On the edge

It’s like a weather forecast.  You see the clouds rolling in as the sky darkens.  You hear the gurgle of thunder off in the distance, knowing that before long the sky will open with a whoosh of driving rain.  It might be your bones, it might be your joints, but whatever it is you know that a lightening storm is not too far off joining the cacophony of bodily mayhem.  If you are trying to sleep, well it’s pretty darn likely that ain’t going to happen for awhile!

But what if it isn’t raining?  Sure it’s dark outside and you can’t see the stars.  Perhaps it’s just the dreary November cloud cover characteristic of the Midwestern sky this time of year in the United States.  Late Fall brings down the leaves, brings in the cold, and brings on the physical anomalies.  And for me, it’s a near constant state of a symptom matrix that confuses even the best doctors around.  Perhaps it’s a little Fibro thing?  Arthritis?  Health begins in the gut you know so it’s gotta be IBS, no?  Or maybe it’s Chronic Fatigue?  Surely there’s something hormonal going on or maybe it’s the dreaded Late Stage Lyme disease saga.  Then again, Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome is the term in vogue these days for those exposed to mold and don’t fit the typical medical profile.  Yeah, it’s almost Thanksgiving and I’m sitting here in a 71-degree home with 3 layers of clothing on wondering where I can find some fingertip-less gloves . . .

I’m on the edge.  You could probably illuminate a lamp of low wattage with the excess electrical activity emanating from my fried central nervous system.  Last night there was a “fireworks” show of seizure attacks that defied definition.  Was it the K2D3 supplement trial or the exposure to questionable “energy sources”  from a new manual therapy practitioner?  All I know is that my husband sure did not get much sleep last night!  Yes, I got up this morning and helped him prepare his dish-to-pass for a United States Canoe Association meeting and awards celebration today.  Poor guy, driving 4  hours round trip, leading the meeting, then paddling in the cool lake waters on 4 hours of sleep.  I sure hope he gets a long nap tomorrow before going back to work on Monday . . .

Hey, this is a venting blog tonight and I got a bad case of things at the moment!  Where to go from here?  Purge some gratitude through this neck headache and get over it so I can get some sleep as well.  Here we go:

So grateful for the opportunity to get some extra sleep after Steve left, clearing my day with no additional obligations until nightfall.

I am grateful for a bit more energy that allowed me to complete the Winter clean-up of our backyard and even prepare a small garden bed with the neighbor girls as a surprise for their mom.

Glad also for the yummy dinner of pan fried cod and chef salad with my latest health drink that actually tastes good:  unsweetened vanilla almond milk blended with organic carrots!

Oh Lord, thank you for the sweet time with my Stevers this evening watching a captivating DVD of some young missionaries and their wild adventures in the Far East.  Oh to trust You in a moment by moment basis with faith and enthusiasm too!

Yes, Lord you are so good to me.  Thank you for my loyal puppy who keeps me company all of these days when I am home alone recovering from illness.  I said to Steve this evening that not being able to work has brought me more into a traditional role of a woman in our marriage:  a Biblical role as helpmate.  If we had children together then my life might be about raising them or caring for our grandchildren.  That is not our story.  Things are simpler than that:  my role is to be the helpmate for my beloved while I also take the steps needed to recover from illness.  My Heavenly Husband has provided the time and space for this transformation to occur.  No career pursuits needed this time.  This is my calling.

Sounds like a topic for another blog!  To find one’s calling is a treasure some folks never find.  I am grateful to feel and know that I am exactly in the center of the Lord’s will for my life even if it’s on the edge at times.  Gentle Reader if you are feeling on the edge, I invite you to dangle there just a bit, reflect there long enough to discover if maybe there is a greater purpose for being there?  Try a gratitude list as you evaluate things and see if you come up with something good as I have done here.  The process of doing so is like banking on the promise The Word gives us in Romans 8:

28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

Thanks once again for listening.  Take care and goodnight, JJbedbugs

2 thoughts on “On the edge

  1. Oh dear Julie, I really feel for you. I understand the frustration of spending days, years…trying to figure out what caused what reaction and symptom. You are in a worse place than I right now however and I will keep you in my prayers. I have the mold exposure thing too, did you get some cholestyramine?

    1. Yes, from Hopkinton where I also get VIP. It’s about the same price as the pharmacy in WA. So glad I have already been able to pass on the names of the 2 pharmacies to two other people. There ya go, we’re helping out others too!

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