trust in the Lord – Page 6 – Jesus is for the Wounded

Brain Dump and CBD

Published on February 27, 2014February 4, 2016 by Jesus is for the Wounded6 Comments

And so I was right. That is not necessarily a good thing.

The doctor apologized and gave a couple of reasons why he missed 5 pages of an 8-page lab report completed 6 months ago. We had reviewed the results 3 months ago or rather, the first 3 pages of the report! As it turns out, the last time this particular set of labs was completed over a year ago, the last 5 pages were missing then as well. So what is the significance? Those last 5 pages contain information about daily cycles of two hormones that could explain my ravenous, violent seizure-like episodes in the early morning and evening. Treatment related to those findings could have alleviated my tremendous suffering for the past 6 months! However, the doc had nothing to say about that. He said he actually needs to do more research on how to lower melatonin levels! Well thank you but I have heard this before from you . . .

My next concern was the potential role of a new herbal remedy I started on the lab finding of severely elevated melatonin. Looks like there are two compelling research articles stating that the active ingredient in what I am taking has not been shown to elevate melatonin levels. Whew! Looking closely resulted in seeing how the active ingredient may actually modulate the inactive ingredients that have an effect on melatonin. Since this active ingredient has served to modulate one particular trace substance when the latter is in higher concentrations, well, that gives me hope. The answer to the question of how to lower melatonin might already be in my cupboard!

Here’s what “it” is: high CBD hemp oil. This is not medical marijuana nor an oil made from the psychoactive ingredient: THC. That would be illegal in my State and actually not necessary to impact seizure-like activity. Both CBD and THC-laden products are from a cannibus plant yet the plants grown for high CBD oil and their products are legal in all 50 of the United States. No special procedures are needed to obtain it: just sort through a plethora of information online to find a pure product with concentrations high enough (pun intended) to affect health. (You cannot get high from CDB oil by the way.) And the benefits are tremendous: intractable epilepsy, diabetes, multiple sclerosis and many more. Add THC and the list of therapeutic effects increases to include cancer. Thankfully for me the active ingredient needed to reduce seizures is CBD with only trace amounts of other “cannabinoids.”

Here’s a great place to find an overview of hemp oil, cannabis, how its administered, and the benefits: www.mycbdresearch.com

The first week experimenting with CBD oil has yielded 3 days with less than an hour of seizure-like activity. This is a HUGE improvement over the average of 3 hours per day of seizures for EIGHT STRAIGHT MONTHS and the 1-3 hours per day overall for the past TWO YEARS! At least once per month the duration increased to 6-12 hours. Whew again. I am encouraged. I have trusted the Lord throughout my research process and even in deciding which product to try. Receiving the melatonin lab results today may be a confirmation of this decision. The timing of this situation coming together is very interesting indeed.

Doc did have one idea: resume using my bright light therapy for 30-60 seconds, multiple times per day to naturally lower melatonin levels. Cool beans. You know the old saying, “do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” Another one goes, “here we go again!” with what could be yet another false start to healing. Somehow I have a feeling this one will make a lasting impression. Stay tuned. I am going to get well! :J

Addendum: just opened a new Facebook page entitled, “Seizure Free Zone.” Like us and join the discussion today!

Sometimes you just know

Published on February 5, 2014February 5, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded4 Comments

¹³But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. ¹⁴He will glorify me because it is from me that he will receive what he will make known to you. (John 16)

Jesus spoke these words as he was instructing the disciples about the Holy Spirit they would receive at Pentecost. These words came hours before He was to be arrested, tried and convicted of crimes He did not commit. He would be tortured, beaten and crucified in fulfillment of the scriptures that were written hundreds of years before He was born. All of this happened so we could be saved from the consequences of our sin and live forever with Him in heaven. For those who believe in Him, He dwells in their hearts, comforted and counseled by the Holy Spirit. Call it supernatural intuition if you like. Sometimes you just know something to be true, the right way to go. For followers of Jesus Christ, walking in the Spirit of truth is a smidgen of heaven on earth: one’s heart can be at peace at last.

I experienced this today. A phone consultation with a second physician within a week brought hope. I felt like my heart was at home in her care. I was moved to tears when Dr. B. confided in me her faith in the Lord, shared how she had reviewed my records at length in preparation for our appointment, and led me through a plan that incorporated everything that has transpired in the past 2 years. She has experienced biotoxin illness herself and has worked with the leading authority in the United States on this topic. Her gentleness calmed my fears. She listened. Hey guys: I am going to get well!

This next phase in my “Hope Beyond Lyme” journey will likely take another year. The treatment steps will include baby steps such as 1/4 tablets of medication, micro nutrition, retesting at better labs, and plenty of out-of-pocket expenses. At this point I am trusting the Lord to provide, to guide. My husband has been a great spiritual leader during this time of illness and I know he will lead us in these next steps as well. I am so glad I followed his advice not to fly across the country for medical consultations! We could not have afforded it anyways. And now the Lord has provided help from a clinic just a 2 1/2 hour car ride away. Pure Michigan. I’m going home to my home State for healing!

O.K. I don’t know if everything will be rosy but hey, I have hope again. Gentle Reader, isn’t that just swell? :J

Into the Night

Published on January 26, 2014January 26, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

I am finally awake, stable, and coherent all at the same time! It is now 12:48 a.m. Such is life.

On a good note, I was able to march around outside this evening in my snowshoes for about 30 minutes this evening. The night air felt bitterly cold yet the sky was clear with all of the stars visible in our Midwestern corner of the world. I love seeing our German Shepherd, Elle, jump from one snow drift to the other as she chases after my husband and me. But perhaps my most favorite moment was seeing her waiting for me as she looked into the house from outside on our covered porch. Steve had taken off cross country skiing in the backyard and pond area. She usually follows him closely, often pouncing behind him in his tracks when the snow is deep. Today she knew that I would be headed out with him shortly after he left and there she was: waiting with her big expectant brown eyes. Ah the love of one’s pup!

Sometimes when I am alone it is hard to feel the love that I know exists in my life. When I am the sickest each morning this is especially true. For me it seems that so much of the success of recovering from this time of illness will lie in what I do with the grief of the trauma I have experienced. For over two years now, I have felt traumatized by the wretched seizure attack episodes that wrench my body with pain, headaches, cognitive changes, ringing in my ears, crying, spontaneous vocalizations, and violent seizing. For over two months, the episodes last around four hours total per day with the worst ones occurring in the evening. The sadness can be overwhelming; the disappointment each time they return can be heavily discouraging. Both can lead to a sense of emptiness that is devoid of love, hope, and meaning. At some point I recover enough from an attack to get something to eat or drink. Even eye contact with the lone pet left behind with me when everyone else in my life has gone off to work or some other noble activity can be a mixed blessing: comforting and protective (yes) yet a pittance for more meaningful human contact. By the way, where is God?

Yes, I often long for Jesus with skin on at these times. I am grateful that most recently I have found Him in the caring voice of a friend on the phone and always in the loving embrace of my beloved Steve. Sometimes I miss picking up the phone and calling my mom. This desire to connect with her seems stronger the more the years go by since she passed away nearly seven years ago. I guess it is normal when a person goes through a time of testing or sorrow to desire the comfort and wisdom of a parent no matter what your current age might be. If my mom were still alive today I think she would want me to keep moving, keep going, keep trying despite the setbacks. O.K. mom: will do. For tonight I’m going to call on the One who sees me whether or not my husband is around, the dog is awake, a friend is home to answer the phone, or my self-soothing words in my heart to my deceased mother means anything. I’m going to the throne of grace.

My dear friend mentioned Psalm 91 yesterday. Here are some gems from the Psalm to which those with an anxious heart often turn:

Psalm 91

¹Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.²I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

**************

¹⁴“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
¹⁵He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
¹⁶With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”

From Bibleclassics.com I found this little gem of insight into Psalm 91 that spoke to my heart this night: “Whatever happens, nothing shall hurt the believer; though trouble and affliction befal, it shall come, not for his hurt, but for good, though for the present it be not joyous but grievous. Those who rightly know God, will set their love upon him. They by prayer constantly call upon him. His promise is, that he will in due time deliver the believer out of trouble, and in the mean time be with him in trouble. The Lord will manage all his worldly concerns, and preserve his life on earth, so long as it shall be good for him. For encouragement in this he looks unto Jesus.”

Yes, thank you Matthew Henry. I will hold onto the psalmist’s words of comfort inspired by my Lord who sees me on my bed of sickness, who promises He will never leave me or forsake me. And if it be His will, He will deliver me from my suffering. Into this night and for the rest of my nights I will ultimately rest in the loving arms of the one who is showing me His goodness despite the darkness. No matter what the next day might bring I will trust You. No matter what the next hour may bring I will wait on You.

No matter what you too may endure Gentle Reader, I hope that you will be encouraged that your sadness or disappointment does not go unnoticed by the Lord who loves you too. He is worthy of our faith. And I know if we both but believe in Him, we will be blessed in some special way that will transcend our nights, our days. In the meantime He will not frustrate us beyond our ability to cope and will provide a way out when overwrought with temptation. These are promises in His Word and truths by which we can endure all things. We will never be alone. His eyes will always be smiling towards us through the looking glass of life. JJ

Forbidden Fruit

Published on December 28, 2013December 28, 2013 by Jesus is for the Wounded1 Comment

It’s everywhere. I look in one area then into another and I cannot avoid seeing it. I go to the store and displays everywhere tempt my senses. I must be strong. I look forward as if I am wearing blinders (those “harness winkers” or leather patches that keep horses from looking to their peripheral vision) so I don’t stray from my mission. The forbidden fruit beckons. “No!” I will not cave.

It’s not that I can do this in my own strength, by the way. The cravings are too great. Every cell in my body has probably been affected at some level since I’m without the glucose and carbohydrates that provide energy to battle the infection raging therein. Oh you thought I was writing about something sinister, didn’t you? Nope. It’s an elusive fungus, partially protected in a mucous-y biofilm but not sinister per se. It is CANDIDA! And at level 3 of 4 levels, gut yeast is hurting me badly. The “forbidden fruit” includes actual fruit plus food containing any form of sugar plus any simple carbohydrate or starchy vegetable. This includes all grains, even the gluten-free kind. Now even several months into this this extreme diet I have yet to see the endpoint.

Now let’s add another layer: any food that is fermented, aged, seasoned with just about anything but salt, or at risk for trace amounts of mold! Evidently even walnuts and pecans can harbor mold in the folded areas of the nut itself. Leftovers in the frig for more than 24-hours can harbor mold. Black pepper can harbor mold. And the list goes on. Tonight I decided to sacrifice some more seasonings to try to prevent the side effects of consuming the wrong foodstuffs. The consequences have been severe: three and one-half hours of seizure attacks plus hours of recovery yesterday convinced me of the need for some more tweaking. I also stopped one of the medications that feels like it’s killing me. When a pathologist stated online that seizures change the matrix of the brain, well that woke me up again to the seriousness of this battle. Seizures can be a part of a level 3 Candida infection. Geez. And most people associate yeast with vaginitis. That was a cakewalk compared to where I am these days.

Yes, this is tough stuff. Yes, it takes total discipline, focus, endurance, and patience with the repeated setbacks. Chronic illness requires grace from one’s family, especially one’s spouse. I am grateful for a loving husband who relies more on the Lord for his happiness and peace than on me. He sees things from a hopeful place and speaks to the little improvements or the sweet moments between us no matter how small. His God-given strength is very humbling. The only way we are able to endure this is through the love of our Lord, Jesus Christ and the leading of the Holy Spirit. We believe that this is the Lord’s plan for our lives and that He is here with us no matter what happens. And if it is His will, I will be well someday. I will be able to put to use that awesome carbon fiber canoe paddle Steve bought me for Christmas! Such a gift of confidence from my beloved. I love my man!

The forbidden fruit of today have become the hedges of protection I need to keep me from getting worse. Just like the corrective events of life (those we bring upon ourselves from our own mistakes and those the Lord allows for His Divine purposes), they are not to be hated, feared, avoided, or teased. We must face that which is forbidden and directly choose otherwise, place a barrier (physical or mental) in the way of temptation, and simply go forth on a different path that leads to victory. Nothing else will do if we want to win. I did not dink around with my diet at all during Christmas and I still was very sick. Imagine if I had “cheated” on my survival diet. I would have not been able to visit with family for three consecutive days, cook for several hours at a time, and enjoy a delightful time of fellowship. Sure I “crashed and burned” around 8:00 p.m. each night. The sacrifice was worth the reward that was available to me. The reward was greater this year than last year at Christmastime. That’s cool.

From here the journey ahead is unclear. I will continue the treatment approaches I have described above yet do not know yet if any new medical approaches are warranted. I have an upcoming appointment with my Lyme and mold-literate medical doctor where we will review the difficulties I have had functioning these past two years. There’s another functional medicine clinic of interest that is 3-hours away . . . We sure will be praying for direction about all of this in the new year. Wherever the path leads I know the Lord is already there. I welcome His plan for my life that has created more joy than I ever could have imagined on my own. If that joy must come through serious illness then I would not want it any other way. Really. I’m just believing what He tells me, you know. Picture me and Steve in an outrigger canoe along a sandy beach somewhere warm . . . Yes, I can picture it . . .

Rambling thoughts saving this day

Published on November 23, 2013November 23, 2013 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

What could have continued as a wretched day, did not. For this I am grateful.

When my course of overall treatment seemed to need a brand new direction in a far away place, I discovered it did not, gratefully.

Where I thought I would be two years down this road trip of illness is not where I had hoped and it’s o.k.; I thank the Lord for His continuing grace.

Who ever thought I would be connecting with so many different people in so many far away places? Not I and I am blessed for things going this way instead.

Why I spend so much time setting goals when the moment is far more worthy of my attention, I’ll never know. I am thankful for the fullness of living in the now and not yesterday or tomorrow. This minute is all we have to live in anyways, right?

How I ever thought I would find something meaningful to say tonight eluded me when I first started typing. I hope these are Your words, my Heavenly Father, my King, my Lord. I hope they bring you glory and honor this night and with each and every blog that spits out onto this page.

So with a humble heart I must say that I am confused as to where my life is going yet not Who is in control of it’s course or outcome. My mind is mushy as I recover from a tough night with: a few scrambled brain transmissions, an enlightening visit from my Lyme-Literate MD, and a week of wacky medical appointments for sure. There’s so much other stuff to do this weekend yet I have too depleted of energy reserves to much of anything. Guess I’ll start with breakfast when I wake up in the middle of the day and take it from there, one moment at a time. Some important things did get done this past week; I am humbled. Thank you Lord for making it so.

The conclusion might read like the 12th Step of Recovery in Al Anon: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Well here’s my message tonight and I’m working on “walking the talk” as they say too. However the best inspiration, the best encouragement won’t come from me or a recovery program (that ultimately helped lead me to a personal relationship with God). It comes directly from His Word:

You, who have shown me great and severe troubles, Shall revive me again, And bring me up again from the depths of the earth. You shall increase my greatness And comfort me on every side. Also with the lute I will praise You – And your faithfulness, O my God! (Psalm 71:20-22)

Perhaps if we meditate on these words we will no only save the day, we will find hope, love, and joy in His promise of redeeming grace. This is a promise for you, Gentle Reader, if your trust is in the Son of God alone. Oh won’t you join me in seeking Him this day my friend? Let our words, our thoughts mean more than rambling but resound with praise for His holy name, the name Jesus Christ. What could be more significant than when we place our trust where the One who loves us beyond measure gives us every reason why to follow Him? These are things to think about for sure. :J