Tag: recovery

For the Downtrodden

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Having a bad day?

Let the words of the Lord wash over you and see where you land after that.  Just took me to a better place.  How ’bout you?

Psalm 107 (NIV)

1 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.

2 Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story—those he redeemed from the hand of the foe, 3 those he gathered from the lands, from east and west, from north and south.

4 Some wandered in desert wastelands, finding no way to a city where they could settle. 5 They were hungry and thirsty, and their lives ebbed away. 6 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. 7 He led them by a straight way to a city where they could settle. 8 Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind, 9 for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.

10 Some sat in darkness, in utter darkness, prisoners suffering in iron chains, 11 because they rebelled against God’s commands and despised the plans of the Most High. 12 So he subjected them to bitter labor; they stumbled, and there was no one to help. 13 Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. 14 He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness, and broke away their chains. 15 Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind, 16 for he breaks down gates of bronze and cuts through bars of iron.

17 Some became fools through their rebellious ways and suffered affliction because of their iniquities. 18 They loathed all food and drew near the gates of death. 19 Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. 20 He sent out his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave. 21 Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind. 22 Let them sacrifice thank offerings and tell of his works with songs of joy.

23 Some went out on the sea in ships; they were merchants on the mighty waters. 24 They saw the works of the Lord, his wonderful deeds in the deep. 25 For he spoke and stirred up a tempest that lifted high the waves. 26 They mounted up to the heavens and went down to the depths; in their peril their courage melted away. 27 They reeled and staggered like drunkards; they were at their wits’ end. 28 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress. 29 He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. 30 They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven. 31 Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind. 32 Let them exalt him in the assembly of the people and praise him in the council of the elders.

33 He turned rivers into a desert, flowing springs into thirsty ground, 34 and fruitful land into a salt waste, because of the wickedness of those who lived there. 35 He turned the desert into pools of water and the parched ground into flowing springs; 36 there he brought the hungry to live, and they founded a city where they could settle. 37 They sowed fields and planted vineyards that yielded a fruitful harvest; 38 he blessed them, and their numbers greatly increased, and he did not let their herds diminish.

39 Then their numbers decreased, and they were humbled by oppression, calamity and sorrow; 40 he who pours contempt on nobles made them wander in a trackless waste. 41 But he lifted the needy out of their affliction and increased their families like flocks. 42 The upright see and rejoice, but all the wicked shut their mouths.

43 Let the one who is wise heed these things and ponder the loving deeds of the Lord.

Free Coupon Ends Soon!

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Just a quick note that the free coupon for the eBook, Hope Beyond Lyme:  The First Year, ends on Saturday.  If you’re interested an updated collection of my most meaningful and encouraging blogs plus several Bonus Pages, head on over via the link below.  It’s available in 10 different formats, including a new smartphone app from Dropbox.

Final few days that it's free with Coupon Code: UR45T
Final few days that it’s free with Coupon Code: UR45T

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/371334

Here’s a little video with a personal invitation from me too:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opCttpUCZW0

Take care Gentle Reader and thank you for your support this past year online.  I am grateful to the Lord and humbled knowing you are there . . .

Just Julie

The Next Step is Sideways

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Sometimes you move forward.  Sometimes you move backward.  And most of the time you just go sideways or don’t move at all!  Know what I mean?

When I worked in rehabilitation we had another phrase:  recovery is always a jagged line.  A person makes progress then might regress a step or two before making the “big gains” in strength, walking, functioning, and the like.  Many times my patients would not believe me when I said this to them.  I understood their frustration.  In our fast-paced, achievement and results-oriented American society, it is really tough not to be getting ahead in some way every day.  Well as the old Starkist tuna commercial used to say, “Sorry Charlie.”  Sometimes it just doesn’t work out that way.

Not only does every person not always get where they want to go, not every person gets selected to try for his or her dreams.  These can be a real bummer for sure.  How we handle these delays or changes in the course of our lives may likely determine our character.  Certainly how we respond reflects our maturity as adults, or for Christians, whether or not we are trusting in the Lord who promises a plan an purpose for our lives (Jeremiah 29:11).  While there are probably other reasons we could explore ad nauseum, I’m going to leave it right here.  Ultimately we must get over the failure to achieve the goals we have set for ourselves when it just isn’t going to happen.  You just never know.  Something better might be on the horizon . . .

Several times I have planned to complete a special project and was never able to start it.  (This has happened a lot over the past two years!)  In general, the main reason wasn’t even procrastination.  The reason often has had to do with the reality that something better is waiting for me in the future.  Take my decorating idea folder, for example.  About twenty years ago when our drapery panels in our living room became damaged from the sun, I really wanted to create a custom window treatment that I’d seen in a magazine.  Somehow I would need to design a tracking system where the wall met the ceiling before such systems were even available.  We didn’t have any wood shop tools at the time and I was unfamiliar with the fine art of making draperies.  However I did know how to sew and had a creative streak so that was enough for me to move forward and figure it out.  Sadly, it wasn’t meant to be.

The townhome got sold with the sun bleached draperies pinned from behind to hide the sections that were threadbare.  The problem?  My former husband doubted my ability to complete the project.  Where would we get the materials?  How would we install it?  Where would I find the time to make everything?  All of the ongoing questions discouraged me from trying to find the answers.  A creative person makes something happen along the happy journey of figuring it out.  He or she doesn’t have everything worked out at the start unless there is a pattern or kit with instructions.  This decorating project simply was too much for the two of us to come to an agreement.  It wasn’t meant to be back then.

Flash forward about ten years later and it was meant to be.  Through unfortunate circumstances I found myself single and rebuilding my life in another city; so much had changed.  To pursue a creative project would become “occupational therapy” for me and help me to make my new place a home.  I knew exactly what window treatment would adorn the sunny sliding glass door that overlooked the lush courtyard beyond my balcony.  This time the time was right.

A co-worker told me about a textile company that sold unbleached muslin by the pound.  Yeah, that’s right!  Yards and yards of fabric would be super cheap and just right the right color and style for my project.  I even found material to line the panels all through that poorly marked, rusted back door entrance to the factory.  There were huge bolts of fabric everywhere!  “Yeah God,” I said to myself.  This is good!

The next challenge would be measuring and cutting an inordinate amount of material on the laminate floor of my 3rd floor condominium.  To say my knees were hurting from crawling around cutting all that fabric, would be an understatement.  Then I wondered how was I going to sew all this yardage at my modest kitchen table?  The answer soon came when I was house-sitting in a lovely home a short time later.  The man of the house was a contractor and had a HUGE desk in his office for viewing his drafting plans.  That desk was perfect for sewing yards and yards of fabric too:  spilling all over the place in their spacious loft.  Cool beans.  I sewed and sewed to my heart’s content.  Cool beans again.

Now to make the tracking system to suspend the panels next to the ceiling.  Somehow I stumbled upon a lumber store just off the railroad tracks in an industrial area of a neighboring town.  The guys at Owl Lumber in Lombard, Illinois were great.  Not only did they help me configure the crown-molding style curtain rod, they metered the corners and pre-drilled the holes for the mounting pegs for me as well.  I installed about a dozen pegs into the crown molding, sanded, painted it white, and coated it with polyurethane.  Now all I had to do was mount it on the wall . . . without a ladder . . .

Gratefully I had an extremely sturdy coffee table that became a suitable platform for the installation.  (You simply could not kill that wooden beast so it followed me through 8 moves over the years.  Finally it got sold on Craig’s List 5 years ago!)  I got all the tools and supplies together, my friend Jeannie came over for dinner and a little window treatment project, and we gals went to work on a Friday night.  The only problem was that the building was over 30 years old and there was concrete not wood studs underneath the drywall!  My wood screws would never hold the weight of the solid wooden rod that measured about 8 feet long.  Oh well.  Back to the hardware store I would go for mega concrete bolts and a new drill bit.  Of course I had a darn good drill that would handle the job.  🙂

The next hurdle was the fact that Jeannie was not available the next weekend to jump back into the project again.  What was I do to?  How could I possibly wait when I was this close to pulling it all together?  This thing was massively heavy and I was hoping to mount it at a height that would require me to hold it at a height near the end of the reach of my arms overhead.   How could I do this alone without dropping it on my head?  By sheer will power and determination, that is!  I figured out the measurements of the holes for both the wall and crown-molding rod and pre-drilled the holes.  I figured that if I could slip in a few bolts by hand and tighten them, they would hold enough for me to get the rest of the bolts in as well.  I also used my head . . . literally!  And with only one close call, Lord willing, I gotter done!  Success!

The finishing touches to hang the panels were beautiful silky-type cording that I found at a local drapery supply store.  Wow:  so cool to live in a large city at the time where I found a place where practically half of the store was drapery trims and tassels!  I made a loop and tied it with a Josephine macramé knot, reminiscent of 20 years earlier when it was first vogue to macramé.  I was single then too and had macrame’d lotsa stuff!  Hand sewing the loops to the panels was a labor of love, quite meaningful for me.  Then I was ready for my big reveal to, er, myself.  Would it all come together?  You be the judge.  I loved it!  To open it each morning I gently draped a loops hidden on the backside of the middle of the bottom of each panel to hooks on the wall along the outer sides of the panels.  At night I released the loops and the panels closed like the massive curtains at the end of a theater stage play.  Yeah, it was cool.  Yeah, it was worth the wait.  I was stoked and thanked the Lord for restoring the years the “locusts had eaten” once again.  (Joel 2:25)

That's me in 2007
That’s me in 2007

This is an important story for me to remember years later.  I’m in a situation now where I can’t do projects like this as I recover from a serious illness.  I am grateful for the Lord’s gift of writing and the warm reception to my eBook released a couple of weeks ago (see side panel for details).  Just this morning I was wondering what would be next?  Then I realized that I really can’t do anything more right now.  The book got finished because I had some better days; those days are gone for now.  I’m hoping to catch up on some long overdue regular medical appointments like an eye exam tomorrow morning.  EEEEK!  Will ya look at the time?  Anyways, these next few weeks I won’t be moving forward.  I’ll be taking care of the stuff on the back roads, so to speak.  Perhaps there will be other types of meaningful discoveries along the way, perhaps not.  For now, the stuff of life has my time and attention.

Maybe you can relate?  Whatcha got going on this week, Gentle Reader?  Do take care, k?  JJ

Best to Hang in There When “There” is Unknown Territory

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With a brain fog or spaciness that defies definition, I humbly submit this blog update!

Tuesday began 2 doses of a promising new treatment for Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome:  vasoactive intestinal peptide or VIP.  The first dose was at noon and the second was at midnight.  I felt a little on edge as I went to bed within the hour of the second dose, followed by a few tic zips (such as the norm for me these days!).  What I didn’t expect next was the fearful images that passed before my eyes as I entered sleep mode.  No problem, really.  That’s what prayer is for and I called upon the Lord to sanctify my mind.  Prayer answered.  I was able to fall asleep without any more problems.

My next surprise came with an abrupt wake up at 4 in the morning with a vivid nightmare!  When I say vivid, I mean that the bats in my mind were landing on me, in color and I could feel them!)  Frightful indeed!  Low grade tics quickly escalated into seizure attacks, air hunger, shortness of breath, and at least 20 minutes of rotating noxious symptoms.  Not sure which was worse:  the nightmare or the aftermath!

I have had nightmares and this type of experience before.  The last one was at least 2 weeks ago so the timing may or may not have been related to the new medication.  After all, the pharmacist said it was a “benign” drug and my LLMD said that 50 mcg is a low, loading dose.  Yeah right.  I am overly sensitive to everything right now so it is no surprise that a nasal spray of a new hormone, deposited directly into the capillaries in my sinuses and leading into my blood stream, could shake me up a bit.  Sigh.  No problem again.  This is familiar territory.

Wednesday I decided to take a break from the VIP when I awakened feeling pretty beaten up.  For my daily treatment I just ran some Rife programs, slept some more and had a pretty good day overall for me.  The post-attack headache subsided and I was able to take care of a personal appointment and run a few errands.  I forced myself to get out and work in the garden later and it was soothing therapy.  I praise the Lord for His gift of Spring renewal here in the Midwest.  I love living here.

I took the next dose of VIP on Thursday at noon.  My nose started running right away but this didn’t last very long, thankfully.  Then brain fog settled in followed by a ramping up of my nearly constant companion of a low grade headache.  Regardless, I got going on some insurance matters that have needed attention for over a month.  Guess I’m at the next tier of taking care of things since moving home March 27th;  I was glad to “getter done.”  The day was going fairly well so I got to go to church with my hubby for the National Day of Prayer Service at our calvary chapel.  How sweet it is to worship with my Stevers, to pray, and to fellowship with other believers.  It had also been about a month since the last time I was able to go to church.

The worship was awesome.  However, during the service the music was sooooo loud, and the bass was soooooo loud that both of us had to plug our ears even though we were sitting in the back of the sanctuary under the balcony!  Turns out that plugging my ears is not enough to avoid sensory overload.   I cannot tolerate the vibrational sound energy and bass wavelengths of loud music.  I do not understand why it has to be so loud anyways?  We are there to worship the Lord Jesus Christ, not hurt our ears!  Unfortunately, things did not go well after I returned to wait for Steve in the car. I had to get out of there before the spill-over into seizure attacks would begin.  The music was the trigger that turned this multi-sensory-sick child of the King into what would turn out to be a 12 1/2 hour episode of seizure attacks.  As rocker Alice Cooper once sang, “welcome to my nightmare” once again.

Gratefully I was able to get out of the car by myself when we got home and walk gingerly into the house.   Gratefully Steve was available to help lift me off the couch two hours later after eating and resting, so I could get ready for bed.  Gratefully I was able to attend to my own self care and even make us some food earlier during one of the breaks in the action.  Gratefully I have some new positioning strategies in bed to minimize the impact the uncontrollable shaking has on headaches and other painful areas.  Gratefully Steve prayed for me both before we fell asleep and in the morning before he left for work.  Gratefully I was able to make a snack when I woke up ravenously hungry at 4 in the morning!  Hmmmm.  There’s that “4” number again.

The attacks tapered down by the time I was to finally get out of bed at 9:30 a.m.  Just a quick jolt welcomed me to my day and I was able to take care of myself and our dog.  Once again I was pretty beat up by the events of the last evening.  Twelve and one-half hours had passed since the episode began and it was finally over.  The shell of the person that is Julie was leftover to slowly get going, make my special dietary items, and take care of the stuff of life before my afternoon physical therapy appointment.  Gratefully I was able to start then later finish and mail the jewelry order that was due today.  But in the middle of the day and during physical therapy, there was another rebound episode of neuromuscular events followed by copious tears.  I am so sad.  This is really hard.  I am really broken.  Gratefully my therapist is trained in some calming techniques of myofascial release that work really well with me.  Even at my low energy level with soreness all over my body, I am now able to function again.

So this is chronic illness and the ups and downs of recovery.  One day you are excited for a promising new treatment and the next you are herxing from a reaction to the promising new treatment.  The physical therapist says that the seizure attacks seem “softer” than the ones I have had in the past.  O.k., I guess that’s good.  Maybe it is just part of the process of assimilating a new drug that crosses the blood-brain barrier and into a zone where illness has a foothold at the moment.  Sure is a tough road, I’ll tell ya.  Recovery is not for wimps.

At this point is usually where I write about my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, sustaining me and giving me hope in the face of severe testing and trials.  If you’ve read this blog before, you probably know what I am about to write here.  You might expect me to say what a difference it makes to have Jesus in my heart or I would be filled with despair.  I usually say a lot about His sustaining grace as I truly believe that my life and these experiences are for my ultimate good and His glory.  Yes, I am softer in many ways than before this illness began.  This suffering will end someday.  I know where I will be when it ends.  Do you?  Do you know where the trials of your journey through life will lead you when your life ends?  If you do, does  your life show it?  Oh I hope so!

If you have not turned to the Lord as your Saviour, lover of your soul, forgiver of your sins (and you all have them, sorry folks, no one is perfect), and hope for all of eternity, then  what the heck are you waiting for?  How many blogs do I have to write about suffering before someone out there that isn’t saved gets it:  the meaning of life is not all about YOU, it is not all about ME.  It is all about HIM.  It ain’t about a religion either.  It is about a relationship with the God of the Bible.  Until we are given an eternal perspective that He provides and transcending joy that He grants beyond measure when we but believe in Him, all we have is our fallen human condition.  Now that is sad indeed!  Our problems will never all be solved in this life.  We will hurt.  We will lose things and people and places that we love.  Our experiences will be a mixed bag at best.  We will fall short of the peace we seek when we realize that in the end, the stuff of this life adds up to dust, to nothing at all.  We can’t take anything with us when we die.  As the wisest, richest king that ever lived (King Solomon) once said, it is all meaningless!

Yes, it is best to hang in there when there is unknown territory.  I am taking Jesus Christ with me.  My eternity began when I accepted Him into my heart as Lord.  Oh gentle reader, will you too?

P.S.  Going for a walk with my pup, a friend and her pup.  God is so good.