the Lord something about wanting help to “undress” the issues that I was having to be able to help me.  Undress?  The word stuck in my mind throughout the appointment.  What kind of a prayer is that?  Undress!  What kind of a medical term is that?  Undress.  Where the h*%$$ is your mind Dr. H?  I certainly am not a bombshell these days and was dressed very plainly with partially wet hair.  I would assess he is approximately the same age as I am.  SO WHAT.  And where is your office receptionist?  Do you always see female patients alone in your office in a more secluded part of the office park?

I did what I could to state that I would not be interested in any additional products at this time since I had just started IV treatments and could not risk ingesting anything else new.  I was interested in chiropractic care by a chiropractor who was skilled in manual adjustments of the spine.  He mumbled something about “manual” adjustments.  He could do those too but sometimes a patient needs the mechanical treatments of a device like the “U” jigsaw device.  I gathered my things as he was speaking and prepared to leave the office.  I paused and clarified if I needed to make a payment for his “consultation” and he said “no.”  We were “just talking” and I could take care of that in the follow-up appointment.  I said that I would need to call him back and went out the door.

Sitting in my truck I felt a strong tic zip rip out of my frame and jerk me around.  At this point I was aware that the session I had just endured was very intense and that there was a strong essential oil-type scent in the office and even stronger in the examining room.  Dr. H denied the use of any scented products and had opened the two windows for me, after which I expressed gratitude.  He also said that he was not aware of any water damage to the office (that would indicate a latent presence of mold).  So what was I reacting to now?  A short seizure attack followed.  I was pretty shook up that I’d had another attack in the middle of the day!  Why is this happening when I was not bothered at the time by the herbal scent in Dr. H’s office.  Of course I was definitely upset about Dr. H however!

I sat for awhile to allow time for my psyche and sensorium to recover.  Sometimes I never really know what sets off an attack.  Much later this evening I characterized the experience, the incident at “Health and Wellness” something or another as a form of spiritual warfare.  That guy was a fraud and weird!  He never smiled.  And he pushed products before ever completing a traditional chiropractic exam.  Yes, he completed a clinical interview of my history, reviewed the information that I provided on his intake form,  and threw up my x-ray films on his light box.  Yes there were two models of a spinal column on display in the corner and the typical educational posters on the wall that you might find in a chiropractic office.  But everything else was odd, was inappropriate.  Nope, I won’t be seeing Dr. H again.

One problem remains:  my x-ray films are still at his office!  I had not retrieved my films in my state of recovery after the seizures and time pressure to get to the hospital.  Well after talking to my husband about the whole ordeal tonight, what needs to happen next is perfectly clear:  it’s time to send in the BIG GUNS!  Steve graciously agreed to pick up the films for me.  Yes!  For me to go back could be an abusive encounter.  For my 6 foot 1 man of steel to go back to the office would be a different encounter altogether.  Tee hee!

Yeah, I was wrong when I was single, joking with my spinster girlfriends just 7 years ago:  sometimes you do need a man.  Sometimes you need to send in the big guns.  And this time I am grateful to have had some wits about me to get out of there before I made a bad decision or something worse happened.  As it turns out, Dr. H’s chiropractic license is current with the State of Indiana.   He has no sanctions or restrictions on his professional license.  Good for him.  Too bad for his next female patient.  I guess I’m going to have a neck headache a little longer.  This other headache is history!