Christian – Page 37 – Jesus is for the Wounded

a question of character: no April’s fool.

Published on April 2, 2015April 2, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Learning from one’s mistakes is a given for any reasonable person. We must learn from our mistakes or we will sucuumb to foolishness in due time. Learning from the unforeseen negative consequences of a reasonable decision is more difficult yet still a given for any reasonable person. Figuring out how to do this is, well, rarely given!

In the event a reasonable person makes a difficult decision after heartbreaking circumstances leading up the decision, and the outcome is good, we all celebrate. In the event a reasonable person makes a difficult decision after the heartbreaking circumstance and the outcome is not good, we all are either: 1) sad and hang in there anyways or 2) indifferent then simply walk away from the painful truth for a time. And it could be a long time, in my observation. Some folks watching you may never return. When folks have left my life my response has wavered from “let them go” to “seeya next time.” Both are the same really and have served to preserve my ego, my character.

How I feel about the good or bad of the total circumstances must not drive who I choose to be. In other words my identity must not become destroyed by the mistake, the misfortune. My character must remain fixed on the fact that I am who Christ has made me to be. He knows me, love me, leads me, and will be there whatever the outcome of a situation may be, long before I ever know about it. So using the insight of John Maxwell and applying it to my ramblings this April Fool’s Day, no matter what may come I must go forth with wisdom. The best source of wisdom is the Bible and the words of my Savior, Jesus Christ. Here’s some I like today:

¹⁰He replied, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”   Job 2

⁷The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge,
    but fools despise wisdom and instruction. Proverbs 1

²³Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139

8 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, Romans 8:1

⁶being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ; Philippians 1

Well cool beans. Now that I have settled the matter at least in my own mind, I will put my feelings of foolishness aside. I mean, how could I have known that a painful, expensive dental procedure that I had researched for 9 months would only get rid of wretched convulsions for a couple of days? Holy cow. Or is it holy crap? Crapolaski? (I’m Polish dontcha know.) Of course right away I wanted to share my joy with the online world and posted the news everywhere! You are my peeps these days, my tribe during these years of relative isolation.

So there you go: the truth. My “Hope Beyond” must remain in the Lord Jesus Christ and not in my circumstances. He will use this for His glory: the good, the bad, the ugly. My character remains despite my misfortune, despite my weakened and pained frame. And this Sunday I will rejoice with 2 fewer root-canaled teeth the promise we Christians remember at Easter. Christ is risen and He will come again in glory! On this we can be certain. As for my situation, I probably just need more time to heal these fried nerve endings.

It is still a beautiful day outside and my garden is coming back to life. Hang tough, Gentle Reader. In due time, I AM GOING TO BE WELL! Just Julie

My Testimony: Salvation in a Laundrymat

Published on October 28, 2014October 28, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded5 Comments

Salvation in a Laundrymat The Testimony of Julie November 27, 2005

Originally published on http://www.fellowshipchurchonline.com/

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When the trials of life got me down

And my angst led to seeking and a new church

It was the outstretched arms of the laundrymat attendant

That led to a decision washing me clean, indeed.

That was 1988: I was single and a Christian man had just entered my life. My life was stuffed at the time with full time work in healthcare and graduate school. Dabbling in church attendance and regular Al Anon Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings were fueling a desire to learn more about God and the person of Jesus Christ. I had so many questions, so many unresolved hurts from my childhood. Sitting in the audience of a very large, non-denominational church brought tears and stirred something deep inside me. Something I hadn’t felt in years . . .

I grew up attending a local church, complete with first communions, baptisms, lighting candles, going to the confessional, and the like. As a teenager and in college, I attended other churches of the same denomination and the routine, the rituals, were pretty much the same. But where was God? I could sense Him sometimes on Sunday mornings and in one particular baptismal service for my Godchild, Tommy. Why wasn’t He helping our family on the other days of the week?

My family life was in shambles. My father developed a mental illness and left our home when I was 9 years old. I would later understand that his struggle to overcome his mental illness exposed me and my brothers to sorrows beyond belief. There were inappropriate experiences with other adults as well.

We struggled to survive. My mom went back to work to support us and a few people tried to help where they could. The weekly allowances, ice cream from the Good Humor truck, books from the South Elementary School Book Club, and chocolate milk for lunch ended. My mom struggled in her identity as a single mom. The church fell short in meeting her needs, our needs and we were shamed by others. Some of the neighborhood boys weren’t allowed to play with my brothers. I felt rejected too. We kids fought a lot. And God bless the babysitters who risked losing their sanity by coming to our house!

My brothers, in time, would turn to alcohol or drugs to endure life. Both would eventually spend time in jail and never quite make it in the work world. Neither one married. One died of alcoholism and the other is devoting himself to care for our mom. Amazing! By the grace of God, I was given different responsibilities and opportunities.

A neighbor introduced me to the Warren Jayteens, the teen group of the Warren Jaycees (in our city just outside of Detroit, Michigan). That was the first of many new interests, part time jobs, and classical guitar lessons, and the list goes on. I became a “human doing” instead of a “human being.” My worth came from my activities, my accomplishments. And on the outside, I excelled.

Inside, I was hurting. I sought comfort in dating relationships and dabbled in alcohol and marijuana. My tolerance to alcohol increased. The partying continued when I moved to Illinois after college to start my first job in healthcare. I would later see that my profession was a gift from God. He gave me the insight to pursue a profession in which I would teach others the skill of adapting to any circumstance. I personally benefited from this as I entered graduate school, found Al Anon Adult Children of Alcoholics, changed jobs, moved a few times, and met a Christian man.

That dear man helped me with my many questions about God and the Bible. The witness of his upbringing in a Christian home spoke volumes of what it really looked like to grow up in a stable environment. His father was a leader in his childhood church. The witness of Craig’s life and of his family, showed me more of what it was like to have good clean fun and led to a decision for Christ.

On our third date, he brought me to a very large, non-denominational church. There were 4,000 people at each service! I thought it was a cult! I was wrong. My soul got fed for the first time. Some months later, a laundry mat attendant sensed my needs, my readiness, and witnessed to me. I will never forget that day. I can still see her face. She had so much love in her eyes. That night, alone in my apartment, I prayed to have Jesus come into my life. I repented of the mistakes of my past. I was truly washed clean by the blood of Jesus.

Two years later in 1991, Craig and I were married in that large, non-denominational church. We worshipped there five years. I grew in my understanding of the Christian life. I tried to be a “good Christian” wife and fell short a bit. My walk with the Lord would really begin several years later when Craig led us to a smaller Bible church. It was there that I began to unravel the part of the pain of my childhood that had created a barrier to developing an intimate relationship with the person of Jesus Christ. More tears. More healing. And a faithful man to walk with me. Very cool.

Things changed March 4, 2003. Our marriage had endured several trials and disappointments by then. Craig’s father had died, I was injured in an auto accident with lingering effects, Craig was laid off twice, we lost the court case related to the accident, and my work-related injuries created financial and emotional hardships for both of us. I always returned to work after a setback. I adapted. Craig pursued a new career direction as well in aviation and we felt the Lord’s blessing and provision. Then he had to stop suddenly and was never quite the same after that. He began to withdraw from me. At the same time, he threw himself into church service and became a Deacon. I tried to start a second business and return to work in healthcare. God had other plans.

On the morning of March 4, 2003, I prayed a desperate prayer for the Lord to intervene in my life. Intervene he did! That night I received a phone call and learned that my husband had been in an affair for about a year. I asked Craig to leave for awhile that night and he did. He never came back.

Standing in my living room, very late at night, very alone, I was in shock. I knew my life was about to change but had no idea how it would. A verse came to me from Jeremiah 29:11:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (NIV)

That verse would come back to me again and again at key times over the next three years – at times when no other words could possibly sustain me or give me hope. Like the night of the fire . . .

Let’s just say that major changes occurred in rapid-fire succession from that day forward. (Riddle: What day of the year is a command? Answer: March “fourth.” Geez!)

My grandmother died. I refinanced our home. My brother died. The divorce process became eminent. I sold my home. I moved. I lost my job due to an injury. I was promoted in my home business. I moved again. I got a temporary job then a permanent position. My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. The divorce was final at Christmastime. Geez! I was in a fire. I moved twice to temporary housing. I moved to a beautiful condo where I now reside. The healing work has begun, from the inside out!

Whew! I thank the Lord for walking with me and for bringing the Army of Believers who have been there, led me, and carried me on this journey to today. It takes an Army and an unshakable faith in Christ to rise from the trials of life victorious. I pray daily for Craig’s repentance and return to the Lord. And I do know this: the choices we make each day determine where we ultimately land in our walk with the Lord, our walk through the days of our lives. Since my prayer has always been for my own sorrows not to be wasted, I remember to seek the face of Jesus each day, especially when the mud flies. I pray that Craig will too. He has incredible gifts of teaching, of reasoning, of physical health, and of loving. May these be used for God’s glory soon.

As for me, I’m called to do what I can with what I have, where I am. (At the time of this writing in 2005, I’d) just had a “Thanksgiving” party to thank all the people that helped me; the evening was wonderful! I pray that the Lord continues to restore me. Through this process, my purpose has become clear: to build something of significance that blesses other people. Gee, that’s what I’ve always wanted in my heart before I could put the words together! To know this purpose is the intervention I prayed for March 4, 2003. I am closer to this dream now more than ever before. And it came this way. This way? Yes, it came this way.

And since this has proven to be true in my life I must say that I really wouldn’t want it any other way!

Thanks. Just Julie

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ADDENDUM: It is now 9 years later when I have come across my testimony in an old computer file. I am amazed at all the Lord has walked with me through! My mother passed away in March of 2007 and I married my intended beloved, Steve, in November later that year. I moved to Indiana to marry Steve, to slow things down, to rediscover so many rich outdoor activities, and to enjoy a loving relationship with Steve like none I had ever experienced before. Even a serious personal illness, my brother’s stroke, and a medical leave from a lifelong profession that I love could not deter the love I experience from my Jesus and my Stevers. After all: life goes on. I am exceedingly grateful that the Lord never changes. I am exceedingly grateful for so much!

The most important element in all of this, in all of my life, is my personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Thank you Jesus.

That is all. JJ

The Turning Point

Published on October 4, 2014October 4, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded3 Comments

When you start to leave hell, it’s important to take stock of where you have been and where you are then leave all of your baggage at the turning point.

Hi Gentle Reader. This is my gentle wisdom to you as I gratefully and graciously turn the corner after 3 years of wretched illness. Much grieving has already gone before me and my beloved Steve. Much loss has already pruned that which is no longer critical to our lives. Much angst at our Lord’s merciful throne of grace has established Who is most important in our lives and that He was leading us through all of this. Much dashing of hopes in false turning points along the way has produced endurance for what appears to be the last leg of this race. And yes, much joy has returned despite the jagged line that is normal in the recovery phase. That’s o.k. WE HAVE HOPE!!!

Briefly, I am experiencing 50% improvement in my health after beginning treatment for very high mercury levels. This process will require a slow titration of chelating agents, detoxification with the gentlest of methods, much rest, and humility. Humility? Oh yeah, humility to stay watchful for the Lord’s leading each step of the way and to continue to lean on Him as my own strength returns. My husband has proven himself again and again as the Lord’s instrument, a capable spiritual leader in my life. I have many examples in my life how pride has gone before my downfall, you know (Proverbs 16:18). I don’t want any more “slips and trips” anymore particularly of my own creation!

As I have started to feel better and do more my devotional time has diminished. This is not good. So in response to this turning point, I aim to spend more time in the Word than I have in the past when feeling reasonably well. I aim to keep practicing gratitude: holding lightly any material blessings, fruits of my labors, times of fellowship and the like. I aim to smile more and complain less. After all, I faced death many, many times! These days the gift of time and space, my talents and gifts, and the people/places/things around me are a bonus. I have never believed that I deserved either the good or bad things that have happened in my life. They simply “are.” They simply “were.” It is with great wonder that I aim to explore each day for what may come.

How can anyone really see beyond a turning point anyways when he or she has never been on a given journey before? If we worry about it then we have chosen to believe a lie. No one knows the future so why make up something bad? Why not something good? I aim to squelch what is false with what is true from God’s Word:

³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6)

Nuff said. Steve and I enjoyed a long walk in the rain this evening with our pup. This picture portrays my heart inside. God is good. All the time. God is good. JJ

Seizures and Mercury: Unlikely Bedfellows

Published on September 14, 2014September 17, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded4 Comments

If the story made a difference

Published on July 28, 2014July 28, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded4 Comments

A blog is an interesting vehicle in one’s life. You get to write about anything you want and just about anyone, anywhere can read it. At least that is how this blog is structured. Funny thing is that once you get going on a particular topic, there’s a high likelihood that you might reveal a little more about yourself than you might if you were in person. The ideas just flow when here alone at the keyboard and if it is a personal blog (instead of a professional or business forum) well things can get personal quite easily! If you are honest, that is!

Why bring this up? Well I have come to realize that some tragic events in my childhood are influencing the nature of my recovery from illness. The question I have grappled with of late is whether or not to write about it. Oh the story is juicy enough to draw some interest and you bet I’ll let you know how the Lord has helped me endure and overcome the pain of it all. Healing has come for these hurts because of the love of my Heavenly Father manifest in my personal relationship with His Son, Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit has guided the process: providing counsel, “Jesus with skin on” in the form of loving sojourners, helpful tools, and His glorious written Word leading me to hope. So why share the hairy details anyways?

Possibly I would because horrific illness may trigger past hurts for others more than me. I don’t want you to feel alone if that is part of your story. New trauma often stirs up old wounds: at least the one we might find are not fully healed. We might not know that they are not fully healed until something new happens in our lives as in the course of serious illness. I view many of these events as “another involuntary growth experience” and am often left feeling more whole when I work through the tender issues correctly. The problem is that when you happen to mention to a medical professional that waking nightmares, seizures, involuntary screaming episodes, and convulsions have triggered scenes that might be from your past YOU GET A PSYCHIATRIC LABEL AND THEY STOP TRYING TO TREAT THE MEDICAL ILLNESS. This is frustrating indeed! The medical illness came first. Healing secondary issues is a bonus, like clearing out cobwebs in a musty garage. Cool beans and all that jazz. Keep the treatment focus on the root cause people!

So for me to share old or emerging facts from my abusive past runs the risk of my physical symptoms not being taken seriously. Convulsions require serious examination, eh? I paid dearly this past Saturday for venturing out on a private lake for my husband’s canoe and kayaking class hosted with a friend. Even though the water was treated with blue dye to prevent algae growth, it was there anyways. I have never had such violent, animalistic, horrifying convulsions in these 2 1/2 years of seizure attacks as I did one hour after I returned home. You would not believe the level of torment I endured continuously for 2 wretched hours! The rest of the evening was awful too with a rebound of episodes on Sunday. I lost over a day of my life in payment for enjoying a paddling outing with my beloved and some friends. The biotoxin illness won and I lost. Tell me how this is all in my head as the working out of an unhappy childhood? NO WAY.

If the story of my sorry childhood made a difference to the “Hope Beyond” I would like the Gentle Reader to find, I would write about it here. However in doing so I would risk selling myself short in the process for those who might not follow my whole story. One of my blogs generally covers only one topic as in a chapter of a book. Further, reading a posting about a waking nightmare that was remarkably similar to a very bad day a long time ago would put the focus on the past and not on the exposure to cyanobacteria earlier that afternoon. And in the end we bloggers don’t need to share everything about ourselves to be heard, to make a difference in the literary world. We only need to be genuine to ourselves, to our subject matter. Should I need to share a scene from my past to make a point I might do so briefly. To say more will put the focus in the wrong place. I need to keep my eyes fixed on my great expectation for what lies ahead of me (and all who believe), in the glorious presence of my Lord and Savior. One day when my life on this earth is over He will make right all that was not right back there and heal me then, if not sooner. I believe there will be a blessing for my stewardship of the experiences, sacrifices, ministries, and choices of humility He allowed in my life if I have succeeded in acting according to His will. And if I have acted according to His will then it is only because He helped me to do so! This stuff is way too hard to make it on my own.

The story that truly makes a difference is not mine. The story that has the power to transform the lives, the hearts of mankind is that of the person of Jesus Christ. Let His own Words of His life, His pain and suffering as chronicled in the Gospels (the first 4 books of the New Testament in the Bible) lead you to His throne of grace. Lay your burdens before the One Who is, Who was, and Who will forever be. Let His love redeem the pains of the past so that both you and I may live freely in His presence forevermore. What great fellowship we shall enjoy one day soon! What great joy we will know when He calls each of us by name Who knows Him as Lord and Savior. Oh how I long to hear His stories of how much He loves us, He takes our prayers to the Father, and has prepared a glorious place for us to dwell in together: Him and I; you and Him; the fellowship of believers; the cherubim and seraphim. Yeah that’s where my focus outta be!

Philippians 4:8New International Version (NIV)

⁸Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Oh yeah! Now that’s some great writing! ;J