Tag: herxing

Your God is not big enough

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If you can’t have peace when sick in bed on a drop dead gorgeous afternoon . . . your God is not big enough.

When the dog looks at you with worried eyes because she heard you yelping from the bedroom with convulsions and you wonder if you’ll survive the day . . . your God is not big enough.

A doctor gives you a new medication to calm you down and maybe even lessen your suffering, it doesn’t, and you wonder if you’ll ever get past the wretchedness, the repeated disappointments . . . and your God is not yet big enough.

When you are frustrated that dinner is finished after midnight, you are up on the internet after 2:00 a.m. and you lose faith that you will ever have a normal life . . . your God is not big enough.

If every day poses a new test to your resolve and there is none left . . . you have not learned to rely on a God that is big enough.

When your blog glorifies your own accomplishments, makes you appear stronger than you really are, and claims to know anything separate from the One who made you . . . you have not allowed your God to be big enough.

And if you can find a way to convey how small yet how loved you really are, how your forgiveness spans as far as the east is from the west, and how there truly is hope beyond Lyme disease or what you can see . . . your God is becoming big enough to believe.

So if you are suffering in any way like me and find yourself in doubt, in pain, despairing, angry, lonely, or worse, it’s time we both face the fact there is a God who is big enough to carry all of our burdens.  Let us come before His throne of grace this day and pour out our hearts to the One whose gracious thoughts towards us outnumber the grains of sand on the earth.  He wept for each one of us, He sweat drops of blood for all of His children, He died a tortuous death for you and me, and He rose from the dead to save us from the burdens of all of our troubles in this life.  In time, He will come again for you and for me to live with Him forever in paradise.

As you ponder this, I invite you to get to know just a little more:  the God who is big enough.  And if you have not yet invited Him into your heart, consider doing so this day too.  You will see what a difference His love will make.  Then you will say about the Lord Jesus Christ, His Word, His hope, His promises, the adventurous and mysterious life that he bestows upon us:  I just can’t get enough!

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Now that’s making lemonade out of lemons!

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Now that’s making lemonade out of lemons!

I’m grateful to have gone for a walk this evening with my hubby, Steve, and our pup, Elle.  I had to walk gingerly as the headache wasn’t yet gone.  At least this time I didn’t have to stop and catch my breath three times!  Overall I’d say that taking a walk is not a bad recovery from 14 total hours with seizure attacks over the past day.  Lord have mercy!  The Francisca Battistelli concert and warm up acts were too loud for my central nervous system, I guess.  Not even the Bose headphones were able to protect me.  Thankfully, the music was good . . .

So, to quote a credit card commercial, “what’s in your wallet?”  I mean, from where do you draw your reserve when you don’t have the physical, emotional, mental resources to face the obligations of the day?  When your mind or body act out in pain or sorrow, from where do you draw your strength, your hope?  For me it is from the Lord Jesus Christ.  I cry out to the One who called me, saved me, knows me, hears me, comforts me, and has a promise and a hope to deliver me some day.  I may not be dancing in the rain tonight, but I am coping reasonably well even while the tears are raining down my cheeks.  And when my cheeks are dry again, my Lord helps me get moving again, not me.  I am too weak.  In response I say,  “thank you.”  Thank you for sustaining me this wacky day.  Thank you for sending me my angelic husband to care for my needs when I could not get out of bed.  I know that this too shall pass and the worst has indeed passed for now.  I know there’s someone out there that needs hope too.  I want you to know that in this moment, I am good . . .

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28

And you can be good too, if but on the inside . . .

And then the dog threw up

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Elle's Bone
Elle’s Bone

It’s all over now.  The Lord sustained us through another crazier than imaginable 24 hours.  If all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28), then all is well in this moment.

From Steve’s side:  he worked all day yesterday, drove to our home (undergoing mold/dust restoration), moved furniture, gathered a few things from Julie’s short list, ran his clothes through the dryer (to remove the noxious dust), showered, then drove back to the hotel room to meet his bride around 12:30 a.m.  Dinner was waiting and so was elusive sleep . . .

From Julie’s side:  I had endured days of noxious neuromuscular events (aka “herxing”) as a side effect of a new round of antibiotics, completed a medical appointment and Lyme treatment, arranged for the furnace to be cleaned in the hotel room, made dinner, and tried to get myself to sleep after making/cleaning up from dinner.  Seizure attacks interrupted my sleep and woke up Steve a few times as well, unfortunately.  I felt terrible for him!  Headaches and a myriad of yucky symptoms returned for me and I was unable to get up and take an Epsom salt bath to help mitigate the symptoms.  By 4:15 a.m. I was too numbed out too be bummed.  Perhaps that’s grace, I suppose.

The alarm went off to attempt to wake me from whatever sleep had transpired.  Steve turned it off and I drifted off to sleep for a moment until the sound of our dog gasping then heaving awakened both of us.  Yuck!  I dragged her into the bathroom just in time for the lamb bone from yesterday to make it’s reappearance.  Well, we were both out of bed by this time!  Happy Wednesday.

Steve decided to go into work a little late today and went back to bed.  As for me, the dentist appointment was a disaster.  This is recovery from Lyme Disease on a bad day.  It ain’t for wimps!  Even the maximum amount of nitrous oxide was not enough to prevent re-triggering seizure attacks as the procedure began.  The dentist and hygienist were gracious in employing every coping strategy we could muster to get me through it; the warmed water in a syringe for rinsing and the blue “blanky” helped some.  What was to be two procedures in two hours turned out to be one procedure in three hours plus 10 minutes on straight oxygen, 30 minutes in the lobby, and 30 minutes in my vehicle in the parking lot.  Whew.  I guess that I’m just on a different time table that’s all?

I do believe the NIKKEN Kenkotherm comforter with advanced magnetic technology is calling me for a nap about now.  I’m on a new antibiotic and I feel more stable.  Thank you Lord for my coconut yogurt treat when I got back to the room. And I love the feel of my warm puppy at my feet as I’m writing this to you from the hotel lobby.  The staff is so nice here.

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Nope.  Still not “there yet.”  Just endured another temporary setback that’s all.  Still haven’t arrived at “the station” noted in the Part 2 blog and may never fully “get there.”  This moment is good.  It’s all I have anyways.

You know, I think I need some chips too.  :J