Tag: Prayer

The Nurse Who Wore Perfume

Published on by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

 

Nurse Ratchet from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Nurse Ratchet from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

After about 4 hours breathing fresh oxygen being pumped with fluids, I revived after a most bizarre episode.  The Benedryl made things worse yet brought about 12 hours of slumber on and off into the next day.  Whew!  What an ordeal it was . . .

Such is life when battling biotoxin illness, multiple chemical sensitivity, mycotoxicosis, Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome, or what-is-formerly-known-for-me-as Chronic Lyme Disease.  On Saturday I was counting the dollars and quarters from the neighborhood girls who bought friendship bracelets at our garage sale.  I noticed a familiar perfume scent on the money that reminded me of a houseguest not long ago.  Perhaps it was Flora by Gucci again?  Anyways, no sooner had I zip-locked everything into a sandwich baggie when I started to feel sickly.  Bizarre and violent seizures followed, ramping up and ramping down over the next hour.  Holy crap!

I knew I had overdone things somewhat working the garage sale and doing some yard work the day before.  But hey, we had some things to get rid of and were delighted to pass some items along for free.  The girls who bought the bracelets were adorable!  I couldn’t resist letting my initial Trinity Jewelry by Design originals go for 1/6 the original asking price just to see the smiles on their faces.  Of course the older sister next door would need and extra one for her sister who was away at a dance competition so 2-for-1 would be the best deal for her.  Same thing applied to her sister’s best friend who was in the midst of a little object lesson about not taking money from her mother’s purse to buy bracelets!  Lesson was learned and we had smiles all around.  I was so delighted to send them along and tell them the significance of the 3-bead design (for the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit!).  They looked down at their bracelets like they were hearing it for the first time.  That’s cool.  As they wear them each day I pray that the Lord brings more promptings of His love and gift of salvation through the Holy Trinity.

It’s Monday, I am breathing better today, and I feel reasonably stable.  The windows have remained closed as every-other neighbor seemed to be getting their lawns treated today with fertilizer and pre-emergent weed killers.  Ah the scents of Spring!  All fragrances don’t seem to bother me but I am not taking any chances one day after an imaginary trip to the ER.  Imaginary?  Oh sure, it’s all in my head you see.  They gave me a repeat psychiatric diagnosis probably leftover from the last time I was there over a year ago.  It didn’t matter that my biotoxin medical doctor from Michigan graciously called the hospital on my behalf with an update.  Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome just isn’t on their radar.  The ER Doc seemed to give the impression that he was understanding that the difficulty breathing, obvious seizure attacks, and intolerance to the cold hands of the admitting nurse were related to CIRS.  It has its own ICD-9 code don’t you know?  I guess they do not.  Out came the “non-epileptic seizures” and “feeling nervous” diagnoses.  I never said I was feeling nervous!  The third diagnosis was “tremors.”  Yeah, tremors that make your head bang aren’t really tremors are they?

Non-epileptic seizures have TWO causes:  1)  biological and 2) psychiatric.  Most medical professionals ignore the first cause.  If they were psychiatric they would happen only when I am under stress or have a need for secondary gain (like attention or control).  Sorry Doc.  These episodes happen unannounced, unprovoked, and at happy times.  They started with an exposure to a cyanobacteria when kayaking in a local reservoir with my beloved and some fun people.  I love my life with Steve and in general.  I am so blessed and grateful for so much even during this time of illness.  Armchair psychiatry without a work-up is wrong.  Test me.  I have nothing to hide.  So frustrating.

Shortly before the completion of the IV fluid and Benadryl treatment, a nurse came into the room to announce that the nursing shift had changed.  She checked the monitor and recorded my vitals before leaving the room in a puff of noxious and cheap perfume.  WHAAAAT?  Why do you think I am in the EMERGENCY ROOM NURSEEEE POO?  When she returned I gently but firmly asked her to leave and not return due to the same.  She said she had received “report” and knew why I was there.  HELLO?  ANYBODY HOME?  Two other nurses came in a bit later and before the IV pump alarm was set to go off (another sensory trigger).  I appreciated their timing and thanked them.  A bit roughly they disconnected the IV, removed the IV in my arm, and began to hurry us along.  Time to go!  I had to ask them to wait a moment as my body started seizing from the shock of the needle coming out of my arm.  Hey, it happens every time a needle goes in or out don’t you know? I really can’t make this stuff up don’t you know?  It simply isn’t worth it and would take too much energy anyways.  Just look at the outpatient records from the 21 IV magnesium treatments at that same hospital this past October and November.  Same reaction.

I felt numb on the way home.  My incredible husband made sure I was settled and quickly got outside to mow the lawn before dark.  I ate a light dinner as fast as I could to gain some strength before giving into the incredible fatigue.  Tic attacks woke me up several times as I slept for about a half of a day total.  The ordeal was over.  My third trip to the ER since becoming ill October 11, 2011 was over.

What do I do now, I wonder?  I mean there are binding agents that I can’t tolerate (chlolestyramine and Welchol) and one that I can (activated charcoal) tolerate but the latter doesn’t register on Dr. Richie Shoemaker’s biotoxin illness protocol.  During a wretched episode earlier last week the Lord gave me some insight that the activated charcoal might work better for me.   So a few grains of AC is all I am doing for treatment in addition to my own election for a mold-free, Candida, low oxalate diet.  Oh yes, and our home will become a safe-zone to reduce exposures.  Sadly there will be no more monthly home group.  I spent the last one in my bedroom with seizure attacks while the group worshipped, prayed, and fellowshipped in our living room.  Even the hint of fragrance amongst them was too much for me.  Sigh.  I  need the fellowship Lord!  And what about the friends and family who will be in town for my husband’s son’s wedding next month?  This is a heartache for both of us right now.  I love Steve’s adult children and his family.  I am grateful for them.  I guess I’ll be Skyped into the bridal shower . . .  And I doubt that I will be able to enjoy playing hostess to family that has not seen our home beautified since they were last here for our wedding 7 years ago.  It’s just so very risky.  Maybe it will be warm enough to visit on our lovely patio.  Hope so.

Oh well.  We’ll figure out something.  We always do.  Better leave that one for a future blog.  More prayer is needed before then fer shur.  JJ

The Sister Bear Speaks

Published on by Jesus is for the Wounded5 Comments

While my brother’s fiancé is there at the hospital with him in the thick of things, his next of kin is a bit upset.  I am too upset to make any rational decisions.  The feelings run deep with me.  It’s all I could do to be polite on the phone today to the social worker from the rehabilitation unit where Mike is hospitalized.  At least Steve and I have the weekend to sort things out . . .

Very likely Mike will get booted out of the hospital next week and sent to be housed in a nursing home without additional rehabilitation services.  His insurance is “Medicaid Pending” and his requiring of 24-hour physical care post discharge, a situation that cannot be met at home for valid reasons, is pushing the hospital to discharge him from their care.  I don’t get it.  In my 30+ year career in rehabilitation as an occupational therapist, the discharge criteria virtually always hinged on a lack of progress, not the particulars of discharge planning.  It’s a new day:  a new reality.  If you can’t do what the government-driven healthcare system wants you to do then I guess they can wash their hands of you.

Perhaps he will go to a nursing home or perhaps by some miracle the Veterans Administration (VA) will accept him on such short notice.  If the decision is the former, he will be fed 3 meals per day, kept clean and dry, and left to sit slumped in an overstretched wheelchair or geri chair in front of an out-of-tune entertainer from the long term care circuit with a pair of maracas shoved into his functional hand.  The wailing of the demented residents will woo him to sleep at night as he tosses on his waterproof mattress to get comfortable around the bedsores that no one will find until it is too late for healing.  Thickened Pepsi to drink?  Not a chance.  At least until his fiancé cleans up her make-up from crying long enough to ignore the swale of urine stench long enough to bring it to him.  God bless her faithfulness visiting every day through this incredibly stressful ordeal!

Or perhaps it won’t be that bad.  Maybe he will get into a VA rehabilitation facility with little red tape and get stronger.  Regardless, the hope of at least a few weeks of physical, occupational, and speech therapy has vanished for the time-being.  And Michael has no idea yet, what is about to happen to him next week.  I left a message for his saint of a fiancé and she has not gotten back to me yet.  Maybe she is in as big of SHOCK as I am.  Maybe she is exhausted and horrified from touring nursing homes closer to where they lived in the “thumb” area of Michigan.  I don’t blame her for taking a little time for herself to sort things out.  My heart goes out to Lisa.  She has been through so much these past two weeks as her life has changed forever.

As for me, 200 miles to the south and struggling with four hours of seizure attacks multiple times per day, I am overwhelmed with the stress of it all.  Just seeing the missing flooring in our bathroom from yet another mold remediation project is enough to stub my toe even when the light is on.  Somehow I completed a few errands outside the home this afternoon and made a simple dinner.  I talked to a few family members who offered mixed consolation while I was stepping on the elliptical for 20 minutes, phone in hand.  Geez!  I haven’t used that thing in a few weeks!  I must be stressed out.  Thank goodness the nightly seizure attack episodes haven’t fully ramped up yet tonight:  I needed to talk to you, Gentle Reader!  I started to type and there you were.  Thanks so much for being here.  I can barely speak I am so very upset.

*********************

Life goes on despite the drama of the moment.  If Steve and I don’t impulsively drive 3 hours north to go to the hospital tomorrow and I’m stable enough, we will attend the 50th wedding anniversary open house of some friends.  It will be good to enjoy some Christian fellowship.  Then maybe my beloved Steve will start to work on the bathroom floor tile project and I’ll put together the jewelry orders that have been sitting at my work table this past week.  Lord willing I’ll continue with the Spring clean-up of our gardens and Steve will mow the grass for the first time this year.  Looks like the narcissus will be blooming within a day or two with their yellow-throated happy faces reaching up to soak up the sun.  The sunshine will feel good on my broken frame as well and I will enjoy the freshness of the air this time of year.  There’s no better hue of green than that of the tender leaves emerging from their Winter slumber:  truly lime, truly sublime too.  Some call it “horticulture therapy.”  Gee, maybe I should go right now poke my finger in the dirt of the violets waiting to fill the self-watering planters I thought I might plant tomorrow . . . I need a fix of something and a shot of tequila is out of the question these days . . .

*********************

Please pray for us.  This sister bear is hurting more for her brother than anything right now.  My beloved Steve has been so loving despite the challenges of my illness, demands of his work, and his other responsibilities.  Lisa has got to be struggling as well, balancing work, the care of her teenage son (Alex), and assuming increasing responsibility for Michael’s affairs.  She and Michael have known each other almost 7 years.  Her 13 year old son has a great relationship with Michael too.  Oh Lord, hold us all closely this night.  Help us.  Show us Your love, mercy, and grace.  Guide us with wisdom.  If it is Your will, heal my brother from the effects of this devastating stroke.  Comfort him as he realizes all that has happened to him and show him hope, be real for him on his bed of sickness.  He has reached out to you in his time of need.  I am grateful for this and grateful that you are here with us.  And thank you for the encouragement we find in Your Word:

16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.  (2 Corinthians 4)

In Jesus’ name I pray.  Amen.

Michael George Lech
Michael George Lech

 

Mike and Me

Published on by Jesus is for the Wounded5 Comments

I just found out that my brother (Mike) had a stroke and is hospitalized in Detroit, Michigan.  I’m calling on you, Gentle Readers, to please pray for Mike, Mike’s fiancé (Lisa), her son (Alex), and my husband (Steve) and me as we face this situation.

JulienMikecrop
I love you Mike!

Our grandparents, parents, and youngest brother (Robert) are now deceased.  Mike had just started a promising new job and got back in touch with me as interest in our father’s business (Dyna-rewind) resurfaced after almost 50 years.  My heart is heavy and sad as we all face the unknowns in the days to come.  I pray that I will be well enough to travel to see everyone in the Detroit area before too long.

Thank you.  More later.  Just Julie

Who He Is

Published on by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

We all have some level of common sense:  that which we can agree is reasonable in any given situation.  Then again I have found that common sense just isn’t that common anymore!

I listen with intrigue when hearing the real-life experiences of others who have been successful at something.  Gaining triumph over tragedy.  Seeking good after playing with evil a bit too much.  Finding wisdom over folly.  Finishing a difficult task.  Inspiring others with your amazing story.  All this is good and unites us in our humanity when we can relate to the experiences of others.  I have heard from those who have travelled extensively overseas that most people around the world want the same things for their families and from their relationships with others no matter our cultural differences might be.  Thus we can all celebrate when the “human spirit” triumphs:  the good guy wins, the lonely widow finds love, and the person who passes on from this life having left a legacy for others to follow.

But what if there is more?  What if there is a source to that common sense that is in-bred between the strands of our DNA?  What if the innate knowledge of good and evil transcends the do’s and don’ts our elders taught us growing up?  And what if we all could persevere beyond both the winning and the losing?  After all, we all lose our lives in the end and cannot take any relationship, thing, achievement, or fit body with us.  We probably should keep trying to get it right anyways!  And that is very hard to do on our own.

When we find the true meaning of life, how the heck we got here, our giftedness, the Master plan for our lives, and humbly receive with gratitude our lot in life then we can be truly alive.   How do we find these?  We find our answers when we invite the Lord Jesus Christ into our hearts.  We learn about Jesus (who is one with the Father and the Holy Spirit) by reading the Bible, in prayer and meditation, in fellowship with others in the body of Christ.  The person of Jesus Christ created us in His own image; he draws us near to love and follow Him.  In doing so we grow in wisdom and all of the fruits of the spirit:  peace, love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control.  (Galatians 5:22-23)  Our purpose, our reason for being here can become clearer.  We then grow in understanding as we mature as believers, gaining wisdom from the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, our Counselor.

In the words of the Apostle Paul to you Gentle Reader,

18 I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, 19 and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength 20 he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, 21 far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. 22 And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, 23 which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.  (Ephesians 1)

He is the One who will receive us in all of His glory at our finish line when our days are done.  How well will we finish the race of our lives?  (Check out Hebrews 12:1-3.)  I’m trying remain humble on that one for sure.  Maybe you already have a personal relationship with God through His son, Jesus Christ.  I am delighted to meet you here as we will surely have great fellowship in heaven someday!

As Easter approaches this is a great time to revisit who God really is to each one of us.  We can all use this season commemorating His tremendous love for us as an opportunity to draw closer to the Lord.  Realizing this tonight was brought forth in meeting a few gals who have endured then overcame much heartache in their lives.  Me too.  Thank you Lord for leading me to your throne of grace.  Sure would be great if finding who You really are was even more common as common sense is too.

kneeling in prayer

We all have but one past

Published on by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

“We all have one past, but many possible futures,” stated Canadian hockey player Guy LaFleur, in an interview at his retirement (as quoted in the February 2014 newsletter of RZIM ministries).

24 However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.  (The apostle Paul speaking in Acts 20:24)

Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you.  Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.  (Proverbs 4:25-26)

Oh to be able to empty myself of yesterday and walk forth into tomorrow with great expectation!  To live in the moment with hope that what comes will be filled with the Lord’s tender mercies and grace is to really live freely in Christ.  And to know that the struggles of the day will work itself into a beautiful tapestry of my eternal life that has already begun, well, that’s really head-y man!

When I was researching yet another new dietary approach to the illness I endure, I realized how many times I have done this work before.  Over and over again I have sat here at our computer and continued to research solutions to the treatment failures in the past.  I admit that the new ideas don’t always come from the Lord, however.  Who else would come up with a way to make turnips to fit a Candida, mold-free, and low oxalate diet?  (Chuckle.)  I believe it is the Lord who inspires the best of what comes from me through the Holy Spirit and then provides just enough energy to get me there.  For example, I had an unexpected, Divine appointment with a friend who happened to be in the lobby of our doctor’s office on Friday.  She needed prayer badly!  The Lord in his mercy used me to step out in faith and pray with her right then and there.  The fellowship moved each of us.  The moment would have been missed if the Lord had orchestrated the events for me to leave the building just a few minutes earlier or later . . .

But really, until I started writing this I always thought that deep down inside I was someone who carried the events of my sordid childhood on my sleeve.  My utility to this world was somehow limited because of my past.  I thought that the facts that I came from a broken home, witnessed and experienced abuse, grew up lacking basic provisions at times, and didn’t find Jesus Christ until I had spiraled out of control as a young adult limited who I would eventually become someday.   Even if my outward appearance showed a measure of success, the inner woundedness kept me from enjoying it.  For example, I have had to remember to smile:  the joy just isn’t there a lot of the time to beam out from within me.  This should have changed when I found Jesus and entered into a personal, saving relationship with Him.  He redeemed my sin and began to fill the emptiness in my heart reserved only for Him.  Why wasn’t it enough?

I’m not sure I have the answer to that just yet.  I do know that sometimes we are our own worst enemies, eh?  We get in the way of what the Lord has planned for our lives, the opportunities he places before us and noticing the lovely little niceties he sprinkles around us to show us His love.  His love is always around us.  It’s my opportunity to let more of it dwell within me and let my eyes find it around me too.  And when that happens, more of Him flows through me to others, to my work, to my walk in this life with Him.   I can see that it is happening despite my weakness; I just haven’t recognized it enough.  I’m worried about appearing humble and making sure I “keep the gate closed” on the sordid remnants of my past.  Maybe I don’t need another few years of psychotherapy to figure it all out.  I just need to wait on Him.  He is leading me more than I realize!  And if that means anything to you, well let’s give God the glory!  Like Patsy Clairmont says in her book of the same title, God Uses Cracked Pots (1991) like me.

We all have one past.  Healing the hurts from our past requires grieving, reflection, restoration, and the passing of time.  But carrying it around and letting those wounds drag down the current day that has enough challenges of its own is a mistake.  Cut the ties to the past and live mindfully in the present.  Don’t deny who you are or your unique story.  Tell it to others who need to hear . . . talk about it with your heavenly Father who has sustained you to grow you into the man or woman you are today.  The possibilities of an amazing future awaits, adventures big and tiny, and we don’t want to miss them do we?

Say, I saw a gathering of robins (that signal the first sign of Spring in the Midwest) playing in a couple of feet of snow the other day when I was coming home from that doctor appointment.  I was exhausted as I turned the corner in my truck and some yucky stuff happened later that evening.  All of these events were in the mix of the activities of my day.  The bottom line is that the robins are back!  That is just sweet enough to warm my heart and the tips of my fingers in my fingertip less gloves as I type into the wee hours of the morning (until it’s time to take my final saliva sample for a lab test at the correct time interval, that is!).

Talk about cracked pots . . .  JJ