Tag: trust in the Lord

The Next Step is Sideways

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Sometimes you move forward.  Sometimes you move backward.  And most of the time you just go sideways or don’t move at all!  Know what I mean?

When I worked in rehabilitation we had another phrase:  recovery is always a jagged line.  A person makes progress then might regress a step or two before making the “big gains” in strength, walking, functioning, and the like.  Many times my patients would not believe me when I said this to them.  I understood their frustration.  In our fast-paced, achievement and results-oriented American society, it is really tough not to be getting ahead in some way every day.  Well as the old Starkist tuna commercial used to say, “Sorry Charlie.”  Sometimes it just doesn’t work out that way.

Not only does every person not always get where they want to go, not every person gets selected to try for his or her dreams.  These can be a real bummer for sure.  How we handle these delays or changes in the course of our lives may likely determine our character.  Certainly how we respond reflects our maturity as adults, or for Christians, whether or not we are trusting in the Lord who promises a plan an purpose for our lives (Jeremiah 29:11).  While there are probably other reasons we could explore ad nauseum, I’m going to leave it right here.  Ultimately we must get over the failure to achieve the goals we have set for ourselves when it just isn’t going to happen.  You just never know.  Something better might be on the horizon . . .

Several times I have planned to complete a special project and was never able to start it.  (This has happened a lot over the past two years!)  In general, the main reason wasn’t even procrastination.  The reason often has had to do with the reality that something better is waiting for me in the future.  Take my decorating idea folder, for example.  About twenty years ago when our drapery panels in our living room became damaged from the sun, I really wanted to create a custom window treatment that I’d seen in a magazine.  Somehow I would need to design a tracking system where the wall met the ceiling before such systems were even available.  We didn’t have any wood shop tools at the time and I was unfamiliar with the fine art of making draperies.  However I did know how to sew and had a creative streak so that was enough for me to move forward and figure it out.  Sadly, it wasn’t meant to be.

The townhome got sold with the sun bleached draperies pinned from behind to hide the sections that were threadbare.  The problem?  My former husband doubted my ability to complete the project.  Where would we get the materials?  How would we install it?  Where would I find the time to make everything?  All of the ongoing questions discouraged me from trying to find the answers.  A creative person makes something happen along the happy journey of figuring it out.  He or she doesn’t have everything worked out at the start unless there is a pattern or kit with instructions.  This decorating project simply was too much for the two of us to come to an agreement.  It wasn’t meant to be back then.

Flash forward about ten years later and it was meant to be.  Through unfortunate circumstances I found myself single and rebuilding my life in another city; so much had changed.  To pursue a creative project would become “occupational therapy” for me and help me to make my new place a home.  I knew exactly what window treatment would adorn the sunny sliding glass door that overlooked the lush courtyard beyond my balcony.  This time the time was right.

A co-worker told me about a textile company that sold unbleached muslin by the pound.  Yeah, that’s right!  Yards and yards of fabric would be super cheap and just right the right color and style for my project.  I even found material to line the panels all through that poorly marked, rusted back door entrance to the factory.  There were huge bolts of fabric everywhere!  “Yeah God,” I said to myself.  This is good!

The next challenge would be measuring and cutting an inordinate amount of material on the laminate floor of my 3rd floor condominium.  To say my knees were hurting from crawling around cutting all that fabric, would be an understatement.  Then I wondered how was I going to sew all this yardage at my modest kitchen table?  The answer soon came when I was house-sitting in a lovely home a short time later.  The man of the house was a contractor and had a HUGE desk in his office for viewing his drafting plans.  That desk was perfect for sewing yards and yards of fabric too:  spilling all over the place in their spacious loft.  Cool beans.  I sewed and sewed to my heart’s content.  Cool beans again.

Now to make the tracking system to suspend the panels next to the ceiling.  Somehow I stumbled upon a lumber store just off the railroad tracks in an industrial area of a neighboring town.  The guys at Owl Lumber in Lombard, Illinois were great.  Not only did they help me configure the crown-molding style curtain rod, they metered the corners and pre-drilled the holes for the mounting pegs for me as well.  I installed about a dozen pegs into the crown molding, sanded, painted it white, and coated it with polyurethane.  Now all I had to do was mount it on the wall . . . without a ladder . . .

Gratefully I had an extremely sturdy coffee table that became a suitable platform for the installation.  (You simply could not kill that wooden beast so it followed me through 8 moves over the years.  Finally it got sold on Craig’s List 5 years ago!)  I got all the tools and supplies together, my friend Jeannie came over for dinner and a little window treatment project, and we gals went to work on a Friday night.  The only problem was that the building was over 30 years old and there was concrete not wood studs underneath the drywall!  My wood screws would never hold the weight of the solid wooden rod that measured about 8 feet long.  Oh well.  Back to the hardware store I would go for mega concrete bolts and a new drill bit.  Of course I had a darn good drill that would handle the job.  🙂

The next hurdle was the fact that Jeannie was not available the next weekend to jump back into the project again.  What was I do to?  How could I possibly wait when I was this close to pulling it all together?  This thing was massively heavy and I was hoping to mount it at a height that would require me to hold it at a height near the end of the reach of my arms overhead.   How could I do this alone without dropping it on my head?  By sheer will power and determination, that is!  I figured out the measurements of the holes for both the wall and crown-molding rod and pre-drilled the holes.  I figured that if I could slip in a few bolts by hand and tighten them, they would hold enough for me to get the rest of the bolts in as well.  I also used my head . . . literally!  And with only one close call, Lord willing, I gotter done!  Success!

The finishing touches to hang the panels were beautiful silky-type cording that I found at a local drapery supply store.  Wow:  so cool to live in a large city at the time where I found a place where practically half of the store was drapery trims and tassels!  I made a loop and tied it with a Josephine macramé knot, reminiscent of 20 years earlier when it was first vogue to macramé.  I was single then too and had macrame’d lotsa stuff!  Hand sewing the loops to the panels was a labor of love, quite meaningful for me.  Then I was ready for my big reveal to, er, myself.  Would it all come together?  You be the judge.  I loved it!  To open it each morning I gently draped a loops hidden on the backside of the middle of the bottom of each panel to hooks on the wall along the outer sides of the panels.  At night I released the loops and the panels closed like the massive curtains at the end of a theater stage play.  Yeah, it was cool.  Yeah, it was worth the wait.  I was stoked and thanked the Lord for restoring the years the “locusts had eaten” once again.  (Joel 2:25)

That's me in 2007
That’s me in 2007

This is an important story for me to remember years later.  I’m in a situation now where I can’t do projects like this as I recover from a serious illness.  I am grateful for the Lord’s gift of writing and the warm reception to my eBook released a couple of weeks ago (see side panel for details).  Just this morning I was wondering what would be next?  Then I realized that I really can’t do anything more right now.  The book got finished because I had some better days; those days are gone for now.  I’m hoping to catch up on some long overdue regular medical appointments like an eye exam tomorrow morning.  EEEEK!  Will ya look at the time?  Anyways, these next few weeks I won’t be moving forward.  I’ll be taking care of the stuff on the back roads, so to speak.  Perhaps there will be other types of meaningful discoveries along the way, perhaps not.  For now, the stuff of life has my time and attention.

Maybe you can relate?  Whatcha got going on this week, Gentle Reader?  Do take care, k?  JJ

On the edge

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It’s like a weather forecast.  You see the clouds rolling in as the sky darkens.  You hear the gurgle of thunder off in the distance, knowing that before long the sky will open with a whoosh of driving rain.  It might be your bones, it might be your joints, but whatever it is you know that a lightening storm is not too far off joining the cacophony of bodily mayhem.  If you are trying to sleep, well it’s pretty darn likely that ain’t going to happen for awhile!

But what if it isn’t raining?  Sure it’s dark outside and you can’t see the stars.  Perhaps it’s just the dreary November cloud cover characteristic of the Midwestern sky this time of year in the United States.  Late Fall brings down the leaves, brings in the cold, and brings on the physical anomalies.  And for me, it’s a near constant state of a symptom matrix that confuses even the best doctors around.  Perhaps it’s a little Fibro thing?  Arthritis?  Health begins in the gut you know so it’s gotta be IBS, no?  Or maybe it’s Chronic Fatigue?  Surely there’s something hormonal going on or maybe it’s the dreaded Late Stage Lyme disease saga.  Then again, Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome is the term in vogue these days for those exposed to mold and don’t fit the typical medical profile.  Yeah, it’s almost Thanksgiving and I’m sitting here in a 71-degree home with 3 layers of clothing on wondering where I can find some fingertip-less gloves . . .

I’m on the edge.  You could probably illuminate a lamp of low wattage with the excess electrical activity emanating from my fried central nervous system.  Last night there was a “fireworks” show of seizure attacks that defied definition.  Was it the K2D3 supplement trial or the exposure to questionable “energy sources”  from a new manual therapy practitioner?  All I know is that my husband sure did not get much sleep last night!  Yes, I got up this morning and helped him prepare his dish-to-pass for a United States Canoe Association meeting and awards celebration today.  Poor guy, driving 4  hours round trip, leading the meeting, then paddling in the cool lake waters on 4 hours of sleep.  I sure hope he gets a long nap tomorrow before going back to work on Monday . . .

Hey, this is a venting blog tonight and I got a bad case of things at the moment!  Where to go from here?  Purge some gratitude through this neck headache and get over it so I can get some sleep as well.  Here we go:

So grateful for the opportunity to get some extra sleep after Steve left, clearing my day with no additional obligations until nightfall.

I am grateful for a bit more energy that allowed me to complete the Winter clean-up of our backyard and even prepare a small garden bed with the neighbor girls as a surprise for their mom.

Glad also for the yummy dinner of pan fried cod and chef salad with my latest health drink that actually tastes good:  unsweetened vanilla almond milk blended with organic carrots!

Oh Lord, thank you for the sweet time with my Stevers this evening watching a captivating DVD of some young missionaries and their wild adventures in the Far East.  Oh to trust You in a moment by moment basis with faith and enthusiasm too!

Yes, Lord you are so good to me.  Thank you for my loyal puppy who keeps me company all of these days when I am home alone recovering from illness.  I said to Steve this evening that not being able to work has brought me more into a traditional role of a woman in our marriage:  a Biblical role as helpmate.  If we had children together then my life might be about raising them or caring for our grandchildren.  That is not our story.  Things are simpler than that:  my role is to be the helpmate for my beloved while I also take the steps needed to recover from illness.  My Heavenly Husband has provided the time and space for this transformation to occur.  No career pursuits needed this time.  This is my calling.

Sounds like a topic for another blog!  To find one’s calling is a treasure some folks never find.  I am grateful to feel and know that I am exactly in the center of the Lord’s will for my life even if it’s on the edge at times.  Gentle Reader if you are feeling on the edge, I invite you to dangle there just a bit, reflect there long enough to discover if maybe there is a greater purpose for being there?  Try a gratitude list as you evaluate things and see if you come up with something good as I have done here.  The process of doing so is like banking on the promise The Word gives us in Romans 8:

28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

Thanks once again for listening.  Take care and goodnight, JJbedbugs

From one extreme to the other

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So much of the self-help genre coaches the weary traveler in achieving a blissful and balanced lifestyle.  When I was an occupational therapist working in psychiatric hospitals, I would often lead a patient group in a goal-setting exercise entitled, “Achieving a Balanced Lifestyle.”  It was always my favorite therapeutic activity to do.

Each patient received a worksheet with the title at the top followed by two large circles, one at the top of the page and one at the bottom.  Both circles were divided into the same 5 sections labeled:  Physical, Emotional, Social, Intellectual, and Spiritual.  The exercise began with the group members filling in each section of the top circle with activities that fulfilled that particular need.  For example, Social might include visiting friends and Spiritual might include Bible study.  Often patients struggling with mood disorders had very little in the emotional and social areas.  Persons with depression had very little on the page at all.

The lower circle was for goal-setting.  My hope was to help the individual begin to see beyond the crisis that led them to the hospital and think about what he or she might do during the day to use time effectively as a coping strategy.  I only asked for one activity in each of the sections.  Of course we had already brainstormed a list of activities as a group and these were written on a large white board at the front of the room.  Eventually each person had a plan and something to share with the rest of the group.  Since so many things are discussed in a person’s life during a short hospital stay, I asked each person at the end of the session to name just one activity as a starting point.  Virtually everyone was able to identify something, a place to begin.

Geez, if I were to complete my own plan for achieving a balanced lifestyle, I wonder where I would begin?  Let’s see, I’d have one worksheet for a sick morning and one for a stable afternoon.  Then there would be another for when I’m most likely to be functional in the middle of the night and another during IV magnesium treatments at the hospital three times per week.  I might be tempted to tear the page in half and add various goal-setting scenarios based upon my feelings at any given moment.  IN OTHER WORDS, setting goals sometimes just doesn’t work!  My best intentions are often met with a 180 degree turn of events.  This requires me to live in the moment on a moment-by-moment basis!

Last night was a crazy example of this.  At 9:00 p.m.  I was with my husband sitting around a campfire outside at our friend’s house roasting hotdogs over the fire.  Within the hour we all were wielding shovels and pitch forks emptying the bed of my back truck of yard waste into a ditch on his property.  But within another hour I was writhing on a bed seizing with convulsions, unable to speak or move very much at all!  The next hour was filled with my husband providing virtually all of the physical care needed to transport me to the bathroom, wash away the sooty residue from my hair and tender frame, and bring nourishment for me to eat huddled under the covers in bed.  Sigh.  So what was my goal by the end of the night?  Get up to use the toilet with my own strength.  Check.  Goal achieved for the Physical section of my paper-and-pencil exercise in my mind.

Almost every day is like this.  Yes, I’ve had 3 days with no seizure episodes in the past 3 weeks and there are about a half a dozen fewer episodes per week overall.  I guess if I could stay in my safe home bubble, I might be able to knock down a few more.  Yet after 2 years of illness I tend to forget and “go for it” when I feel stable, trying to get out of the house to do something meaningful not realizing that the setback pushes me back to “Ground Zero” of the recovery process.  The goal is to not react at all.  Each reaction re-sets my immune system at some arbitrary level, sensitizing me to be more vulnerable to the next exposure.  I may be able to anticipate that exposure and I may not.  Sometimes the cause is hidden.  When our friend placed a log covered with some type of blue fungus on the fire, I had a feeling something bad could happen at some point . . . but we were having fun  . . .

Such is life in the world of Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome when you have a genetic disposition that is vulnerable to mold illness.  I have no idea anymore where the Lyme disease fits into the matrix of illness.  Right now the focus is on the mold illness.  And today the focus was on recovery.  Then this evening I got a do-it-sick burst of energy and spent 3 hours washing the composted dirt out of my truck!  Later I made dinner, kale chips (yes & they are pretty weird actually), and a lamb/turkey meatloaf for tomorrow.  I’m sitting here sore, pleasantly fatigued, and sensing a pre-tic syndrome rising up from within.  And so it goes from one extreme to another once again.

Perhaps a better exercise than filling out a worksheet would be to meditate on some Words of wisdom:

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.  (Proverbs 5)

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.  (Proverbs 19:21)

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  (Jeremiah 29:11)
In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.  (Proverbs 16:9)
So I end with my charge in all of this:  Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.  (Philippians 1:27)  Whether it’s with tears hidden in the soapy shampoo water or standing outside in the dark soaked with silt-laden overspray from the tailgate of a truck, I will lean into my Jesus for the strength to carryon.  This kind of power is supernatural.  There is no way I could endure all of this and persevere on my own; I am too broken.
I wonder if you have been there too, Gentle Reader?  Have you been in a place where you must do something but you cannot do anything?  This is the very place to come before the throne of grace and meet Jesus, face-to-face.  His infinite love will transform the moment beyond what we could ever imagine, ever wish for, ever plan for.  We only have the moment in which we are breathing anyways.  When your time comes as I have described mine here, I do pray that you will reach for the One who understands and can make a difference now and forever in the course of your life.  His loving presence will transcend the circumstances and lead you forth, with purpose and meaning.
He did it for me.  He does it for me every day.  Perhaps He has carried you before you even realized Who or What was guiding you?  He is here for both of us, transcending the extremes of our times.  I can think of no better way to achieve peace.  Can you?

It is here!

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HOPE eBook CoverIt is here!  I am grateful to announce that my new eBook is now available!   Simply use the coupon code UR45T for your free copy beginning November 1st at:  https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/371334

The first year enduring and battling a serious illness can test everything we thought we knew about coping with the trials of life.  In this ebook, I invite you to share the more meaningful moments of my journey as I seek to draw strength from outside of myself to endure the trials of my particular story.  My hope is that you, too, will find strength and hope that transcends your day-to-day experience.  I also hope that you will consider the hope found in God though a personal relationship with His Son.  His presence in One’s life makes a difference in where a person lands when this particular journey of life is over.  Will we have peace or will we have despair?

With a sincere heart, it is my privilege to share my journey with you.  Let not these trials of ours be wasted, eh?  Gentle Reader, are you ready for enduring hope beyond what we can see?  If your answer is, “Yes!”  then I invite you to read, Hope Beyond Lyme:  The First Year.  With extra bonus pages and the most meaningful and encouraging vignettes updated from this blog, may it uplift you, knowing that you are not alone, not today, not ever.  :J

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While I would never compare my experiences these past 2 years to the incredible suffering of the apostle Paul of the Bible, I draw encouragement from his words as noted below.  My prayer on my most wretched of days was that there would be some greater purpose for this illness, that something meaningful would come from it.  I hoped that my writing would not be a rant that went no where.  I did not want to end each posting with more anger, hurt, sadness, or negativity than when I began either.  My hope is that I would leave you with more good than not-so-good.  To encourage others, well, that would be awesome as well as pose a tremendous responsibility to get it right as a matter of stewardship.  The Lord gave me a voice and my hope was that I would use it to glorify Him most of all.

If you like what you see here, would you kindly share it with others?  The free coupon special won’t last long!  And thank you for being with me along this journey thus far.  Shall we continue the adventure another year together?  Oh I hope so!  Take care Gentle Reader,  Just Julie

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12 Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel.  (Philippians)

Blasting through the block

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Just do it!

Carpe diem!

Go for it!

He who hesitates is lost!

What’s your excuse?

I don’t have a good excuse.  It’s simply a case of a block in creativity.  When I feel like crap-o-la-ski (there’s my Polish again) for days on end, I do not “create” new and exciting things very well.  Even my writing gets a little bland and I start posting pictures of green frogs saying cute things!  You saw that one, right?

So today I have a jewelry order due and I’m stymied by this block thang.  So today I will employ the only strategy I have the energy for:  a little cleaning, a little organizing, a little reviewing of records, and a little blogging.  Then if I can get myself to turn around from the computer and linger over my home studio area, surely the creativity bug will start to buzz a bit . . .

Gratefully, the Lord placed some fresh ideas in my mind earlier today when I was laid up in bed recovering from some noxious symptoms.  Receiving a gift of some new ideas without even trying to make them happen is a blessing indeed!  I guess all that time spent wandering around Pinterest, a LinkedIn jewelry forum, and watching You Tube videos last month probably helped some too.

Yeah, that’s the ticket!  If you can’t go forward, go sideways for awhile.  Like dwelling in the grace of my Heavenly Father.  Allowing His love to wash over me prepares me for all He has in store for me whether good, bad, or indifferent.  Often these days there is no label for the hours that pass, they just pass as I lie on the bed recovering from this or that, looking out the window at the variegated dogwood bushes on a sunny day.  Maybe I’ll just focus on the soft leaves waving to me in the wind and woosh of their “hello, how are ya?”  I’m sure if they could talk, the crimson branches would say that to me.  No one else is around so they wouldn’t be talking to anyone else, would they?

Oh no.  Did you see what just happened?  The creative juices started flowing again as I continued to write!  Better turn around quick and find some pink hemp cord before the inspiration leaves again.

Let’s see, it was a Breast Cancer Awareness bracelet for my sister-in-law’s friend, right?  Gotta go.  Seeya later!  :J

Breast Cancer Awareness Bracelet
Breast Cancer Awareness Bracelet

Author’s Addendum:  24 hours later, we have this fun wrap bracelet now available at Trinity Jewelry by Design.  Feeling some better and love this new direction!  :J

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