With all of God’s Word at our fingertips, we continue to berate ourselves for not being good enough. Such a fruitless waste of time. This video straightened me around tonight. Hope you enjoy it too. May God be the glory for the great things He has done, including you and me. Take care, JJ
God’s Chisel Remastered by the Skit Guys
Again it seems that my greatest clarity of thought arrives after 3:00 a.m.! Such a strange phenomenon. I am always amazed at all of us web crawlers on Facebook at this tender hour. So I’m not alone after all. So it’s o.k. then, right?
Sometimes I’m not so sure I’m doing this thing right: trying to recover from a serious illness that is. The findings, colorful cords, and beading wonders of Trinity Jewelry by Design sit right behind me, untouched for almost 2 months. The creative juices appear to be flowing more through the keyboard than the macramé knotting board these days. Who can think in color when just three hours earlier I was nearly wretching from the noxious seizing of my once functional central nervous system? Tics of organic origin. Non-epileptic seizures. Whatever. I miss the once creative and functional Julie!
My beloved Steve is so gracious with me at these low times. All I could do tonight was yelp and squeak a bit as he sat within earshot in our nightly arrangement of sorts. I muttered a “help” and he came near, warming my frigid hands and feet with his comforting frame. The episode continued, alas, for another hour or more. Frankly, I lost track of time. All I know is that I did not make dinner this evening; I’ve got another shot at making his lunch for work tomorrow after we part ways tonight Gentle Reader. Looks like I’ll be able to pull some good eats together this evening after all.
In the song by Casting Crowns, Mark Hall sings of praising the Lord in the heartache of life’s storms. Perhaps you remember this moving Lifesong ballad from 2006?
Yes, and perhaps you remember me posting it in a previous blog last year as well. No big deal. No matter how many times it takes, no matter how many tears may fall, and no matter how many blog posts you may endure the message will still be the same: my face is towards my Immanuel through the storm to the rainbow waiting for me at it’s end. Period. There is nothing else for me to do. My Lord has seen fit to keep me here with lightening bolts running through my mind each day. Seizures can kill people. I am still here. For me the seizure attacks are a bit of a right of passage. The more I have, the more my angst turns into breaths of anticipation. What will come with the next breath? No worries about tomorrow. The moment here and now! If my mind wanders to anything stressful, the symptoms worsen. So I am learning to live in the length of one breath at a time. One s-i-n-g-l-e b-r-e-a-t-h at a time.
No wonder it is difficult to leave my chair most evenings! I am weak and tooling around on the computer is certainly a step up from lying there, writhing in bed. Nausea and sweats can increase if I do too much unless there is some sort of a clearing phenomenon first. When that happens I do as much as I possibly can before the freedom ends. Sometimes I’m not quite finished with a task when sickness returns; it’s always a bit tricky when that happens. And that’s when the Lord adds His incredible increase, endurance, grace. I cling to the God-breathed promises of His Holy Word and He delivers me without fail. This is where my spiritual gift of faith comes from: witnessing His faithfulness in my times of need. Faith brings hope as well.
He is worthy of your cries my friend. No matter how big or how small, the God of infinite mercy and love is ready, willing, and able to receive the desires of your heart. If you don’t believe me then your definition of God is not big enough. ‘Nuff said.
I guess it’s time to get up now. Will it be leftover barbeque meatloaf or smoked turkey sandwiches for lunch tomorrow? Gee, maybe I can even melt some cheese on the bread for a tasty treat. I love spoiling my Stevers. He is so good to me. :J
Here’s a brief overview of my wacky journey to date, written for another blogger. I’m hanging tough as this time of illness continues, leaning on the Lord and witnessing His grace in my life every day. I have so much for which to be grateful! You too? :J
First Name: Julie
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Where do you live? Fort Wayne, Indiana
When/Where do you suspect that you contracted Lyme? My doctor suggested it as a possibility in January of 2012. He’s a family practice physician and chiropractor.
When did you first begin to feel ill or start to notice strange symptoms? I have had fibromyalgia since 1992 in addition to some thyroid and female/hormonal issues. Regardless, I was the fittest I had ever been in my life when I became extremely ill with viral hepatitis in October of 2011, after kayaking in a local reservoir. When was unable to recover as time passed, my LLMD suggested underlying Lyme and that I read about mold illness too.
What were they? The worst symptoms included: ongoing nausea, increased muscle pain and headaches, decreased activity tolerance, worsened ringing in my ears, back pain, lightheadedness, extreme fatigue, fractionated sleep, and genital, stomach, and dental pain.
How many doctors did you see before reaching an accurate diagnosis? If you start from the fibromyalgia diagnosis in 1992, the number would be around 60 including chiropractors and a naturopathic physician. If you start with October of 2011, it would be 2: the emergency room NP and my LLMD.
Were you misdiagnosed with anything prior to being diagnosed with Lyme? If so, what? It’s unclear if the myriad of health issues over the past two decades are related to Lyme Disease or not. I started treating for Lyme (first with antibiotics then a Rife machine; supplements too) after confirmation of the diagnosis from biomeridian or electro-dermal testing in January of 2012. A year later we discovered that we had mold in our home and remediated our entire home. I had a significant history of mold exposure in a work setting about 6 years earlier and a genetic disposition that favored mold illness more than Lyme disease. Another year later and currently, a systemic yeast infection (level 3 of 4 levels) has taken center stage in my course of treatment. The treatment of Candida has been as difficult as that for Lyme or mold!
What are the main symptoms that you experience currently? Virtually every day I feel like I have the flu, experience muscle and joint pain, endure headaches/neck headaches, and battle weakness and fatigue. The other symptoms noted above persist as well.
The WORST SYMPTOM by far is that of seizure-like episodes! The first episode happened one month after the onset of viral hepatitis. Then I had no episodes until I began treating for Lyme disease with the Rife machine and after the initial trial course of 5 weeks of antibiotics. Seizure attack episodes thus began around April of 2012 and have gradually worsened since then: generally up to 4 hours per day! If I did not have a personal relationship with the Lord, Jesus Christ, I would not be able to endure this personal hell.
What does your treatment regimen look like? I can no longer tolerate virtually all of the supplements or compounded medications for Lyme or mold illness without the seizure attacks escalating into convulsions! I have maintained an increasingly and very strict Candida and mold-free diet for the past year. Treatment focuses on Candida (rotating anti-fungal meds. & supplements as tolerated); I am no longer able to tolerate the compounded medications of Dr. Shoemaker’s protocol for Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome (www.survivingmold.com)
How much do your symptoms prevent you from living a normal life? My life is severely restricted to chemical/fragrance-and-mold-free environments and settings void of loud music and bright lights. I have not attended our church in about 8 months as it is a water-damaged building. Physical deconditioning restricts former activities including kayaking, bicycling, walking and gardening. I am grateful for the occasional exceptions and was able to maintain some raised bed gardens this past year. Yeah God! Travelling is particularly difficult and severely exacerbates seizure attack episodes no matter what precautions we try! After 30 years as an occupational therapist, including adapting my career with various events of my life, I have not been able to work in 2 years. I miss working!
What do you like to do in your free time and how is this different than before you were sick? As tolerated, I blog in the middle of the night at: http://www.justjuliewrites.com on topics incorporating my faith in God and hoping to encourage others with my story of recovery from chronic illness. I am grateful to have published an eBook this past October entitled: Hope Beyond Lyme: The First Year In August of 2012, I started making macramé hemp jewelry to keep myself sane; today I am grateful to offer jewelry from two missionary organizations helping families at risk. A donation will be made to Ianna House (a residence for persons with Lyme Disease) for all Lyme disease awareness items purchased at: Trinity Jewelry by Design.
What do you want people to know about Lyme? Examine carefully and journal your symptoms (response to treatment, etc.), do online research especially at http://www.ilads.org including vector-borne co-infections, join online Lyme forums, do IGenex testing (www.igenex.com), find an experienced Lyme AND mold literate physician (s), and consider several treatment options as you begin this long journey to healing.
What are you most thankful to have gained, or what important lessons have you learned, from your experience with Lyme? I don’t know how anyone can recover from this difficult illness without two things: 1) the love, care, and support of other people in your life and 2) faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ who loves you, sees your suffering, grieves with you, and will carry you through the ups and downs of this difficult journey. He is our true source of hope! When struggling with hours of seizures at night, He meets me there every time and comforts my weary heart, my weary soul, my weary frame. Sharing my faith with you is my reassurance that this experience won’t be wasted! I welcome your thoughts and would love to meet you, Gentle Reader, through my blog (www.justjuliewrites.com) or on Facebook at: Hope Beyond Lyme. Take care, Julie
I was talking to God the other day, the night before the big snowstorm hit the Midwest and the night before this head cold took me out for a few days. It was after 2:00 a.m. The house was quiet, the Christmas tree still stood tall and magical in the living room, the pup was warming herself on the rug in front of the floor vent in the kitchen. My beloved was fast asleep in bed down the hall. Here I was prowling about the house as usual in the wee hours of the morning.
Usually I head to the kitchen for a snack before my 3:00 a.m. bedtime and read the Bible verses for the previous day from the Android Bible App. After that I’ll finish perusing any garden catalogs that have come in the mail, clean up the kitchen and head to bed. But something gave me pause. I believe it was the leading of the Holy Spirit beckoning me to come dwell before the throne of grace before retiring for the night. And so I did.
I sat in my favorite little chair in the living room and looked out over our home. Gratitude overwhelmed me as I realized all of the blessings laid out before me. The Lord had restored the years the locusts had eaten (Joel 2:25) and provided nice furnishings, my husband’s shiny kayaking trophies, beautiful hardwood flooring and more for our lovely home. Laughter and activity filled these spaces just 6 days before as all of my husband’s children visited with their loved ones in person or via Skype. I was blessed to be able to serve them with treats and home cooked meals before turning in early to rest and recover for the night (sight unseen). All they saw was the good stuff and that is o.k. Sitting before me were opened gifts still gathered under the tree: sweet and thoughtful too. My Lord has been so good to me!
Then I heard a whisper, a presence as if my Counselor, Friend were sitting there right with me in the twilight. He reassured me that everything would be o.k. He allowed me to fill my heart with memories and reminders of His goodness that would be needed in the difficult days ahead. He made it clear that He would always be with me and have my best interests at heart. My Jesus filled me with His love that night. It was a sweet treat indeed.
Taking time to be alone with our Heavenly Father, our Heavenly Husband, our Immanuel makes the days, the nights more meaningful. I know that when I stop for a moment of reflection, I can see His hand leading me, holding me, carrying me, protecting me. I trust that you will see Him too as this Christmas season draws to a close. His omnipresence reassures me that He will be there with you in your time of need just as He is here with me now and the other day. If you don’t know God personally, I pray that you will spend some time with Him and His Word alone somewhere meaningful to you. I tell ya, it’s a really cool thing to do!
13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13 (NIV)
16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5
The pages of my journal are color coded for quick reference to the various noxious symptoms of this ongoing illness. This system helps when making medical summary documents or answering questions during doctor appointments. It looks like every line has either blue (for headache), green (pain), orange (seizure attacks), purple (nightmares or waking terrors), or red (flu-like sickness) today. Whew! I had planned to write the hairy details directly from my journal for my blog entry today but I think that just mentioning the rainbow of wacky stuff going on is good enough. But don’t worry. I am more stable now. I slept until 5:00 p.m. today with about 1 1/2 hours awake this morning for breakfast and journaling. This is crazy stuff man.
And yet every speck of color and it’s accompanying saga are part of the Lord’s perfect plan for my life. I am sad that Steve has to endure this too. Yet as a believer, to have a wife with a serious illness is part of the Lord’s Divine plan for his life as well. How this works is such a mystery! So for me, if I am to live as Christ then I must take His Words into my heart and allow them to breathe life into my achy body each day. I must pray without ceasing, give thanks for all the goodness that continues all around me, and know that He can use everything for His glory. This is a mighty responsibility. Hope I get it right!
Will this time of illness refine me in some way? Perhaps. I know that in another time of my life, repeated trials softened the harsh edges of my personality. I learned that I have a Heavenly Husband and grew in fellowship with Him. (Oh how I wish every married woman would know the joy of having a perfect partner in life as manifest in the Lord so she could cut her earthly husband some slack a little more often!) I also witnessed the amazing provision of my King in what appeared to me as “upside down and backwards” most of the time. In the end, the pieces of my frazzled life came together perfectly. I even met my knight in shining aluminum (aka the 24-foot box truck that Steve rented to move me from Illinois to Indiana!) who has shown me love like no other person on this earth. The Lord restored the years the locusts had eaten (Joel 2:25) so to speak, and I was set to live happily ever after . . .
When there’s a major turn of events in the life of a believer, chances are there’s also a major opportunity to receive something wonderful that could not come any other way. Who changes his or her personality just because it’s Saturday? No, it usually takes a major train wreck or two for that to happen! Because the Lord has shown me His faithfulness, His heart, and blessings even in heartache, I will continue to choose to lean on Him, wait on Him for all things.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the thing which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
These colorful experiences of mine, good and bad are temporary. Thank goodness! Allow me to share with you one more passage that brings this hope home in my heart:
You, who have shown me great and severe troubles, shall revive me again, and bring me up again from the depths of the earth. You hall increase my greatness and comfort me on every side. Also with the lute I will praise You — and your faithfulness, O my God! Psalm 71
We have a Heavenly Father who promises to be with us though all of the trials of our lives and redeem them for eternal glory. Come to His throne of grace with me Gentle Reader and bring before Him all your weariness, hurts and pain. He sees them and carries them with us. And one day they will be washed away when either He comes again for His own or we join Him when our time here is through.
If you do not know Him as Lord and Savior of your life, well, you are missing out on perfect peace and so much more. I pray that you will consider following Jesus as Lord and Savior of your life. If you make that decision today, please contact me and tell me all about it. If you rededicate your love for Him, please tell me that too. After all, to reach others for Christ is the main reason why this blog is here. My time of illness and connecting with you today are part of His perfect plan for my life. They just represent more pretty colors for the threads in the tapestry of my life you might say . . .
Jesus is for the Wounded 
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