Tag: Romans 8:28

Father Save Me From This Hour

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Such was the cry of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ as He prepared to die a tortuous death on the cross at Calvary:  before His glorious resurrection and what we have come to celebrate as Easter.

The sins of the world hung in the balance that day, separating us from the love of the Father in heaven.  Until the time of Christ a Jew was required to bring sacrifices to atone for his or her sins and that of the family.  Bringing sacrifices, keeping the Sabbath, and a plethora of Jewish holidays dominated religious life.  These rituals and following the rule of law (including the Ten Commandments) was the only way to get to heaven before the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  Then God’s Word teaches us that He came to save the world if we but repented and believed in His saving grace, His death and resurrection.  He became the Passover lamb that was slain.  Gifts of eternal life, indwelling of the Holy Spirit, spiritual gifts, fellowship with other believers and more follows for those who come forward.  But it’s not all rosy living the Christian walk  . . .

Yes, there is much good in the world, much happiness in this life.  And then there is the bad stuff too.  The reason for the bad stuff is an important topic yet it goes in another direction than my discussion today.  Let’s just say that evil is here and it will always be here until Jesus Christ comes again.  When bad stuff happens, someone suffers.  Our Lord knew what suffering felt like as He was ridiculed, whipped within inches of His life, and sentenced to a horrific death for something he did not do.  He came into the world willingly from the eternal realm out of love for us.  Conversely, we rarely come to our suffering in the world willingly.  Our suffering comes as a consequence of living in a fallen, imperfect world as sinners.  Further, our suffering isn’t always fair.  Sometimes it comes when we are close to God, working hard, doing good, loving others, and making the most out of our finite lives.  Many times it just doesn’t make sense.

I just finished listening to a gentle message by the late Chuck Smith of Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa entitled, “Prayer of a Troubled Heart.”  Pastor Smith developed this topic better than I can so I would encourage you to listen to the audio sermon if the subject is on your mind these days.  I was comforted by his instruction that our suffering can be God working out eternal purposes in our earthly lives for our eternal glory.  If we could somehow change God’s plan for our lives we would be obstructing God’s eternal purposes.  “Even from the pain and suffering, eternal good is going to come.”  We can point to the life of the apostle Paul who endured physical infirmity and still carried or “deposited” the Gospel message to countless peoples throughout the known world of his time.

12 That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day.

13 What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus. 14 Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you—guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us. 2 Timothy 1

The apostle Paul encourages us to trust, to have faith in the Gospel of Jesus Christ no matter what our “light and momentary” affliction might be.   In light of all eternity, our time of illness is short indeed.

16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.  2 Corinthians 4

Relying on the scriptures brings the power of God into our weary hearts and minds.  We find stories of triumph over trials that encourage us.  Hebrews 11 describes several pillars of faith, empowered by God to endure, overcome, and bring glory to God as they saw His plan unfolding before their eyes.  Joseph was sold into slavery, imprisoned in a dungeon, mocked then ended up saving the nation of Israel from starvation as others recognized his Godly character and abilities.  There are many more men and women from whose example we can learn as well.

Drawing from the scriptures Pastor Smith guides us first to pray about the things troubling our souls.  Second, we are to “reason” that God really does love me and is wiser than I am.  I am not to base my understanding of His love for me on my circumstances but on who He is.  The events of my life work out His eternal purposes for both me and those around me according to His Divine plans for good, for His glory.  And third, I am to commit myself unto the will of the Father knowing that:

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.   Romans 8:28

This is difficult to do!  If it’s too difficult then I must first ask myself:  in whose strength am I trying to get through the suffering?  Do I keep asking the Lord to do this or that for me versus asking Him to help me?  Reveal His will for me?  Encourage me with His grace?  Strengthen me to endure?  Submit to His will knowing that His good is coming?  I must put on my eternal glasses even if I cannot see anything beyond my situation.  I need to ask Him to increase my faith and He will do it!

This insight came together after another and extremely wretched evening.  Only once before have I completely collapsed without warning at the kitchen table requiring my husband to catch me from falling.  Moments after he carried me to bed I cried the most guttural tears of my entire life.  The most violent convulsions I have ever experienced followed.  Steve prayed then cried too.  It seemed to me like I was “weeping and gnashing (my) teeth” as the Bible describes for those in hell.  It took a long time to recover.  I still do not know why all this suffering is here for me and Steve.  I do know how I am to handle it, however.  That insight came earlier in the evening.

Unfortunately I never was able to join the home group discussion in my own home tonight.  After welcoming our brothers and sisters in Christ and setting aside the goodies they brought for later, I attempted to walk to my seat in the living room.  I was aware that my speech had become strained already.  Then all of a sudden I felt sick:  the pre-tic set of symptoms ramped up quickly indicating that what was coming next would not be good.  I whispered into Steve’s ear from behind where he was sitting on the sectional that I wasn’t feeling well and scooted off to our bedroom.  As my head was hitting the pillow the seizure attacks began!  They were bad.  They persisted with vocalizations that risked alarming our guests down the hall.  Soon I heard a guitar playing and people singing.  The worship had begun and the sounds would cover my episode.  Thank you Lord.

I had hoped that the music would also quiet my tender frame in torment.  Not so.  The episode quieted into tic attacks and I was able to breathe more easily.  In my spirit I cried out to the Lord to stop the episode.  I feared many scenarios that could happen next in which others would end up horrified, witnessing some aspect of the seizures.  Our master bathroom toilet was out of commission for repairs requiring all of us to use the bathroom in the hallway between where I was in bed and the living room.  If I collapsed and was unable to walk, Steve would have to physically assist me to the bathroom partially in view of where everyone was sitting.  I would first need to scream to alert him beyond the closed Master bedroom door.  Nothing would be pleasant about the fact that I really needed to use the bathroom down the hall from me  . . .

It’s as if the Lord was sitting right next to me in that bed at that moment.  It’s as if I could see the slight scowl on His face as He “looked” me directly in the eye and wondered why I was telling Him what to do again.  Had He not been with me in prior episodes?  Had He not used this illness to reach thousands of people around the world with the Gospel through this blog?  Had He not gifted me to write and create in ways that brought joy to my heart even in the middle of the night?  Had He not provided for both Steve’s and my needs these past 2 1/2 years?  Helped me become an Advanced Master Gardener?  Strengthened Steve to win his first national kayaking award?  Yes, He had worked in both of our lives incredibly despite the extreme suffering.

No one in their right mind wants to suffer.  I don’t like this wretched illness and long for it to be over.  Yet if I miss the teaching moments that come along the way then this suffering will be no more than an endurance race with no prize, no glory, no hope, no real encouragement for others who will come after me.  The lesson I needed to learn this evening was to simply ask for the Lord’s HELP and let HIM do the rest.  He knows why this episode was timed during the heart of our home group meeting and I do not.  I need to trust Him on this one as I have during so many times of need in the past.  His answers, His timing, His purposes have encouraged me more times than I can describe here in addition to numerous other people watching the events unfold.  As Pastor Smith describes in his message:  I do not want to obstruct God’s eternal purposes that will be for my good and His glory!

I must persevere in faith no matter what the cost.  He will strengthen my faith.  I must ask my Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ for help then wait on His leading, His answers.  Jesus Christ did this very act of submission before the Father when Jesus was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane knowing that His torture and death were imminent:

42 He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.”  Matthew 26

The God of the universe, living among us as a man yet fully God, submitted to the will of the Father, the purpose for which He was born into the world.  He cried out for the Father to save him from that hour in crisis, for help.  Most importantly He then submitted to the will of the Father and the world changed forever because of it.  I will live a life eternally with my Jesus because He died on that cross for me.  My time of suffering is not too much to bear with His help to live the life to which I am called.  Sure it feels like hell.  My faith transcends my broken frame and will bring an eternal reward that goes beyond my temporary affliction.  With this I can go on.

What say you, Gentle Reader?  He loves you too you know . . .  Might you call on Him too?  It just might rock your world in a good way.  No kidding.

 

On the edge

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It’s like a weather forecast.  You see the clouds rolling in as the sky darkens.  You hear the gurgle of thunder off in the distance, knowing that before long the sky will open with a whoosh of driving rain.  It might be your bones, it might be your joints, but whatever it is you know that a lightening storm is not too far off joining the cacophony of bodily mayhem.  If you are trying to sleep, well it’s pretty darn likely that ain’t going to happen for awhile!

But what if it isn’t raining?  Sure it’s dark outside and you can’t see the stars.  Perhaps it’s just the dreary November cloud cover characteristic of the Midwestern sky this time of year in the United States.  Late Fall brings down the leaves, brings in the cold, and brings on the physical anomalies.  And for me, it’s a near constant state of a symptom matrix that confuses even the best doctors around.  Perhaps it’s a little Fibro thing?  Arthritis?  Health begins in the gut you know so it’s gotta be IBS, no?  Or maybe it’s Chronic Fatigue?  Surely there’s something hormonal going on or maybe it’s the dreaded Late Stage Lyme disease saga.  Then again, Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome is the term in vogue these days for those exposed to mold and don’t fit the typical medical profile.  Yeah, it’s almost Thanksgiving and I’m sitting here in a 71-degree home with 3 layers of clothing on wondering where I can find some fingertip-less gloves . . .

I’m on the edge.  You could probably illuminate a lamp of low wattage with the excess electrical activity emanating from my fried central nervous system.  Last night there was a “fireworks” show of seizure attacks that defied definition.  Was it the K2D3 supplement trial or the exposure to questionable “energy sources”  from a new manual therapy practitioner?  All I know is that my husband sure did not get much sleep last night!  Yes, I got up this morning and helped him prepare his dish-to-pass for a United States Canoe Association meeting and awards celebration today.  Poor guy, driving 4  hours round trip, leading the meeting, then paddling in the cool lake waters on 4 hours of sleep.  I sure hope he gets a long nap tomorrow before going back to work on Monday . . .

Hey, this is a venting blog tonight and I got a bad case of things at the moment!  Where to go from here?  Purge some gratitude through this neck headache and get over it so I can get some sleep as well.  Here we go:

So grateful for the opportunity to get some extra sleep after Steve left, clearing my day with no additional obligations until nightfall.

I am grateful for a bit more energy that allowed me to complete the Winter clean-up of our backyard and even prepare a small garden bed with the neighbor girls as a surprise for their mom.

Glad also for the yummy dinner of pan fried cod and chef salad with my latest health drink that actually tastes good:  unsweetened vanilla almond milk blended with organic carrots!

Oh Lord, thank you for the sweet time with my Stevers this evening watching a captivating DVD of some young missionaries and their wild adventures in the Far East.  Oh to trust You in a moment by moment basis with faith and enthusiasm too!

Yes, Lord you are so good to me.  Thank you for my loyal puppy who keeps me company all of these days when I am home alone recovering from illness.  I said to Steve this evening that not being able to work has brought me more into a traditional role of a woman in our marriage:  a Biblical role as helpmate.  If we had children together then my life might be about raising them or caring for our grandchildren.  That is not our story.  Things are simpler than that:  my role is to be the helpmate for my beloved while I also take the steps needed to recover from illness.  My Heavenly Husband has provided the time and space for this transformation to occur.  No career pursuits needed this time.  This is my calling.

Sounds like a topic for another blog!  To find one’s calling is a treasure some folks never find.  I am grateful to feel and know that I am exactly in the center of the Lord’s will for my life even if it’s on the edge at times.  Gentle Reader if you are feeling on the edge, I invite you to dangle there just a bit, reflect there long enough to discover if maybe there is a greater purpose for being there?  Try a gratitude list as you evaluate things and see if you come up with something good as I have done here.  The process of doing so is like banking on the promise The Word gives us in Romans 8:

28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

Thanks once again for listening.  Take care and goodnight, JJbedbugs

The Old Makes Way for the New

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Phillipians 4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

A broken vessel could be a metaphor for my life these 1 1/2 years.  Then again, I could just start from today, praise the Lord for His enduring Spirit, mercy and grace, then move on!  Since today is a new day, I’ll choose the latter.

Besides, if you look closer, you’ll see the buds on the branches of the lilac bush emerging from the broken vase below.  Can you see them?  They are the signs of new life that can come with each new day.  Noting that I cut these branches to increase the flower production on the plant adds additional meaning:  sometimes our lives must be pruned to free us for the blessings to come either in this life or the next.

For those in Christ Jesus, we know that he will work all things together for good (Romans 8:28).  We can trust him in the times of new growth, the times of pruning, the times of brokenness and the times of loss all the same.  Wow.  So glad I learned this when my life totally changed 10 years ago. Well I mean that it took 10 years to understand the transforming power of the gospel, working in the lives of His friends, His children, His people.  The Lord’s love and care is working in me too.

My hubby says that I should use a plastic vase instead of a glass one outside.  Yeah, he’s right.  Glad this episode of brokenness  is an easy one to fix!  I’ll let go of the vase, fill another with the waters of life and embrace the newness that is growing all around me.  (Reference:  see the second picture please!)

Hmmmmmm, I think there’s something growing inside me too.  Little by little, the illness I have is transforming as well.  Praise the Lord!  :J

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Sometimes you wait

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Sometimes you simply have to wait for the next steps to be revealed.

Felt lost again today sitting in the hotel room, trying to function, and working my way out of the stress of being displaced indefinitely.  My husband, Steve, was able to contact the insurance company about out potential mold restoration claim and the word continues to be, “we are waiting on management” to make a determination.

Tomorrow I’ll meet a friend at my home, donn the respirator mask, and take down the Christmas decorations.  Thank you Cindy Jakacki-Null!  Later I may have an appointment to fix my hair; long overdue.  Life goes on, you know, and having things to do helps manage the stress of what still feels like a crisis situation.  I pray constantly and feel the Lord right here with me, ordering my steps, keeping me calm, helping me to shower and complete a load of laundry today.

That’s all I can do today.  Steve will be over later for dinner and stay with me.  I love and miss him.  I’m working on letting go of everything and living in a smaller increment of time than when I was very sick.  This situation and these feelings will pass.  I know this because I have been in this situation before and have seen the Lord’s incredible faithfulness, mercy, and blessing for His glory.  “It takes what it takes” for His purpose to be revealed in me and you.  I did enjoy some fellowship time at our church last night by the way; that was a huge accomplishment and the first time in many weeks . . .

My life was upside down in January of 2005.  The divorce I was forced into was finalized; my mom was suffering 300 miles away, the effects of lung cancer treatment; my car had died and needed replacement within a day; I had just settled into a new rental condo and a fire in an adjacent unit displaced me in a temporary apartment for four months.  I was traumatized by escaping through a firy stairwell.  While some of the circumstances were different, I felt lost then like I do now.  I was unable to tolerate the stress of working in a mental health hospital that requires each staff person to participate in take downs of out of control patients.  I sought outside help to sort things out.  Some time later, I confided in a couple of deacons at my church, psuedo-father figures, and asked them what to do.   They advised me to stabilize my situation through purchasing a place of my own.  Talk about a leap of faith!  I had not yet recovered from the emotional and financial ruin of divorce when the new crisis occurred.   I did what I had to do and moved forward on faith.

Soon thereafter, the Lord began the restoration process.  The empty rental apartment to which the insurance company had moved me provided no reminders of my former life and every opportunity to reflect, pray, renew.  Strange how things work together (Reference:  Romans 8:28).  I purchased a few simple items to make the place “home” and followed the Lord’s leading in re-creating my life.  Within a relatively short time, I was in a lovely new 2-bedroom condo in a very desirable area of town.  Financial blessings arrived in very unexpected ways:  gifts, insurance settlements, and more.  My new home was lovely and in many ways better than my town home in the past.  My balcony overlooking a lush courtyard was a menagerie of flowers, a window box from my childhood, a restored outdoor mirror, native grasses, sparkly beaded garlands, and a tea set for two.  The Lord provided me with yards and yards of cheap unbleached muslin from a local textile company to create a custom window treatment of which I’d always wanted.  Rich ceramic tile adorned the powder room in chocolate leather-distressed motif and in a sandy beach-like texture in the master bath.  My office reflected a Japanese company motif of which I had become fond with a sculpted cream carpeting.  Then came the mural . . .

In the center wall bisecting the unit, the true healing work began with a 15-foot collage of natural papers.  Words of poetic inspiration had become my writing therapy at that time and became the centerpiece of the design.  I had never done anything of this scale before and have not had a desire to attempt another project like it since then.  By the end of the year, the work was complete.  I had also finished a course with a healing prayer ministry about this time.  Yes, it was time to celebrate so much.  We held a special service in my home with the inner circle of friends who had witnessed and the Lord used to facilitate the transformation within me.  The inscription on “the wall” in drop-down area in the living room read simply in the words of Winnie the Pooh:  “I likes me best when I’m with you.”

Within a year, the next party in my home was an engagement party.  Wow!  How much fun we had with the scavenger hunt to help everyone become acquainted with the love of my life, Steve Horney.  The place was packed!  When I look at the pictures of that special evening one characteristic was clear:  everyone was smiling brightly!  Me too.  Tee hee.  The Lord had restored the years the locusts had eaten (Reference:  Joel 2:25).

So it is with great faith and a weak, recovering frame, that I wait expectantly on my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  He was my strength in 2005 and is my strength now.

I think my laundry is done.  Talk atcha later . . .  :J

P.S.  The week before the fire in the earlier condo apartment, I had just finished painting a different mural on a center wall.  The design was a metaphorical representation of a bridge, symbolizing moving from one chapter in my life to the other.  I had hoped to paint a silhouette of a woman on the wall, pointing towards an outside window but couldn’t find a suitable design to copy.  Sunday night, January 19, 2005, I had just finished my laundry, cleaned my apartment and was settling down with my favorite snack when the fire alarm went off.  Turns out I would never return to live at that apartment again.  Many weeks later in relaying this story to some dear friends, they had a poetic explanation for me of the incomplete design:  I became the woman on the wall, crossing over the bridge to my new life.  Yes, I believe so!  Thank you Jesus for my new life and for being there with me every step of the way.  That frightful night you reminded me of my life verse that I gratefully depicted on the new mural in the new home.  Please see Jeremiah 29:11 for the hope we all have when we but believe in Him who saved us.