Tag: faith

Your God is not big enough

Published on by Jesus is for the Wounded3 Comments

If you can’t have peace when sick in bed on a drop dead gorgeous afternoon . . . your God is not big enough.

When the dog looks at you with worried eyes because she heard you yelping from the bedroom with convulsions and you wonder if you’ll survive the day . . . your God is not big enough.

A doctor gives you a new medication to calm you down and maybe even lessen your suffering, it doesn’t, and you wonder if you’ll ever get past the wretchedness, the repeated disappointments . . . and your God is not yet big enough.

When you are frustrated that dinner is finished after midnight, you are up on the internet after 2:00 a.m. and you lose faith that you will ever have a normal life . . . your God is not big enough.

If every day poses a new test to your resolve and there is none left . . . you have not learned to rely on a God that is big enough.

When your blog glorifies your own accomplishments, makes you appear stronger than you really are, and claims to know anything separate from the One who made you . . . you have not allowed your God to be big enough.

And if you can find a way to convey how small yet how loved you really are, how your forgiveness spans as far as the east is from the west, and how there truly is hope beyond Lyme disease or what you can see . . . your God is becoming big enough to believe.

So if you are suffering in any way like me and find yourself in doubt, in pain, despairing, angry, lonely, or worse, it’s time we both face the fact there is a God who is big enough to carry all of our burdens.  Let us come before His throne of grace this day and pour out our hearts to the One whose gracious thoughts towards us outnumber the grains of sand on the earth.  He wept for each one of us, He sweat drops of blood for all of His children, He died a tortuous death for you and me, and He rose from the dead to save us from the burdens of all of our troubles in this life.  In time, He will come again for you and for me to live with Him forever in paradise.

As you ponder this, I invite you to get to know just a little more:  the God who is big enough.  And if you have not yet invited Him into your heart, consider doing so this day too.  You will see what a difference His love will make.  Then you will say about the Lord Jesus Christ, His Word, His hope, His promises, the adventurous and mysterious life that he bestows upon us:  I just can’t get enough!

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Wolfie, the bee and me

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You might think that an Advanced Master Gardener who tested as understanding about garden insects would be a little less squeamish about bugs than the average person?  Er, no.

You might think that scaring the wolf spider who fled under the passenger’s car seat, and the “barrier” of the light of a flashlight and a floor space clear of travel garb in which to hide would make the back seat a safe haven for the 6-hour drive home?  Er, no.  I opted for the trunk of the station wagon!

You might think that I’d be used to a sweat bee pestering us at the outdoor dining patio of a small town restaurant since it’s a common phenomena for late summers in Indiana?  Er, no.

And you might think that the gnat in my wild rice was no big deal since I only planned to eat 2 tiny bites due to dietary restrictions; I’d already eaten them so I shouldn’t care right?  Er, no.

Yeah, you might think that a 15-hour road trip to pick up my River Bear husband’s new kayak would be uneventful for the dutiful wife passenger . . . er, no!  For me it was the little things that meant a lot when they were crawling and flying too close to my personal body parts, facial orifices, and comfort zones!  Perhaps the 7 or so tic and seizure attack zips during the afternoon put me a little on edge for the first leg of the trip from Fort Wayne, Indiana to Erie, Pennsylvania.  I had brought ample snacks, blankies, and a pillow for maximum cushy; the lush countryside as we travelled from the flat soybean fields of our homeland to the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains made for ample eye candy in between rest stops as well.  I guess I didn’t do so well after all.  I just wonder why spontaneous adventures like these can no longer be, er, “normal?”

Sorry for the down mood.  I spent most of the day in bed today recovering from our day trip.  Gratefully, Steve has a beautiful Epic V12 surf ski in mint condition now, for a steal-of-a-deal price:  $500 below the boat he sold to get it.  My guy sure knows how to trade boats!  As for me, I missed attending a meaningful wedding this afternoon with my beloved and many of our friends from church; I had more tic attacks and convulsions plus an additional 4 1/2 hours of sleep instead!  I woke up worthless except for the intact ability to cruise the internet in bed for hours.  Gratefully I’d made dozens of veggie turkey burgers two nights ago to sustain me with the intermittent, partial bag of Beanitos chips.  Ahhhhh, such is the life of a person lost in the recovery from Lyme Disease.

So where am I now?  I’m more stable as I’ve passed my bewitching hour of 9 to 11:00 p.m. when I usually have a noxious episode.  Thank the Lord I already covered that one earlier today!  My husband has graciously attended to some house chores and provided an occasional kiss of encouragement here and there.  I, too, would have liked to have hidden in the dark under the “seat of life,” buzzed about aimlessly until I found what I was looking for, or curled up next to the softness of a mound of carbs . . . I guess from here I will proceed otherwise.

It’s time for me to crawl like the slow-moving sow bugs on our hardwood floors, before the Throne of Grace.  I need Jesus.  I need an infilling of the Holy Spirit, nothing else.  I need to go it alone at what ever miles per hour it takes to drive home into my heart that this too shall pass.  My thoughts need softening and only the Lord can bring this gently, lovingly, perfectly.  Oh my Jesus, meet me here this night.  Let there be Your light and nothing else.  Thank you Lord for hearing me.

Just Julie

When you are no longer brave

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If I were left to my own resources this day, I would not make it.  Thankfully, there is more.

And the only resource worth pursuing is the One that is perfect, all-knowing, all-powerful, ever-present, love incarnate, eternal, and dwelling in my broken heart.

If I were to merely go with what feels right or good, I probably would not get well.  Thankfully, there is more.

And the only emotion worth feeling is that of humility as I lay down my metaphorical sword and let the One who weeps for me wail His own mighty hand of power.

If I were to measure my patience, my progress by the time already invested in recovery or making things right, I could not find a tool with a good enough warranty to last long enough to even bother.  Thankfully, there is more.

And the only period worth measuring is the one I must accept:  the time that is indefinite, outside of a calendar or watch and yet fully calibrated and infinitely accurate in the hands of the Creator of time itself.

So if I were to admit that in the convulsive state of my existence that I can no longer go on I must proclaim on faith that there is more out there somewhere.

And my only hope lies in the protective wings of my Lord and Savior, the Alpha and the Omega, my Immanuel and King.  So Here I am Lord .  .  .

A hymn:  Here I am Lord.

 

So where ya been?

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O.K. so I’m still sick and that isn’t my excuse this time!  So where have I been?  Editing, that’s where!

This past month I’ve poured and prayed over the decision to turn these blog postings into an eBook.  I want to make sure I have the right intentions and that the end result will be something useful to others as well.  In the process of reviewing this past year of New Hope Beyond Lyme on WordPress, it became clear that my followers enjoy messages that are particularly encouraging to persons recovering from a serious illness.  Matters of faith generate the most comments and I’m pleased for that.  To Him be the glory!

I did some research on various publishing formats and have decided to proceed with a no-cost eBook format where I can do virtually all of the formatting of the manuscript and cover art myself.  I have a lot to learn about all of this, for sure!  Lyme Disease will be prominent in the text since the treatment of Lyme was my primary focus for most of this past year.  But the take home message won’t be about a disease . . .

The truths borne out of the trials, struggles, illness, and strife these past two years have once again served to strengthen my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.  About a year into this season of illness, I began blogging to keep myself sane!  Now looking back over this past year of blog posts, I am grateful to write, has actually brought more hope than tears.  I was so scared of everything in the beginning, particularly when the tic episodes began escalating into full-blown seizure attacks.  I didn’t even write in complete sentences most of the time back then.  The crazy thing is that I generally have more hope and peace now when the attacks exceed 3 times per day, than when they were less!  I have the Lord’s work in my heart to thank for that!  He works in amazing ways for sure.

While I am grateful for the gift of writing, keeping my eyes fixed on the Lord through reading His Word continues to be the most important survival strategy for me in this season of life.  The cool part is that I get to look up all kinds of scripture verses as I pour out my heart onto the computer screen.  I do hope, however, that the New Hope Beyond Lyme eBook will never be a replacement for a fellow sojourner opening His or Her Bible.  Reading a verse here or there in a blog or eBook, on a Facebook Newsfeed, in the signature line of a friend’s email, Tweeted, or in a Pastor’s message is not as valuable as soaking up God’s Word in our time alone with Him.  We can’t dwell in His presence, linger before the throne of grace in the same amount of time it takes to hit, “delete!”  His grace requires a bit of time to reach our weary souls . . .

I do hope, Gentle Reader, that your own faith in God and in the person of Jesus Christ has grown as you have joined me on this journey.  I was reading today in the first chapter of 1st Corinthians where the apostle Paul teaches how we come to understand God through faith and not through an intellectual discourse.  We choose to believe that Christ died on a cross for our sins so that we may become forgiven for our sins, right-with-Him, and begin an amazing spiritual journey rich with meaning as sons and daughters of the King.  To receive the blessings and the promises of a relationship with God through the person of Jesus Christ requires faith.  If we have faith in Christ crucified, it will make a difference in our lives for all of eternity.  That will help us cope with virtually anything, today and tomorrow.

With the testimony of God’s Word as my witness, I submit to you that only with a personal relationship with the Lord, Jesus Christ will any of the stuff we endure in this life make any sense at all.    If we do have this sweet fellowship with Him, the lover of our souls, all of this stuff will be worth it.  And for me, all of this suffering will be worth it as well.  I would not be writing anything if I had not gotten sick two years ago.   Nothing I write will make any difference either if it doesn’t point someone, somewhere to something more than recovery from an illness.

How humbling that Lyme Disease may be used for good.  Such is the, “new hope beyond Lyme,” after all . . .

 

Yup, Hanging in There

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Leaning on Proverbs 3:5-6 today as I face the reality that is mine.  Then again, only the Lord knows the path, the bunny trails, the destination and the ice cream stops along the way.  Ice cream.  Hummmm.  I sure hope there’s ice cream in my future!

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Proverbs 3:5-6

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart     and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him,     and he will make your paths straight.  (NIV)