So my beloved says to me, “look at how far you have come,” related to my diet. Indeed. When we first met I was eating gluten-free, low sugar and fat, largely organic, and sweetener-free, and dairy-free foods. I cooked a lot and was very particular what I ate at restaurants, often bringing my own nuts or dressings. Supplements? Yeah, in due time with my new doctor at the helm my pill box burgeoned to over 60 doses of something per day! Then part of the story got crazier . . .
As severe illness set in, the supplements would change and almost disappear as time went on. I could not tolerate any supplements at all after a brief hiatus required during overnight testing at the Epilepsy Center, University of Indianapolis Methodist Hospital. By then I had added a low oxalate and Candida diet too. After A YEAR on all of this with daily bone broth too, my brain fog cleared and my gut started to heal. They say that 95% of your immune system is in your gut. Perhaps part of your brain health is there as well? (Now that last part could lend itself to some embarrassing teasing if I stay here too long. Let’s move on!)
When dental pain increased, my nutritional sustenance all went into the VitaMix for about 6 weeks. I became the master of the pureed diet and many soups, sauces, smoothies, etc. My gut health slowed yet the convulsive episodes triggered by chewing diminished. Gradually I got back to a chopped diet which is where I remain, 4 weeks post surgery for the extraction of two root-canaled teeth. Healing continues. It is wonderful to be able to chew better!
Then the convulsive episodes that had diminished some returned to their prior level: 2 to 5 hours per day. So sad. Over three years into this time of serious illness and still no one has figured out how to stop them. I fasted for 24-hours, drinking only water and praying when my brain cells fired in the right direction. The episodes stopped. As intense hunger pangs overtook my weakness I decided to break the fast with an apple: easy to digest and surely a boost to my low blood sugar. I did not expect what followed. One of the most violent types of convulsive episodes started my beloved hubby out of a sound sleep and sent me into an enlightened frenzy. Enlightened? Yes, this episode was triggered by glucose!
That night and the days thereafter I quickly ventured into a ketogenic diet. I found a couple of Facebook Groups on the subject and the App they recommended to get me started. A few days into the new direction a gal from one of the groups contacted me to clarify something: was I using the diet for weight loss or medical reasons? The grams of protein/carbohydrates/fats or “macros” are different with each type of ketogenic diet. For both programs a person consumes very little carb grams yet for weight loss you eat more protein than fat; for medical ketosis to occur you must focus on more fats than proteins. But it is in consuming very little carbs (I eventually got to 21 total grams) that the body is forced to utilize fats for energy instead of carbs. The body then produces ketones that can often be picked up in a simple urine stick test or special blood glucose meter that includes ketones. Ketones are hypothesized to stop or reduce seizures and may even help treat dementia in the elderly.
This week I reached ketosis. My breath got bad and another tell-tale symptom appeared that is too much for even the transparency of this blog post! It took me three weeks to get here and it could take a minimum of 2 months, usually 4-6 months, to see if the ketogenic diet will help me at all. I am willing to try. Heck, I already have a very restricted diet anyways. And who doesn’t like (uncured, unsmoked) bacon? The MyFitnessPal App is a gift from the Lord in managing this. I would recommend it and their Facebook to everyone on a diet where a person must track macros.
So how about the blessings in all of this? Surely there were some? Indeed Gentle Reader. You know me well! You see I researched the ketogenic diet two years ago and periodically thereafter but could not find a local neurologist or dietician to guide me. Close medical oversight including lab tests every three months are needed in addition to the periodic self-monitoring via urine or blood sticks. Help has arrived just at the right time. Briefly, check this out:
My first week venturing into the food plan, the gal who messaged me off Facebook just happened to be a retired nurse from the neurosurgery center at John Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. She manages her own true epilepsy in part with this diet. Did you know that the only medical center in the USA with a dietary research and treatment center for adults with epilepsy is at John Hopkins? I knew that and was ecstatic to spend that first Saturday night receiving mentoring from my “guardian angel” named Vicki. Thank you Lord!
Around this same time I researched a foundation known to assist children with true epilepsy. Maybe they would have some new information? Oh yeah, a medical center close to our home in a smaller town had just hired a dietician to work with children and adults in all aspects of the ketogenic diet. She had recently attended a conference with the Charlie Foundation and was added to their list of practitioners the week before! She manages all of the referrals, orders for lab tests, and consultations. And Mary is very sweet to boot. Wow, Lord.
In many ways, in many long and exhaustingly arduous ways, this new treatment direction could be one more bunny trail in the quest to recover from this wretched illness. O.k. Poor me baby. Well then again, maybe not. Sometimes you have to do more than one task to completely recover from a serious illness. Remember the phrase, “recovery is a jagged line?” The Ann Landers column about life being about the journey and not the destination? The gratitude I feel in my heart for having met you Gentle Reader? All of the computer skills I have learned about everything from ecommerce to social media? The deepening of my relationship with Christ? The revelation of the Godly character of my beloved husband? And the fact that I did not die in all of those near-death experiences? On this day I must say that I have seen the faithfulness and blessing of the Lord at some level every single day of the past 3 1/2 years. His promises have seen me through and rung true every single day. I will leave you with my fav promise from another time in my life of refining fire (and a side of bacon too please, crispy as in nearly burnt. I like it that way!) Take care, JJ
130 Out of the depths I have cried to You, O Lord; 2 Lord, hear my voice! Let Your ears be attentive To the voice of my supplications.
3 If You, Lord, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? 4 But there is forgiveness with You, That You may be feared.
5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, And in His word I do hope. 6 My soul waits for the Lord More than those who watch for the morning— Yes, more than those who watch for the morning.
7 O Israel, hope in the Lord; For with the Lordthere is mercy, And with Him is abundant redemption. 8 And He shall redeem Israel From all his iniquities.
Gently he pulled the brush through my hair as if each stroke was a special salve for my soul. You could hear nothing in the silence, not even his breath or mine. The darkness fell between us. The moment hung there in time. We had just witnessed so much . . . there was no need for words. Only love moved from his hand to me, gently freeing the hairs once tangled in the madness that had just gone before us. You might see this as an act of romance I suppose. But this night no romance would explain this kind of tenderness that now drifted between us. We simply enjoyed the silence, the calm, the love lain there slightly wounded just up from the floor.
That love was near me that night alright, well within my grasp. Oh I felt it with each stroke of the brush that was the tool he could reach first in the awkward darkness. I felt it from his warmth standing closely behind me as I sat with my legs uncomfortably collapsed underneath me on the hard tiled floor. The rug, marred with uneven loops from the dogs paws underfoot where she slept each night, gave little warmth. My hair was wet and so were my shoulders. The stuggle that came with forcing myself to wash my hair in the tub at the tail end of a convulsive episode had subsided into a senseless stupor. With my broken sentence my beloved found my grooming basket under the sink. It made no difference what implement he chose. His love would find its way to me with soothing swiftness followed by the tempo we might take one fine day, walking along a seashore somewhere beautiful.
Oh that I should have such an opportunity again! Will his capable hands finger their way through my auburn hair blowing in the warm sunshine of a summer day? Would he tighten the drawstring clasp beneath my chin of the paddling hat matched with our tandem outrigger canoe as we headed out onto the glistening lake? Or when his arm slips around my waist as we laugh at our pup racing along the stream of a wooded path, will I forget that our tender moments were once matched with sorrow so deep? I do hope so, Gentle Reader. For all of us who suffer what we ought not to endure, I do pray that restoration, healing, and mercy will cover what was once ugly with that which is lovely again and again.
Until that glorious day for me, I shall keep my eyes fixed on the sunshine streaming through my bedroom window. I know by Whose creation it shines and that one day all will bow and marvel in His glory, fully well, fully at peace. The love of our Lord, Jesus Christ will comfort and redeem our suffering beyond what the ones we cherish could ever do for us. And yet their heartache for sharing this journey with us shall be rewarded too. The darkness shall fade away forever for all of us one fine day. Only His light will reign and the darkness shall be no more. In that day my friend, we will comb the heavens never finding an end to joy for all who believe, for all who hold out for the hope of heaven. Together we will dwell in the presence of the King of Glory! Yes, indeed.
Sigh. That day is not here yet. What is here is the love of my life holding my comb in the shadow of night. He lifts me gently into bed and covers me with love that I could never imagine in the past. He is my Jesus with skin on when I need them both. I am so blessed. How could I ask for more?
Learning from one’s mistakes is a given for any reasonable person. We must learn from our mistakes or we will sucuumb to foolishness in due time. Learning from the unforeseen negative consequences of a reasonable decision is more difficult yet still a given for any reasonable person. Figuring out how to do this is, well, rarely given!
In the event a reasonable person makes a difficult decision after heartbreaking circumstances leading up the decision, and the outcome is good, we all celebrate. In the event a reasonable person makes a difficult decision after the heartbreaking circumstance and the outcome is not good, we all are either: 1) sad and hang in there anyways or 2) indifferent then simply walk away from the painful truth for a time. And it could be a long time, in my observation. Some folks watching you may never return. When folks have left my life my response has wavered from “let them go” to “seeya next time.” Both are the same really and have served to preserve my ego, my character.
How I feel about the good or bad of the total circumstances must not drive who I choose to be. In other words my identity must not become destroyed by the mistake, the misfortune. My character must remain fixed on the fact that I am who Christ has made me to be. He knows me, love me, leads me, and will be there whatever the outcome of a situation may be, long before I ever know about it. So using the insight of John Maxwell and applying it to my ramblings this April Fool’s Day, no matter what may come I must go forth with wisdom. The best source of wisdom is the Bible and the words of my Savior, Jesus Christ. Here’s some I like today:
10 He replied, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”Job 2
7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction. Proverbs 1
23 Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.Psalm 139
8 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, Romans 8:1
6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;Philippians 1
Well cool beans. Now that I have settled the matter at least in my own mind, I will put my feelings of foolishness aside. I mean, how could I have known that a painful, expensive dental procedure that I had researched for 9 months would only get rid of wretched convulsions for a couple of days? Holy cow. Or is it holy crap? Crapolaski? (I’m Polish dontcha know.) Of course right away I wanted to share my joy with the online world and posted the news everywhere! You are my peeps these days, my tribe during these years of relative isolation.
So there you go: the truth. My “Hope Beyond” must remain in the Lord Jesus Christ and not in my circumstances. He will use this for His glory: the good, the bad, the ugly. My character remains despite my misfortune, despite my weakened and pained frame. And this Sunday I will rejoice with 2 fewer root-canaled teeth the promise we Christians remember at Easter. Christ is risen and He will come again in glory! On this we can be certain. As for my situation, I probably just need more time to heal these fried nerve endings.
It is still a beautiful day outside and my garden is coming back to life. Hang tough, Gentle Reader. In due time, I AM GOING TO BE WELL! Just Julie
Jesus is for the Wounded 
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