And then you just hope to move sideways

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Here’s a brief update on my brother, Michael, and me with a prayer request:

At this moment Mike is moving from an acute, inpatient rehabilitation facility to one of the lowest-rated nursing homes in the city of Detroit.  The social workers claim that of the 35 facilities they have contacted, St. Francis is the only one who would accept him.  The reason?  He is “Medicaid Pending” and does not have any other insurance.  We are sad and concerned.

Today Mike’s rehabilitation stops until Medicaid is approved.  Today Mike learns how the indigent of our society are left behind in facilities located across the street from an abandoned buildings in scary neighborhoods.  Today Mike decides whether or not he is a FIGHTER.  I only got to talk to him briefly before the transport vehicle came to wheel him out of his private room and begin the next leg of his recovery journey.  He has made tremendous gains in cognition, swallowing, self care, transferring from one seat to another, and even walking.  Mike has had close monitoring of his medical condition, medications, and test results.  The plan to address a complex cyst on a kidney remains unclear as he moves away from his rehabilitation and medical specialists.  None of them go to the new facility.  It is unlikely that he will receive any rehabilitation therapies from this point forward until his Medicaid is approved.  We are sad and concerned.

We are hoping that this transfer is a move sideways and not the beginning of a downward slide.  At this point I do not believe that he knows that he will be receiving fewer services.  He is concerned about the facility location and the comfort level of his fiancé visiting him in an unsafe neighborhood.  Gratefully our cousin, Lisa, is an optometrist who sees patients there every 6 weeks.  She has known the staff there for 10 years.  We are hoping that this helps place Mike in a favorable light.  Lisa has also offered to accompany Mike’s fiancé, also named Lisa, on her first visit to the new place.  I am exceedingly grateful for this.  I wish I could be there too.  I cannot go at this time.

I had my own questionable “move” this past weekend.  Difficulty breathing and bizarre, violent seizure attack episodes landed me in the emergency room.  I received “treatment” and returned home; the last three days have been marginal yet better in some ways.  I saw my family practice physician yesterday and was able to put together a few plans to tighten up my treatment plan.  Unfortunately I had to escape outside for fresh air THREE TIMES due to the mold aerosols in his water-damaged office building!  Did I mention that I was already wearing a charcoal mask?  Geez.  I was re-reading the Clinical Summary this morning from my visit and collapsed at the kitchen table into a pile of seizure-like tics.  Perhaps the aerosols followed me home on the porous copy paper?  Who knows.  My gracious husband has seen me through it all, threw out the papers this morning and opened the bay windows to help me revive.  Thank you my beloved Steve!

Sometimes it looks like things are going downhill when actually we have just stepped a little to the side.  Many hidden blessings have come from my brother’s stroke:  developing a closer relationship with his fiancé, rekindling a friendship with my amazing cousin Lisa, and seeing a few family members step forth to love on my brother are wonderful.  And in my own situation I now have a biotoxin illness doctor who is willing to go to bat for me when headed to the ER on a Sunday in addition to an incredible husband who is my kinsman redeemer.  Steve is willing to love me, care for me, and defend my special needs when needed on my journey to wellness.  He believes me that this crap-ola-ski is NOT all in my head and is helping me overcome it too.  In both my brother’s and my own situation, I am seeing new expressions of love that have not been there in our lives before.  Cool beans.  Thank you Jesus!

Gentle Reader, would you kindly pray this scripture with me?  I pray that we will lean on the Lord, trust in the Lord, and have courage to move forward when-and-as the Lord leads these next few weeks.  I need to rest in the tender care of my Jesus and not get ahead of the work He is accomplishing in today.  After all, I do not want to miss the richness of His tender care, His presence in each breathing moment.  Such a joy it is to know that He is here carrying Mike this afternoon in that transport van.  Such a joy it is to know that He is here too with me and you carrying our thoughts and prayers to our Heavenly Father for His wise care according to His Divine plan for our lives.  Perhaps sideways is a good place to be right now.

Want some bulletproof coffee?  Let’s go out on the patio and sit for awhile.  The sun is shining this afternoon and the narcissus, tulips, hyacinths, and buttercups are blooming!

Proverbs 3:5-6
Proverbs 3:5-6

 

 

The Nurse Who Wore Perfume

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Nurse Ratchet from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Nurse Ratchet from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

After about 4 hours breathing fresh oxygen being pumped with fluids, I revived after a most bizarre episode.  The Benedryl made things worse yet brought about 12 hours of slumber on and off into the next day.  Whew!  What an ordeal it was . . .

Such is life when battling biotoxin illness, multiple chemical sensitivity, mycotoxicosis, Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome, or what-is-formerly-known-for-me-as Chronic Lyme Disease.  On Saturday I was counting the dollars and quarters from the neighborhood girls who bought friendship bracelets at our garage sale.  I noticed a familiar perfume scent on the money that reminded me of a houseguest not long ago.  Perhaps it was Flora by Gucci again?  Anyways, no sooner had I zip-locked everything into a sandwich baggie when I started to feel sickly.  Bizarre and violent seizures followed, ramping up and ramping down over the next hour.  Holy crap!

I knew I had overdone things somewhat working the garage sale and doing some yard work the day before.  But hey, we had some things to get rid of and were delighted to pass some items along for free.  The girls who bought the bracelets were adorable!  I couldn’t resist letting my initial Trinity Jewelry by Design originals go for 1/6 the original asking price just to see the smiles on their faces.  Of course the older sister next door would need and extra one for her sister who was away at a dance competition so 2-for-1 would be the best deal for her.  Same thing applied to her sister’s best friend who was in the midst of a little object lesson about not taking money from her mother’s purse to buy bracelets!  Lesson was learned and we had smiles all around.  I was so delighted to send them along and tell them the significance of the 3-bead design (for the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit!).  They looked down at their bracelets like they were hearing it for the first time.  That’s cool.  As they wear them each day I pray that the Lord brings more promptings of His love and gift of salvation through the Holy Trinity.

It’s Monday, I am breathing better today, and I feel reasonably stable.  The windows have remained closed as every-other neighbor seemed to be getting their lawns treated today with fertilizer and pre-emergent weed killers.  Ah the scents of Spring!  All fragrances don’t seem to bother me but I am not taking any chances one day after an imaginary trip to the ER.  Imaginary?  Oh sure, it’s all in my head you see.  They gave me a repeat psychiatric diagnosis probably leftover from the last time I was there over a year ago.  It didn’t matter that my biotoxin medical doctor from Michigan graciously called the hospital on my behalf with an update.  Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome just isn’t on their radar.  The ER Doc seemed to give the impression that he was understanding that the difficulty breathing, obvious seizure attacks, and intolerance to the cold hands of the admitting nurse were related to CIRS.  It has its own ICD-9 code don’t you know?  I guess they do not.  Out came the “non-epileptic seizures” and “feeling nervous” diagnoses.  I never said I was feeling nervous!  The third diagnosis was “tremors.”  Yeah, tremors that make your head bang aren’t really tremors are they?

Non-epileptic seizures have TWO causes:  1)  biological and 2) psychiatric.  Most medical professionals ignore the first cause.  If they were psychiatric they would happen only when I am under stress or have a need for secondary gain (like attention or control).  Sorry Doc.  These episodes happen unannounced, unprovoked, and at happy times.  They started with an exposure to a cyanobacteria when kayaking in a local reservoir with my beloved and some fun people.  I love my life with Steve and in general.  I am so blessed and grateful for so much even during this time of illness.  Armchair psychiatry without a work-up is wrong.  Test me.  I have nothing to hide.  So frustrating.

Shortly before the completion of the IV fluid and Benadryl treatment, a nurse came into the room to announce that the nursing shift had changed.  She checked the monitor and recorded my vitals before leaving the room in a puff of noxious and cheap perfume.  WHAAAAT?  Why do you think I am in the EMERGENCY ROOM NURSEEEE POO?  When she returned I gently but firmly asked her to leave and not return due to the same.  She said she had received “report” and knew why I was there.  HELLO?  ANYBODY HOME?  Two other nurses came in a bit later and before the IV pump alarm was set to go off (another sensory trigger).  I appreciated their timing and thanked them.  A bit roughly they disconnected the IV, removed the IV in my arm, and began to hurry us along.  Time to go!  I had to ask them to wait a moment as my body started seizing from the shock of the needle coming out of my arm.  Hey, it happens every time a needle goes in or out don’t you know? I really can’t make this stuff up don’t you know?  It simply isn’t worth it and would take too much energy anyways.  Just look at the outpatient records from the 21 IV magnesium treatments at that same hospital this past October and November.  Same reaction.

I felt numb on the way home.  My incredible husband made sure I was settled and quickly got outside to mow the lawn before dark.  I ate a light dinner as fast as I could to gain some strength before giving into the incredible fatigue.  Tic attacks woke me up several times as I slept for about a half of a day total.  The ordeal was over.  My third trip to the ER since becoming ill October 11, 2011 was over.

What do I do now, I wonder?  I mean there are binding agents that I can’t tolerate (chlolestyramine and Welchol) and one that I can (activated charcoal) tolerate but the latter doesn’t register on Dr. Richie Shoemaker’s biotoxin illness protocol.  During a wretched episode earlier last week the Lord gave me some insight that the activated charcoal might work better for me.   So a few grains of AC is all I am doing for treatment in addition to my own election for a mold-free, Candida, low oxalate diet.  Oh yes, and our home will become a safe-zone to reduce exposures.  Sadly there will be no more monthly home group.  I spent the last one in my bedroom with seizure attacks while the group worshipped, prayed, and fellowshipped in our living room.  Even the hint of fragrance amongst them was too much for me.  Sigh.  I  need the fellowship Lord!  And what about the friends and family who will be in town for my husband’s son’s wedding next month?  This is a heartache for both of us right now.  I love Steve’s adult children and his family.  I am grateful for them.  I guess I’ll be Skyped into the bridal shower . . .  And I doubt that I will be able to enjoy playing hostess to family that has not seen our home beautified since they were last here for our wedding 7 years ago.  It’s just so very risky.  Maybe it will be warm enough to visit on our lovely patio.  Hope so.

Oh well.  We’ll figure out something.  We always do.  Better leave that one for a future blog.  More prayer is needed before then fer shur.  JJ

Biotoxin illness not Lyme disease for me

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As of yesterday and my second appointment with a biotoxin illness specialist, my hunt for healing will focus on biotoxin illness and not Lyme disease.  Perhaps you noticed awhile back that I changed the name of this blog?  Join me in finding “Hope Beyond” the challenges of today; for me this blog will always give the praise and glory to the Lord, Jesus Christ when victory comes . . .

I found a remarkable video on You Tube that summarizes mold and biotoxin illness.  Please look beyond the promo for his colleague’s book and his mentioning of “ME” or Myalgic Encephalomyelitis.  I do not have ME although I understand that biotoxin illness and ME are similar, much like fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome have similar manifestations.  Now that my diagnosis is clearer, I will be largely following the treatment protocol of Dr. Richie Shoemaker at:  http://www.survivingmold.com as coached by one of his trained physicians.

See whatcha think and let me know in the comments below.  There is hope!  Just Julie

When death is no longer an option

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Who was it who said to “start with the end in mind?”

 

Well the “end” of everything in life as we know it will not be death per se but the second coming of our Lord, Jesus Christ. He will be bringing about the Great Tribulation, reign on Earth for 1,000 years, bring about the death of Satan and the world as we know it, and bring those who believe in Him to the New Jerusalem.  There we will reign forever with the One True God. I can’t wait!

 

And yet wait we must as it is not the time for His return. So working back from this end I will examine a few personal challenges the current day . . .

 

Brother Mike

Incredibly with a remaining part of one of two carotid arteries, my brother is making slow progress (after a massive stroke two weeks ago). As it turns out his progress may still not be enough to keep him longer in a rehabilitation facility. Enter here the plight of the uninsured. Decisions about his care will be made by a team of therapists who are required on Wednesday to make an “educated guess” as to his the outcome of his treatment 2-3 weeks from now. Healthcare policy largely mandated by the US government requires them to make this determination. Today the Lord led me in “buying” him 3 more days after negotiating with the Physiatrist on Michael’s unit. Go Sister Bear, occupational therapist.

 

Overall it looks like Mike will be discharged soon to a nursing home for placement and not further rehabilitation. This would be sad. His beloved fiancé, Lisa, is doing the best she can to juggle her own responsibilities, visit Mike at the hospital an hour away from their home, and complete paperwork/phone calls/research/etc. needed for his discharge planning. He would not likely receive therapy services thereafter until his Medicaid kicks in; when it does start the amount for which he is eligible could be limited. I just hope they get him the proper wheelchair, feeding instructions, and do more than keep him “clean and dry” in a long term care facility. I don’t have high hopes for this at the moment.

 

In time perhaps Michael will be able to receive skilled therapy services and return home. In time perhaps Michael’s eligibility for VeteransAdministration and community services will be determined. To return home he will need to be safe enough to be left home alone when Lisa is at work while she graciously continues to provide for both of their needs in addition to her 13 year old son. We are all praying for them at this incredibly stressful time in their lives. My burden from afar (3 hours by car) is light by comparison. Sure I am making a few phone calls, found a family member with a commode, and am working on locating a walker but that is small compared to his incredible care needs. I do pray that some additional resources appear soon . . .

 

Sister Julie

This past weekend was a tale of two extremes got me. I started drinking Bulletproof coffee this past Friday: Freshly ground-and-brewed, mycotoxin-free, Swiss water decaffeinated coffee with ghee (butter) and MCT (derivative of coconut) oil. Everything gets blended in our Vitamix for a frothy hot drink that is quite good. (Remember, I am used to consuming unusual foods these days!)   I had also begun taking a special formulation of B vitamins from Dr. Amy Yasko’s website to support some nutrigenomic issues. (Since the Functional Medicine MD set me adrift last week I struck out on my own for new solutions.) Saturday was an incredible day: waking up without seizures and enough energy to get showered and dressed before 10:00 a.m. just doesn’t happen for me! By 10:30 a.m. I had joined my hubby in cleaning our garage! Four hours later we were at a logical stopping point with the project nearly completed. We will recycle, discard, or sell either online or at a garage sale a goodly amount of items we no longer need. Ahhhh. Feels good.

 

Then comes the other extreme: almost 2 days with intermittent seizure attacks and bedrest. Crap. I guess I should have worn a mask when cleaning the garage? Maybe I shouldn’t have increased the MCT oil to twice per day? Or maybe the greatly increased activity level was just too much for this tender frame? Crap again. This is such a high price to pay for just taking care of our home. I enjoyed my time working with Steve so very much. I love doing projects with him! It had been soooooo long since our last big deal together . . . except for maybe driving up to Michigan to see Mike 2 weeks ago. Yeah that one took its toll on me as well. Crap, crap, crap.

 

So the worst case scenario for my brother is another stroke or even death. Since he appears to be stabilizing and improving I can set those fearful thoughts aside. I am quite confused about the Lord’s plan for all of this yet I choose to trust Him anyways. And as for my own illness, well, I guess the moments of improvement give me hope for my own recovery someday too.

 

On Sunday I decided to donn my firearm when Steve was selling some items from our home. He had opted to have the buyers meet us at the house. We took some precautions and everything worked out fine. His son, Daniel made out like a bandit (!) and we are pleased to have made it happen for him. But as that 380 pistol passed from my hand to its hidden resting place later that afternoon, I had to pause for a moment. At another time in my life it would have been dangerous for me to have a firearm in my possession. I had not yet learned how to shoot a gun, been taught gun safety, secured a carry permit, or decided for sure that life is worth living no matter what the current crisis.

 

You see I have faced overwhelming stressors in my life many, many times before. One time I had to ask a boyfriend to stay with me because the emotional pain that I was enduring was so great that I did not trust myself with my own life. I feared what I might do if I were to be left home alone. Flash forward about 15 years and that trust was tested once again. Gratefully eight years later, the overwhelming trauma of painful, daily seizure attacks, my brother’s stroke, and so much more is met with a solid faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and His plan for our lives. He is faithful. I trust in His power, His sovereignty over my fear, my pain, my doubt. Overcoming the traumas of the past by the grace of God taught me that. My firearm is for protection and nothing else.

 

When in doubt, I often start with the end in mind. I have always been a future-oriented person which I consider to be both a quality of leadership and a source of considerable anxiety! Perhaps my writings could talk a little less about my vulnerability and a little more about the Hero leading my heart PERIOD. With the God of the universe at the helm of my life I have nothing to fear, nothing to doubt. I will be able to endure the stress and the stress will be less with my hands off the “trigger” that represents a need for action at the wrong time. To wait, to rest and languish in His loving care helps me transcend the suffering. He has held me close in the comfort of His wings in the past and holds me close in the present as well. Many folks yearn to feel His presence. Hey, I get to feel it every day! He makes Himself real to me every single day.

 

Lastly, the greatest manifestation of darkness in this life is death. One day all too soon His glory will replace the darkness with His consuming light. All things will be made new and we who believe will reign with Him forever! My brother and I will be made whole to love and serve our great God. Wow! So I pray:  Lord, help me to live this truth in today with hope and shining Your light for all to see. Thank You for being here with us in our journeys. If the load may be lighter, please bless us with Your healing grace and mercy. Until then, You are our King and praise be Your name, Emmanuel.   Love you, Just Julie

 

The Sister Bear Speaks

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While my brother’s fiancé is there at the hospital with him in the thick of things, his next of kin is a bit upset.  I am too upset to make any rational decisions.  The feelings run deep with me.  It’s all I could do to be polite on the phone today to the social worker from the rehabilitation unit where Mike is hospitalized.  At least Steve and I have the weekend to sort things out . . .

Very likely Mike will get booted out of the hospital next week and sent to be housed in a nursing home without additional rehabilitation services.  His insurance is “Medicaid Pending” and his requiring of 24-hour physical care post discharge, a situation that cannot be met at home for valid reasons, is pushing the hospital to discharge him from their care.  I don’t get it.  In my 30+ year career in rehabilitation as an occupational therapist, the discharge criteria virtually always hinged on a lack of progress, not the particulars of discharge planning.  It’s a new day:  a new reality.  If you can’t do what the government-driven healthcare system wants you to do then I guess they can wash their hands of you.

Perhaps he will go to a nursing home or perhaps by some miracle the Veterans Administration (VA) will accept him on such short notice.  If the decision is the former, he will be fed 3 meals per day, kept clean and dry, and left to sit slumped in an overstretched wheelchair or geri chair in front of an out-of-tune entertainer from the long term care circuit with a pair of maracas shoved into his functional hand.  The wailing of the demented residents will woo him to sleep at night as he tosses on his waterproof mattress to get comfortable around the bedsores that no one will find until it is too late for healing.  Thickened Pepsi to drink?  Not a chance.  At least until his fiancé cleans up her make-up from crying long enough to ignore the swale of urine stench long enough to bring it to him.  God bless her faithfulness visiting every day through this incredibly stressful ordeal!

Or perhaps it won’t be that bad.  Maybe he will get into a VA rehabilitation facility with little red tape and get stronger.  Regardless, the hope of at least a few weeks of physical, occupational, and speech therapy has vanished for the time-being.  And Michael has no idea yet, what is about to happen to him next week.  I left a message for his saint of a fiancé and she has not gotten back to me yet.  Maybe she is in as big of SHOCK as I am.  Maybe she is exhausted and horrified from touring nursing homes closer to where they lived in the “thumb” area of Michigan.  I don’t blame her for taking a little time for herself to sort things out.  My heart goes out to Lisa.  She has been through so much these past two weeks as her life has changed forever.

As for me, 200 miles to the south and struggling with four hours of seizure attacks multiple times per day, I am overwhelmed with the stress of it all.  Just seeing the missing flooring in our bathroom from yet another mold remediation project is enough to stub my toe even when the light is on.  Somehow I completed a few errands outside the home this afternoon and made a simple dinner.  I talked to a few family members who offered mixed consolation while I was stepping on the elliptical for 20 minutes, phone in hand.  Geez!  I haven’t used that thing in a few weeks!  I must be stressed out.  Thank goodness the nightly seizure attack episodes haven’t fully ramped up yet tonight:  I needed to talk to you, Gentle Reader!  I started to type and there you were.  Thanks so much for being here.  I can barely speak I am so very upset.

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Life goes on despite the drama of the moment.  If Steve and I don’t impulsively drive 3 hours north to go to the hospital tomorrow and I’m stable enough, we will attend the 50th wedding anniversary open house of some friends.  It will be good to enjoy some Christian fellowship.  Then maybe my beloved Steve will start to work on the bathroom floor tile project and I’ll put together the jewelry orders that have been sitting at my work table this past week.  Lord willing I’ll continue with the Spring clean-up of our gardens and Steve will mow the grass for the first time this year.  Looks like the narcissus will be blooming within a day or two with their yellow-throated happy faces reaching up to soak up the sun.  The sunshine will feel good on my broken frame as well and I will enjoy the freshness of the air this time of year.  There’s no better hue of green than that of the tender leaves emerging from their Winter slumber:  truly lime, truly sublime too.  Some call it “horticulture therapy.”  Gee, maybe I should go right now poke my finger in the dirt of the violets waiting to fill the self-watering planters I thought I might plant tomorrow . . . I need a fix of something and a shot of tequila is out of the question these days . . .

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Please pray for us.  This sister bear is hurting more for her brother than anything right now.  My beloved Steve has been so loving despite the challenges of my illness, demands of his work, and his other responsibilities.  Lisa has got to be struggling as well, balancing work, the care of her teenage son (Alex), and assuming increasing responsibility for Michael’s affairs.  She and Michael have known each other almost 7 years.  Her 13 year old son has a great relationship with Michael too.  Oh Lord, hold us all closely this night.  Help us.  Show us Your love, mercy, and grace.  Guide us with wisdom.  If it is Your will, heal my brother from the effects of this devastating stroke.  Comfort him as he realizes all that has happened to him and show him hope, be real for him on his bed of sickness.  He has reached out to you in his time of need.  I am grateful for this and grateful that you are here with us.  And thank you for the encouragement we find in Your Word:

16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.  (2 Corinthians 4)

In Jesus’ name I pray.  Amen.

Michael George Lech
Michael George Lech