- Assurance that: I am o.k., loved, accepted; there is a purpose for and in my life; the trials of this time shall pass and shall not be wasted.
- Personal relationship with Jesus Christ that guarantees all of the above.
- The Holy Spirit Who makes His presence known to me at just the right times, bringing me the love of the Father. Nothing in life compares to the Father’s perfect love.
- The consistent and unfailing love of my beloved husband, Steve.
- My Bible which provides all the instruction, inspiration, and hope I will ever need.
- A sweet puppy who brings me a smile when I am home alone, a lot.
- Select social media of the Lyme and mold illness community that understands, day and night.
- Our pretty home and gardens in which to dwell.
- Provision of healthy food and water to nourish my body. I am a water snob, you know!
- Dear friends in Christ who provide encouraging touchstones from time to time.
- I live in a free country where I have much personal choice and opportunity.
- My parents who provided for me in strange and wonderful ways during their lifetimes.
- My family who are there for me in strange and wonderful ways.
- The gifts bestowed upon me by the Lord: creativity, writing, working with my hands, gardening, caring for others, smarts, and administration.
- The ability to adapt.
- Work history as an occupational therapist, a wonderful profession.
- My entrepreneurial spirit.
- Bachelor of Science and Master of Science degrees.
- We gratefully own a really cool 24-foot outrigger canoe! I drive a truck!
- The bluebirds are back in our birdhouse this year.
- The variegated yucca plants are going to bloom for the first time. Looks like the blackberry bushes will produce fruit this year. A new vegetable garden.
- My weight has remained reasonable despite being too sick to exercise most of the time.
- This computer, my lifeline during recovery from long term illness.
- My role as wife and helpmate to Steve.
- Our family practice physician and LLMD.
- Purple.
Author: Jesus is for the Wounded
Believer in Jesus Christ, Extension Master Gardener, and retired Occupational Therapist. I'm madly in love with and proud of my husband, Mechanical Engineer and Private Pilot: Steve! I invite you to "FOLLOW" my story of the Lord's work in my life at www.justjuliewrites.com
Jesus is Enough
Here is where I am at today, in the arms of my Lord. Tough night. Tough day. And He knows and cares for me always. Thank you Jesus!
New Sport: Thwarting Disaster — UPDATED
So glad the Lord gave me the presence of mind to cancel a Methacholine Challenge Test today. I feel exhausted from the prospect that I could have died had I gone through with the test . . .
Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. John 14:1
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
In the process of diagnosing asthma, a Doc orders a pulmonary function test. If your lung capacity is deficient for either the intake or exhalation of air, you may have a problem warranting treatment or at least a rescue inhaler. Since I started having severe chest pain and compression symptoms at the end of March, the LLMD ordered this test for me. I completed it about a month ago with findings suggestive of mild asthma. Hmmmm. I’ve never had breathing problems before and the onset coincidentally occurred during the stress of relocating back to my home after mold remediation. I was scared. A lot was at stake. We had spent thousands of dollars to remediate our home, much of it not covered by insurance or the gift of friends. How was I going to do after 76 days away from home? Turns out that I did o.k. initially then the noxious symptoms gradually returned. Oh well.
We have continued to narrow down and eliminate the potential triggers over these past two months so I can get well. This takes time and there have been some successes and failures alike. As long as there is an underlying Lyme Disease process (that I am not well enough yet to treat directly), I will have some sickness every day. But the bottom line is that I did not have difficulty breathing or feel like an elephant was sitting on my chest until the last week of March, 2013! The LLMD ruled out a heart attack. Then a negative lab finding for a complication of mold illness suggested that I might benefit from a particular prescription medication, not covered by insurance. I tried it and am receiving some benefit, gratefully. The chest pressure is less most of the time.
Today was an exception. I had a particularly severe reaction to our ol’ church building last night resulting in about 45-minutes of intermittent seizure attacks and marked chest symptoms. I was still pretty sore today despite taking the medication for the latter symptoms. So when hearing the risks of the Methacholine (MC) Challenge Test today including a full blown asthma attack, I got really scared. The MC progressively constricts your airway while a respiratory therapist takes measurements of your breathing. Holy cripes! If your values go down 20% then they give you Albuterol to open your airway. Well isn’t that dandy. I was given Albuterol as part of the test protocol during the Pulmonary Function Test last month and did not notice any difference in terms of breathing easier. Thankfully, I had a respiratory therapist who was willing to talk with me in detail today about the test, his experiences, my PFT findings; we agreed about the extreme likelihood that I would react negatively . . .
I feel like I stared death in the face today. If I would have reacted, it would have not only been a full blown seizure attack AGAIN, but the risk of respiratory arrest. Holy crap! Remember the cartoon I posted awhile back about feeling like a lab rat? This lab rat could have been no more. Something stirred within me and I crossed out my name on the consent form and wrote, “patient declined test.”
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction. Proverbs 1:7
When I have a seizure attack with chest compression, I do not breathe for several seconds. It is by the grace of God alone that my breathing re-starts! If I try to initiate active movement, such as trying to inhale, the volitional initiation of movement triggers another seizure attack. A similar reaction happens when trying to talk or move as the attacks are occurring. Eventually I collapse and need to rest. Much time needs to pass thereafter before I can function on my own or someone else has to lift me up and begin to move me. Sometimes I can initiate fine motor movements and not gross motor movements (such as walking or bearing weight on my legs). Usually my biggest challenge is simply trying to breathe again. Hyperventilation comes first then deep breaths and labored respiration. Normal breathing is last. Thankfully I am not alone in these crises even when I am “alone” . . . .
3 The Lord sustains them on their sickbed
and restores them from their bed of illness. Psalm 41:3
This doesn’t really sound like asthma to me. How about you? Perhaps some aspects of it are like asthma. Google it and see whatcha think! Such a crazy game this is at times. There just might not be a winner but perhaps an overcomer in my heart?
So my new sport this evening is first to write until my exasperation with the complications of Lyme Disease are more on the computer screen than in my head and shattered heart. Sorry if this bums you out, gentle reader and spectator. This day was a bad one. The sport of living with long term illness continues as I try to listen to the Holy Spirit and all the advisors/coaches He has sent to get through the game of life. I am crying as I write this. Crying out to the Lord. You the spectator have witnessed the athlete getting injured. Not only is my chest still sore but my heart is bruised as well. Thankfully, this too shall pass . . .
27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27
7 Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. James 5:7
I talked to my precious husband on the phone from the parking lot of the hospital this afternoon. God bless that man! I was exhausted and barely realizing the significance of my experience inside that building when his kind words soothed my soul. Steve has asthma and has had a Methacholine Challenge Test in the past. He was worried for me, praying for me. He agrees that it was too risky to complete it and ’twas better to have refused it. After we talked I still had a few errands to run, prescriptions to pick up, supplements to purchase, and of course: just a couple more plants to take home from a mom-n-pop nursery. So glad Young’s had the Sweet Marjoram I haven’t been able to find anywhere else in the area. Just saying the name, “Sweet Marjoram” makes me feel better.
Now that all of this is “off my chest” I can go do what I do best. It is dark now but that never kept me from gardening before. Besides this time it’s planting two planters and I can do that in our garage on my very cool potting bench. My husband’s son, Daniel, gave me that awesome bench 5 1/2 years ago. Love it.
Sounds like Steve’s home. Sigh. All is well. Thank you for following my story too.
New Sport: Thwarting Disaster!
So glad the Lord gave me the presence of mind to cancel a Methacholine Challenge Test today. I feel exhausted from the prospect that I could have died had I gone through with the test . . .
In the process of diagnosing asthma, a Doc orders a pulmonary function test. If your lung capacity is deficient for either the intake or exhalation of air, you may have a problem warranting treatment or at least a rescue inhaler. Since I started having severe chest pain and compression symptoms at the end of March, the LLMD ordered this test for me. I completed it about a month ago with findings suggestive of mild asthma. Hmmmm. I’ve never had breathing problems before and the onset coincidentally occurred during the stress of relocating back to my home after mold remediation. I was scared. A lot was at stake. We had spent thousands of dollars to remediate our home, much of it not covered by insurance or the gift of friends. How was I going to do after 76 days away from home? Turns out that I did o.k. initially then the noxious symptoms gradually returned. Oh well.
We have continued to narrow down and eliminate the potential triggers over these past two months so I can get well. This takes time and there have been some successes and failures alike. As long as there is an underlying Lyme Disease process (that I am not well enough yet to treat directly), I will have some sickness every day. But the bottom line is that I did not have difficulty breathing or feel like an elephant was sitting on my chest until the last week of March, 2013! The LLMD ruled out a heart attack. Then a negative lab finding for a complication of mold illness suggested that I might benefit from a particular prescription medication, not covered by insurance. I tried it and am receiving some benefit, gratefully. The chest pressure is less most of the time.
Today was an exception. I had a particularly severe reaction to our ol’ church building last night resulting in about 45-minutes of intermittent seizure attacks and marked chest symptoms. I was still pretty sore today despite taking the medication for the latter symptoms. So when hearing the risks of the Methacholine (MC) Challenge Test today including a full blown asthma attack, I got really scared. The MC progressively constricts your airway while a respiratory therapist takes measurements of your breathing. Holy cripes! If your values go down 20% then they give you Albuterol to open your airway. Well isn’t that dandy. I was given Albuterol as part of the test protocol during the Pulmonary Function Test last month and did not notice any difference in terms of breathing easier. Thankfully, I had a respiratory therapist who was willing to talk with me in detail today about the test, his experiences, my PFT findings; we agreed about the extreme likelihood that I would react negatively . . .
I feel like I stared death in the face today. If I would have reacted, it would have not only been a full blown seizure attack AGAIN, but the risk of respiratory arrest. Holy crap! Remember the cartoon I posted awhile back about feeling like a lab rat? This lab rat could have been no more. I crossed out my name on the consent form and wrote, “patient declined test.”
When I have a seizure attack with chest compression, I do not breathe for several seconds. It is by the grace of God alone that my breathing re-starts! If I try to initiate active movement, such as trying to inhale, the volitional initiation of movement triggers another seizure attack. A similar reaction happens when trying to talk or move as the attacks are occurring. Eventually I collapse and need to rest. Much time needs to pass thereafter before I can function on my own or someone else has to lift me up and begin to move me. Sometimes I can initiate fine motor movements and not gross motor movements (such as walking or bearing weight on my legs). Usually my biggest challenge is simply trying to breathe again. Hyperventilation comes first then deep breaths and labored respiration. Normal breathing is last.
O.K., does that sound like asthma to you? Perhaps some aspects of it are like asthma. I don’t think that most of it is asthma. Google it and see what you think!
So my new sport this evening is first to write until my exasperation with the complications of Lyme Disease are more on the computer screen than in my head. Sorry for you, the gentle reader and spectator. This day was a bad one. The sport of living with long term illness continues as I try to listen to the Holy Spirit and all the advisors/coaches He has sent to get through the game of life. I am crying as I write this. You the spectator have witnessed the athlete getting injured. Not only is my chest still sore but my heart is bruised as well.
I talked to my precious husband on the phone from the parking lot of the hospital this afternoon. God bless that man! I was exhausted and barely realizing the significance of my experience inside that building when his kind words soothed my soul. Steve has asthma and has had a Methacholine Challenge Test in the past. He was worried for me, praying for me. He agrees that it was too risky to complete it and ’twas better to have refused it. After we talked I still had a few errands to run, prescriptions to pick up, supplements to purchase, and of course: just a couple more plants to take home from a mom-n-pop nursery. So glad Young’s had the Sweet Marjoram I haven’t been able to find anywhere else in the area. Just saying the name, “Sweet Marjoram” makes me feel better.
Now that all of this is “off my chest” I can go do what I do best. It is dark now but that never kept me from gardening before. Besides this time it’s planting two planters and I can do that in our garage on my very cool potting bench. My husband’s son, Daniel, gave me that awesome bench 5 1/2 years ago. Love it.
Sounds like Steve’s home. Sigh. All is well.
The Laundry Still Gets Done
Take me to the top
I don’t wanna cry no longer
Take me to the top
Can’t you see I’m getting stronger?
Take me to the top
Yes there’s room for me and others
Take me to the top
Hey that’s where we will recover!
A simple song, yes it is, written long before I knew the diagnosis of Lyme Disease and sometime after the diagnosis of fibromyalgia. How could I have known how long this journey would last nor how rich the experience would be if I just “bothered to recover.”
Yes, doing the work of recovery from any illness, addiction, loss, or heartache is a bother! It takes time, energy, resources, finances, and emotional strength. When I did it all on my own with my own determination I did get somewhere for a while. After all I was told at a very young age that I am a “very determined person.” I’ve tapped into books, self-help resources, 12-step programs, support groups, special diets, supplements, retreats, doctors, specialists, the internet, advice from others, my own creative intuition, and so on. Yup, I should have figured it all out by now if it were up to me. Just gotta keep staying positive, helping others, practicing gratitude, and memorizing a ton of slogans and following helpful inspirational wisdom from others on the journey ahead of me. Hey that’s were we will recover . . .
Well guess what? It ain’t enough! No amount of wishful thinking, earthly wisdom, and STUFF is enough to cure or figure out the consequences of living in a fallen world. This world is not perfect and everything will not be revealed or resolved by the right karma, nirvana, carpe diem, keeping my chin up, and the like. Sometimes the world simply does not make sense. I’ve heard the trouble of this world described as the influences of three forces acting against us: the world, the flesh, and Satan himself. Maybe so. Or maybe it’s a combination of them? Perhaps you would debate me on many of these points. That’s o.k. I welcome it.
You will never convince me however that this world is my home and that what I see is all there is. You will never convince me that there is no purpose to our suffering and that it will end if we just do this or that. You will never convince me that I deserve better, am entitled to more and should just set more goals to have them. Sometimes my best is to lay low, to settle where I am. You will never convince me that if I don’t act now, I will miss “the boat.” His timing is perfect now and forever. You will never convince me there is no God because he allowed this suffering to happen. Sorry. I have seen too many blessings that I would have missed or screwed up if I acted to change things in my own strength and timing. I know better than all this and you can too when you consider inviting Jesus into your heart.
So today, despite the pain and the wretched symptoms last night, the laundry will still get done. How is that? It is not by my strength that I live but by He who lives within me and this includes the gumption to fold towels! When I tanked this afternoon I chose to read The Word first and not surf the net. Why? Since He is my ultimate source of wisdom and peace I simply cannot waste my time or energy elsewhere. They are too precious these days. Then it didn’t take very many of these precious moments before my relatively small list of things to do became overwhelming. That’s when I came before the Lord’s throne of grace and He met me there. Looks like writing about Him was my most important task on the list. And if I wondered why I couldn’t do something else instead (like go to work or work on my home business), I had to let it all go to the God who holds my life in the shadow of His loving arms, His loving wings. He knows the right time for everything. He knows why all this is allowed in my life and He will be glorified in the end. My best is in the best of hands.
So me and my unfolded laundry are pretty stubborn this afternoon. Have I convinced you? I’ll get to those clean washcloths soon enough and I’ll be glad the One Who loves me and knew me before I was born got to me first today. Forget the laundry. Hey Elle, where’s your leash? Remember that walk I promised you yesterday? Bow wow.
Jesus is for the Wounded 
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