chronic illness – Page 19 – Jesus is for the Wounded

All You Need is Love

Published on April 1, 2014April 1, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded1 Comment

Sometimes you just need Jesus with skin on, ya know?

Tis quite humbling to find true love in the midst of the most wretched time of my life. Even the worst of the trauma of my childhood cannot compare to the wrecking ball-like experiences of violent, waking seizures every day. During the bewitching hour of night my beloved often lingers nearby, checking in periodically or lies next to me to warm my chilled, freaking out frame. Perhaps he has carried me to the bathroom moments earlier or fed me some water to drink in my listless state after an episode. And then comes the silliness that only a River Bear can muster in the midst of yet another crisis. Seriously! He finds a way to laugh in the midst of it all.

Sometimes you just need Jesus with skin on and I am exceedingly grateful love my Steve every day. Making his lunch bag for work or cooking dinner a few nights per week is my meager contribution of late. Sometimes I can do housework, grocery shop and laundry too; not so much lately. It doesn’t seem to matter to my husband though. He appreciates any of it and celebrates when I can get out and walk the dog or create a piece of jewelry instead of completing the chores. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches seem to fill his belly just the same! What further amazes me is his compliments and words of encouragement when I am at my lowest. I have never known this much love from anyone before Steve!

To those Gentle Readers who are single: be the partner for which you seek and wait for the one who will love you above all else after the Lord. I found Steve after 47 years of living and after kissing a few frogs along the way! Oh well. Sometimes you can’t tell a prince from a frog until it’s too late! Yet when we trust the One who knows and numbers each hair on our pretty little heads, He will bring your night in shining aluminum*, or is that armor (?) at just the right time. The trials and adventures of life come alive when shared with your intended beloved.

I used to say that I could make a relationship out of anything. I was dumb and wrong. Settling for less only brings heartache. I now see too how the Lord empowers me to love Steve beyond my earthly capabilities and he must be doing the same for Steve as he loves me too. In doing so we are drawn even closer together. How does one prepare a lunch bag, clean up the kitchen at 4:00 a.m., and make it back to bed when sickly, nauseous, twitching in pre-tic episodes, etc.? (How does Steve work full time, serve and worship at church, attend to household tasks, and keep up with athletic endeavors after staying up late with me?) By calling on the Lord to add His increase, He brings blessings beyond the tasks at hand. As for me, on particularly bad days I don’t do much of anything. The look in my eyes is all I can give, to say how proud I am that my husband goes to work each day for us, or for me to muster up the strength to take a shower and wear the jeans he likes the best. It is enough. It is love.

Thank you Steve. Thank you Lord!

Steve and Julie looking out over Lover's Leap, Starved Rock State Park, Illinois — Steve and Julie looking out over Lover’s Leap, Starved Rock State Park, Illinois

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* The “night in shining aluminum” story stems from the theme of many romance novels: the dashing young man will eventually scoop the young maiden into his arms and carry her off into eternal bliss as the sun sets. I believe I had a similar experience the day of my move from the west suburbs of Chicago, Illinois 200 miles east to be with Steve in northeastern Indiana. We met on Yahoo Personals and had a fairy tale long distance relationship for longer than my Prince Charming desired. Each time we parted to make the long drive home he would tease me about running off to be with him in Indiana! The tell tale moment finally came on moving day in November of 2007. The movers had packed the 24-foot box truck with all of the earthly possessions from my beautiful condo near the Dupage River. We were standing in the parking lot about ready to go when he popped the question. Steve looked at me and said, “Julie I’m going to ask you one last time: will you come away with me to Indiana?” I jumped into his arms with a resounding “YES” and off into the beast of shiny aluminum we went! My prince had come for me at last . . . :J

Looking for significance

Published on March 21, 2014March 21, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Psalm 139 (NIV)

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

¹You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. ²You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. ³You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. ⁴Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. ⁵You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. ⁶Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

⁷Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? ⁸If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. ⁹If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, ¹⁰even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. ¹¹If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” ¹²even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

¹³For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. ¹⁴I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. ¹⁵My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. ¹⁶Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. ¹⁷How precious to me are your thoughts,^[a] God! How vast is the sum of them! ¹⁸Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand—when I awake, I am still with you.

¹⁹If only you, God, would slay the wicked! Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty! ²⁰They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name. ²¹Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord, and abhor those who are in rebellion against you? ²²I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies. ²³Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. ²⁴See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

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Nuff said. JJ

Who He Is

Published on March 15, 2014March 15, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

We all have some level of common sense: that which we can agree is reasonable in any given situation. Then again I have found that common sense just isn’t that common anymore!

I listen with intrigue when hearing the real-life experiences of others who have been successful at something. Gaining triumph over tragedy. Seeking good after playing with evil a bit too much. Finding wisdom over folly. Finishing a difficult task. Inspiring others with your amazing story. All this is good and unites us in our humanity when we can relate to the experiences of others. I have heard from those who have travelled extensively overseas that most people around the world want the same things for their families and from their relationships with others no matter our cultural differences might be. Thus we can all celebrate when the “human spirit” triumphs: the good guy wins, the lonely widow finds love, and the person who passes on from this life having left a legacy for others to follow.

But what if there is more? What if there is a source to that common sense that is in-bred between the strands of our DNA? What if the innate knowledge of good and evil transcends the do’s and don’ts our elders taught us growing up? And what if we all could persevere beyond both the winning and the losing? After all, we all lose our lives in the end and cannot take any relationship, thing, achievement, or fit body with us. We probably should keep trying to get it right anyways! And that is very hard to do on our own.

When we find the true meaning of life, how the heck we got here, our giftedness, the Master plan for our lives, and humbly receive with gratitude our lot in life then we can be truly alive. How do we find these? We find our answers when we invite the Lord Jesus Christ into our hearts. We learn about Jesus (who is one with the Father and the Holy Spirit) by reading the Bible, in prayer and meditation, in fellowship with others in the body of Christ. The person of Jesus Christ created us in His own image; he draws us near to love and follow Him. In doing so we grow in wisdom and all of the fruits of the spirit: peace, love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control. (Galatians 5:22-23) Our purpose, our reason for being here can become clearer. We then grow in understanding as we mature as believers, gaining wisdom from the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, our Counselor.

In the words of the Apostle Paul to you Gentle Reader,

¹⁸I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, ¹⁹and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength ²⁰he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, ²¹far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. ²²And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, ²³which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way. (Ephesians 1)

He is the One who will receive us in all of His glory at our finish line when our days are done. How well will we finish the race of our lives? (Check out Hebrews 12:1-3.) I’m trying remain humble on that one for sure. Maybe you already have a personal relationship with God through His son, Jesus Christ. I am delighted to meet you here as we will surely have great fellowship in heaven someday!

As Easter approaches this is a great time to revisit who God really is to each one of us. We can all use this season commemorating His tremendous love for us as an opportunity to draw closer to the Lord. Realizing this tonight was brought forth in meeting a few gals who have endured then overcame much heartache in their lives. Me too. Thank you Lord for leading me to your throne of grace. Sure would be great if finding who You really are was even more common as common sense is too.

Recovery is a jagged line

Published on March 2, 2014March 21, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded1 Comment

Today my words came back to me. My beloved Steve was comforting with his encouragement that there can be many setbacks even when on the road to recovery. Ah yes. The old, “recovery is a jagged line” speech. I have let those words fly many times when working with my patients as an occupational therapist. There was the cardiac patient who was frustrated with having to restrict his activity level to basically mope-ing around the house for his first week home from the hospital. I also recall a lady practically quarantined in a back bedroom of her home with a great view of the surrounding woodlands. She had a portable refrigerator, phone, laptop, accessible bathroom, hospital bed, wheelchair, walker and many conveniences to help her recover from a knee replacement surgery. I had to encourage her to push up her jagged line a bit lest she become too comfortable in her hospital room at home!

One of the many reasons I enjoyed working in home health care was the ability to use the person’s real-life situations, supplies, and responsibilities as part of his or her occupational therapy. The role of an O.T. is to evaluate the daily activities of an individual and the skills needed to complete those activities. When there is a breakdown due to an illness, surgery, mental health problem, developmental delay, disability, or disease process, the O.T. works with the patient and his or her resources to restore function. I was always amazed at how “resourceful” some patients could be! I think the farmers were the best. I’ll never forget the industrious wife of a patient suffering after several failed back surgeries. The lady of the house had built from scrap wood a rolling cart with a seat on top and rope attached to move it along the floors in her home. What was she moving? Well her husband of course! He was eligible for a wheelchair rental but evidently the subject never came up. I don’t think they even wanted one when it became available. The downside: the gentleman would not likely become independent in household mobility and related activities when sitting on a cart that had to be pulled by others. Recovery is sometimes a flat line too: no true recovery at all.

As for me, the recovery is moving forward. I am 12 days into using high CBD hemp oil to attempt to control daily seizure-like tic episodes. Today I had a setback for about 2 hours but at least the episode was low grade without a severe neck headache or pain. And when night time rolled around to my bewitching hours of 9-11:00 p.m. there were pre-tic symptoms and nothing else. This is the second night in a row with relief! Every night prior to this and for the past 8 months I have had 2-4 hours of intermittent seizures. Virtually every day or night for the past 2-1/2 years I have had intermittent waking seizures. Praise the Lord, the pattern is changing! At either set intervals or when noxious symptoms start I take a full or partial dose of high CBD hemp oil and get relief. Nothing has ever done this before!

It’s not like I haven’t prayed, submitted, waited, or tried more diets/supplements/drugs/manual therapies/technologies/chiropractors/testing/remediation than, as they used to say, “Carter has got pills!” I am actually still preparing to see methylation and biotoxin illness specialists in Michigan later this month. It is likely that the cause of illness is related more to exposure to biotoxins than Lyme disease. All that may be clearer sometime down the road. At this time my husband and I are rejoicing for the relief from our hellish nights. He just might start getting a full night of sleep before too long! That is if we don’t stay up for other reasons . . . ;J

If you are curious about high CBD hemp oil then I offer this informational website: www.mycbdresearch.com and join the discussion on Facebook at: www.facebook.com/CBDhempandseizures There’s hope here for many with seizures and other neurological, intractable health conditions. For all of us there is one ultimate source of hope that will sustain us whether recovery is a straight, jagged, or invisible line: a relationship with the Lord, Jesus Christ. To find Him we only need to get on our knees and open our hearts to His enduring love, His love letters to each of us in the Bible. I would have never made it this far without my Jesus. I am humbled and grateful for many aspects of these past 2 1/2 years: I’m working on accepting the wretched parts.

Meeting you, Gentle Reader, along the way is a sweet gift. Thank you for being a part of my recovery too. JJ

It’s eBook Week

Published on March 1, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Looking for hope and encouragement while you or your loved one recovers from a serious illness? I invite you to check out Hope Beyond Lyme: the First Year.

The first year enduring and battling a serious illness can test everything we thought we knew about coping with the trials of life. In this book, I invite you to share the more meaningful moments of my journey as I seek to draw strength from outside of myself to endure the trials of my particular story. My hope is that you, too, will find strength and hope that transcends your day-to-day experience. I also hope that you will consider the hope found in God though a personal relationship with His Son. His presence in One’s life makes a difference in where a person lands when this particular journey of life is over. Will we have peace or will we have despair?

For the next week, my eBook Hope Beyond Lyme: the First Year is 50% off! Just use coupon code WE45A at: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/371334

Take care, Just Julie