Take me to the top

I don’t wanna cry no longer

Take me to the top

Can’t you see I’m getting stronger?

Take me to the top

Yes there’s room for me and others

Take me to the top

Hey that’s where we will recover!

A simple song, yes it is, written long before I knew the diagnosis of Lyme Disease and sometime after the diagnosis of fibromyalgia.  How could I have known how long this journey would last nor how rich the experience would be if I just “bothered to recover.”

Yes, doing the work of recovery from any illness, addiction, loss, or heartache is a bother!  It takes time, energy, resources, finances, and emotional strength.  When I did it all on my own with my own determination I did get somewhere for a while.  After all I was told at a very young age that I am a “very determined person.”  I’ve tapped into books, self-help resources, 12-step programs, support groups, special diets, supplements, retreats, doctors, specialists, the internet, advice from others, my own creative intuition, and so on.  Yup, I should have figured it all out by now if it were up to me.  Just gotta keep staying positive, helping others, practicing gratitude, and memorizing a ton of slogans and following helpful inspirational wisdom from others on the journey ahead of me.  Hey that’s were we will recover . . .

Well guess what?  It ain’t enough!  No amount of wishful thinking, earthly wisdom, and STUFF is enough to cure or figure out the consequences of living in a fallen world.  This world is not perfect and everything will not be revealed or resolved by the right karma, nirvana, carpe diem, keeping my chin up, and the like.  Sometimes the world simply does not make sense.  I’ve heard the trouble of this world described as the influences of three forces acting against us:  the world, the flesh, and Satan himself.  Maybe so.  Or maybe it’s a combination of them?  Perhaps you would debate me on many of these points.  That’s o.k.  I welcome it.

You will never convince me however that this world is my home and that what I see is all there is.  You will never convince me that there is no purpose to our suffering and that it will end if we just do this or that.  You will never convince me that I deserve better, am entitled to more and should just set more goals to have them.  Sometimes my best is to lay low, to settle where I am.  You will never convince me that if I don’t act now, I will  miss “the boat.”  His timing is perfect now and forever.  You will never convince me there is no God because he allowed this suffering to happen.  Sorry.  I have seen too many blessings that I would have missed or screwed up if I acted to change things in my own strength and timing.  I know better than all this and you can too when you consider inviting Jesus into your heart.

So today, despite the pain and the wretched symptoms last night, the laundry will still get done.  How is that?  It is not by my strength that I live but by He who lives within me and this includes the gumption to fold towels!  When I tanked this afternoon I chose to read The Word first and not surf the net.  Why?  Since He is my ultimate source of wisdom and peace I simply cannot waste my time or energy elsewhere.  They are too precious these days.  Then it didn’t take very many of these precious moments before my relatively small list of things to do became overwhelming.   That’s when I came before the Lord’s throne of grace and He met me there.  Looks like writing about Him was my most important task on the list.  And if I wondered why I couldn’t do something else instead (like go to work or work on my home business), I had to let it all go to the God who holds my life in the shadow of His loving arms, His loving wings.  He knows the right time for everything.  He knows why all this is allowed in my life and He will be glorified in the end.  My best is in the best of hands.

So me and my unfolded laundry are pretty stubborn this afternoon.  Have I convinced you?  I’ll get to those clean washcloths soon enough and I’ll be glad the One Who loves me and knew me before I was born got to me first today.  Forget the laundry.  Hey Elle, where’s your leash?  Remember that walk I promised you yesterday?  Bow wow.