Tag: Lord

Sometimes the night just passes unnoticed

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SLEEPING_GIRL_TS4023-550x579Psalm 121

I will lift up my eyes to the hills— From whence comes my help? 2 My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.

3 He will not allow your foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber. 4 Behold, He who keeps Israel Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord is your keeper; The Lord is your shade at your right hand. 6 The sun shall not strike you by day, Nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul. 8 The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in From this time forth, and even forevermore.

I’ve heard this called the bedtime psalm.  Sure beats the one I grew up with:

Now I lay me down to sleep

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

If I die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take.

The childhood prayer above offers me no comfort during a night like last night.  If the worst outcome of 15 or so total hours of noxious symptoms last evening and overnight were to repeat itself, I would need the truth of God’s word on my mind and in my heart.  Some wishful rhyme uttered as a “prayer” has only the fleeting power of a feel-good sentiment.  It wouldn’t refresh my husband enough either to feed me or carry me to the bathroom again.  Only God’s word has the power to transform our fragile lives, and I know He will transform mine someday.  I know he sustains my beloved with supernatural strength.  Only God’s word provides sustaining grace for all who suffer, for when sleep will not come.

This afternoon I must somehow get to 2 medical appointments despite the lethargy, pain, sweats, stiffness, low grade neck headache, ringing in my ears, and so on.

Oh Lord, I do hope these trials end soon!  Maybe I can nap later this afternoon?  Yawn.

He holds me close

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kid having seizure27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. 29 My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. 30 I and the Father are one.”  (John 10)

So glad to have the love and care of the Lord this night.

So comforted to have the love and care of my beloved husband each day, each night.

So grateful to have the love and care of some dear friends and a few family members.

So humbled to have help here and there to carry me and my husband on this difficult path of recovery from a serious illness.  We have health insurance, a warm home, nutritious food, and reliable transportation.  We are blessed indeed.

So hopeful for some new treatment directions and a special medical appointment tomorrow; maybe my suffering will diminish soon, perhaps resolve one day?

So weak, sore, broken, pained, sad at times too.  It’s all in the mix.

One thing is for sure as spoken by Jesus:  he has me firmly in his grasp, regardless of how I feel, what I fear, my past experience, and so on.  He is holding me close.  And when I’m next to tears that is a great comfort indeed.

Ever need a hug like that?  It’s there for you too Gentle Reader.  In the great mystery of His infinite love, the Lord holds near to His heart all those that believe in Him.  In these crazy times I can think of no better place to be.  Think about it, won’t you?

John 10 sheep

Sneak Peak: Hope Beyond Lyme: The First Year

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HOPE eBook Cover

Here’s an important peek into the eBook borne out of this online blog with updated material, bonuses, and references.  Stay tuned for publication information, coming soon!  Thanks a bunch,  Just Julie

****************

Final Thoughts

August 24, 2013

“Life is like a box of chocolates.  Sometimes you don’t know what you’re gonna get.” 

Remember this famous line from the movie, Forrest Gump?  (Paramount Pictures, 1994)  Yeah, I “get” this message when the day begins with renewed hope and generally ends, well, somewhere else!  Gratefully, the day is never without hope at some level.

Perhaps you have wondered what you would “get” when you were beginning to read this eBook.  Maybe you downloaded it because of the words, “Lyme disease” in the title.  I appreciate you wanting to learn more about it as it seems I too can never learn enough about this complex and almost sinister disease process that is so difficult to diagnose and treat successfully.  If you would like more information on Lyme disease see the About Lyme Disease chapter at the beginning of this eBook.  I also encourage you to go to the websites of the International Lyme and Associated Disease Society and Mercola.com. 

By now you realize that you have gotten something quite different from me than a Wikipedia description of this and other serious illnesses.  I am hoping that as we close here, you have seen how there can be more to a journey colored by a chronic sickness than the illness itself. 

Most importantly, I hope that you can see how much of a difference it can make to have a personal relationship with God through His son, Jesus Christ, when enduring a serious illness.  He has changed my perspective and transcended my experience over and over again in a way that continues to make a difference.  I could not go on without Him!  Life is just too difficult otherwise.

I hope that you have come to understand that you too can have this personal relationship with God by coming before the Father in prayer and supplication, in the name of Jesus Christ.  As we each approach the “throne of grace,” we must first acknowledge that we are imperfect, live in an imperfect world, and have an imperfect life.  The world is imperfect not because of our mistakes but because of its falleness and that is due to the presence of sin.  Sin in turn affects us no matter who we are as a part of our human condition (Romans 3:23).  We come to understand that we can overcome sin by admitting our brokenness, asking for forgiveness from the Giver of life, and accepting the gift of saving grace to wipe the slate clean:  He then restores us to a right relationship with God.  We are forgiven and free, now and forevermore.  (John 3:16)

The faith needed to believe this truth and go forth comes from reading and hearing His inerrant Word, the Bible.  (Romans 10:17)  When we do make a decision to believe, we enter into a relationship with the God of the universe (and with fellow believers too) that can never be taken away unless we denounce that Jesus is Lord.  We are saved from the guilt of our sin and our perspective in life changes.  We are never, ever alone again as we receive the indwelling gift of His Holy Spirit:  our Counselor, Our Guide.  We also embark on an amazing journey that brings peace, love, joy, spiritual gifts, blessings, and promises that will take us through everything and anything that happens on this earth.  We will not truly know what this is like until we make a decision for Christ.

And one day when our time on this earth is over, we will enter into His presence to live with Him forevermore.  We cannot even fathom the infinite glory of heaven in our finite earthly minds.  In heaven there will be no more suffering, no more tears.  Wow.  None! 

If you have not already done so, and would like to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, I encourage you to pray a prayer of repentance and submission right now.  In doing so, you surely will receive:   Hope Beyond Lyme.  And if you do, would you send me an email and tell me about?  I’d like to be among the first to welcome you into the family of Christ.

Take care, Gentle Reader.  Just Julie

Brief treatment update

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Here’s a brief update in my continuing adventure of recovery from Lyme, fibro, mold, and whatever:

Saw a new chiropractor for 7 visits and while the treatment got rid of my headaches and increased my overall ability to move, I had seizure attacks every visit!  I finally got word this past week that Dr. N did talk to my LLMD as I had requested.  Still  Dr. N referred me to another chiropractor for more “comprehensive” care.  That did not work out so well.  (See posting from Tuesday!)  I’ll probably go back to Dr. N after a few more magnesium treatments and after I’m able to drive 30 minutes to his office several times per week.

Began treatments of IV magnesium on Friday the 13th; spent the evening with seizure attacks/convulsions followed by 7 hours of tic/seizure attacks into the morning.  Yipes!  Had a better day by the time Sunday came, albeit weak from the previous 2 days.  (Only had one episode that night, on the way home from our Sunday church home group.)  Getting the IVs started has become an arduous, painful process with a minimum of 2 wretched sticks before the RNs find a suitable vein.  What follows on the day of treatment or the day after appears to be a herx reaction or healing crisis of sorts.  This treatment is scheduled to continue for a month; supplemental magnesium is a promising treatment for me despite the difficulties.  I’m praying that the Lord sustains me and that my tender vessels endure it!   Tomorrow I’m going to let them give me the PRN narcotic pain med. with the treatment.  I just need a break from these awful neck headaches that come from the wrenching head-n-neck motion during attacks.  Gratefully, there is improvement with one fewer attack per day, barely a few tics last night and significantly less chest compression pain!  Yes!

Rife or Beam Ray treatments are on hold.  My tolerance for this sound and light wavelength technology was decreasing so it’s on hold for now.

Waiting in the wings is a new round of low dose antibiotics after some lab testing pending soon to rule out a new UTI.  Got lots of itchy, burning, ringing, stinging, stabbing, aching symptoms all over right now possibly flared up by the stress of the IV treatments.  “Rest” is my focus at the moment in my weakened state.  I do make dinner most nights, however!

A neurology appointment is now scheduled for October 1st at the Indiana University Medical Center in Indianapolis.  IU is the go-to place for persons in the Fort Wayne area needing a special consultation.  So to Indy we will go at 5 in the morning.  Hey, if my beloved can take off at 6 in the morning for a kayak race, 5 should be a piece of cake, right?  Gooooo Steeeeeeve!  As for me, well I might still be up from the night before!

Steve and I are grateful for some help with a meal once per week from the lovely ladies at our church.  It seems like the night they bring dinner something bad happens later on, like an emergency room visit 2 1/2 weeks ago.  Their generosity is a real blessing and it sure breaks up the isolation for me when they stop by!

Well that’s the main stuff or at least the news for the masses.  If you wouldn’t mind praying for us that would be great.  My heart is tender for Steve right now because we had to cancel our trip to see his grandson for Jackson Rees’s first birthday and to see some dear friends in South Carolina.  I really need Steve in the evenings when the attacks and physical episodes of collapse are usually quite nasty.  This would be too much for a female friend to handle if a gal was staying with me at night and Steve went out of town by himself.

Steve has travelled alone 3 times since this process of illness began for me nearly 2 years ago.  We have cancelled a trip before but rarely decline local invitations.  Steve just goes to them without me and that is cool with me.  Travelling to Arkansas this past summer was very hard on me despite a couple of nice visits during the 5-day trip.  So to cancel the South Carolina/North Carolina trip is just what we have to do this time, although it’s a bummer.  JR is going to get a big box in the mail real soon!  Anyways, if you wouldn’t mind praying a prayer of sustaining grace (for me) and strength (for Steve) that would be super.  The Lord has helped us and even blessed us.  We are trusting Him and hopeful for all He has in store for us.  (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Take care all,

Just JulieProverbs 3.5-6

Wolfie, the bee and me

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You might think that an Advanced Master Gardener who tested as understanding about garden insects would be a little less squeamish about bugs than the average person?  Er, no.

You might think that scaring the wolf spider who fled under the passenger’s car seat, and the “barrier” of the light of a flashlight and a floor space clear of travel garb in which to hide would make the back seat a safe haven for the 6-hour drive home?  Er, no.  I opted for the trunk of the station wagon!

You might think that I’d be used to a sweat bee pestering us at the outdoor dining patio of a small town restaurant since it’s a common phenomena for late summers in Indiana?  Er, no.

And you might think that the gnat in my wild rice was no big deal since I only planned to eat 2 tiny bites due to dietary restrictions; I’d already eaten them so I shouldn’t care right?  Er, no.

Yeah, you might think that a 15-hour road trip to pick up my River Bear husband’s new kayak would be uneventful for the dutiful wife passenger . . . er, no!  For me it was the little things that meant a lot when they were crawling and flying too close to my personal body parts, facial orifices, and comfort zones!  Perhaps the 7 or so tic and seizure attack zips during the afternoon put me a little on edge for the first leg of the trip from Fort Wayne, Indiana to Erie, Pennsylvania.  I had brought ample snacks, blankies, and a pillow for maximum cushy; the lush countryside as we travelled from the flat soybean fields of our homeland to the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains made for ample eye candy in between rest stops as well.  I guess I didn’t do so well after all.  I just wonder why spontaneous adventures like these can no longer be, er, “normal?”

Sorry for the down mood.  I spent most of the day in bed today recovering from our day trip.  Gratefully, Steve has a beautiful Epic V12 surf ski in mint condition now, for a steal-of-a-deal price:  $500 below the boat he sold to get it.  My guy sure knows how to trade boats!  As for me, I missed attending a meaningful wedding this afternoon with my beloved and many of our friends from church; I had more tic attacks and convulsions plus an additional 4 1/2 hours of sleep instead!  I woke up worthless except for the intact ability to cruise the internet in bed for hours.  Gratefully I’d made dozens of veggie turkey burgers two nights ago to sustain me with the intermittent, partial bag of Beanitos chips.  Ahhhhh, such is the life of a person lost in the recovery from Lyme Disease.

So where am I now?  I’m more stable as I’ve passed my bewitching hour of 9 to 11:00 p.m. when I usually have a noxious episode.  Thank the Lord I already covered that one earlier today!  My husband has graciously attended to some house chores and provided an occasional kiss of encouragement here and there.  I, too, would have liked to have hidden in the dark under the “seat of life,” buzzed about aimlessly until I found what I was looking for, or curled up next to the softness of a mound of carbs . . . I guess from here I will proceed otherwise.

It’s time for me to crawl like the slow-moving sow bugs on our hardwood floors, before the Throne of Grace.  I need Jesus.  I need an infilling of the Holy Spirit, nothing else.  I need to go it alone at what ever miles per hour it takes to drive home into my heart that this too shall pass.  My thoughts need softening and only the Lord can bring this gently, lovingly, perfectly.  Oh my Jesus, meet me here this night.  Let there be Your light and nothing else.  Thank you Lord for hearing me.

Just Julie