Tag: chronic pain

Sometimes the night just passes unnoticed

Published on by Jesus is for the Wounded4 Comments

SLEEPING_GIRL_TS4023-550x579Psalm 121

I will lift up my eyes to the hills— From whence comes my help? 2 My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.

3 He will not allow your foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber. 4 Behold, He who keeps Israel Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord is your keeper; The Lord is your shade at your right hand. 6 The sun shall not strike you by day, Nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul. 8 The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in From this time forth, and even forevermore.

I’ve heard this called the bedtime psalm.  Sure beats the one I grew up with:

Now I lay me down to sleep

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

If I die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take.

The childhood prayer above offers me no comfort during a night like last night.  If the worst outcome of 15 or so total hours of noxious symptoms last evening and overnight were to repeat itself, I would need the truth of God’s word on my mind and in my heart.  Some wishful rhyme uttered as a “prayer” has only the fleeting power of a feel-good sentiment.  It wouldn’t refresh my husband enough either to feed me or carry me to the bathroom again.  Only God’s word has the power to transform our fragile lives, and I know He will transform mine someday.  I know he sustains my beloved with supernatural strength.  Only God’s word provides sustaining grace for all who suffer, for when sleep will not come.

This afternoon I must somehow get to 2 medical appointments despite the lethargy, pain, sweats, stiffness, low grade neck headache, ringing in my ears, and so on.

Oh Lord, I do hope these trials end soon!  Maybe I can nap later this afternoon?  Yawn.

Your God is not big enough

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If you can’t have peace when sick in bed on a drop dead gorgeous afternoon . . . your God is not big enough.

When the dog looks at you with worried eyes because she heard you yelping from the bedroom with convulsions and you wonder if you’ll survive the day . . . your God is not big enough.

A doctor gives you a new medication to calm you down and maybe even lessen your suffering, it doesn’t, and you wonder if you’ll ever get past the wretchedness, the repeated disappointments . . . and your God is not yet big enough.

When you are frustrated that dinner is finished after midnight, you are up on the internet after 2:00 a.m. and you lose faith that you will ever have a normal life . . . your God is not big enough.

If every day poses a new test to your resolve and there is none left . . . you have not learned to rely on a God that is big enough.

When your blog glorifies your own accomplishments, makes you appear stronger than you really are, and claims to know anything separate from the One who made you . . . you have not allowed your God to be big enough.

And if you can find a way to convey how small yet how loved you really are, how your forgiveness spans as far as the east is from the west, and how there truly is hope beyond Lyme disease or what you can see . . . your God is becoming big enough to believe.

So if you are suffering in any way like me and find yourself in doubt, in pain, despairing, angry, lonely, or worse, it’s time we both face the fact there is a God who is big enough to carry all of our burdens.  Let us come before His throne of grace this day and pour out our hearts to the One whose gracious thoughts towards us outnumber the grains of sand on the earth.  He wept for each one of us, He sweat drops of blood for all of His children, He died a tortuous death for you and me, and He rose from the dead to save us from the burdens of all of our troubles in this life.  In time, He will come again for you and for me to live with Him forever in paradise.

As you ponder this, I invite you to get to know just a little more:  the God who is big enough.  And if you have not yet invited Him into your heart, consider doing so this day too.  You will see what a difference His love will make.  Then you will say about the Lord Jesus Christ, His Word, His hope, His promises, the adventurous and mysterious life that he bestows upon us:  I just can’t get enough!

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Wolfie, the bee and me

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You might think that an Advanced Master Gardener who tested as understanding about garden insects would be a little less squeamish about bugs than the average person?  Er, no.

You might think that scaring the wolf spider who fled under the passenger’s car seat, and the “barrier” of the light of a flashlight and a floor space clear of travel garb in which to hide would make the back seat a safe haven for the 6-hour drive home?  Er, no.  I opted for the trunk of the station wagon!

You might think that I’d be used to a sweat bee pestering us at the outdoor dining patio of a small town restaurant since it’s a common phenomena for late summers in Indiana?  Er, no.

And you might think that the gnat in my wild rice was no big deal since I only planned to eat 2 tiny bites due to dietary restrictions; I’d already eaten them so I shouldn’t care right?  Er, no.

Yeah, you might think that a 15-hour road trip to pick up my River Bear husband’s new kayak would be uneventful for the dutiful wife passenger . . . er, no!  For me it was the little things that meant a lot when they were crawling and flying too close to my personal body parts, facial orifices, and comfort zones!  Perhaps the 7 or so tic and seizure attack zips during the afternoon put me a little on edge for the first leg of the trip from Fort Wayne, Indiana to Erie, Pennsylvania.  I had brought ample snacks, blankies, and a pillow for maximum cushy; the lush countryside as we travelled from the flat soybean fields of our homeland to the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains made for ample eye candy in between rest stops as well.  I guess I didn’t do so well after all.  I just wonder why spontaneous adventures like these can no longer be, er, “normal?”

Sorry for the down mood.  I spent most of the day in bed today recovering from our day trip.  Gratefully, Steve has a beautiful Epic V12 surf ski in mint condition now, for a steal-of-a-deal price:  $500 below the boat he sold to get it.  My guy sure knows how to trade boats!  As for me, I missed attending a meaningful wedding this afternoon with my beloved and many of our friends from church; I had more tic attacks and convulsions plus an additional 4 1/2 hours of sleep instead!  I woke up worthless except for the intact ability to cruise the internet in bed for hours.  Gratefully I’d made dozens of veggie turkey burgers two nights ago to sustain me with the intermittent, partial bag of Beanitos chips.  Ahhhhh, such is the life of a person lost in the recovery from Lyme Disease.

So where am I now?  I’m more stable as I’ve passed my bewitching hour of 9 to 11:00 p.m. when I usually have a noxious episode.  Thank the Lord I already covered that one earlier today!  My husband has graciously attended to some house chores and provided an occasional kiss of encouragement here and there.  I, too, would have liked to have hidden in the dark under the “seat of life,” buzzed about aimlessly until I found what I was looking for, or curled up next to the softness of a mound of carbs . . . I guess from here I will proceed otherwise.

It’s time for me to crawl like the slow-moving sow bugs on our hardwood floors, before the Throne of Grace.  I need Jesus.  I need an infilling of the Holy Spirit, nothing else.  I need to go it alone at what ever miles per hour it takes to drive home into my heart that this too shall pass.  My thoughts need softening and only the Lord can bring this gently, lovingly, perfectly.  Oh my Jesus, meet me here this night.  Let there be Your light and nothing else.  Thank you Lord for hearing me.

Just Julie

When you are no longer brave

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If I were left to my own resources this day, I would not make it.  Thankfully, there is more.

And the only resource worth pursuing is the One that is perfect, all-knowing, all-powerful, ever-present, love incarnate, eternal, and dwelling in my broken heart.

If I were to merely go with what feels right or good, I probably would not get well.  Thankfully, there is more.

And the only emotion worth feeling is that of humility as I lay down my metaphorical sword and let the One who weeps for me wail His own mighty hand of power.

If I were to measure my patience, my progress by the time already invested in recovery or making things right, I could not find a tool with a good enough warranty to last long enough to even bother.  Thankfully, there is more.

And the only period worth measuring is the one I must accept:  the time that is indefinite, outside of a calendar or watch and yet fully calibrated and infinitely accurate in the hands of the Creator of time itself.

So if I were to admit that in the convulsive state of my existence that I can no longer go on I must proclaim on faith that there is more out there somewhere.

And my only hope lies in the protective wings of my Lord and Savior, the Alpha and the Omega, my Immanuel and King.  So Here I am Lord .  .  .

A hymn:  Here I am Lord.

 

Where does my hope come from?

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From where may I find timeless truths that can transform my weary frame, my broken heart and mind?   Let’s see, for that to be true, the truths manifest in words would have to be true for all people at all times.  The only place for such divine work is from the scripture of the Bible that was, is, and forever will be.  (For:  In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.  John 1:1.)

I pray that you will find comfort, hope, and peace among these passages.  Some verses are for instruction, some for encouragement, some are promises, and some simply convey that the Lord understands and cares for our life experiences.  Some will also have greater meaning when taken in context of how they were written.  I encourage you to go to the Blue Letter Bible for the context of each passage and for more explanation or “commentary.”

May your heart be filled this day with the love, peace, and joy that comes from God Himself as He reveals Himself to you!  :J

And yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me.  John 16:32b

These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace.  In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.  John 16:33

He does not forget the cry of the humble.  Psalm 9:12b

I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your heart be trouble, neither let it be afraid.  John 14:27

As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.  1 Peter 4:10

And our hope for you is steadfast, because we know that as you are partakers of the sufferings, so also you will partake of the consolation (i.e. comfort).  2 Corinthians 1:7

And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Jesus Christ.  Philippians 4:19

“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,” declares the Lord.  Jeremiah 30:17

Is anyone among you suffering?  Let him pray.  Is anyone cheerful?  Let him sing palms.  Is anyone among you sick?  Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.  And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up.  And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.  Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.  The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.  James 5:13-16

As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.  1 Peter 4:10

He does not forget the cry of the humble.  Psalm 9:12b

Lord, You have heard the desire of the humble, You will prepare their heart; You will cause Your ear to hear.  Psalm 10:17

Be still and know that I am God.  Psalm 46:10

I have set the Lord always before me; Because my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices, My flesh will rest in hope for you will not leave my soul in Sheol, Nor will you allow Your Holy One to see corruption. You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At your right hand are pleasures forevermore.  Psalm 16: 8-11

Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.  Psalm 37:4

The Lord will strengthen him on his bed of illness; You will sustain him on his sickbed.  Psalm 41:3

Offer to God thanksgiving.  And pay your vows to the Most High. Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.  Psalm 50:14-15

And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Jesus Christ.  Phil 4:19

Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!  Psalm 27:14

“Therefore we do not lose heart.  Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.”  For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.  While we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen.  For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.  2 Corinthians      4:16-18

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6-7

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite sprit.  Psalm 34:18

“My grace is sufficient for you.  For My strength is made perfect in weakness.  Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  2 Corinthians 12:9

In returning and rest you shall be saved.  In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.  Isaiah 30:15

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.  He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters.  He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His names sake.  Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for you are with me;  Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.  Psalm 23:1-4

For with God nothing will be impossible.  Luke 1:37

Now to Him Who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever.  Amen.  Ephesians 3:20-21

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.  1 Peter 5:6-7

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you; Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.  Isaiah 14:10

You, who have shown me great and severe troubles, Shall revive me again, And bring me up again from the depths of the earth.  You shall increase my greatness And comfort me on every side.  Also with the lute I will praise You — And your faithfulness, O my God!  Psalm 71:20-22

For further inspiration you might enjoy listening to Praise you in This Storm by Casting Crowns.