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The Geographical Cure Uncovered

Published on May 8, 2013 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

In a way you could say that the promise of “starting over” has helped me move from:

junior high school student to community leader
my childhood home to college,
Detroit to Chicagoland,
employee to team leader,
health care professional to graduate student,
ACOA and religion to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ
a single life to marriage twice,
Chicagoland to Fort Wayne, and
private journaling to online blogging!

Just wondering: how many of you, my gentle readers, have experienced this too? How many of us have initially and privately hoped that the simple move from one lifestyle to another, one geographical location to another, one relationship to another, one worker role to a promotion, or more would somehow be all we needed to change what is wrong or uncomfortable in our lives? The excitement, the risk to the unknown, the new adventure surely would change everything and bring true happiness! The lure, the answer to prayer, the next pursuit will be “it.” After all, once we have moved on, that person who bugs us, the issue we don’t want to face, the pain that we simply can no longer bear, the emptiness in our hearts will go also away, right? In our minds we might figure that won’t have to deal with him or her, with it anymore.

Not! The only problem with this mentality I have found, is that I take myself with me to the new destination! What I mean is that if I have not prepared my heart to let go of the past, deal with the past, and found new ways of coping with the past, I will somehow recreate the problem in the new location. Not true, you say? You are different? Are you sure?

May I share my most graphic example? I grew up in a modest blue collar home tainted by alcoholism, financial strife, divorce, abuse, and my maladaptive coping style of workaholism. Sure I had lots of friends, school and community service activities, and spending money from working but my inner life was chaotic even sad. If anyone could read my thoughts at that time I would surely be in trouble with someone, somewhere! Out of sheer determination to improve my life as a young adult and get away from my domineering mother, I set my sights on college. Within 3 months after graduation, I moved out-of-State alone to the Chicago area for my first job when I could not find one locally. I had to get away anyways. Finally I would be free from my past and able to live my life as I wanted.

It took about a year for me to realize that my problems had moved with me! My “stinking thinking,” the unhealthy people with whom I ended up associating, the social habits I once despised, and the compulsive work ethic to succeed at all costs mimicked the dysfunction of my childhood home. I walked further and further from my Catholic upbringing. I set my sights on more career achievements and prepared to enter graduate school. When my double-life and underlying feelings couldn’t catch up with my ambitions, I sought counseling to fix it. Turns out it would take a long time, a lot of money, many different avenues of recovery leading to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ to find freedom. The geographical move away from “home” did not do anything to fix anything!

There’s a simple phrase I’ve come across over the years that goes, “wherever you go, there you are.” It’s so silly yet it’s very profound. We take ourselves with us just as we are wherever we go. If we don’t change, the change in circumstances won’t change much of anything either.

Flash forward 25 years and I hope that you will find that my life today is very different then back then. The trials and tragedies during the interim years have been almost unbelievable at times. During 2003 to 2005 I was forced to start over as a single woman and completely move five times. This year I’d say that was a warm up act for the fourteen changes in sleeping locations over seventy-six days during the process of mold remediation at home! The difference between then and now, between the Detroit to Chicagoland move in 1983, was how the Lord allowed me to handle it. Only by the grace of God have I ever truly moved forward. With my life surrendered to Him and with the spiritual leadership of the Holy Spirit and my husband, there was no trauma in relocating this time; the stress was normal. There was no magical thinking; I didn’t need to win the lottery to be at peace. If the change turned out well or not, I would be o.k. and the Lord would and has provided for my needs. The Lord used each move this time to show me His love and plan for my life and the people that came along were His chosen instruments: pretty cool folks.

I have given pretty graphic examples here in uncovering the illusion of a “geographical cure.” Some of you will be able to relate to my situation and some will not. Please get the take home message written best by the God of the Bible:

Romans 8:28

²⁸And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (NIV)

Each step of the way can be useful, never wasted if we but seek first His face, His kingdom, and

Romans 12:2

²Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (NIV)

The first step is to look to the real cure for all that ails us, the One who created us.

Matthew 6:33

³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (NIV)

For those that call Him Lord, He will give us no more that we can handle, the desires of our hearts, a way out when needed, and much goodness; our thoughts and desires both conform and grow in our walk with Him. The pain, the fear, the adventure of letting go will be worth the journey if we but commit ourselves to Him. The move to follow Him will bring a spiritual cure of sorts that will exceed any that we might create or imagine on our own in this life and the next! The cure, the answer to our prayers, may also relate less to our jobs, our families and friends, our places of residence, our ministries, than the condition of our hearts. Our minds become sanctified; our hearts become free.

A fun outcome for me with the move to Fort Wayne to marry Steve was learning to kayak at age 47. This would have been emotionally painful if not terrifying just a few years earlier! And yet few years after relocating and opening my heart to this new love, I became physically stronger than I’d ever been and progressed from a tandem plastic, pedal-driven Hobie Oasis to a solo introductory racing Stellar SR surf ski! Wow Jesus. Talk about restoring the years the locusts have eaten! (Joel 2:25)

Yeah, kayaking in my own vessel may be on hold for awhile while I am recovering from Lyme Disease, but so what. It will be waiting for me, Lord willing, when the time is right on the most perfect of sunny days. In the meantime, I’ll paddle just along leisurely in the back of our ocean-style, tandem 24 foot outrigger canoe with a hot kayak racer/husband forging the rough waters in the front! Woweeee indeed!

So if you’re “starting over,” moving on, beginning a new chapter in your life, I encourage you to double check to see if there is any relational editing or heart check needed in the chapter, in the place that you are in right now. I gotta tell ya that if you don’t, the past could come back to bite you in the shorts when you least expect it. I don’t want that for you or for me. Take a spiritual inventory. Come to Christ and ask Him to search your heart and lead you into all righteousness, cleansed and free. (Psalm 139:23-24) If you do, true joy awaits you. I’m sure of this.

Best to Hang in There When “There” is Unknown Territory

Published on May 4, 2013May 4, 2013 by Jesus is for the Wounded1 Comment

With a brain fog or spaciness that defies definition, I humbly submit this blog update!

Tuesday began 2 doses of a promising new treatment for Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome: vasoactive intestinal peptide or VIP. The first dose was at noon and the second was at midnight. I felt a little on edge as I went to bed within the hour of the second dose, followed by a few tic zips (such as the norm for me these days!). What I didn’t expect next was the fearful images that passed before my eyes as I entered sleep mode. No problem, really. That’s what prayer is for and I called upon the Lord to sanctify my mind. Prayer answered. I was able to fall asleep without any more problems.

My next surprise came with an abrupt wake up at 4 in the morning with a vivid nightmare! When I say vivid, I mean that the bats in my mind were landing on me, in color and I could feel them!) Frightful indeed! Low grade tics quickly escalated into seizure attacks, air hunger, shortness of breath, and at least 20 minutes of rotating noxious symptoms. Not sure which was worse: the nightmare or the aftermath!

I have had nightmares and this type of experience before. The last one was at least 2 weeks ago so the timing may or may not have been related to the new medication. After all, the pharmacist said it was a “benign” drug and my LLMD said that 50 mcg is a low, loading dose. Yeah right. I am overly sensitive to everything right now so it is no surprise that a nasal spray of a new hormone, deposited directly into the capillaries in my sinuses and leading into my blood stream, could shake me up a bit. Sigh. No problem again. This is familiar territory.

Wednesday I decided to take a break from the VIP when I awakened feeling pretty beaten up. For my daily treatment I just ran some Rife programs, slept some more and had a pretty good day overall for me. The post-attack headache subsided and I was able to take care of a personal appointment and run a few errands. I forced myself to get out and work in the garden later and it was soothing therapy. I praise the Lord for His gift of Spring renewal here in the Midwest. I love living here.

I took the next dose of VIP on Thursday at noon. My nose started running right away but this didn’t last very long, thankfully. Then brain fog settled in followed by a ramping up of my nearly constant companion of a low grade headache. Regardless, I got going on some insurance matters that have needed attention for over a month. Guess I’m at the next tier of taking care of things since moving home March 27th; I was glad to “getter done.” The day was going fairly well so I got to go to church with my hubby for the National Day of Prayer Service at our calvary chapel. How sweet it is to worship with my Stevers, to pray, and to fellowship with other believers. It had also been about a month since the last time I was able to go to church.

The worship was awesome. However, during the service the music was sooooo loud, and the bass was soooooo loud that both of us had to plug our ears even though we were sitting in the back of the sanctuary under the balcony! Turns out that plugging my ears is not enough to avoid sensory overload. I cannot tolerate the vibrational sound energy and bass wavelengths of loud music. I do not understand why it has to be so loud anyways? We are there to worship the Lord Jesus Christ, not hurt our ears! Unfortunately, things did not go well after I returned to wait for Steve in the car. I had to get out of there before the spill-over into seizure attacks would begin. The music was the trigger that turned this multi-sensory-sick child of the King into what would turn out to be a 12 1/2 hour episode of seizure attacks. As rocker Alice Cooper once sang, “welcome to my nightmare” once again.

Gratefully I was able to get out of the car by myself when we got home and walk gingerly into the house. Gratefully Steve was available to help lift me off the couch two hours later after eating and resting, so I could get ready for bed. Gratefully I was able to attend to my own self care and even make us some food earlier during one of the breaks in the action. Gratefully I have some new positioning strategies in bed to minimize the impact the uncontrollable shaking has on headaches and other painful areas. Gratefully Steve prayed for me both before we fell asleep and in the morning before he left for work. Gratefully I was able to make a snack when I woke up ravenously hungry at 4 in the morning! Hmmmm. There’s that “4” number again.

The attacks tapered down by the time I was to finally get out of bed at 9:30 a.m. Just a quick jolt welcomed me to my day and I was able to take care of myself and our dog. Once again I was pretty beat up by the events of the last evening. Twelve and one-half hours had passed since the episode began and it was finally over. The shell of the person that is Julie was leftover to slowly get going, make my special dietary items, and take care of the stuff of life before my afternoon physical therapy appointment. Gratefully I was able to start then later finish and mail the jewelry order that was due today. But in the middle of the day and during physical therapy, there was another rebound episode of neuromuscular events followed by copious tears. I am so sad. This is really hard. I am really broken. Gratefully my therapist is trained in some calming techniques of myofascial release that work really well with me. Even at my low energy level with soreness all over my body, I am now able to function again.

So this is chronic illness and the ups and downs of recovery. One day you are excited for a promising new treatment and the next you are herxing from a reaction to the promising new treatment. The physical therapist says that the seizure attacks seem “softer” than the ones I have had in the past. O.k., I guess that’s good. Maybe it is just part of the process of assimilating a new drug that crosses the blood-brain barrier and into a zone where illness has a foothold at the moment. Sure is a tough road, I’ll tell ya. Recovery is not for wimps.

At this point is usually where I write about my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, sustaining me and giving me hope in the face of severe testing and trials. If you’ve read this blog before, you probably know what I am about to write here. You might expect me to say what a difference it makes to have Jesus in my heart or I would be filled with despair. I usually say a lot about His sustaining grace as I truly believe that my life and these experiences are for my ultimate good and His glory. Yes, I am softer in many ways than before this illness began. This suffering will end someday. I know where I will be when it ends. Do you? Do you know where the trials of your journey through life will lead you when your life ends? If you do, does your life show it? Oh I hope so!

If you have not turned to the Lord as your Saviour, lover of your soul, forgiver of your sins (and you all have them, sorry folks, no one is perfect), and hope for all of eternity, then what the heck are you waiting for? How many blogs do I have to write about suffering before someone out there that isn’t saved gets it: the meaning of life is not all about YOU, it is not all about ME. It is all about HIM. It ain’t about a religion either. It is about a relationship with the God of the Bible. Until we are given an eternal perspective that He provides and transcending joy that He grants beyond measure when we but believe in Him, all we have is our fallen human condition. Now that is sad indeed! Our problems will never all be solved in this life. We will hurt. We will lose things and people and places that we love. Our experiences will be a mixed bag at best. We will fall short of the peace we seek when we realize that in the end, the stuff of this life adds up to dust, to nothing at all. We can’t take anything with us when we die. As the wisest, richest king that ever lived (King Solomon) once said, it is all meaningless!

Yes, it is best to hang in there when there is unknown territory. I am taking Jesus Christ with me. My eternity began when I accepted Him into my heart as Lord. Oh gentle reader, will you too?

P.S. Going for a walk with my pup, a friend and her pup. God is so good.

VIP New Treatment Tracker: Day 1

Published on May 1, 2013May 1, 2013 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

With the rather loud barking of our pup, the mail lady delivered the foam cooler today containing vasoactive intestinal peptide. Wow. It is here!

I quickly gathered myself together with a quick prayer, reading of the instructions, and sipping some water before ceremonially administering the first dose. A quick spray in one nostril delivered 50 mcg of VIP in a stable saline solution. It must be stored in the refrigerator so I found a special spot for it shortly thereafter. Here we go again on another great adventure: another promising new treatment approach to lessen the burden of recovery from Chronic Lyme Disease and Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome. Like Mach I with your hair on fire, no?

Within an hour I had a slight runny nose that quickly resolved. No problemmo and this could be expected from a nasal spray. The stress of it all brought fatigue so a nap will follow shortly. Then maybe I will shower for the day. It is beautiful outside today after all.

(For more information on VIP, head to the References section of this blog.)

My Lord goes before me this day and always. To Him be the glory for the results of this new treatment approach. He will be the author of the story that will follow, not the pharmacy, doctor, nor myself. He allowed me to stumble upon this information again and participate in my LLMD prescribing VIP for me. Thank you Jesus for preserving my mind this past year so that I could respond when a new modality presented itself. Thank you for continuing to lead me, walk with me and see that this whole ordeal not be wasted. There are many blessings You have brought me despite the dark days that began October 11, 2011. Your light is forever before me no matter the outcome. Lord help me keep my eyes fixed on You. And if it is your will Lord, heal me.

In Jesus name, amen. Just Julie

It’s after midnight and the tilapia is chewy

Published on April 24, 2013April 24, 2013 by Jesus is for the Wounded8 Comments

The real title to this blog was to be: “To submit is divine,” but I thought that if I wrote that, no one would read it! Who wants to submit to anything? Hey, in my flesh and self-will, no way!

This day I had to succumb anyways to the nausea, headache, half-day of seizure attacks, and relentless sickness that is Lyme Disease and Candida. Oddly, it was lying in bed with my brain “fried” for hours and staring at the ceiling that the Lord gave me the quietness I needed to discover what might be making me sicker: every stinking grain of sugar. Most of us with Lyme, chronic illness and inflammation know the pitfalls of sugar. I’d already broken my denial on that one earlier last year. Sugar feeds Lyme and yeast infections (a common complication from antibiotic and bacteria-killing treatments), messes with metabolism, weakens an immune system already under attack, and simply won’t satisfy the angst of my flesh for long enough to bother with a treat anyways. And today it appears that some hidden sources are making me worse.

I am already on a “sugar-free diet” by the way! Desserts are long gone. I consume 1/4 serving of low-sugar fruit every other day, use only unsweetened products, omit artificial or herbal sweeteners (that contribute to headaches for me), cut out honey/maple syrup and so on. Turns out that there’s sugar hidden in my probiotic that is supposed to be helping me! Two doses I take daily equal 8 grams per day! Oh no! Coupled with the 2-4 grams in my “plain” coconut yogurt, my only real treat, that adds up to way too much! Now that’s a bite in the shorts for sure.

I started to suspect something wasn’t right a few nights ago when I actually began craving my late night supplement concoction mix of coconut yogurt to make the various supplement powders and tinctures more palatable. So instead I found alternate soft foods to use at night and allowed myself the coconut “treat” of 2 ounces only in the morning. Can you imagine the restraint it takes to open a luscious carton of yogurt and only eat 2 ounces? Yeah, I did it and felt a sweet victory. And now that yogurt is my enemy with the HCL Synbiotic Probiotic. I guess even the low sugar fruits must now go for a season as well. This is WAR!

To submit to a drastic dietary change is very difficult and takes time to integrate into a nutritional plan for healing. I wrote the “Extreme Dietary Survival Strategies” in the PAGES section of this blog to reflect the many guidelines I’ve already learned from others and from my own experimentation. Looks like there are some new ones to add! Geez o’ man. Instead of mixing my supps with dreamy plain coconut yogurt, I’ll have to use coconut butter or unsweetened vanilla almond milk. O.k. I can do it. If this change minimizes the symptoms that killed my day today, I will submit to a 100% sugar-free diet.

It is the nature of our flesh to want what we want, when we want it, and in the way or timing that we want it isn’t it? When we want it is usually right now! It is the nature of living in the United States where we have access to just about everything at just about any time of day or night, that makes it hard to delay gratification. It is the nature of becoming a mature adult in a civilized society to learn that planning ahead, hard work, sacrifice, and patience will get us much more than grabbing things within reach. However, beyond this it is the work of the Holy Spirit in the life of a believer of Jesus Christ that knows for certain that the perceived barriers in our lives are merciful paths to true freedom and peace, even joy. Such is the glorious mystery of living with Jesus in one’s heart, where He goes before us with love and grace every step of the way. In the end we will receive more than we ever dreamed possible as we bring glory to our Lord and Savior for waiting on Him. “The end” may not be next week; the end may transform into our eternity with Him as the crap of this earthly life has ultimately succumbed to His plan and purpose. Our wants and needs may even change!

Seems strange that in the wee hours of the morning after some chewy tilapia, my mind would finally clear. My tears have finally been wiped away. The realization that to submit is to live is now here: the authorities, the situations, the delays in my life are Christ-ordained and designed for my best self, best life after all. I do not claim to understand why I or you must go through all of this suffering, loss and pain in the way that we each experience it. Let’s pray about it. The answer to the “why” question is often left to the mysterious unanswered questions of life. I do claim to know the One who reveals Himself to me in His perfect timing with gentleness and love. I do claim to have faith in my Jesus who has promised me that He will be with me through it all.

I’ll betcha tomorrow is going to be a better day.

Let’s wait with great expectation together, k?

At last, a better evening!

Published on April 23, 2013 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Praise ye the Lord: I had a better evening! Got to prepare some yummy foods for a sweet dinner with my hubby and a young family we had not seen in over a year. Even sampled a tiny chocolate-covered almond ice cream tidbit. Yeah, I’d recommend them. They are too small to create any guilt or hard feelings so go for it!

Thank you Lord for sharing your goodness with me today. I needed the encouragement to keep me going when the times are tough. Even if it doesn’t last long, I will trust in You. You knew just what I needed today. Smiles all around and happy feet too . . .