Jesus is for the Wounded

In the wee hours of Christmas morning, it is.

My body isn’t happy and my heart feels a little smaller than usual.

I wonder when this or that will change:  when the prayers will be answered?

Sadly, some did not say hello when I made it to church for the first time in a month.

Crying could be in the cards tonight, or at least a little pouting.  And what would that accomplish anyways?

I have so much goodness in my life, outside of this illness and its related difficulties.  About these I have written time and time again.

Why is it so easy to forget the blessings?  The roller coaster of life when it gets complicated too easily pushes my focus off of what is most important again and again.

Put the robe back on, take it off, no put it back on again as the sweat episode comes and goes; am I hungry or is it low grade nausea this time?  Oh yeah, the tic attacks have started again.

There is no end to this kind of thinking in my own strength.  I go on about it here only to illustrate that even as a believer in Jesus Christ, I am tempted, taunted by the darkness of this world.  Perhaps the difference between me and someone who does not believe will be what happens next.  Others may attempt to “pull themselves up by their bootstraps” and cheer up with positive self talk.  Still more will use a substance or dark distraction to erase the reality that can be so difficult to face.  Those comforts will be temporary and fail to something else that must replace it eventually.  Well this Christmas morning, these will not be me.  I will turn somewhere else.

But wait, can a baby born in a filthy village to a teenage girl and out of wedlock possibly comfort me in my anguish?  Even if He spoke wise words, did countless miracles, and 500 people testified that he rose from the dead, does that have anything to do with me tonight?  What if His life, death, and resurrection were perfectly predicted 500 or so years earlier without the benefit of the internet, does that mean anything for me or for you either?  And if He was part of God, the three persons of the one entity that is “God,” does that mean that He had anything to do with me being created?  So if He did create me, did He have really some purpose or plan for my life that included allowing me to get Lyme Disease?

Guess what?  The answers are yes.  Jesus is for the “wounded.”  Jesus is for this wounded woman who doesn’t feel so hot.  Jesus is for those who do good and those who do not.   Jesus is for those who think they are good but can never really be good enough because of our shared human condition:  we are all flawed by sin.  Jesus is for the sinner and those affected by sin in this fallen, imperfect world.  Jesus is the answer now and always.  And when I lift my eyes from my limited life and fix them on He Who is infinite, seek His forgiveness, claim that He is Lord, my eternal life comes into view.  This trial of illness will give way to an eternity in heaven with Him:  and there will be no more pain, weeping, or sorrow.  Yeah God!  How do I know this?  He promised it in His Word!

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. (John 1:1-3)

The answers are all in the Bible and the Bible is God, one and the same.  How does that work?  Finding the answer to that begins in a relationship with Jesus Christ, the Creator of all people, places, things, events, and spiritual entities.    Some go to His Word first.  Some cry out to Him before realizing Who is out there listening and waiting for them with perfect love.  Some find Him through a person who knows Him and draws a bridge to the heart of Christ by his or her actions, tenderness, words.  In the end, we can all find Him if we but seek Him.  Don’t stop with that spiritual friend or influence either.  He, she, or it will fail us at some point.  Trust God to be perfect; just love people (spoken first by my former Pastor, Bill Hybels).  Jesus will not, never, ever fail us.  Jesus is for the wounded.  He “knows” the cries of our hearts as He was also wounded physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually too.  He does care about our sorrows.  He came to save us from the consequences of the sin of this world.   If all this wasn’t true, He would have never left the heaven realms to be born into this world only to die a tortuous death on a cross.  Would you leave paradise for me?  Er, no.

Tonight my heart is transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2).  Thank you Jesus for coming to save me (Luke 19:10).  Thank you for watching over me (Psalm121:5) and ensuring that the trials will not be wasted (Jeremiah 29:11).  Thank you for caring about me (1 Peter 5:7) and taking care of my true needs (Luke 12:22-30).  Thank you for Your gift of salvation and eternity with You (John 3:16).  One day I know that I will be well, whole, and rejoicing in Your presence!  (Psalm 30)

Merry Christmas indeed.

My Prayer Today

The rascally rabbit won and I lost.  Big time.  Two days have gone by and I’m just starting to move about the house.  Guess rabbit is not good for my nerves or anything else.  The weird diet needs to be adjusted!  At least the dog likes it!  Dogs can eat anything ya know . . .

My prayer today is for this nightmare to end.  I asked my hubby Steve if he thought there was something I was to learn from this illness that I wasn’t getting?  He said that maybe it’s like Job (of the Old Testament).   Job lost everything except His wife and a few skeptical friends when the Lord allowed Him to be tested.  God wanted to show Job’s faith to a conniving Satan and gave Satan free reign to destroy Job, but not kill him.  Job endured:  he did question God at one point then quickly humbled himself before God Almighty when God spoke to him.

Job had it much worse than I could ever imagine.  Covered in boils, heartbroken from the loss of all of his children and possessions, and all at a time when he had been living a God-honoring life.  My year-long illness, loss of my parents and brother, abusive childhood, heartache when my former spouse took so much, condo fire, and throwing up 12 times Tuesday night still did not compare to Job’s losses.  And I doubt my faithfulness compares either.  I am too quick to complain.  I am too quick to want more.  I am too impatient at times.  And I just ain’t grateful enough.

The Lord has grown my faith, softened my heart over the years.  He has blessed me, restored me beyond measure.  I have so much for which to be thankful.  So why do I want more? Why do I want it all and right now?  I believe it’s because we are all hard-wired to want something that we cannot have in this life.  We are created to seek that which can only be satisfied in the person of Jesus Christ, in loving Him and letting Him fill our thoughts and times of longing.  While I do seek Him continuously, I must let more go at the foot of His cross AND LEAVE IT THERE!  He is worthy of my praise.  He is honored when I go to Him with my hurts and needs.  He loves me and knows my heart, I know.  I must trust Him even when I cannot see Him clearly.  My faith must grow even more.

Writer Sarah Young understands this process well in her book, Jesus Calling.

Because the world is in an abnormal, fallen condition, people tend to think that chance governs the universe.  Events may seem to occur randomly, with little or no meaning.  People who view the world this way have overlooked one basic fact:  the limitations of human understanding.  What you know of the world you inhabit is only the tip of the iceberg.  Submerged beneath the surface of the visible world are mysteries too vast for you to comprehend.  If you could only see how close I am to you and how constantly I work on your behalf, you would never again doubt that I am wonderfully caring for you.  This is why you must live by faith, not by sight; trusting in my mysterious, majestic Presence.

So I am in the middle of a Great Mystery, written by my Father and King.  My prayer today will now change to learn to rest in His care until His truth, purposes, and blessings are revealed.  Like an adventure of sorts.  I wouldn’t stop reading a great book of fiction in the middle chapters when the antagonist is winning and the protagonist is lying shredded on the ground.

Yeah, it’s not that bad.  Time to take a shower now.

Thank You!

Thank you for being out there for me in cyberland my dear blog friend.  You help me get through some of the subtler parts of recovering from Lyme Disease.  It’s the journaling that makes a difference.  And maybe knowing that some of you are praying for me too.

It’s different than a prayer chain at my church or my husband’s humble update about me at the end of our Wednesday night service.  You read this in the free time of your busy, distracted, already filled lives.  You can hit delete, open a new window, or simply ignore me in a flash if that is your desire.  No one will probably know if you read this or don’t.  I hope I never take that for granted!

By the way, earlier today I did make it through my second craft show.  Praise the Lord!  You would crack up if you saw me walking with my husband through our local discount warehouse store, Sam’s Club, afterwards:  a little crooked, leaning on the cart, then finally letting the cart that my husband was pushing through the parking lot, pull me back to the car!  I was pooped!  Five hours later, the four hour nap was behind me.  I’m doing much better now, thankfully.

So just for you is a special coupon if you are also fans of Trinity Jewelry by Design:  free shipping!  Just use coupon code:  BLOGFRIEND at checkout.  This week I hope to add bracelets and necklaces from Threads of Hope.  Their friendship bracelets and jewelry create work for impoverished families in the Philippines under the ministry of Alex and Chris Kuhlow.  And later next week, the wooden bracelets from women in Nairobi, Kenya and Market Colors will complete our main product lines for this year.  Check the References section of this blog for more info. on these great organizations.  Call it making a difference:  meaningfulness conveyed through jewelry.  Cool beans.

I am humbled what the Lord has allowed me to accomplish this year.  Blogging and jewelry are welcome distractions from illness.  Thank you for being a part of my life.  May the Lord bless you!

Widows in Malawi, Africa
Market Colors:  Widows in Malawi, Africa
Threads of Hope
Threads of Hope:  Manilla, Philippines

It’s Craft Show Season and I’m In

As Saturday gets closer, I’m as excited as I am nervous about what the day will bring.  It’s a big day for me, for sure.

8:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. EST Lord willing I’ll be participating in my first Craft Show at a local church.  My display is spread out on the living room floor, ready to go with both knotted hemp and gem/mineral stone selections from Trinity Jewelry by Design.  I am humbled at how the Lord has used this business to keep me going during the trials of Lyme Disease recovery.  Up late at night, working on the jewelry, posting pictures at my online shop, or researching gem/mineral stone descriptions, this has kept me sane.  I did not lose my mind to the forgetfulness, spaciness, brain hiccups after all.  Praise the Lord!  Now I just need to finish up a few things, set up on Friday night and somehow get my butt out of bed (without seizure attacks or headache, please) and to the church by “way too early” Saturday morning.  Who buys crafts at 8 in the morning?  Geez. Maybe the early hours are for the Cookie Walk that’s at the same time?

And if I get there, I’ll be able to do what is needed because I love this kind of venue.  The sweats, the word-finding difficulties, the head pressure, the pain won’t matter as I will be in my element.  Let’s hope the budding throat and ear infection doesn’t take hold either.  If it’s spiritual warfare rising up then I know there’s victory in Christ Jesus.  See Romans 8:38.  No worries there, the issues that are coming up are just “temporary setbacks,” eh?

As if this isn’t enough, there’s another very important appointment at 3:00 p.m.  I am honored to be the “guest patient” at a special training course in chiropractic neurology per the invitation of my family doctor.  Perhaps they will find the key to the seizure attacks and the cure.  Perhaps my doctor will have in hand the result of the sleep-deprived EEG last week, coupled with all my test results.  And with a sleep study scheduled just 2 days later on December 3rd, there should be plenty of data to come up with a plan to annihilate these debilitating episodes.  Hope is on the way!  I’ll bet after the energy stretch of the craft show in the morning, there will be plenty of fireworks for the class to witness.  Humbling to have to be a guinea pig.  Hopeful for some help, in the end.

So now it’s time to prep some product info. for my friend’s gem and mineral stone jewelry.  It’s all in the mix.  I feel sick.  I’ll do it sick anyways.  It’s Craft Show season, and I’m in!  Cool beans.

By the way, my website is:  www.trinityjewelrybydesign.com

The Throne of Grace

He’s got the whole world in His hands

So much to let go.  So much that still haunts this troubled mind and body.  Troubled?  Yeah, a side effect of battling an illness that affects your central nervous system.   Negative emotions are magnified, fears are stronger than they need to be, stress responses come more easily, and a cynical attitude creeps into more and more moments.  It’s a battle and little of needs to be mine, actually.

As a believer in Jesus Christ, we have THE warrior on the throne, can embrace HIS spiritual armor, and trust that HE will be the victor in the end.  He promises all this to those who love Him and call Him Lord.  It honors Him to call upon His name with our praises and requests.  Remembering this fights against the workings of my brain these days a little more than the distractions and temptations we all face.  No, I’m not special.  I’m just selected!  And I get to write about what I learn along the way!

I used to have a God Box.  It was a tool introduced to me during my years in Al Anon Adult Children of Alcoholics’ meetings.  The Lord used 12-Step meetings as a first step to finding a personal relationship with God (AKA Higher Power); I now know God as my Savior, Jesus Christ.  By writing a prayer request, troubling thought, or need on a slip of paper, I had a symbolic way of turning people/places/things over to Him when I put the paper in the God Box.  My Box was a little plastic folder with imprinted with a world map.  Somehow it seemed significant to me as a reminder that the Lord is everywhere, cares about everyone including me.

So this blog is another form of a God Box.  Here’s the list on my piece of paper today:

Lyme Disease.  Treatment decisions.  $250 per week out of pocket for medical expenses.  Restitution I feel my ex-husband owes me.  Amount of money I was entitled to but didn’t take from the settlement of my father’s estate.  Daily physical pain.  Dreams for my jewelry business.  Upcoming craft show.  VISA bills.  Yard work I’m unable to complete.   Last few CEUs for my OT license that need to be done even though I ‘m not working.  Seizure attacks.  Headaches; will the new OTC med. that worked for me yesterday work when I need it again?  The need to exercise and the intolerance of most exercise.    Oh dear.  There is so much and it escalates to near panic if I don’t stop when the avalanche starts.  I’ll stop here.  I need a good word badly!

15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.  From Hebrews 4 (NIV)

Lord I give you these heartaches this day.  I lay them at Your throne of grace.  I pray for your mercy and help in my time of need.  I also place before you the readers of this blog.  Bless them, Lord for caring about me and perhaps considering the role You may have in their lives.  I pray that each one would come to know you as Lord, lover of his or her soul, friend, and sojourner through this life.  Strengthen those who already know You.  For Your glory, Lord.  In Jesus name.  Amen.