healing – Page 4 – Jesus is for the Wounded

When the healing comes

Published on May 4, 2016May 4, 2016 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

Sure has been a wild ride of late. Here’s a treatment update.

After almost 4 months of treatment, I have improved 28 points on the Multiple Systemic Infectious Disease Syndrome Questionnaire of Lyme Literate Medical Doctor (LLMD), Dr. Richard Horowitz! Thank you Jesus.

Lord willing, later this week I will transition from IV infusions of antibiotics from an outpatient clinic to home health care. Our insurance company denied treatment beyond 28 days, leaving us with a massive bill if my secondary insurance will not cover ongoing treatment. Since it will take several weeks to find out the verdict, we cannot keep paying $900 per treatment, 3 times per week while we wait! Hiring nurses (from a home health care agency and one in private practice) on a private pay basis plus ordering supplies and medications online will reduce the price to around $300 per visit. Planning this transition has required considerable time, stress, attention to endless details, and work! The orders are in process with many steps to follow in the next 2 1/2 days. A LOT HAS HAPPENED IN THE PAST 5 DAYS to make this happen. Thank you, Lord, that my brain has come back online just in time. Whew!

I just found out that DNA testing from Fry Labs shows that I do have the FL 1953 protomyxzoa rheumatica (a fungal infection) that can be found in 50% of patients with chronic illness. This parasite survives in the body in the impervious gel-like biofilms that also make Lyme bacteria difficult to eradicate. My LLMD has recommended a combination antifungal (prescription) and biofilm-busting (nutraceutical) protocol that he says could render me very sick for a minimum of 4-5 weeks. Most patients have tremendous recovery thereafter; gratefully I am hoping that the binding agents I have discovered will be an effective adjunct to this treatment plan and reduce the die-off or “herx” reactions. Steve and I are prayerfully considering how to proceed as we were hoping to visit family for an important event out-of-State in a few weeks now that I am “not as bad.” Please pray too! I am soooooo ready to start living again!

Working with a brilliant naturopathic physician via Skype to review my epigenetic data, lab tests to date and medical/treatment history has finally led to some nutraceuticals that I can actually tolerate. Soon I hope to add specifically formulated IV and injectable nutritionals to the home infusions (instead of driving to a clinic we were considering far from home twice per month). And the excitability of my central nervous system is starting to come down at last: generally fewer and shorter convulsive episodes every day for the past 2 weeks. This has not happened in the past 4 1/2 years until now! PRAISE THE LORD! Experimentation with an Iodine Loading Protocol has further enhanced my results. I have to think that I am on the road to recovery at last . . .

Steve and I are encouraged, humbled, grateful, and watchful as the events of these past few weeks have unfolded. I have been able to get out for a walk once per week and work in the gardens around our home some. Some of the pain and headaches that I battle every day have improved; I don’t really complain when it’s related to digging in the dirt as the sun is going down . . . I feel blessed to have had the friendship and support of a couple of friends here for rides to-and-from the hospital for treatments lately too. And we are starting to plan some of the activities again that we used to take for granted in the past: think Steve’s kayak races, the Tin Can Ranch (travel trailer), and the pup in tow as well.

When the healing comes by Lisa Bevill

Enjoy this lovely song that reflects the hope that is becoming clearer for me. I hope that if you are struggling, you will lean on the Lord, Jesus Christ to see you through and keep your eyes on the goal what ever that may be for you. He knows and loves you, cares for the desires of your heart too, Gentle Reader. There are sprinkles of His goodness all around us no matter what the circumstances. Let not the first time we recognize this as only when the healing comes. Let today, this moment be a reminder that the waiting, the “pressing on” as Lisa sings, is an important part of the journey too. Praying for you this night. JJ

A matter of perspective

Published on March 19, 2016March 19, 2016 by Jesus is for the Wounded3 Comments

Monday’s perspective:

The level of sunlight raises up then down in the hallway beyond my bed
Like a child playing with a dimmer switch, how I know where these thoughts have led!
How can I get up and face the world one more, yes one more day?
When so much suffering met me here or there, no matter where the level of light has shone along the way?
Still one cannot judge the next moment based upon the past…
You just cannot predict when joy, when peace, when hope will come at last?
Simmer down inner child and let the sovereignty of your Lord speak.
You must remember how He delivered you in the past when you were so weak.

Your fears, your toils were measured by My drops of blood while I hung on that cross
I saw, I see, I weep, and I am always right there when you feel lost.
Hitch your heart to Mine choosing faith that freedom will come in due time
Watch for My answers, My leadings, My deliverance some now, some beyond a simple rhyme.

There is hope. There is more. There is a heaven, I promise as I know you have seen.
Walk towards My light dear one: what’s coming is greater than what has been . . .

Friday’s perspective:

In time the beatings diminish

And you catch your breath to finish

The week that held too much, oh dear

Gave way to Friday and better news to hear.

Things moved forward: medical tests and even some healing

Living more in the facts by golly with less in the “fearful feelings.”

I might even go out soon: making plans for the days ahead Lord willing

Better get the pup. It’s time for a ride to pick up the bacon, the drugs, the groceries: excuses good enough to put off another day the cleaning!

May the Lord bless your weekend, Gentle Reader. JJ

The Tale, The Test

Published on July 16, 2015July 17, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Once upon a time in a land of giants, lived a woman searching for a dream. The tall buildings and tall tales of love had left her scorned . . . what now to believe in? “Who can I trust with the tender desires of my heart? she pondered. And what would she do to make some sense of this story of hers that has not turned out like anyone had planned really?

Once upon a time in a land of lakes and rivers, backyards that you can really afford, and the modest building of boxes, lived a noble man. He too had been scorned but by a shrewy one, shrinking his honorable stature in society and beyond. And what will he do to calm the distant tempests of this life, to live in peace no matter what may come?

As fate would have it, the two dreamers met over the wires one cold Wintry day. He warmed her with his intellect and she him with her remaining spark. The love between them grew with passion, with promise of a happy ending together one day maybe soon. So they married. And life was good in the land not far away.

She learned to love the countryside, the bearded natives, the giant heart of her Sterjoy. For in his arms she found love like no other. “Jesus with skin on,” she would say. Her night in shining aluminum for sure was now here.

He learned to love the green of the earth, the richness of organic life, the sweet spirit of his Jaboo. For in her keeping he found respect as the man, the leader within that would emerge over time. His delight he spoke of often; her delight to receive.

They found things in common: to write, the open water, a furry Pupster too. Road trips were a perfect match for his love to drive through the night with her lunchbox that was filled with all of their favorite things in tow. Their families said, “at last!” and even the kids eventually came around as well. Theirs was something unique crafted just for these years as all could see. Their heartache had melted into a life that was lovely to the praise of the Lord who brought them together indeed.

Their biggest moment came four years later; no one saw it coming that fateful night. ‘Twas a mystery at first as to why she was so sick and then why it would last so long. They struggled and prayed, they searched and laid hands, they cried and they celebrated when hope would come for a little while at a rest stop in their lengthening journey.

Then things got uglier and she seized relentlessly day after night! She reached for her Sterjoy with angst and often no words would come but the love between them would endure nonetheless. He continued to slay dragons then try to minister to his wife late into the darkness without fail. The toll was palpable yet they lived on, trying and hoping only to have their hearts thrown against the wall time and time again. Herein was THEIR TEST.

Some tests take 2 hours, some longer, up to the duration of your life. How will you respond when the buttons in the fabric of your character are pushed into your soul? Most of us won’t know until it happens to us. And if we make it to the other side who will care when it’s even worse at the next one waiting beyond: oh no, it’s here again, the next trial? When all you know matters not with the tears that collect on your worn sneakers that you are sure can take you no further, no further, I said no further, you are done!

They pondered and prayed some more. They searched the Scriptures of Life. Fellows held them up then held them out for a blessing, for respite, and neither seemed to come as the sunrise cast into its fall. Then they realized that there were wounds in their hearts that their love had blinded them to . . . placing them on the chopping block or maybe for ransom and neither was able to make it different: oh my, just how? They had done all they knew to do, that which prayer and inspiration had taught. But it was their woundedness that needed to go first you see. It had to leave whether she would realize her last breath or not. To go on would require this. How to keep the music playing in their hearts for each other was the real test right now!

So being the faithful man of God, Sterjoy separated the shrewy from his Jaboo. He placed both on the throne of grace and turned his face to Jesus Christ for Thy will to be done. He waited again. He trusted in the Lord over all then waited and waited once again.

She being the receiver of the Spirit’s voice, obeyed in a way like never before. She trusted even in the time when crisis came around again: like a weak muscle that got worked but had only brought forth a crawl thus far. And as she would trust and trust some more until her mind won over her heart, until both of them became strong.

Their story has yet to end while one thing they now know for sure. The trials of this life are never wasted when the Lord carries you through in his chariot of grace, of love, and His promise for so much more. Those two lovers hold out for the hope of heaven and know there they both will find rest. Their love will be perfected by the Giver whose thoughts exceed the sands of the beaches where their lives have taken hold.

This day she has learned to believe her beloved and he, the heart of his dear one.

Gentle Reader, this story is a perfect image of the Groom as He envelopes His bride of Christ, His holy church. How fitting a tale. How fitting a test for us all. Sterjoy and Jaboo will live happily ever after one day without tears for trusting in the One due our complete respect: our Lord in shining honor! He is here for these precious ones in their time of need. He is there for you my dear friend too.

Oh yeah. JJ

The Height of Fear

Published on June 3, 2015June 3, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Camplite, Camp Lite, fear of heights, roof vent, roof fan, cleaning roof vent, cleaning roof fan, roof of trailer, on top of trailer — That’s me up on the roof of the Camp Lite cleaning the covers of the three fans up there.

It’s all very simple really. The vent covers of the three fans in the roof of our Camp Lite travel trailer had not been cleaned and there was visible dirt. I had hoped it wasn’t mold but we just couldn’t be sure. The only problem was that to clean it, I had to climb up over the top rung of a very tall ladder to get onto the roof. “Just don’t look down,” became my strategy. So up I went over 10 feet into the air . . .

Before I knew it everything was as clean as it could be. Now it was time to figure out how to get down. “Just roll onto your belly and throw your legs over the edge,” was the coaching of my beloved Stevers safely on the ground below. Yeah right. Easy for you to say. I decided to reverse the procedure I had used to get over the edge and onto the roof, whilst clinging to the lip of the first open vent. The rubber gasket over the aluminum panel had held me once, surely it would hold me again? Yes it did. And with a few very clear requests to have my spotter stop cracking nerve-wracking jokes, I was able to make my way down the ladder and into earthbound civilization once again.

The view was pretty neat up there. The sky was painted orange sherbet with streaks of steel blue against the line of trees behind the homes of our neighbors. As long as I stayed away from the edge and didn’t look down, I was fine. Hmmm. I quickly remembered during my descent, one of the first times I had to employ such a strategy. It wasn’t on the roof of a travel trailer. We’re talking many decades ago . . .

My dad was always afraid of heights. They call it acrophobia. I suppose you could hypothesize that I somehow identified with his fear, taking it on irrationally at an early age. I really don’t know how that works. What I remember is his frightful reaction to taking a ride on the Space Spiral at Cedar Point: an amusement park in Sandusky, Ohio. He would not go near the edge to look out the window. He stood frozen like a statue with his back to the wall of the elevating compartment in which we rode up then down. He said nothing but to scold us when we asked what was wrong. Wow. That was crippling fear.

Space Spiral, Cedar Point, Sandusky Ohio, going up in the air, amusement park, fear of heights, overcoming fear — Space Spiral rotating observation tower (1965-2012). Cedar Point, Sandusky, Ohio

The Space Spiral was a central attraction of the Midway or carnival area at Cedar Point. When I worked at the amusement park my sophomore year of college, I found it kind of relaxing to take a ride up over the park as I “played animal” on my day off. The energy of people screaming from the roller coasters, indulging in sugary treats, and sun-burning themselves while running from one attraction to another was kinda fun, amusing even to watch. Later in the summer I spent more of my free time taking the ferry from The Point to Sandusky to shop for real food. The employee cafeteria menu tasted too much like the commons in the dormitories at Eastern Michigan University and many of us know what dorm food is like, eh? Eeeek!

The feeling of my guts dropping into my loins when leaning over a ledge or riding the Space Spiral had never left me though. Sure, I visited other amusement parks and even returned to Cedar Point over the years. I even rode in a 4-seater Cessna transport plane over the mountain tops of the Sawtooth Mountains in Idaho with the windows open in the late 1990’s with little more than a quick prayer to pass my worries. But when I got back on the ground this past Sunday after climbing over the edge of our camper, I felt that very old fear flooding to the surface. The emotion overtook me for a time.

I stood in our driveway bleeding with tears. I had chosen to face my fear of heights, or rather my fear of leaning over the edge of a tall ledge, and finally won. I made an adult decision and the child inside became less afraid; I’ll know for sure the next time I have to crawl someplace ridiculously out of reach if the task is really complete or not. For now, I am no longer sad but rather pleased. I did it!

Who knows where this stuff that holds us back really comes from anyways. Only the Lord knows if we will have victory when that day comes and our countenance is tested. As for me, I believe that He also knows the activities, the experiences, the fullness of living that I have avoided over the course of my life due to this fear or that. I can see clearly that to live in any type of fear is not the way to go through my days. My Jesus is with me always. I will be o.k. I can take a look around, like the 360-degree turn of a Space Spiral and take in all there is before me with my eyes wide open, my arms wide open too.

Gentle Reader, there is so much living left to do! Won’t you join me in embracing something new today? I tell you: the sky is the limit! Tee hee. JJ

Don’t confuse happiness with joy

Published on November 9, 2014November 10, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

In the words of Billy Graham:

Some people think Christians should always be smiling and happy, and something is wrong if they aren’t.

But this isn’t necessarily true. Jesus stood outside the tomb of his friend Lazarus, and we read that, “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). As he approached Jerusalem “he saw the city and wept” (Luke 19:41) because of it’s spiritual blindness and guilt. He knelt in the Garden of Gethsemane and was, “. . . in agony [and] his sweat became like great drops of blood” (Luke 22:44)

Don’t confuse happiness with joy. Happiness comes with happy circumstances; joy wells up deep inside our souls as we learn to trust Christ. Joy does not mean that we are never sad or that we never cry. But joy is a quiet confidence, a state of inner peace that comes from God.

Life’s troubles will rob us of our happiness, but they can never rob us of the joy God gives us, as we turn in faith to Him and seek His face.

The joy of the Lord is your strength. Nehemiah 8:10

From “What is joy?” in Hope for each day, (2002). Thomas Nelson, Inc. p. 338.

I get this and hope you do too, Gentle Reader. Few things can rob your happiness like waking up in the middle of the night 8-10 times with convulsive episodes and a massive headache. It probably wasn’t nice for my beloved husband Steve either, awakened from a sound sleep lying next to me. The aftermath for me felt like I banged my head in every direction against a wall. Not fun at all! Gratefully the dream I later woke up in the middle of (after more seizure attacks falling asleep) was a reasonable one. I mean that we had experienced something similar just under 2 years ago so it wasn’t that bad really.

I dreamed that Steve and I had moved temporarily into an apartment while some work was being done on our home only to have all of our belongings and the inside of the apartment become covered cascades of dust! Yeah, that was not good for someone multiply chemically sensitive like me knowing that mold is often lurking in dust. The situation was beginning to resolve when I woke up. Phew! It was just a dream! This time the headache was less and the convulsions were replaced with less violent seizure attacks. They actually helped clear my head some . . . and yet I still felt beat up. The next few hours were meaningless . . .

Regardless, I have joy! How is this possible you may ask? Well, it’s just like the quote from Billy Graham noted above. I have learned to trust Christ in all things, wretched or not. Of course I cry in sorrow when a new treatment intended to help me makes things worse for awhile. Call it a healing crisis, herxheimer reaction, or the like. It’s a bite in the shorts any way you slice it! But that doesn’t change anything between my Savior and me. He meets me on my bed of sickness and weeps for my suffering. This is not His intention for me yet at the same time my suffering will not be wasted because He has a plan for my life. Maybe one part is this: I am hoping that my suffering provided an illustration here of HOPE IN ACTION. I pray that it will encourage someone out there who is suffering too. HE CARES FOR YOUR SUFFERING TOO and will see you through it!

One day all of our strife and worry will be over as He makes our joy complete when He comes again in glory: with unimaginable happiness too! This promise holds true for those who love the Lord and call Him Savior. If you are suffering, please do not let that stop you from seeking the best hope you have in your pain: the person of Jesus Christ. His love covers ALL. In Him, you will find a joy that will transcend it all. Gentle Reader, please do not confuse happiness with joy. JJ