A Christmas Gift

A Christmas Gift

Isaiah 9:2  New International Version (NIV)

The people walking in darkness
    have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of deep darkness
    a light has dawned.

Some of you know that I was in the hospital earlier this week with the searing pain of shingles on my face. I was crushed to face such a serious disease on top of the daily seizure episodes that accompany chronic Lyme disease: a battle that consumes me with treatment and related activities for most of every day. How could I possibly bear one more grief?

The answer:  with Jesus Christ. Inside the treatment plan of this new illness came a drug for nerve pain that also happens to help seizures. And fibromyalgia pain. I was humbled to have a couple of seizure-free days thereafter! Managing everything took strained breaths as I tried to get beyond the few 1-2 hours of sleep in those first days and other complications. There were setbacks that crushed my spirit: aggressive, violent episodes of a kind I had never seen before. Then they all nearly stopped. And very few “little zippies” have followed as sleep has returned too. I am humbled, hopeful, grateful. What a Christmas gift!

We have no idea what lies before me in this long journey of illness and hope for complete recovery. I am grateful for those who have followed my story, prayed, and offered encouragement just when I needed it. Thank you! I believe this story goes beyond me, however, as neither of us knows what lies ahead. But don’t waste your time worrying about that. Put your faith in the one who came to save us from this hell, these trials, the sorrows that plague our lives here on earth big or small that began as a consequence of the Fall of Mankind. He grieves for our loss, our struggle, our suffering. And He gives us a choice what to do with it.

Choose to join me in the celebration of a new life that comes from the belief and surrender to the Lord: Jesus Christ. One day He will return to make all things right. No more sorrow, no more tears. Until then we can have a good bit o’ the joy, the strength, the love that supernaturally exceeds this life: our eternal destiny begins the day we place our faith in Him. Do you now Him this way? He is the only way to peace. He is the only way to joy. He is the only way to love. He invented them after all.

Merry Christmas Gentle Reader. Hope to connect with you more in 2017 and most importantly at the celebration that awaits believers in Jesus Christ in heaven.

I love Christmas.

With love, Just Julie

snoopy-christmas

Things come into focus

The recipe just wouldn’t do:  this brew concocted for my veins

I winced in shock when I saw the potential for disaster next week

And made the call to express my concerns, my fears in shaky voice.

The Assistant was gracious, no complaints there but what about him

Whom had not been available yet directs my care via messaging

And has way too many details engaged to respond to my simple needs?

Just to stop the seizures and minimize the suffering is all I really want

But that is the golden coin just beyond my reach now matter how long

And how far, how often, how many, how little, how far-reaching the attempts have been.

You’d think after nearly 5 years since this hell on earth began in my tender frame

That one of these brilliant folk would have figured it out by now, but NO(!), longer I wait —

And believe me I have tried, have prayed, have laid down my sword along the way too.

Nothing of  note has come to pass although the hell is generally shorter and less robust

I still live in impending doom every day, still waiting for the spike that rocks my world

And consumes me as much as it frustrates; I hold on to the moments in time I have here or there.

Someday this suffering will be over, I am assured since it was not always here

My Lord, my Savior is coming back for me and His to make all things new and right

And that includes an end to my daily trials:  oh how sweet that day will be, maybe soon!

Until then Gentle Reader, say your truth whilst asking for what you need

Let those in the know hear you and stick with those who bother to care

And one day soon, the focus will be on something else than your strife, my dear, guaranteed, guaranteed.  JJ

Ecclesiastes, 3:11, beautiful, in His time, waiting on the Lord, patience, waiting, burdens, trials, God, Lord, Jesus, trust, Christian, answers

 

 

Only the Moment

Only in this moment are things not as they should be:

Soreness for no reason at all

Sizzling in between the neurons rising up, rising over

Dwarfed by insatiable hunger,

Rushes of warmness then cool,

Joints made of cardboard,

Ah the stress for having reached beyond.

Only in the past was there no name for this strife:

Some kind of pain condition they said

(A hormonal this or that)

Traumas from growing up the way we did were

Leading struggles to find my way in life

Whilst blooming late after deadheading, letting go.

Only looking forward can bring true hope:

The day my body calms at last

My Savior returns and all is made whole

Weeping ends, eternal Spring abounds whereas

The truth reigns supreme as all finally agree.

But only now is the moment in which I contend:

Living in love with my intended beloved

With nights as wildly structured as the days

And breaths carried between words terse with meaning.

For only in the moment is where we too must live:

Look around . . . is there more beyond the view to

Seize right away with a kiss of sweetness at the lips?  Surely something can taste good right now!

JJ

psalm 16, psalm 16:11, living life to the fullest, carpe diem, seize the day, peace, contentment

Keep your eye on the ball

I remember hearing this advice when being introduced to softball as a girl.  It didn’t help my game much then but it does now!

Navigating the healthcare system when battling a serious illness requires patience, persistence, and push. (Now that motto DID help me when swimming my 1/2 miler!)  You are your own case manager, not your Doctor.  Getting this fact into perspective quickly was required for me to endure nearly five years of a long and winding road that first appeared to lead to no where.  I am still sick but some things are markedly better.  More about that fills the pages of this blog.  Now back to the brain dump that comprises the topic at hand . . .

  • Getting labs written and drawn for treatment coordinated between 3 healthcare providers and their respective offices has required hours of work this past week.  At this time we are good to go for everything to come together tomorrow.  It is no small matter to have to drive to my primary Doctor’s medical office to obtain the corrected piece of paper then scan and email it to the office of my home infusion nurse.  (Two phone calls confirmed that an incomplete copy was faxed to her agency 2 days ago.)  These results will be valuable for my appointment with the naturopath in about 3 weeks via Skype.  Gotter done.
  • Researching a new theory about a latent infection that may be contributing to this illness has become a new project.  I will allow several weeks for all parties to review my report and, if appropriate, order, interpret, and advise on the laboratory testing that would follow.  This process should take over a month.  Meanwhile the wretched illness continues.  Gotter started.
  • Adjustments in my treatment protocol above the core prescriptions, occur on nearly a daily basis led by what I can tolerate at any given time.  Detox remedies get rotated and new treatments that are prescribed take weeks to fine tune, if tolerated at all.  Beginning a new treatment often takes several weeks by the time I find it either online, order it from one of 3 compounding pharmacies (locally and across the country), correct mistakes made about 20% of the time, and find the best timing to work with the rest of my treatment plan.  Prayer helps a lot.  Just started something that I ordered almost 3 weeks ago.  Parts 2 and 3 are still pending.  Oh well.  Gotter in.
  • Not all the testing that is recommended needs to be done RIGHT NOW.  After hearing back rather quickly from my naturopath about my concern that I might be dealing with a latent toxoplasmosis infection, he recommended 2 new lab tests.  One would cost over $900 out of pocket and the other would likely be covered by insurance; both cover important yet different aspects of my care.  But hey, if we figure out what infection is causing my symptoms and kill it then I won’t need to know how it is affecting trafficking of various neurotransmitters.  The problem will already be solved!  I made the decision; the next steps are in play including copying my primary Doctor on everything.  (His email system failed so I drove my report to the office today.)  Getting her moving forward.
  • Behind the scenes, the ordering, billing, organizing, preparing, and administration of IV infusions-with-related-supplies continues.  I had a question after reviewing the mighty bill from my home infusion company.  I thought they may have over-billed me 15.75 hours at the cost of $945 (which equals the cost of 2 weeks of nursing care!).  They billed me one way at the Start of Care and another way the subsequent weeks.  Over the course of 2 weeks of various chats with my home infusion nurse and 3 staff at the agency, it turns out that we both misinterpreted our initial  agreement:  the written contracts have blank spaces.  They have chosen to bill me at a lesser rate given that their billing methods changed in January of this year and prior to my Start of Care with them.  The savings to me and my husband will be substantial.  Gotter blessing!
  • Sometimes supplies get sent with errors.  This happened twice this past week.  Gratefully I have come to trust the overall process and not worry about some delays too much.  In one example, it actually hurt less to use a smaller gauge Huber needle to access my port when it was sent by accident.  The infusion did not take that much longer so my nurse and I agreed to continue using the one sent by mistake.  We tried this in the beginning and did not have this good of a result.  Flash forward 3 months.  Yellow is my new color instead of white or red!  Gotter figured out!
  • So who is minding the hen house?  All of these exhausting details?  This serious illness I am battling includes chronic Lyme disease but who is tracking my progress after 6 months of IV infusions of antibiotics?  The last appointment with my LLMD focused on other labs instead of ones related to the co-infections of Lyme disease.  Geez oh man!  I should be ready to focus on the co-infections Lyme by now since there is still one major problem to solve:  the convulsive episodes at night and in the morning have not stopped yet.  WHO CARES ABOUT THE OTHER LABS?  The LLMD says that the updated and gold standard, Igenex lab results have not come into their office yet.  Alright so we wait.  Then as I was checking out with the nurse after my appointment my LLMD handed me a piece of paper upon which was written the name and brand name of an herbal tincture to add next for Babesia (a co-infection).  He says it will help with the symptom of night sweats and yes he put it on my clinical report sometime after he had left the room.  I guess I will figure out where to order it from, the dosing, and the schedule.  No problemmo.  Got this one in the bag so to speak like so many others.

Surely I am a “problem child” of sorts for some of my healthcare practitioners.  My condition, orders, and treatment are not written verbatim in any text book.  Is that not the joy and challenge of practicing medicine?  Especially when your client is paying you CASH?  An informed patient partnering in her care is your best patient, right?  I try to be nice about everything and express gratitude for their care.  However it is with respect that I say in my heart that dear practitioner, ultimately “you are not the one in charge of my care.”  My Jesus is!  And under His guidance, I am!  My husband and spiritual leader has much to say in this journey as well!  We are in this together for better, for worse right?  Indeed!

Know what I mean Gentle Reader?  Have you ever gotten a little crazy managing the details of your care or the care of a loved one?  Even the insurance company who holds the purse strings of coverage for services rendered are not in charge of what happens to each of us. Thank goodness as I have to deal with 2 of them!  So for those in Christ Jesus, in the end finding the best care, the best outcomes require us keeping our eye on the ball as unto the Lord and His will for our lives.

Perhaps that bears repeating, IMHO:

The best care requires us keeping our eye on the ball as unto the Lord and His will for our lives.

Maybe a new title is in order here:  Keep your eye on the Lord.  Always.  As it says in Psalm 55:22:

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.

I believe it is the Lord who gave me the ability to search, to research, to write, to endure, to overcome the trials he has ordained in my life for His glory, for my highest good.  Lord willing together we are getting it done well.  What do you think?   JJ

1 Peter 4:13, glory, Lord, trials, overcomer, trust, endurance, fiery

 

 

I learned it from Charlotte

She was wearing an oxygen cannula 24/7 and needed to take a break to rest after walking from one end of her house to the other.  Having battled breast cancer years ago, she had come into the late stages of another bout of cancer that would take her life a year later.  She was no longer able to leave her home except for medical appointments and did so with a supremely taxing effort.  Too weak to perform all but the most basic of daily living chores, she still had an amazing ministry that reached across the country . . .

Grief Share, friendship, mentoring, older women, younger woman, grief, loss, grieving, fellowship, Charlotte
From left: Julie, Miriam, Charlotte, Mary, and LuAnn from a Grief Share Ministry in 2007

Charlotte prayed for persons that she had found in an online “care” ministry.  These patients had opened up a personal webpage usually when in the hospital to facilitate communicating updates on their medical status to loved ones.  Charlotte searched the database for individuals that spoke to her heart then enlisted prayer warriors she knew via email and social media to pray for them too.  I was in awe of her outreach!  Exhausted from chemotherapy, radiation, or just taking a breath was no deterrent for a woman with a heart bigger than anyone’s I had known.  “I have the time,” is all she would say about it.  And time was her greatest gift as she spent it in the service of others, lifting them before our heavenly Father’s throne of grace.

So when I have been bedridden over the past few years, I have taken on my own version of Charlotte’s prayer ministry.  I pray for everyone I can think of until I can get out of bed again.  I was often amazed that once I got started, the Lord would bring so many names and faces to mind:  persons I had met online, an individual named through a prayer chain, or maybe someone I saw in public when able to leave our own home to go to medical appointments.  “I had the time,” so humbly to pray would be the best use of it.  It has been amazing to me when these instances occur . . .

Today a bunch of folks came to mind during 2 hours of continuous seizure attacks after injections of antibiotics at my doctor’s office did not go so well.  I lain on a hard treatment table in the dark to shield my eyes from the bright lights, hoping that the hell would not go on as long as it had during treatments earlier in the week.  My neck throbbed from the violent shaking, thrashing, odd posturing, wailing, repetitive pulling forward of my flexed torso, and general torture of it all.  (Unfortunately the facet block injection in my neck 3 weeks ago had already worn off!)  Sure, the nurses checked on me every so often; they had seen these episodes many, many times before and knew the score.  There was an agreement however, that if the convulsions persisted they would call an ambulance to take me to the emergency room of the hospital adjacent to their office building.  I doubted if that would do any good.  Would she be making the call the next time she came in the room?  The next time after that?  The total duration had already exceeded 90 minutes which was well beyond our agreed upon period.  “Is there anything I can do for you?” she would ask in plain English.  Sigh.  Not really.

Then she came back again and I squeaked out to yes, please ask the doctor if he could do a chiropractic adjustment on my neck.  It might help stop the wretchedness as it had in another appointment in the past.  Finally another nurse came back with the good news:  the Doctor would see me!  I began to cry . . .  then praise the Lord . . . then pray some more.  Soon my time thrashing about whilst laying flat on my back and mighty sore gluteus media from 6 injections this past week would be over.  I had so much to do later this evening before a surgical procedure tomorrow.  I had better get my time with the Lord in now not knowing how the rest of the day would fare.

Things got better after more gut-wrenching yelps, yells, screams, bursts of hot tears, yada, yada with the chiropractic adjustments and I was finally able to leave the building under my own power about 20 minutes later.  Whoa!  Shell-shocked I had made my way to the bathroom, put on my coat, and gathered my things to leave as if moving slow-motion in a black and white flick from the 1950’s.  But the evening was just getting started so miraculously the pace revved up a bit from there.

Within the hour I would be tossing all precaution to the wind and digging in the garden with our pup chewing a bone nearby!  Whaaat?  Hey, I figured that I’d get the borders of 2 flower beds tidied up knowing that I would likely be on a lifting restriction after placement of a power port in my chest wall early the next morning.  SO I DUG, DUG, DUG LIKE THERE WAS A TREASURE OF GOLD HIDDEN IN THERE SOMEWHERE!!!  Even the darkness and the drizzling rain did not stop me from doing what I love, doing the most that I could possibly do in some sort of a cathartic shedding of my personal hell on the way to and earthly Garden of Eden.  Well, sort of!

Maybe Charlotte would smile at how things turned out for me this evening.  It’s been about 7 years since her passing.  She had an impact on my life for sure.  If she were still around I would give her a call and listen some more to her wisdom that helped transform my life at another tumultuous time.  Well I guess that is happening again dear friend.

Thank you Jesus for Charlotte’s legacy.  Perhaps someday together we will tend to the sumptuous riches in the gardens of our Savior’s wondrous dwellings that You have prepared for us to bask in Your glory one day and forever.

There is so much to look forward to Gentle Reader.  I hope to see you there too.  :JJ