Again it seems that my greatest clarity of thought arrives after 3:00 a.m.! Such a strange phenomenon. I am always amazed at all of us web crawlers on Facebook at this tender hour. So I’m not alone after all. So it’s o.k. then, right?
Sometimes I’m not so sure I’m doing this thing right: trying to recover from a serious illness that is. The findings, colorful cords, and beading wonders of Trinity Jewelry by Design sit right behind me, untouched for almost 2 months. The creative juices appear to be flowing more through the keyboard than the macramé knotting board these days. Who can think in color when just three hours earlier I was nearly wretching from the noxious seizing of my once functional central nervous system? Tics of organic origin. Non-epileptic seizures. Whatever. I miss the once creative and functional Julie!
My beloved Steve is so gracious with me at these low times. All I could do tonight was yelp and squeak a bit as he sat within earshot in our nightly arrangement of sorts. I muttered a “help” and he came near, warming my frigid hands and feet with his comforting frame. The episode continued, alas, for another hour or more. Frankly, I lost track of time. All I know is that I did not make dinner this evening; I’ve got another shot at making his lunch for work tomorrow after we part ways tonight Gentle Reader. Looks like I’ll be able to pull some good eats together this evening after all.
In the song by Casting Crowns, Mark Hall sings of praising the Lord in the heartache of life’s storms. Perhaps you remember this moving Lifesong ballad from 2006?
Yes, and perhaps you remember me posting it in a previous blog last year as well. No big deal. No matter how many times it takes, no matter how many tears may fall, and no matter how many blog posts you may endure the message will still be the same: my face is towards my Immanuel through the storm to the rainbow waiting for me at it’s end. Period. There is nothing else for me to do. My Lord has seen fit to keep me here with lightening bolts running through my mind each day. Seizures can kill people. I am still here. For me the seizure attacks are a bit of a right of passage. The more I have, the more my angst turns into breaths of anticipation. What will come with the next breath? No worries about tomorrow. The moment here and now! If my mind wanders to anything stressful, the symptoms worsen. So I am learning to live in the length of one breath at a time. One s-i-n-g-l-e b-r-e-a-t-h at a time.
No wonder it is difficult to leave my chair most evenings! I am weak and tooling around on the computer is certainly a step up from lying there, writhing in bed. Nausea and sweats can increase if I do too much unless there is some sort of a clearing phenomenon first. When that happens I do as much as I possibly can before the freedom ends. Sometimes I’m not quite finished with a task when sickness returns; it’s always a bit tricky when that happens. And that’s when the Lord adds His incredible increase, endurance, grace. I cling to the God-breathed promises of His Holy Word and He delivers me without fail. This is where my spiritual gift of faith comes from: witnessing His faithfulness in my times of need. Faith brings hope as well.
He is worthy of your cries my friend. No matter how big or how small, the God of infinite mercy and love is ready, willing, and able to receive the desires of your heart. If you don’t believe me then your definition of God is not big enough. ‘Nuff said.
I guess it’s time to get up now. Will it be leftover barbeque meatloaf or smoked turkey sandwiches for lunch tomorrow? Gee, maybe I can even melt some cheese on the bread for a tasty treat. I love spoiling my Stevers. He is so good to me. :J
5 thoughts on “I’m stuck to my chair!”
Hi Sherri! I don’t know the answer to your question. At first it appeared to be a neurological complication of Lyme: Lyme seizures. Then it looked like they were related to mold or an advanced Candida infection. I am struggling with treatment for the latter now. It’s tough because the protocol for all 3 needs to be aggressive enough to make a difference, each have symptoms that cycle, and all benefit from a restricted diet. My next step is nutrigenomic testing related to methylation; I have a phone consult with a new Dr. tomorrow. I’m over 2 years into this illness and have learned so much including the importance of letting the Lord and spiritual direction of my husband lead the way. He will use all of it for His glory, for His purposes, in His good timing. Please don’t give into fear, wondering what might be next. The Lord is already there waiting with his warm, compassionate embrace for you and your husband, your family. Proverbs 3:5-6 and Romans 8:38 come to mind. So glad we have met my dear friend. I’ll be praying for you! Take care, Julie
Oh Julie, I just saw your reply. I feared you didn’t want to answer. My children and I are still going through testing. Looks like the kids have some sort of infection as well, possibly Lyme. For now we will work on parasites and immunity with them, and try to get me healed from the Lyme and 5 co-infections. Oh the Lord’s graciousness suppresses my fears and gives me hope. I too have been reading and learning. There are so many co-infections, so many different reactions that I am just overwhelmed with trying to find answers. Have you tried Paleo? Also, look into the Coconut Flour Cookbook and Nourishing Traditions. Great books! Coconut flour is tricky and you have to measure exactly. It soaks up the liquids quickly. Happy cooking! 🙂 I too am supposed to be food combining. Do okay most of the time. Thank you Julie for your kind, uplifting words. Since I am unable to do much else, I will continue to pray for you my friend.
Will pray for you and your family too Sherri! Such a heartache it must be to see your children suffering so. May the Lord be your comfort and strength . . . oh how I pray he brings you an extra measure of grace this day. Take care lady, Julie
Kids don’t have symptoms yet, but their blood tests have baffled the doctors as they are just like mine. We are making sure to keep them in check before they get sick like me. Thanks hon, prayers are always a blessing.
May I ask… What do you think is the source of the seizures? Is it the co-infections, Lyme or the treatment? I am reading so many having them and this is something I’ve not “yet” experienced. My treatment is, according to my doctor, “Less is more”. I’m such a “want to know” person and I am asking only out of wanting to seek answers for what may yet come. Thank you Julie, your sharing is so welcoming. -Sherry (sherrysalabouroflove.com)