Vampire Diaries 4

 

medical mistakes, cell phone, overdose, cause of death, vampire diaries, doctor

How many lives do I have left?

The cat might ask after a near-miss,

Such is my ponderings this night

As yet another disaster was thwarted.

They sent me meds altered in color

In different bags than I had known

An infusion today would have doubled the dose

And sent me aloft to never-never land.

I caught it at once (albeit rattling my cage!)

Quickly they offered to cover their tracks

Shall I trust them once more this time, alas

They have made less grievous errors before . . .

Feels like the night I saw the angels came

Surely life is marked for more than this (?)

The suffering has been great despite the holiday

With less beatings today (yeah) guess my brain’s awake.

Carry on as this life drones with the beast chronic Lyme

Drugs, pills, tinctures, creams, shots, IVs, diets,

Saunas, flushes, therapies, back crackers, tests

The list goes on as the procured money bags yet drain.

I guess it’s all meant to be like this alright, eh?

When hazy is the road hanging onto my Lord’s cloak

Hoping for an infusion of, well, hope not more strife

I cry, “thank you Jesus for Your Divine grace once again.”

Maybe soon may we get in a little more playtime than this?  JJ

 

Lift me up my Lord

Psalm-23 4

Lift me up my Lord, my King!

Don’t leave me here alone forgone

I am dying inside as one they have abandoned

Despite my attempts to serve, to obey, decaying inside all the while.

There is no reserve

To bring to life anymore

The light left me long ago when wretched darkness

Became the friend I never wanted and never invited to stay.

The desperation drips with tears

The emptiness has no where left for an infill

The days blur meaninglessly from one to the next

The prayers still go unanswered by the God who has always known best.

Grant me some goodness

Oh Lord of my heart, my King

I’m drowning here with no-nowhere left

To Google, to turn, to ask, to keep me going ’til the day You will speak.

Have I not done the things that are set

The ones I thought you showed me to do?

Yet the suffering ramps louder than my screams with each seize

Take me from this hell please oh Master of my heart.  Isn’t it my time?

waiting, wanting, scripture, Bible, patience, trust, suffering, His will

Humbly, I will wait.  JJ

Vampire Diaries 2

hebrews, Hebrews 13:5, abandonment, promises of God, alone, loneliness, scripture, depression, sorrow, loss, illness, sickness, hope

Tears going up and down a lot this day

On the roller coaster of emotion I find myself on:

Help cometh x2 but test results won’t satisfy

As here I sit with my neck aching all through my brain.

I tried.  I really tried to figure it out and failed.

The symptoms that remain still taunt my peace

Leaving scars, leaving woes, leaving loss behind the hope

And yet my breath prevails so in and out I will also go today

To match the pull of the vampire’s teeth left in my chest wall.

The infusions continue instead of a long-desired break

The bank will love us less, the medical folk perhaps more

Whilst someone’s Mercedes payment will be made

And my saga continues on Big Box Store hamburger.

Hope always seems just one more day out there somewheres

Leaving me here beat up from this morning’s episode of torment

A snuggle with my husband got transformed into caregiving

And more hours were lost in the aftermath once again.

At least my dog seems to understand as she nudges her nose at the leash.  “Can’t we go now?” her soft brown eyes contend.

Relief might come in the mail soon

Or maybe not; it’s hard to tell

So I’ll keep calling on my Jesus for now

His calling card never leaves and never fails any of us anyways. JJ

 

 

The full moon cometh

It ain’t over yet . . . but we are not giving up either.

It isn’t camping unless something goes awry

This trip was much like any other in terms of the massive preparation it takes to go camping!  There is always lots of kayak paddling gear to gather, packing, meal preparation for 2 distinct dietary requirements, mega supplements and meds to pop into pill boxes, “just in case” remedies to pack, and so on.  The miles go quickly as we travel most of the day and into the night, with destinations generally east of the Mississippi.  I’m especially grateful for the opportunity to catch up on the little things with my beloved Steve as he drives us along since it’s crazy busy getting everything else done before we leave!  Add the last minute deliveries of my hubby’s side business as a Stellar Kayak rep and you will see how we usually get about 4 hours of sleep beforehand but alas, I’ll let him tell that story!

Our German shepherd got sick after taking herself for a swim in Lake Michigan when delivering a kayak on our way home.  Two vent covers on the Camplite either blew off or severely cracked, respectively, on our way from Indiana to Wisconsin requiring a series of duct tape-style repairs.  The placement of water and electrical outlets on opposite sides of the campsite required a creative workaround in the dark when we arrived at our destination.  Sweltering heat and humidity nearly wilted me into a pile of mush until we found shade underneath the belly of a DC3 (airplane) on display along the air strip at the EAA AirAdventure.  In addition, my usual pattern of nightly/morning convulsive spells continued every night and morning yet were no worse considering the increased activity level and exposures related to all of our activities.  Two friends flaked on meeting us for dinner during our stay.  Bummer dude.

But wait.  There’s more!  We ran out of propane and overflowed our gray water tank at the 2-day mark.  A mysterious water spot left us sleeping on the bare mattress cover our last night that might be condensation outsmarting the air conditioner + dehumidifier combination we employed.  And lastly, the rain chased us home a day early, allowing us to deliver the aforementioned kayak for Steve’s customer who was unable to catch a flight to meet us to pick it up.  That became the reason for a 2-hour side trip to Door County from Oshkosh and the fateful swim for our pup, Elle.  But hey, the landscaped gardens of their lake home were better than the magazine photos I had brought with me to pass the time . . .

DC3, air show, Oshkosh, 2016, Air Adventure
Enjoying cool shade under a DC3

So when you decide to take up camping you also decide to take up flying by the seat of your pants!  Little goes as planned!  We have come to expect always arriving later than expected to our destinations, spending more on gasoline than meals/souvenirs/camping reservations, and getting out the tools or duct tape at some point before returning home.  If you ask me, it makes the trip more fun!  I’ll take the crazy stuff of life on the road any day to the ravages of battling a serious illness and am grateful that I get to do so with my River Bear in the Tin Can Ranch a few times each year. Now that the 9 loads of laundry are done, I just have to clean the CampLite.  Soon I’ll be ready to pop the question again like the old Microsoft commercials use to say,

Where do you want to go today?

Maybe one day I’ll meet you on the road Gentle Reader.  Please bring your own duct tape, just in case!  JJ

EAA, Air Adventure, air show, wife, husband, travel
Steve and Julie at the 2016 EAA Air Adventure